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#2255633 05/04/09 02:46 PM
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My husband and I will have been married for 7 years this August; we have three beautiful children together. He's always respected me and most of our disagreements have been fairly minor. However, he feels that if I truly "trust" him he should be able to go for drinks after work alone with a female co-worker to wind down from his day.

I have a huge problem with this because he wants to be "friends" with her according to him because he likes her. He has gone on a business lunch with her for work related things and kept it from me and he has discussed our marital issues with her as well and lied to me about that. This is a huge violation of my trust and on top of that he should be coming home to me and the kids and winding down with us. I don't believe it's appropriate to have friends of the opposite sex when you're married. He thinks it's a trust issue and maintains he just sees her as a friend. To me that is neither her nor there he's a father and a husband and to me another woman has no place in his life or our marriage. He's never done this before and now it seems that his views on this have suddenly changed.

Am I wrong to feel this way? He thinks I should be more open minded? How do I get him to see it's not about trust and to realize how disrespectful it is to me to even suggest it? I would never approach him with something like this because I only want my husband that's why I married him.

Please help!

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He's already lied and faults you for not trusting him???

It IS about trust, and how he has broken it. I'd say, so far he's got a pretty lousy plan for restoring it. He's essentially asking for permission to DATE this woman.

Has he done this yet, or is it something where he's just priming you for it?


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
CWMI #2255651 05/04/09 03:06 PM
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Yes, he has lied and is faulting me for not trusting. He says I should let go and trust or it will never work. He has not done this yet but thinks there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and almost left me because I would not "allow" it. He wants me to back off of the issue until we are in a "better" place and then revisit it. I have made it clear that it won't matter I will not change my mind. What else can I say or do?

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You could start with telling him he is full of it. smile

Are you reading what you're writing here? Your H almost left you because you will not 'allow' his emotional affair to continue and grow. If he 'likes' another woman, shares details of your marriage with another woman, and wants 'permission' to DATE her, he is being disrespectful to you, and wants your consent to do so!

Please go to General Questions II under the Infidelity section of this board and repost. Your husband is having an affair.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
CWMI #2255662 05/04/09 03:24 PM
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How can I be sure of that?

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Because he's told you! He wants to be special friends with a woman who he has previously lied about. He's willing to leave you over her.

The people on GQII can help you gather evidence, if you need more. And they can guide you on what to do to save your marriage.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
CWMI #2256090 05/05/09 09:20 AM
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Yur husband just set himself up for an affair and he is not willing to give it up. Not right now, you will not be able to get through to him. This woman fills his emotional need. You need to find out what it is, and try to fulfill it.
Create a situation where he is not in contact with her for a while, say. a trip somewhere, the two of you???!!!!!!!!
During this time, try and reconnect with him, boldly and confidently tell him you will not put up with it. Tell him, if he loves you, he will not put you through what he is doing right now.
My advice is,seek the help of a third party who will tell him in no uncertain terms that he is actually cheating on you. This might bring it home and either force him to accept it or actally bring him back to reality and realise it.
Third party? Try a counselor or his best mate or whatever neutral person you can.

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Tell him you are fine on his having drinks with her as long as you are there, too. See what he says.

And ask the mods to move your thread to General Questions under Infidelity so you can get better help.

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She has a duplicate post under GQII already.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
CWMI #2256942 05/06/09 11:39 AM
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Oh God Krista, my husband's affair started just this way...oh, my prayers are with you, and stay strong.

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Quote:
Affairs usually begin with an attraction to someone you know fairly well, someone you spend time with each week -- your friends and co-workers. - Harley
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html


I think you should print Pepper's post(below) and give it to your WH. My FWH did the same thing as your's except it was gym and not work. They got so close that they discussed how to get rid of me sick Get a keylogger for your computer at home if you H uses it. Read up on the concepts here and learn about Plan A.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2169497#Post2169497


D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
Legally Separated

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