Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
bump


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164
bump


Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 38
V
Member
Offline
Member
V
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 38
The link didn't work for me. I think this is another link to the same article: **edit**

Last edited by MBLBanker; 04/30/12 04:50 PM. Reason: removing link

Me: 47
H: 56
DS35, DD29, DD22 (his)
DD15, DS12 (mine)
Married 1 year

My first marriage: Married 21 years until ex left for his online OW.
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,688
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,688
I do not have any person in my life who is "neutral", how do I then aquire an moderator? We have been together so long, been at this hacking so long, everyone has an opinion.

I don't think it is fair to put my friends and family through the wringer again. They either resent of have empathy for the sit.


Last edited by barbiecat; 11/01/10 10:13 AM.

Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,080
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,080
Good one that needs to be bumped

Nesre


M 29 yrs
DS 28 DD 18
Me 53 FWH FBS
MTA signed 5/11/2011
D final 5/16/2011

Free.... and going wherever the big guy wants me to go......
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,080
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,080
BUMP

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 89
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 89
Can the BW just put a filter on her email and any message WH sends her is forwarded automatically to someone who she has read the message and decide what she really needs to see/know.

My SIL wants me to be her IM but I have come out pretty strong against the affair already and as a result her WH is very angry with me and isn't talking to me.



Me:BW 34yo
FWH: 36yo
Married:11 years
Together:16 years (dated through college years)
3 Children: 8, 7, 2
EA 10/2009 PA began 12/09 lasted until 4/10
EA Discovery 1/10 & PA Discovery 4/10
What I thought was "no-contact" in 1/10 was a FR
Last known contact June 2010
Believe we are finally in firm no-contact and working on recovering.
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,888
Originally Posted by MBJG
Can the BW just put a filter on her email and any message WH sends her is forwarded automatically to someone who she has read the message and decide what she really needs to see/know.
This is technically possible (and fairly easy) depending on the email client (program). Look for for "rules" or "filters" to find out how.


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
Some emails will do this.

HOWEVER!

If the point is to conceal from the WS that she has an IM at all, it is not a good idea. Part of the point of having an IM at all, besides to protect the BS, is to be a buffer so the WS *knows* they can't just reach out and mess with their BS.

Forwarding the email can be a good second-line defense, as long as the WS doesn't start sending from new email addys to get around the block. Should that happen, the BS needs to change their email ASAP. Changing it is a good idea anyway, but at minimum a block, preferably with a redirect/forward option.

So by all means have her forward the emails if possible, just don't try to sneak around and pretend like there's no IM.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
bump


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,026
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,026
Melody, can you email me **edit**

Thanks

Please email the administrator at JustUss2@aol.com to exchange email info.

Thank you.



Last edited by MBLBanker; 07/24/11 06:10 AM. Reason: removing email address

Me BW (37)
WH (37)
DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr

A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.

The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow

Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362
Likes: 3
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362
Likes: 3
bump


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
If a WS is doing the requirements while the the BS is in Plan B, what does the IM need to do? I mean, how do we know he is actually doing them? Does he tell me? Do I pass on the info? How do we know he is serious?

Thanks,
RQ

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
If a WS is doing the requirements while the the BS is in Plan B, what does the IM need to do? I mean, how do we know he is actually doing them? Does he tell me? Do I pass on the info? How do we know he is serious?

Thanks,
RQ

The IM will do the screening. The WS has to agree to end the affair and commit to marriage recovery.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by Rocketqueen
If a WS is doing the requirements while the the BS is in Plan B, what does the IM need to do? I mean, how do we know he is actually doing them? Does he tell me? Do I pass on the info? How do we know he is serious?

Thanks,
RQ


Originally Posted by MelodyLane
-WS does all the talking

-See what his plan is for R

-How does he know he is ready?

-He has to be showing actions that are consistent with R

-Show me he has/plans to remove OW from his life
.... A false alarm is usually indictated by bullcrap attempts like "how can I know if my feelings will come back if she won't let me contact her??" An IM should protect the BS from this kind of stuff.]


If you're IMing and the WS claims to want to come home just ask them what their plan for recovery is.

If they are showing consistent actions, planning to end the A, and sign up to a recovery plan you can let the BS know.

If they simply demand contact, don't bother.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
MOST waywards will make false overtures initially in order to regain contact with the BS. They will say they are thinking about things and can't really be sure unless they are in contact. It is important at this point to get YES or NO answers to the conditions, because they usually will equivocate when asked "have you ended contact with the OW? will you commit to the marriage?" They will give vague answers like "we will see how this works out."

The BS needs to be protected from such overtures because it means the WS is not serious. He just wants to have 2 people meeting his needs again.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 296
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 296
I wanted to throw this question out here...

Are there any members of MB that would be willing to serve as our IM during Plan B? I do not know if there is already a "resource" for hooking up members with one another to serve as other member's IMs, but I thought it might be a possibility. I need to begin Plan B and have been planning it with the hope of starting on approximately July 14, but feel a little stumped on the IM aspect.

My family and friends have been so helpful and supportive throughout my 14 month ordeal thus far. I hate to burden anyone of them with the IM responsibility when I fear I will need so much additional support from them in other ways throughout the Plan B. Anyway, I also figured who better to be an IM than either a FWS or BS who understands the importance and significance of Plan B as well as the responsibilities of the IM.

I would certainly be willing to be the IM for a member in the future in order to pay it forward. (I don't imagine two members being each other's IM at the same time would be a good idea, but maybe there would be benefits to which I am currently unaware.)

Thank you for any thoughts, IM offers or IM suggestions.





D-Day 1 - May 4, 2012

Page 2 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,079 guests, and 45 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5