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will impliment plan A and see if any discent emotions can be ignited in my WW.
THIS IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME UNTIL YOU TELL HER PARENTS, YOUR PARENTS, HIS PARENTS, HER SIBLINGS, HER BEST FRIENDS WHAT SHE IS DOING.

Let THEM put the pressure on her and him to stop.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE listen to us and EXPOSE today!

The reason she had you arrested was to stop you from keeping her away from her addiction. She has NOT stopped seeing him! Don't be that stupid.

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Geeman Offline OP
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The guy appears to be a waste of space, low level job no wife or girlfriend (wife said in an an argument that he is a player WTF)and lives with his sister - who know already.

If I expose to wifes family will this not do more harm than good if she is genuine


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Originally Posted by Geeman
The guy appears to be a waste of space, low level job no wife or girlfriend (wife said in an an argument that he is a player WTF)and lives with his sister - who know already.
The only requirement for an A person is that they breathe, nothing else matters.

How do you know this info about this OM?

If it came from your WW mouth, you cannot trust it. She will lie, you need to get that through your head.

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If I expose to wifes family will this not do more harm than good if she is genuine
This will not do more harm than what is going on right now, your wife is seeing, and sleeping with another man.

Telling everyone about this A will pressure WW and OM to stop the shame and disgust of what they are doing. It will not end on it's own for a very, very long time.

How do you consider your WW to be genuine?

She has lied, she has forsaken your M vows, she has betrayed you and your daughter, and she is disrespecting herself with her behaviour. I could go on and on and on .......


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Geeman, here is the #1 reason people here don't recover their marriage:

They DO NOT EXPOSE because they FEAR their spouse's anger.

Your marriage can survive her being angry with you.

It cannot survive a third person.

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Geeman,

I think you don't understand exposure. You expose by telling, her family for instance, that your W has had an A, and you need their help in trying to save the marriage. That is what exposure is really about, seeking others help in both ending the A and saving the marriage.

Get a keylogger and put it on your computer, hire a PI, do what it takes to gather the information you need.

You must remember that you cannot forgive what you don't know, and blanket forgiveness is just plain silly.

She has failed herself, the marriage, you, and even her parents with this affair. If she does not figure out why she did it and then take steps to protect her obviously low morals and boundaries in the future she will do it again. For recovery to occur the marriage should be made better, no love busters, meeting needs and the sort, BUT the WS must also protect the marriage and understand where their weaknesses are. This must also be coupled with the BS learning and eventually forgiving the WS.

This stuff doesn't happen overnight. It takes a few years in most cases. You are just at the beginning of a long marathon run, don't try to win the race in the first few miles.

God Bless,

JL

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Mark's Troubleshooting guide. Read through it, it's awesome!

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...wflat&Main=149531&Number=2033532

Last edited by Monc; 04/14/09 03:37 PM.

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No consequence. No reason to stop.

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Well, if you don't mind this guy boinking your wife whenever you're not around just keep on doing what you're doing....nothing.

You may want to visit a doctor as well.

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Okay took advice have told WS parents, This brought out the first visible response from WS, also discovered that there has been continued contact, caught wife with secret mobile phone and more texts, this made her call out the police om me again. Luckily the Police realised what was going on and took no action. Coucelling starts Saturday and I have taken steps to ensure that I will found out if further contact takes place. her mother surports me. I have insisted on zero contact but they will work in the same building for the next 3 days and one visit in two weeks time then my wifes official reason to be in that building is over. She told me they had stopped having sex months ago due to her guilt and they where just friends and she asked me if they could rmain friends as he was so easy to talk to, I put my foot down and said no (I told her the way they carry on and the language they use is not that of friens and if they where friends she would not have gone to such lenghts to hide the relationship but I said this before and she lied to my face and continued to see him. How many times should I take this kind of contempt. She has fained disgust at how dare I question her honesty - can you believe this stuff. Can trust be rebuilt after seeing such an ugly side to my wife. I begining to think she does not care for me as what she says and what she does are so far apart. I can not believe she is so selfish - is this all worth the hassle

Last edited by Geeman; 04/22/09 04:50 PM.
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I'm proud of you for doing it. It had to be done. It is the only way you will ever get her back.

Just remember that this is not your wife. It is an alien, an addict, in your wife's body. She had to keep getting her fixes.

With your help, and her family's help, she may come back to the light. But you have to remain strong - and don't waver!

Good job!

btw, she is pressing you because the exposure is working!

Last edited by catperson; 04/22/09 08:10 PM.
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Originally Posted by Geeman
Okay took advice have told WS parents, This brought out the first visible response from WS, also discovered that there has been continued contact, caught wife with secret mobile phone and more texts, this made her call out the police om me again.
Great, you told WW's parents, but this is not enough as you have seen, she is still in contact.
Expose to OMW, your family, the university.

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Coucelling starts Saturday
Total waste of time at this point since she is still in contact. They work together, unless you are with her 24/7, you cannot guarantee NC.

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I have insisted on zero contact but they will work in the same building for the next 3 days and one visit in two weeks time then my wifes official reason to be in that building is over.
You can insist until the cows come home, she will not listen, she will follow her addiction to the OM. Exposing to the university and OMW will do more to smash this A than you insisting anything.

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She told me they had stopped having sex months ago due to her guilt and they where just friends and she asked me if they could rmain friends as he was so easy to talk to
Don't believe anything that comes from her mouth right now. She is trying to justify and lighten the whole thing up. Fog babble ... ignore it.

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I put my foot down and said no (I told her the way they carry on and the language they use is not that of friens and if they where friends she would not have gone to such lenghts to hide the relationship but I said this before and she lied to my face and continued to see him.
This is good but be careful not to get into a pissing contest, it leads to LBing ... AO, and DJ's. Plus it gets you nowhere, you can't reason with a drunk. MB describes people in A's mindset to that of falling down drunks.

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How many times should I take this kind of contempt. She has fained disgust at how dare I question her honesty - can you believe this stuff.
This is more fog babble, ignore it. This indicates that WW is still in contact with OM. For crying out loud, expose to the most significant players in this A.

Plan A only works when you use the carrot and the stick.

And remember, this A is not your fault. People have choices other than A's if they feel they are in a weak M.

Are the books by Dr. Harley helpful?


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Originally Posted by Geeman
She told me they had stopped having sex months ago due to her guilt and they where just friends and she asked me if they could rmain friends as he was so easy to talk to, I put my foot down and said no

'Friends' don't have sex.

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Gee, honey, that pool guy looks pretty hot. I'm gonna give him a try. I'm sure you won't mind, will you? We'll just be friends. You KNOW you're the only one I really love, right?

What's wrong with this picture?

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Geeman, You have done everything right. But what is really disgusting. Is the fact that SHE HAS ZERO RESPECT FOR YOU. SHE CALLED THE COPS ON YOU BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LIKE HER GETTING DONE BY SOME GUY. SHE MUST BE HUMBLED, IF YOU EXPECT TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. I MEAN FILE FOR DIVORCE (YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIGN). BUT SHE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT SHE IS A CHEATING TRAMP. AND CHEATING TRAMPS LOSE THEIR FAMILIES, UNLESS THEY ARE SORROWFUL AND CONTRITE. TELLING HER PARENTS WAS A START. LOOK SHE LOVES YOU. AND GIVEN THE CHOICE BETWEEN HIM AND YOU. SHE WILL PICK YOU. BUT SHE MUST WIN YOU BACK. YOU MADE A GREAT START. YOU NEED TO KICK HER OUT AND SEND HER TO HER PARENTS TO LIVE. THEN HAVE HER SERVED. THAT WILL WAKE HER CHEATING A$$ UP.

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First seesion with counscellor happened today WS was very wary and has not shown any commitment to going back for another session . Has not changed secretive behaviour hiding her laptop sleeps on her phone etc etc, I am fed up with the stone walling, begining to think of leaving. I will monitor situation to see if there is any further contact with OM further to last round of promises.
I am tired of the whole mess - she told me I am over-reacting, I think she is passive agressive trying to get me to walk. Maybe it is easyer in her mind to split than face up to what she did and make changes.

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When she says you are overreacting, just say 'Fine. Prove it. Hand me your phone right now so I can take a look at it.'

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Geeman If I were you I would want the facts

follow believer's advise for snooping...( I used www.webwatcher.com for my keylogger there great)

Love that GPS phone Idea do it now ...that makes it so easy to verify that she is where she says she is

get a digital voice recorder to put in her car

If she isn't coming clean then I would suspect she isn't so it's time to snoop!!!!

you can check phone activity on line and see how she's calling and who is calling her....



Me BS 54
XWW 51 Divorce final 1/9/12
DS26 DS24 Twin DD's22 Married 29years
D-dates No1 01/2007, No2 08/2008(ongoing)
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I think you are absolutely right Geeman. I think she is on the verge of a meltdown, I think she is peddling as fast as she can. If you do file for divorce, it will be a major wake up call. She either stops. Or loses everything.

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Originally Posted by Geeman
Has not changed secretive behaviour hiding her laptop sleeps on her phone etc etc, I am fed up with the stone walling, begining to think of leaving. I will monitor situation to see if there is any further contact with OM further to last round of promises.
Her behaviour says that she is still in contact. You've not busted up the A. Expose to all that have already been mentioned.


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Geeman, WHO HAVE YOU TOLD? HAVE YOU TOLD OM's WIFE? HAVE YOU TOLD HIS PARENTS? HIS SIBLINGS?

HAVE YOU TOLD WS's SIBLINGS? HER BEST FRIEND? YOUR PARENTS?

If not, you might as well just pack up and leave. So you told her parents. Nothing happened. So she keeps screwing this guy.

THAT IS WHY YOU EXPOSE TO EVERYONE!

WTH are you afraid of? Do you want a marriage or to not have people mad at you? You are willing to lose your marriage?

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