{{{{{{ChaiLover}}}}}}}

My 4th anniversary of D-Day is fast approaching, and I'm getting more depressed by the day. How long does it take to become a "long-timer" ?

Sorry I reminded you.

But that is encouraging.

I think I mostly wanted to know that as years pass, this date is unnoticed, or, at least, almost unnoticed.

It sounds like that is the case for some of you.

Michele, from other things you have shared with me, it seems that I process "stuff" in a similar fashion as you. So, I'll wait a few years and expect this day to pass as almost forgotten.

Ah, now there's the question.

{{{{{MIM}}}}}

I don't even notice anymore.

In fact, now that you mention it, January would've been 6 years ... and I just now thought about it.

smb...I don't remember d-days much anymore, and I have a couple of them. Not sure why that is because I trigger from here to high-hell over lots of other things.

I will trigger over the date/weekend that they first had sex because I remember that vividly, it was the weekend of our oldest son's First Communion and we had a big party at our house afterwards. I remember wondering why FWH was so clingy (but grateful that he was acting so loving, he'd been "depressed") that day...in hindsight I think it was the guilt.

This weekend our younger son is receiving his First Communion and oddly enough it is ALSO the "anniversary" of when they first had sex. What're the odds???

I am a little apprehensive about it but thank God we don't go to the same church since we've moved and we won't have a big party afterwards to trigger me either.

Anyways...the answer to your question is yes, d-days have seemed to have gotten easier for me. Maybe it's because I trigger so hard over lots of other things, dunno.

(((hugs)))

The first year was really hard. The second was hard. I probably noticed the third year and maybe the fourth year too.

Now I can remember the month (if I think about it) and the year (if I think about it). But I never think about it. It faded into unimportance all by itself as I became more interested in living life than in recovering.

For me, recovery was like a hobby that filled my every waking (and restless sleeping) thought. Then it got kind of normal, then other stuff became more interesting, then I forgot about it.

D-day for me was Feb 2002. No idea what date, except it was in the first half of the month. The only reason I even know the month and date (and year) is that it was after 9/11 and just before Valentine's Day. All those VDay commercials sucked, but that was a long time ago and I'm in a totally different place now. I happily, and thankfully, have "better" stuff to think about. More immediate, more relevant stuff.

Although I am not strictly qualified to be on this thread as recovery for me was somewhere a little more remote than the infinite number of monkeys cracking away on an infinite number of IBM Selectrics for an infinite period of time until one happy day one of them has reproduced Macbeth down to it’s last iambic pentameter at which point they all could finally stop typing and have the largest ancient monkey party ever. Where do you keep an infinite number of monkeys?

However as my D-Day and its subsequent destruction was Thanksgiving Day……it will probably be with me for a while.

Now if it had been a more innocuous date such as October 25th…..no….wait…that’s the anniversary day of the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. (And how come the monkeys always have to type Macbeth? Why not Henry V? I think a monkey typing the St. Crispin’s Day speech would be awesome.)

Maybe September 27th? No, that’s the day the first production Model T rolled off at Ford in 1908.

Hmmm…….Nope. I guess I won’t forget.

I know that I used to remember what days our D-Days were on (his two, then mine ). But, I swear I can't even remember for sure what months they were in anymore. I think D-Day from H's A#1 may have been in April '91, tho...H was overseas on a flight layover at some AFB in Spain at the time (Desert Storm).

For a long time I couldn't even imagine saying this, but those memories are really pretty darn fuzzy after all this time. These days we're just regular 'ol married people.

Lori

SMB,

I think Turtle hit it pretty much on the head:


Other things definitely got more interesting and I became happy with ME again.

For the past few weeks I too have been dwelling on how to deal with my up coming one year mark next week and I hoping that it gets easier every year.
My DFWH (I love being able to say the Former part) has been very supportive of what I need from him in order to get thru this year and the recover process (nor I for that matter) have been easy to deal with. After reading this thread I am thinking I am going to try to stay away for remembring the exact D day and rather try to re-collect what was the exact day/date that we as a couple committed to agreeing to give it our and recoganised that out marraige was worth salvaging. That we both made a concious decision to pull out boot straps up and start walking the long path to recovery.
Perhaps there is a new aniversary to celebrate here, even more meaningful than our original wedding day beacuse this time we both made a comittment with eyes and hearts open. Not just swept up in the romance and novelty of love and dating but a stronger more determined plan to meet each others needs and find happiness for and with each other.
May be I will be able to keep the pain bottled in long enough to follow my own plan :-)
I am looking forward to a day in the distant future when I wont need a plan to deal with the pain of it all and it will gradually become a fuzzy memory of long long something about back when in 2008......

I haven't read the thread, but want to just answer the opening question. Does d-day ultimately pass unnoticed?

My answer is YES.

I cannot tell you the anniversary date of my husband's first episode of infidelity. Cannot even tell you the time of year. Maybe it was summer. Who knows?

I can't recall the date of d-day for the latest round. I know it was around the end of October, or early November, somewhere in there. I think November. I don't have a calendar of 2005, so can't say for sure.

The date that sticks out more prominently for me is C-day, the day we found out about his cancer. It was the night before Thanksgiving that same year, just a couple of weeks after d-day. I went through h e l l during those 2 weeks, with d-day and waiting for his cancer results.

Now, it seems so long ago. I can remember the chaos, the pain, the heartache.

Not so much the date.

SB

Don't know yet - I certainly still mark it. But it's gone from being a trigger to a day of celebration and triumph.

(Second only to the day the A finally got blasted out of the water! )

After reading more of the posts, I will add that the first 2 years were very hard for me. Last year was just fine, and this year was even better.

I just kept thinking how good God is, and patting myself on the back for being an AWESOME wife, lol!

Hard to say if I would remember it as distinctly if it hadn't been 2 days before Valentine's Day. But after all this time, who cares?

Hmm. I honestly can't tell you the date.

D-day was alwaws a time to review where our marriage was at now and how I was feeling now about the affair. We will be 4 years out in August.

I think we're pretty much over the DAY as such.

It's been over six years, so I don't even notice anymore.

I can tell you exactly what day it was when we picked up our puppy last year!

Thanks everyone for sharing what D-day has become...or not become...for you.

I am happy to tell you all that the D-day anniversary passed by on Friday just like any other day. I think just posting the question here really helped me "let go" of this date. It may be a long time before I actually forget the date, but it's great to not be ruled by that as a trigger anymore.

Last year I really crashed. What an improvement!

SMB-
so glad to hear that your d-day passed so easily for you!

I am hoping and praying that mine will too. My 2 year d-days are in July 09. I am optimistic that my life and marriage will be so much more healed by then, that the day will pass without much pain.

i dont remember much upset on those particular days last year. i seem to trigger more on certain days that remind me of things i went through, unbeknownst to me.

Actually- we are planning to go away somewhere by ourselves in july - so that will be a great distraction.

sf

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