My h hasn't called in two days and I have fought the urge to call him. It has never changed things before and I just set myself up for more rejection. All thru this ordeal he has called almost every evening. He brought me some things Sunday night that I had asked for. I did email him a joke a work yesterday a.m. and he responded that it started his day w/ a laugh. Somehow I feel right now that if nothing else has worked that it would be best if I keep fighting this urge to to call him and just let him spend sometime w/out any contact w/ me unless he chooses. Maybe in some time this backing off will make me feel more in control and not so prone to build into rages when he does not react that way I would like. My mind goes round and round....will he never miss me again??? Other than trying to keep some kind of bond between us, I am doing very well at my job and in my new apartment. Those facets of my life have turned into real pleasures, part of that is because I turned them into challenges and found I can meet the challenge. Now what do I do about the love I still feel for him and that intimacy that I so miss. I feel like the day he tells me he has filed for a divorce that I will go thru the sorrow all over again. I will be stunned and the likelihood of that happening is fairly good. I am sitting in anticipation of the rest of my world coming crashing and afraid of my reaction.<BR>Guess I just need a little encouragement that my tendency to avoid going after him is a good thing and could even make him think a little. Of course I realize no one can crawl into that confused head of his.

I think you are right in giving him his space. I do know how hard it is to do, but it's for the best. Try filling your time with things you like to do. Talk with friends, go for walks, take up a hobby. Try to build a life for yourself. In time he will call and you will have some new things to talk about and show him that your world doesn't revolve around him (although it feels like it at times I know).

To Pondvj,<BR>Thanks for your response. I read your profile and boy do your reactions to this sound like mine. I am feeling that time is easing the not being able to sleep and eat, along with an antidepressant and a really good herbal food supplement. I think the biggest stumbling block I have is thinking I have to drink wine in the evenings to relax me. It only works me up more and breaks down my resistance to make those desperate phone calls. But, anyway, two nights down and I have not done that. Can't help but wonder what he is up to and thinking tho. You are right, I have a GREAT job w/ great caring people, live in a wonderful place, have a beautiful family and many good friends. No reason for me to ever be really alone. It's just that the intimacy he and I shared was so special that I feel I will never be able to replace it and that love and affection are so very much a big part of me.<BR>I do feel pretty good this a.m., how about you?<BR>Thanks again!