I have start over again because everything was lost recently. I will try to make it short.

Husband, 46, left me for OW, 25, 3 months ago and admitted to the affair the day after he left me. OW has a 2yr old and a 4yr old and lives in income based housing. WH move in with her the week he left me because he lost his job the week before because of the affair. WH now makes $11/hr and has about $1300/month bills and OW makes about $8/hr. She is still married and her husband filed for divorce last week. My husband has the paperwork for our divorce and is filling it out and wants it uncontested. I am giving him what he wants. I have gone to plan B but he won't quit trying to get hold of me. I have blocked him from all communication but he got a new email address and today he emailed me saying that he is so glad he is divorcing me because of the things I have been doing and saying about him. That really hurt because I haven't said anything about him or done anything to him except block him and try to stay away. I did email him this and told him that I have always given him what he wanted and that I was going to let him have his divorce because that was what he wanted and I wanted him to be happy(I lied on that part). I know that this is just him trying to justify his actions but it still hurts. My therapist said that this affair will not last. I do love my husband and I do want him back. I also told him that he could ask everyone at work and that they would tell him that I haven't said one thing bad about him.

What is funny is that he has lost everything and I do mean everything. I am an RN at a large hospital and make excellent money and now he can not afford his toys. Ican afford a lawyer and he cannot. I am making him pay for the divorce. If he wants it wuick and easy he has to give me what I want. Good thing all his credit cards are in his name. His own family is mad at him and they know I want him back and I haven't said anything ugly about him to his family either.

BW-me-44yrs
WH-him-46yrs
Married 20yrs
together 21ys
DD 21ys
DD19yrs
D-Day #1 6/30/2009
D-Day #2 7/26/2009
left me 7/25/2009
moved in with OW 7/31/2009

If you want your marriage, WHY are you agreeing to D?

I want my marriage,but in Florida we have a no fault divorce law and I can't stop the divorce. He can file without me and I will get served and I have 21 days to respond and if I don't it will go through anyway. If I could stop it I would. He would just file without me. Right now he is at the ugly stage and I think it is because I won't have anything to do with him and he is saying that I am doing things and saying things that make it easier for him to go ahead with the divorce. I haven't done or said anything at all. As a matter of fact I have been very nice I just refuse to have any contact with him. I figure if I give him what he wants then he will realize that he doesn't want it. I can still reconcile after a divorce. If anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them.

BS-me-44yrs
WS-him-46yrs
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD-21yrs
DD-19yrs
D-Day #1 6/30/2009
D-Day #2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009

Did you do a Plan A? What did your Plan B letter look like? Have you got an intermediary?

Telling him that you want him to be happy is dishonest and a lovebuster. Apologise via intermediary.

Please read through the articles at this site to confirm your plan. We will definitely help you as you progress!

I have continued to block all forms of communication from my WH but he continues to find other ways to get around it. He thinks that me blocking his phone calls is me doing bad things to him but he won't follow the no communication rule that I set up. If he has anything of importance he can get hold of me through our daughter who has agreed to act as an intermediary. She has told her father to leave me alone unless it is very important and so far none of his attempts to communicate have been important. They have been meant as attempts to hurt me and for him to rationalize what he is doing. He tried to email me again today and now that avenue is blocked and I deleted it. All he is doing is trying to play head games with me. He knows that I still love him and want him back. My family and friends are afraid that the only reason he will come back now is because of money. I have other friends that think he is actually miserable and regretting his decision and trying to strike back at me to make me miserable. They also think he is mad because I won't fight for him but that I am just leaving him alone to his own devices.

BW-me 44yrs
WH-him 46yrs
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD 21yrs
DD 19yrs
D-Day #1(found cellphone calls) 6/30/2009
D-Day #2 (admitted affair) 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009

I want eveyone to know that I never had a chance to do a Plan A because we were already separated and I couldn't be around him or talk to him without crying and told him so. I was on my own form of Plan B before I found MB. My neighbor had given me a copy of SAA 3 weeks after my H left me. I did send my husband the Plan B letter that was very nice and he did let me know that he thought it was the nicest letter he had ever received. Now he is being mean and hateful to me and I have to do whatever I have to to protect myself emotionally. My WH is trying to play head games with me. He wants a divorce and I told him I would sign because I cannot stop it, but now I don't even think he has started to fill out the paperwork. I could be wrong about that though.

BS-me 44yrs
WH-him 46yrs
married 20 yrs
together 21yrs
DD 21yrs
DD 19yrs
D-Day#1 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moves in with OW 7/29/2009

Today my Husband called my work and tried to harass me, but the 2nd word out of his mouth was f---, and I hung up on him. He called our daughter and she called me and told me he needed to get hold of me by email about our divorce but every time he has contacted me he has been hateful and it wasn't about the divorce. Now he is threatening to turn off my electricity (it is in his name still) and threatening me with selling my house so he can get his half of the equity, but there isn't any equity because of the housing market. He can't afford a lawyer because he can't afford to pay verizon $200 that he owes for canceling his contract and wants me to pay verizon. He says I am being immature and hateful and I am not the one who did what he did and it is tearingme apart. All I wanted was to save my marriage and make it better and now he is making me out to be the bad guy. At this moment all I want is for everything to be over and to be left alone. I am not even sure I want to get back with him anymore. I know that it has only been 3 months but I am so tired of him hurting me. Any advice out there on what I should do?

Silence is golden - and he deserves nothing less than total, absolute silence.

I've had to employ the hanging up technique many times throughout the years in dealing with an abusive ex. It is the best way to handle this.

Traci, your WH is finding out about Consequences. We often say around here, "Never protect a WS from the Natural Consequences of his own selfish, destructive actions."

HE wanted to cheat in his marriage. HE wanted to move out of the house to go live with a ho. HE abandoned his wife and children. HE threw it all away.

And he fully expects that you will make this all easy and comfortable for him and is throwing a fit that you won't.

Send him a registered letter, extremely short and formal, saying: "If you require anything from me, have your lawyer draw it up and send it. Otherwise, do not contact me as long as you are seeing another woman." Signed, Traci S.

Oh, he can't afford a lawyer? What a shame. And that is your problem how - ?

You sound like you are in good shape financially. If you haven't already, I suggest you engage a pit-bull attorney to protect your interests and protect you and children.

It always amazes me that WS who stone-cold refused to work on anything while married fully expect that their spouse will work with them while separated/divorced. Amazing. Really.

Married couples work together and help each other. Married couples make plans and decisions together. Separated/divorced people have lawyers and take care of their own damn selves.

And one other thing: I would strongly, strongly urge you NOT to use your DD21 as your intermediary, especially with as nasty as your WH is being.

My XWH tried to use our DS21 as intermediary and I put a stop to that immediately. I told DS21 that he was NOT the Messenger Boy and that nobody had the right to put such a burden on him. He would have been caught in the worst kind of no-man's land, caught between both parents.

In this situation, you get a lawyer and use the lawyer as your intermediary. That's what I did. I don't know how XWH felt about that. I have not seen him, spoken to him, received e-mail from him or heard his voice since about June 1 of 2008 (yeah, 2008).

It's the only way I could stomach any of this.

Your WH wanted to move out and live with his wh*re? Well, he won. He got it. Now he'd better be enjoying it to the max, every minute of every day.
Mulan

As for the electric, call the electric co and get the bill switched to YOUR name.

Traci, you are still very early into this so buckle in for the ride. As far as communication with your WH, if he is dead set on divorce, there is NO reason for direct communication with him. He is your adversary. Let the attorneys do the talking (if it comes to that.) There is NOTHING he needs to talk to you about divorce. If he's serious about it, he'll find a way to file and have you served. Looks like he's not doing that though and I'm betting he won't.

Most affairs thrive on the drama. By removing yourself from their drama, they only have each other. Also by cutting off all communication, you are forcing her to meet ALL of his emotional needs. That pretty much guarantees trouble in paradise.

I agree that using your daughter as an IM is a bad idea. What's going on now will affect her for years to come, even if she is an adult. Is there anyone else that you could use? Although if your kids are grown, and you're financially independent, there's really not much need for communication, except for him to tell you that he's made a mistake and is ready to come home and work on the marriage.

Did you expose this affair? If OW is living in public-assistance housing, she is not allowed to have other people live with her, especially income-producing people. I think a discreet call to the Housing Authority may be in order.

For now though, stick to your deep dark Plan B. Tell whoever is keeping you informed about WH's antics, that you'd prefer not to hear ANYTHING about him. Try and arrange for another IM and then sit back and do nothing as far as the divorce. Fill your days with things that will make you a better person and bring some joy to your life.

We're here for you.

Traci, I live in Florida too, and even though we're No Fault, ain't no way he's gonna divorce you in 21 days. 21 months, maybe. There is property to divide up, investments, etc.
You need to lawyer up and tell him that all divorce-related communications can go through your lawyer. Don't make your daughter be the IM for the divorce.
Tell him you DO NOT want to speak to him unless he wants to talk about reconciliation/marriage counseling. Move his name off the electricity, and tell your lawyer about the house situation.
Protect your finances at all costs.
Report the skank for her housing situation, too.
Tell him one more call or email, and you're taking out a temporary restraining order. See how that helps him in divorce. As mulan said, he's got to learn about the consequences.
See my sig line--the OW was also a little girl.

The past couple of days have been real hard for me. My H has gotten so ugly that I have been crying a lot. I even had to take Ambien just to sleep. The women that I work with at the hospital have been very supportive and some have already gone through this. I went ahead and paid the cell phone bill and I m going to pay for half of the divorce and we will be doing an uncontested simple dissolution of marriage. This way we spit everything up and he gets nothing from me and I will come out ahead. I don't want this divorce but I don't want it costing me thousands of dollars. I know that once we are divorced reality will set in a lot quicker because he won't have me to lean on and he just can't run back to me. I don't know what else to do because he can file without me in Florida and I might have to pay alimony to him and I refuse to pay him anything since he is the one committing adultery. I am not going to support him and that thing he lives with and her 2 kids.

BS-me 44yrs
WH-him 46yrs
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD 21yrs
DD 19yrs
D-Day#1 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009

I guess I am going to be in Plan D in a few weeks, but I do plan on staying in Plan B even after the divorce. I know that eventually the A will end and he will try to contact me, but this time I will hold all the power. I don't want the divorce, but if this will make him come out of the fog faster so be it.

Tonight OW is throwing my WH a birthday party for his 47th birthday (birthday is Nov 2nd. He hates parties and he doesn't like doing anything after work either, but he is letting her do this for him. If I had tried to this he would have had a fit. I can't wait until she figures out what he is like, because eventually his true self will come out. Luckily for my WH I was very easy going, that is why when he left me I told him that I might not be the best person in the world but I was the best person for him.


BS-me 44yrs
WH-him 46yrs
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD 21yrs
DD 19yrs
D-Day#1 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009

Traci,

My WH has been very hostile just as yours has. You might want to do more Plan A if you haven't had a chance do do a good one, but beyond that you need to make it very clear that you do not want the D and that you will have no contact with him until he decides to ditch OW and work on the M. Let him suffer the consequences of his decision.

Have decided to give WH his D but it is a simple dissolution of marriage which protects me because we agree on how everything is split up and not the courts. This means he is agreeing to whatever I want. I will not have to pay alimony to him. I don't want the divorce but maybe if he gets what he wants the fog will lift a lot faster. I know that the affair won't last they have everything going against them. He is 21yrs older than her, she has 2 toddlers, they have no money, and he doesn't have patience with small children and he has a LOT of bills. I know that the odds are against him and that the odds are in my favor even divorced I still have a good chance of getting back with him.

Makes sense to me. No better plan B than a plan D. Did you ever report their living situation?

I have a friend whose sister works for the man who owns the apartment complex that is income based and she reported them. I asked her yesterday what is going on because I haven't heard anything yet. My friend said she was going to check with her sister to see what the hold up was on getting them kicked out. My friend thinks they are investigating it but that has been a couple of weeks now.

I am now at peace with myself and about getting the divorce. I know that I have a better chance of getting back with my WH husband than he has at staying with the OW, especially with everything they have going against them.

BW-me 44yrs
WH-him 47yrs
OW 26yrs
married 20yrs
together 21yrs
DD 21yrs
DD 19yrs
D-Day#1 found cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
WH left 7/25/2009
WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009

There's a special place in hell for both of them. ((Traci))