I don't think that would work. She is not very supportive when it comes to my opening up about stuff I'm working on. But thanks for the advice
Please don't do what you don't think would work. You've been doing what you think will work and hating yourself...
I hate the fact that I tend to back down and yet I see myself doing it. How to get to true dialogue? Is the character issue real or is there other stuff going on, other issues I need to focus on to get to a good place with this.
Do you really think your wife wants you to hate yourself? Does she know you think she's unsupportive of intimacy, ownership and partnering? I do think your character is at stake here...because conflict-avoidance is dishonesty and is most often the key ingredient to ending marriages.
Radical honesty will get you to loving yourself again...regardless of how your wife responds or not. You'll stop deceiving. Which makes a lot of other stuff happen, btw...and lays at the root like a sickness.
Free and heal yourself. Not from your marriage, from your lies by omission. You see her as forceful and she may see you as wimpy. Sneaky. Manipulative.
When one partner over-does, leaves only room for under-doing. Full partners don't over or under do...they do, and do from love.
Builds trust, respect and results in loving feelings.
Every time you do not state, "I don't want conflict right now and I'm assuming there will be if I say I don't agree with you right now. I need help kicking my assumptions so I will stop lying to you by omission."
Both of you crave respect, equality, love and trust...and neither of you are acting from those things, so you aren't experiencing deep intimacy. Takes only one to change the pattern. You're here.
If you only act on guesses...supposing she will or won't, so you will or won't based on her...
you will continue to hate her for what you are choosing to do...which continues the cycle. Do it as an act of honor to your marriage to stop basing your choices on responses outside of your control...it takes your focus off what you can control...your choices.
Read the responses to you again...do not imagine these folks haven't been right where you are now...and by reading, especially about the respect inherent in the Policy of Joint Agreement, Radical Honesty, and Rules of Time and Care...they began loving themselves, their spouses, their marriages and lives a lot more than before. And it didn't depend on whether their spouses were supportive or not.