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foregone conclusion

Very common viewpoint. I might have even bought into it at one time. Never again.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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I have dated. rarely, but I have. I hadn't thought of it from this perspective. I came at this from the "foregone conclusion" view point.

Your primal flaw, repeatedly.

Same thinking permitted cheating "before" marriage vows.

Same thinking permitted "Biblical" filing for divorce.

Your pattern is repeated.

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Originally Posted by Pepperband
Quote
I have dated. rarely, but I have. I hadn't thought of it from this perspective. I came at this from the "foregone conclusion" view point.

Your primal flaw, repeatedly.

Same thinking permitted cheating "before" marriage vows.

Same thinking permitted "Biblical" filing for divorce.

Your pattern is repeated.

ok. How do you recommend a change to this pattern? I would assert that this marriage is over. So how to go forward in your opinion?

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If you are here looking for suggestions for self improvement, perhaps take self inventory on the ways you've used "technicalities" to get your needs met in dishonest ways.

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Originally Posted by TogetherAlone
Patriot, I'm struggling with:

Quote
Anyway, for those wishing to accuse me domestic abuse, you will find not ONE recorded instance of it. Not one. I always wonder about people making accusations about things like this without proof. Geez.. If I had a SINGLE documented instance of abuse, I wouldn't be bringing it up. No police reports. No doctors bills. No nothing. I have all the legs I want to stand on here.

with *****'s post of August 08:

Quote
I am physically safe right now. He is gone and I talked to the police before he left and they have been apprised of the situation and told me to call again if I need to.

I need help finding resources to get a divorce. I can stay in this house for the time being, but he wants me to move out within a week. I can't afford an attorney and I'm not sure what to do.

Are you saying that **** made this up? Or that it happened, but never made it to an actual charge?

TA

I recall that incedent, mostly. We were having a verbal argument about something, which I don't recall. I guess she didn't like how it was going. She started to say she was scared. She called the police. My son was here at the time and I had to grab what I could at the moment and him. I took what I could and left, like clothes and things. I spent the ride explaining to my son what happened.

I did not touch her, nor had I. Yet again, there is and was no police reports, medical reports... nothing. So you can derive what you wish. My assertion is she did it as a power move. You can formulate your own opinion.

I am not a wife abuser. My evidence is the complete lack of any recorded incident of it. Never once a hospital bill, police report or otherwise related to anything I did to her. Because I never hit her. I never physically hurt her.

And now that I seem to be polarizing several folks here, possibly I should simply leave again.. I certainly did not desire to cause a rift with people here. I think the rehashing of my marriage isn't all that fruitful, taking a look at this. hmmm.. I guess I will stop posting here again. I mean I really don't know what else to do at this moment. So I will leve it here unless there is something else I need to address. (shrug)


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Originally Posted by patriot92
what is my interesting way? I use english in the manner a none english-degreed person would use it, as I see it. My degree is in CS..
Most people (including me) do not have English degrees. How does your degree matter?

I meant saying this:

Originally Posted by patriot92
and found that she has walked away from the marriage, so by filing I am simply accepting her 'no'.

Saying that in spirit, she filed, when in fact, you did.
Originally Posted by patriot92
I did file for divorce.

You must have filed because you wanted to. Why not say that? Why say that it is because she walked away from the marriage?

Originally Posted by patriot92
what is my interesting way? I use english in the manner a none english-degreed person would use it, as I see it. My degree is in CS..
Most people (including me) do not have English degrees. How does your degree matter?

I meant saying this:

Originally Posted by patriot92
and found that she has walked away from the marriage, so by filing I am simply accepting her 'no'.

Saying that in spirit, she filed, when in fact, you did.

Originally Posted by patriot92
I did fight internally about the biblical perspective of it..
and found that, because she left the marriage (to YOUR mind), there was Biblical justification for you to accept that.

Originally Posted by patriot92
If she did not want to be divorced, then why was it a regular subject broached by her for a long time? I have to derive that it is what she wanted.

Mediation is a way to keep from doing an expensive, nasty trial, isn't it? Don't people to no contest divorce all the time?
I'm sure it was explained many times here on MB that she was insecure in the marriage. She might have been completely wrong to doubt you, but she regularly broached divorce because she was unhappy.

Why would the trial be nasty?


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Maybe you didn't see Pep's questions, since she likely posted as you were typing the above reply.

I for one would like to see those addressed. I think they could be most helpful, even critical, to your personal recovery.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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**** was never crazy.

**** is a beautiful, deeply loving, but deeply fearful woman with a history of marrying very abusive men.

**** struggled daily, hourly even with her fears and her drive to find emotional stability and health. The healthier **** became, the more Pat's passive aggression escalated.

How many times has he posted on here just after having admitted lying to **** about something? This is the pattern...he acts out, he gets caught, he then posts here as a victim, and everyone feels sorry for poor Pat - why doesn't **** give him a break?

Maybe he never got a break because he always felt his own interests were more important than her safety? Maybe because he broke every rule in the MB book and *****edit*****

When she reacted badly to betrayal by him, over and over and over, he punished her by posting here. Obviously, something has happened that he feels the need to punch her buttons again...

The relationship of a abused individual to the abuser is not much different psychologically than that of an alcholic or drug addict to their codependent spouses.

I found that there was a pretty interesting pattern to the addiction/abuse backgrounds of those who defended Pat and called ****crazy.

I find it horrifying that so many can claim that ****'s claim of rape was a false accusation.

The only 2 people who know the truth are Pat and ****.

No wonder women are afraid to report rape - ****edit*****

******edit******

Last edited by JustUss; 11/21/09 02:14 PM. Reason: MB name removed & attacks

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Originally Posted by SugarCane
You have an interesting way with words.

You state that YOU filed for divorce. When asked why, you explain that she filed for it first, in spirit. You just accepted her rejection. The filing was not a positive act on your part; she was active and you conceded.

Originally Posted by patriot92
raven,

I filed because for two years prior, I was threatened almost daily with her filing and no matter what methods I tried to apply, nothing was a solution for her. I read the Bible's take on this and found that she has walked away from the marriage, so by filing I am simply accepting her 'no'.

which she is free to give.

I would have preferred a more direct no.. but that wasn't to be had.
You even find Biblical support for your filing.

Perhaps she "dragged out" the divorce because she did not want to be divorced?

What were you trying to mediate over? Since you were the one to file, what were you trying to achieve in mediation?

I was thinking the same thing. My STBXH talked about divorce for months. I finally filed. Now he is saying he will drag the D out because he never really wanted the D in the first place.
Where in the Bible does it actually say that???? I read the Bible and counsel with my pastor and I've never hear this.


Me,BS age 24
WH age 23
DD age 3,DS age 2
WH deployed March '08-March '09
4 affairs
Plan A/B~complicated
I filed D 8/4/09
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I don't suppose I have anything constructive to give on this site at the moment.

I did not mean to stir up so many folks.

I stand by these facts. I never physically abused ****. Never. That anyone here would have the gall to accuse me of that , rape or anything else without so much as a shred of proof is appalling.

Maybe you don't like me. Thats fine. I accept that. In no way did I ask you to stop. And in no way does it give you reason to accuse me, judge me and determine my guilt over anything you have zero proof of.

If you are so inclined, drop me an email. We can talk about it away from here. If not, then not.

I will step out so you fine folks can return to helping people that just found out and need your help.

There was never an attack on *****, physical or sexual. Without a single instance of proof, you should be ashamed of yourself for buying it.

I ask the mods lock this thread. I'll go.

Last edited by JustUss; 11/21/09 02:16 PM. Reason: MB name removed
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Locked at OP's request.

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