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Joined: Dec 2008
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RobynR Offline OP
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Exposure is in progress. Important people have been told. More to go.

The days when I would minimise are over. I'm telling people matter-of-factly what's going on. Their opinions are most interesting.

Yes, I've started packing. Well, sorting, actually, sorting out my stuff so that I can pack and move in a trice.

RobynR #2263331 05/19/09 01:00 AM
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RobynR Offline OP
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I didn't realise just how much I've put up with until I started exposing. It's not only his so called dance partner / companion / OW. It's so many other things, smaller things, seemingly unimportant little things that have added up to what's basically profound disrespect and really, I have only myself to blame because I didn't see it coming AND I let the small things slip.

An example: I returned from night school to find the television blaring so loud it hurt my ears. For years, I've just left the room and not watched and he's got his way. This time, I said that it was too loud for me in a voice that conveyed displeasure. I also pointed out in strong terms that he'd moaned about "junk" in the livingroom, that I'd cleaned out what turned out to be all his stuff in the livingroom and not even one day later, he'd left his stuff lying all around the room again without so much as acknowledging the effort I'd put in or respecting what I'd done by putting his stuff away.

These things may seem minor but I'm fast coming to realise that so many minor things have added up to a profound case of disrespect. No wonder he thought it was perfectly fine to be trotting out with the bimbo without considering for one minute the effect his actions were having on me. He hasn't considered me for years while he got his own way in almost everything and I am to blame for allowing it to happen without kicking up a fuss and standing up for myself.

They say you don't step on a live wire. I've been a fool not to have been more of a live wire. Instead, I've been a passive ninny who let him walk all over me, who never said "Go this far and not further". and who never provided consequences for his actions when he went too far.

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I'm glad you're protecting yourself by seeing this. None of us are saints, but women have a tendency to let a LOT of things slide, IMO.

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RobynR Offline OP
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You're right, Cat, women DO have a tendency to let things slide. I've let far too much slide. I could fill a book with the number of ridiculous rules he's made that I've lived by. Not any more I don't. Times are a changing.

How utterly inconsiderate of him to be leaving one day early for the festival off-shore. He's leaving on a Monday that's a public holiday. He and I COULD have had a long weekend together. I COULD have had a break. He's retired. His OW is on welfare and doesn't want to work. I'm the worker who needs a break yet I'm the one who won't be getting one.

In an earlier reply to one of my other posts, you said I should be furious about his involvement with the OW. I should be furious about many things. All the while I've been meek and mild, putting up with, saying nothing, carrying out Plan A, etc . I never stood up to him. No wonder he's treated me as he has. He sees me as a pathetic pushover. He knows he can get away with anything.

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Why can't you take a break?

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Robyn,

I agree with catperson. You can take your own break... without him. I'd leave Friday night for a spa or shopping weekend, leaving him on his own Saturday & Sunday until he leaves on his trip.

Then get HELP from your family and friends and either move out or move his things into storage while he's gone (whose house is it? do you want to stay there?). What a great opportunity to start Plan B. I'm not sure how long you've know about OW and when you first demanded he cut off contact, but Plan A will not work as long as he remains in contact with OW. You don't have to be nasty about it, just cut him off!

Here's where I'm coming from... I listened to the "she's just a friend" line for 4-1/2 YEARS, when of course my instincts were right and there was a full blown PA going on. It seems so crazy to me now that I let it go on for so long, but at the time I was able to make one excuse after another to myself and time went by.

You do NOT need to put up with this, and as long as you do, he will continue to disrespect you.

Please let us know what happens!

Neese

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