Ok, he can take all the evidence with him. and can justifiably say that they went there to hash things out away from the children. She is free to call her parents from the room. He is not imprisoning her. Hell he could say she kicked him out when he confronted her. The only way this could turn out better if she hit him and she was dragged downtown on a spousal abuse charge. Lawyers are not the soul arbiter of what is right, just what is legal. And there is nothing illegal about this.

mgolfer,

There is a school of thought that says waywards all think they are so brilliant and we BS's are so stupid that they will never get caught. This careless attitude is, more often than not, their undoing.

On the other hand, my mother used to have a cat. It was the most unaffectionate cat I had ever seen. We could go for days without seeing that cat but then the cat would walk into the living room right in front of where we were sitting and calmly yet quite deliberately proceed to pee on the carpet. The cat did this repeatedly. Eventually out of frustration, we took the cat to the vet only to be told the cat had a UTI. When we got back from the vet, the cat stopped peeing on the carpet. A few weeks would go by and then the cat, out of the blue, would pee on the carpet again. Sure enough, another UTI. This was the cat's way of communicating.

My point is that maybe, if even only in her subconscious, your WW was hoping to get caught.

I never said anything about legality. My concern is how it might play out in divorce court - especially if custody is an issue.

And BTW, I'm not trying to be critical of you. Quite the contrary - I admire the genius.

ok well guess we won't mention anymore comedy skits to at least bring a laugh to some people....A sense of humor can always keep people in better spirits to survive in the most darkest of hours....It keeps you human.

If you find the funny even the smallest thing....at a time when things may be there wost it will sometimes help you persavere.....I know when my exh used to start crying and trying to start a fight....I just imagined him as a big baby with a bonnet and a rattle.....actually made me laugh...smile...and not fall for the trap....remember that when the gates open and the war is on. It may just help ya.

It certainly does. In fact, keeping my sense of humor is what kept me alive during those dark times.

Hi SIHW.....

Folks the mods are seeking some clarification about this thread. I'm going to lock this until then.

With all the evidence he has, I think that any sane judge or jury would consider this a punishment suitable to fit the crime. She is never in any danger. It is a he said/ she said. And the picture of her in a sleazy motel, in lingerie, with her marriage ended is the perfect outcome to what she has done. In fact he doesn't even need to confront her. All he has to do is leave her there, with a copy of the tape and a letter, and of course no clothes. Actually she would still have the clothes she came in with. And he could even call her father and tell him to go pick her up.

Taking her from the high of a nice dinner and the prospect of making love, to the depths of the realization that her marriage is ended because of her own callous infidelities is only a reckoning of what she has done and what she has become.

And I know your concern is for mgolfer. I know if there is anyone who could appreciate the poetic justice of this, it would be you pio.

Where the heck is this thread going?

Revenge is NOT the point. Getting even isn't going to happen. Humiliating her will not make MG feel any better about what has happened nor make the images in his head go away.

MG, protect yourself. You do have to confront her and deal with her crap but you don't have to get sucked into it yourself. You have the moral and ethical high ground. Use that to your advantage and forget all this foolishness about how to make her feel as bad as you do.

It all might be poetic, but none of it is productive. Poetic justice is for literature and in the absence of justice it's still just us...

If you are done, focus on being done. If you are unsure, seek clarity. If you want to try yet again, get a plan that accomplishes that goal. Why get sidetracked with discussions of what you can do to get even. You can't get even. If you were like that, YOU would be sleeping with strange women while she attempted to repair the relationship. You can only get even by lowering yourself to where she already is...

Whatever you decide MG, MB will be here to help you get through it. But I'll bet none of this talk of revenge has you feeling any better. Set your goal whether that be divorce or another attempt at reconciliation (though I would advise against that right now) and focus on the goal.

Plan B is for just such a time as this. It can give you time to decide what you need and want. In the next two days let's try to come up with a plan to achieve your goals.

Leave the drama for the matinee at the cinema...

Mark

Just worry about getting the kids.

Gather whatever evidence you can and find the best lawyer you can.

Give her as little notice as possible and never let on what proof you have until you're in front of a judge.

Sorry your in this position.

Duh....you're

ITA! mgolfer, i am sorry you are back as i was one who had hoped that things were looking up for you. However, i now think you have a better picture of who you THOUGHT was your wife. Getting caught was bound to happen, but i too think that RR boy was not the first. He was just the flavor of the day. After the textbook exposure you pulled off, if your WW had any remorse, any commitment to your marriage, she would have been walking the straight and narrow.

if it were me, i would go get my kids and give a copy of the tape and pictures of the underwear and sheets to her parents. when she shows up to get them she will not have a clue what is about to hit her. then reamin calm and tell her to stay at her parents. at this point, you need to see HER for what she is. these guys are just being manipulated into doing what SHE wants. My heart goes out to you.

Golfer,

I truely feel for you. I second everyone's comments to divorce. Her actions show she has no remorse and quite frankly no interest in the family. I strongly suggest that you file for divorce as well as get a separation agreement in place and legally get her out of your home ASAP. With a WW, get ready for all sorts of dirty tricks to make you look like a raving lunatic. Actions of revenge will never play well in court. Just keep cool, calm, and collected and come up with a plan of what YOU want to do.

It simply amazes me how dumb some people can be. In your own house and didn't even clean up. Incredible

I'm sorry MG for this turn of events.

Invite us all as witnesses to her divorce trial.

OK,OK, I recant the suggestion of revenge or a reckoning. Not everything I say are pearls of wisdom (DUH?). I just like to allow the full weight of consequence to fall on the cheater head. To really make them think what they have lost.

Mgolfer, help me understand:

You mentioned in an earlier post that you were unsure whether to continue the marriage. We all understand that the last actions are her fault.

My question is... do you think she felt neglected in her marriage in order to find sex elsewhere?

Dude...neglected or not.....it's no excuse for what she's done.

Especially bringing a strange man into the home where her kids sleep.....what if he is some phsyco who comes back and cleans them out or hurts the kids.......she's rather dumb in my book to not put her family first.

Secondly she's dumb because she thought she could get away with it....especially so close in time frame from her last affair.

She ruined her life and career the first time....she's obviously a slow learner.

I haven't been around much, but I had to say I'm very sorry for what you're going through.

I think in the long run, you'll be glad you busted her a second time. It made your decision much easier.

MG,

I have been thinking about your sitch all night. Kind of hard to get it out of MY head, I can't imagine what is going through yours.

The first A with rah-rah boy, he took the pictures and passed them around, they took movies and watched them together afterward. As your story went on, her humiliation and the degrading of her self worth kept getting worse and worse as all of this was revealed to you. Something must have snapped inside her. God knows what, but something was broken, as many here have commented.

She lost what she had as her identity, her self worth in your eyes and her eyes, and it will never come back.

If I remember right, during the lie detector test one of the questions asked was if there was any previous affairs or sexual encounters before rah-rah boy and her answer was no, and the machine confirmed this was the truth.

There seems to be some kind of marriage death wish going on. Why NOT wash the sheets? Why not pick up her underwear?

Sidebar:
Pepperband's question was relevant and she did not need any slap down comments. I have been here a while and I have NEVER SEEN PEP COME EVEN CLOSE TO BEING HEARTLESS!

MG, I hope you are coping, and taking care of business. Your WW is damaged goods, and needs much help...but I think you have done more than your share. You need to breath some fresh clean air and be happy with your kids.

IMHO

kirk

Is it possible your wife could be bipolar? Could she be acting out sexually??? It's not an excuse for her actions but how could she be so blantant and not worrying about being caught- not to even change the sheets? Letting Rah Rah boy take pictures of her, etc?

In my quiet moments...In my dreams...you and I are on the same page...Okay...Not quite...my dream has me holding an AK47 with "Clint Eastwood" bullets (i.e no matter how long you squeeze the trigger - they never stop).

BTW if you look WAAAAAY back on my thread, you will realize I am a dream warrior.

That was a lot of hard work BTW.

Moot point. That is not MG's problem.