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Joined: May 2009
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jetsfan Offline OP
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I don't know what to do. Last November my wife came to me and told me she wanted a divorce. She didn't say why, just said shed felt like she was dying in our marriage. We tried marriage counseling, but that was a disaster. Her anger continued to grow and she blamed me for every problem in her life, for her anxiety, her depression, and low self-esteem. I finally left in mid January. After being gone a week she asked me back. Told me there was another guy at work that she was trying to have an affair with. Apparently he rebuffed her proposition, telling her to fix her marriage. She told me she was sorry. Felt guilty. Would never talk to him again. And wanted to do whatever it took to make our marriage work. I Went on MB in late January and have read every article and completely changed my perspective on relationships and attitudes both in them and toward them. I have read other books as well and worked very hard to grow and change as a person. But it was all on my own. Wife has been on MB but has not applied any of it. Still talks to guy. Still blames me for everything. Moved out last month. We have three kids, 12,10,6. We got married young and have been married for almost 14 years. I don't know if this is a mid life crisis or what, but I just want the nightmare to end. I'm 33 and W is 32. I don't get angry. I am polite when she drops the kids off or picks them up. Even make sure to have a fresh pot of coffee on. I don't know if I am just suppose to just wait for the crash or what, because anything I have tried to do she has either dismissed, or just found something else to hate me over. Some even made up. I have just become her excuse for every problem and her justification for everything she is doing. Any advice would be much appreciated. I still love her. I actually feel really bad for her.

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Is she still involved with that guy?

Have you exposed her A?


ManInMotion
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jetsfan Offline OP
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I believe she is still talking to him. I am sure of it for the most part from what gets back to me. But it seems as if he is still not interested. Not sure if I should expose what she is doing to her family or not. Since I am not exactly sure of what the relationship is. Besides she has made sure to isolate herself from anyone who would stand up to her, and only surround herself with those who won't.

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Originally Posted By: jetsfan
I believe she is still talking to him. I am sure of it for the most part from what gets back to me. But it seems as if he is still not interested. Not sure if I should expose what she is doing to her family or not. Since I am not exactly sure of what the relationship is. Besides she has made sure to isolate herself from anyone who would stand up to her, and only surround herself with those who won't.


Your WW is acting the way she is because she is involved in an A.

Exposure is the BEST tool that you can use to end the A.


ManInMotion
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jetsfan Offline OP
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I guess I should. I haven't talked to anyone in her family for over six months. She has lied to them and just demonized the hell out of me, blaming me for everything that I haven't even been able to talk to them.

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Expose WW parent's, her siblings, OMW, work. Push for NC. Wife has to leave the job.

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Quote:
Not sure if I should expose what she is doing to her family or not.
Why would you NOT?

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Originally Posted By: jetsfan
Told me there was another guy at work that she was trying to have an affair with. Apparently he rebuffed her proposition, telling her to fix her marriage. She told me she was sorry.


jetsfan,
Maybe you can learn from my experience. My FWW told me the EXACT same thing. It turned out to be a lie. OM did NOT rebuff her, and in fact was quite happy to oblige her. In hindsight, I wish I had hired a PI to follow her. In fact, that is the advice I would give to you. Hire a PI. Find out where she is going, and who she is with. And by all means, expose....

Last edited by survived08; 05/04/09 12:39 PM.

BH (46) (me)
WW (47)
Married 4/84
EA began 5/07. PA 1/08-3/08. D-Day 9/15/08.
Recovering slowwwwly...

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