Hi,

A quick summary. Wife told me of affair 3 years ago. I tried plan A but was weak at it, I tried plan B but was weak at it. We divorced a year ago. Since then I do talk with her but when I know about boyfriend I usually hang up and don't call for many days.

She broke it off finally after 3 years, came out of the fog a little all last week. Conversations good. I went to dinner with her. She told me she was going to see a new guy. I pushed "us" a little to hard I guess. This week back in fog cold as ice.

I still love her, I do not know why, I can not explain. The extreme pain of rejection as come back because of this and I hurt all over again. I had been waiting for the break up for 3 years.

Should I keep trying and if so how? A new plan A. Be there for her even if it hurts again, understand her, listen, meet EN when she lets me? OR do I say forget it, she is lost and continue to try to heal from this as I was doing (unsuccessfully) for the last 3 years and basically go to a plan B/move on mode?

I do believe this new guy is a rebound thing and could be competed against, I don't think she will come back to me easily or any time soon. So, it is either go for it and hope she sees the light or forget it?

Thanks

Hey...you are finally free of this cheater! You should move on with your life without her.

1. Why can't you move on
2. Why dont you value your life and time more than trying to get this cheater back?
3. Why have you not found a counselor to help you value yourself more?

Your life has value. It will be wasted on a cheater like her. Get something going for yourself so you dont accidently go back to her. And QUIT calling her...please!

Thanks for the response Bubbles,

1. I have told myself to move on and found that I could if I convinced myself she was no good. But always I found myself eventually back to the hope of the good love we once had, for me, for the kids, even for her if she would let it happen.

2. I guess I don't value myself or time more than I do because I lost my self value when I lost her. We all know how life changing the hurt of betrayal is and I guess I feel that if I could ever get her back that the pain would finally subside and be replaced with great joy.

3. I did speak with Jennifer about 3 times a few years ago but only to try and save my marriage. Also a family counselor about the same time for 6 months. I guess never to help me get me back because the cost and I have been set on the idea all would be well with me if I had her again.

I do agree with you to get rid of her. Then she stopped seeing the affair partner and let me in again. I had waited so long for that. But I am still not on her list of possible choices. I guess I was hoping to find a way to get back in.

Thanks

Who has the kids? What do they want?

In the D I came out pretty good. I got the house and I get the kids 3 days a week considered 50/50 so no child support was awarded.

It is hard for me to know what the kids want the young ones are 5 and 9 now. I know when they see us together they seems to light up. My 16 years old does not like what her mother is doing but protects her even lies for her.

I believe it would be best for the kids to try and reconcile. The younger ones could still hit teen years in a fully functional family, that has to be best for them? The ex tells me none of this effects the kids at all, but I know she does not really think this and only says it to protect what she is doing.

Let me ask this. Maybe this is not wise but could it help?

I have not dated in the year since D, really for 16 years now because I was with her for 13 of it. I am kind of scared to date again. I do know it would help me get over her but have not really wanted to get over her. I know I now must either get over it and move on or make it happen somehow.

So, could I start dating for my own sanity, yet now that the A is over and she is dating, still enter some type of plan A just in case she has any curiosity to return or try. I do not want to fall into a friends thing though. I feel she either wants to be with me or the heck with her, I will not accept being her friend down the line, she would like that to much. So, obviously if this did not work I would have to break the plan to avoid becoming just another friend.

If I met some one special along the way, I will have moved on and breaking the planA/friends with her would be natural.

Dangerous game with my feelings, I know. But could it be a viable way to proceed?