Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,549
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,549
((katey)) Special place in hell for your WH.


Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Yes, the boys can refuse to go. Tell them so.

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
Thanks for the hugs Ima.

Quote
Special place in hell for your WH.
Yes there is. I just wish that WH would go to he!! sooner than later, and leave DH with us.... sigh


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
Yes they can refuse... I actually spoke with my atty yesterday. WH has to follow the mediation agreement in good faith as we agreed upon. If not, I can refuse to let him take the boys as well as the boys can refuse to go- which they said they will do if their dad doesn't follow the schedule.

I also talked with atty about my fear that WH will take DSs with him to wherever OW and her kids go to celebrate Thanksgiving, since it doesn't seem to matter to him to violate the visitation order. IF he does, it will definitely not be in his favor when we return to court. Give him enough rope and he'll hang himself.... I just have to let the rope get longer and longer.

WH brings boys home yesterday evening from visitation and asks what's going on for Thanksgiving, the boys say I'm picking them up tomorrow for the night. I told him that was correct. WH tries to argue that he is getting them on Thursday.... naughty I pull out the mediation agreement and read it to him, and ask him if he would like to read it himself... "No, I'll read mine when I get to my apt." OK, whatever. DS15 & DS12 did tell their dad they were following the schedule already agreed upon. YEAH! for DSs stating their wants to their dad. I don't think that WH was too happy when he left... and a Happy Thanksgiving to you too, dear hubby.

I'm sure this will put a kink in his plans per the schedule he thought he was going to have... He was probably going to be with OW on Thursday until picking the boys up in afternoon, then go to his parents. NO, this isn't the schedule that we agreed on. What gets me is that this was his proposed schedule he brought up in mediation. How forgetful waywards are!

Since it is Thanksgiving, the boys and I have been talking about what we are thankful and grateful for. This gets me to more thinking, and end up feeling sorry for myself and the boys.... but I just need to stop and look at what I have in front of me... I am blessed with wonderful, precious sons, family and friends. I just wonder if WH realizes this. We fought hard to get pregnant the "all natural way" with our sons (I am technically diagnosed as being infertile, LOLwhistle) I wonder if he remembers all the emotions/feelings we experienced. And, then it hits me as I realize, see and hear that WH is now doing more things with OW's kids than ours, things that we had talked about him doing with our sons, and that he has done in the past with them. It is heartbreaking, how can a dad replace his children like that??

OK, I did get sucked into that black hole of pity.... I need to go back to my thankful and grateful list.... as well as cleaning the house since Mom is coming over in a couple of hours to spend the next 2 days with us.


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
Hey Katy,

Don't know if you noticed the Poster StillHere has a thread and is going through some similiar issues as you. You may want to check out her thread, post and get some dialogue with her. You both could support each other through this shared experience.

You may want to discuss boundaries with your sons. I'm glad they stood up for the schedule they wanted, but in doing so, their young minds MAY have fears. Fears that Dad will abandon them as well. They need to understand that boundaries are healthy for them and that their father needs to respect them if HE is to earn a proper and respectful place in THEIR lives. That "respect" is a two way street and Dad can only walk all over their wishes (like NOT being around OW) if THEY allow it. Unfortunately, there is only so much YOU can do. YOU are in a tight spot. You badly want to protect them but you also want to protect their relationship with their father. You can't do both...it's a shame you can't but they are diametrically opposed goals due to the situation. Unfortunately, THEY have to step up, tell you and dad what THEY want and with your assistance and guidance set and enforce proper healthy boundaries.

Not a fun position to be in. You must also document to some extent these conversations with your sons such that if a charge of parental alienation is ever made against you, you'll have contemporeneous (timely dated) notes to which you can refer to refute such bogus claims.

Mr. Wondering



FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
Don't know if I gave you this link yet or if you've seen it but FYI (about boundaries):

Link to boundaries vs. Manipulation/control � an open discussion

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1818654&page=1


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
Need help with how to proceed with the latest from WH....

WH served the boys' Scout Master with a subpoena earlier today to testify at the visitation/custody trial in 2 weeks. Several weeks ago, my atty informs me that this is who WH has accused me of having as a boyfriend- WTH??? He told his atty this who in turn told my atty and the boys' law guardian. This is so not true, why can't WH see that I am fighting for our marriage, that I want to recover with him and build our future together. I can't even fathom another relationship at this point, because I still love WH and don't want another one.

I have friends who are females, males and couples (all of whom who were mutual friends to both WH and I pre-A) who all have been supportive and great friends of my boys and I during the past 18 months. Is WH jealous?? The boys are all active in Scouts, they have been for years, and up until 2 months ago WH was very active with the boys and their activities. Actually, the Scout Master continues to contact WH regarding all Scout activities to keep him included. The Scout Master, and Asst. Scout Master (female friend- and no I'm not her girlfriend as WH might think with his current way of thinking) have both tried to have conversations with WH, but he has consistently rebuffed them.

My question is... do I now tell the Scout Master why WH is doing this so he isn't surprised in court? I never said anything to him when this first came out because I thought it was "nipped in the bud" when I responded to my atty.


UUUGGGGGHHHHHH.... FRUSTRATING!!!!!!

OH yeah WH served him at.... where else.... the bowling alley (you'll understand the sarcasm if you've read my entire thread).


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Hmm, maybe you should ask someone else to tell him. Just in case they do one of those 'so, have you been in contact with him' things.

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
ask your attorney...

Most likely your attorney will talk to the Scout Master and bring it up as any such "conversation" you have with him will, perhaps, make it appear you two have something to hide.

You just keep your distance from Scout Master.

I had one BH friend here whose WW had a PI staking out his house (she was off living with OM). The PI recorded a woman arriving at his house, playing cards with him and then retiring to the back room for an hour or so. Now I happen to know that this BH was consoling a woman that was going through a similiar marital crisis herself (which WAS a very bad idea) and he took her into the "backroom" of the house to show her Marriage Builders.com. They merely farted around the discussion boards for a bit and then returned to the kitchen. Fortunately, the PI kept copious notes of the timetable and such timetable matched up perfectly with the computer logs/web history he was fortunate enough to still be able to access and print off. He was able to dispute the circumstantial evidence very convincingly. But the woman friend DID have to testify too that nothing, absolutely nothing was going on.

I gave that to show you this is a common ploy of WS's. In my opinion, they do this to accomplish the following:

1. They think it "legitimizes" their affair relationship. If you do it/did it too...you certainly can't "judge him" anymore.

2. It gives him subterfuge to confuse outsiders with...well our marriage was over ...we both kinda dated before we should or even...SHE was dating HIM (Scout Master) FIRST. Making things a MESSY he said/she said which people just tend to wash their hands and not want any involvement.

3. He's NOT worried much about today...he's being farsighted a bit here and hoping that even the accusation will give him a way to rewrite the marital and divorce history ONE DAY (ESPECIALLY WITH THE CHILDREN).

4. IF he can paint you into the same boat as him...he will feels he can thereby manipulate you into:

a. Shutting up
b. Being "accepting"
c. Being "a grown up about things"
d. Being friendly
e. Coparenting with him

[edit to add] f. DIVORCING HIM and settling quickly and quietly (I forgot...you are in NY and he needs grounds for divorce...that is totally why he is doing this). How much proof of adultery do you really need in NY? Likely just a preponderance of evidence so he is fishing for such "preponderance"

5. Now it would certainly be better for him if you really were committing adultery with this guy. However, in his wayward mental state he SOOOOO needs to justify and rationalize what he's doing to you and the children that in his mind he JUMPED to the conclusion you were cheating with the scout master with NO PROOF WHATSOEVER. Maybe he saw a knowing glance (which was because the scout master knows he's a cheating jerk). As farfetched as the accusation is to YOU and certainly the ScoutMaster...your WH (and the OW) very likely BELIEVE IT'S TRUE. To them...this is NOT a made up accusation. Even if you dispute it successfully, he MAY bring this up for years as he's convinced he's right because he NEEDS to be right.

Thus...getting the ScoutMaster's deposition or testimony is a GOOD THING. Documenting and completing destroying the accusations is important.

Good luck,

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - IF and WHEN your attorney takes your husband's testimony in a couple of weeks be sure to tell him to get all the facts of the adultery on the record. This may be your ONE and ONLY shot at actually confronting him EVER and documenting the facts and circumstances of the divorce for posterity.. If this ends up going the divorce route, in time, you will quite likely end up coming to some settlement agreement. There won't likely be depositions and/or court testimony. The whole court thing is set up to achieve settlement. Absent such documentation...in time, the waywards have a way to twisting the history to suit their needs. They still TRY to do this even if you have a document proving otherwise...but it's not as easy for them.

Last edited by MrWondering; 11/28/09 10:20 PM.

FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
Well I think there needs to be a new movie made, instead of the "40 Year Old Virgin" it should be titled the "40 Year Old Naive Married Woman Whose Husband Is Committing Adultery".

I just feel that WH has a basket of rocks that he carries with him and when he sees that I'm just not reacting to him and his OW, or not doing what he wants, or even just disappearing he throws one of his rocks and hits me straight on. Will the ripple effect ever get back to him??

I feel like WH is trying to take away my friends, my support system by his accusations and actions. I guess as a BW, I'm supposed to stay home, pining away for him, and when he does show up bringing the boys home I'm supposed to roll out the red carpet, with harps playing in the background, singing his praises and being so grateful that WH is in my life.

I am truly amazed at the extent that WH is going to, I never would have imagined this from WH. Perhaps his soulmate OW is pressuring him so that he'll move in with her.... this has been the longest time (20 months) she has gone without living with a man.

I was wanting to get on here and post how my Thanksgiving went during this quiet weekend with DSs on visitation with WH, but instead it is about WH's latest stunt. Also, now I believe my Thanksgiving holiday will be coming back to bite me in the worst possible way.

Mr. W and Cat, I so wished I was able to read your posts to weigh my options before talking with a friend, who has been through a divorce/custody, and following her advice.

My friend advised me to get a copy of the subpoena to give my atty on Monday, and also to tell the scout master why he is being subpoenaed. She felt the truth is the best thing at this point. So that is what I did. I went to the Scout Masters home got the copy and talked with him about the subpoena, why he was served. I have no idea if anyone saw me, but now if I am asked at the trial if I have been at his home I will have to say yes. I also apologized that he was being pulled into this situation and expressed that I hoped it didn't affect his role/interactions with DSs. He was amazed at WHs motives as well, and doesn't understand either as his attitude towards WH has not changed, as he said what is going on between WH and I is our business, and tries to talk with WH but is rebuffed. Out of all of my friends in my support circle, he is the one who knows the least about my and WH's situation because I was never inclined to tell him just given his role in DSs lives, the fact that he is a male (he is divorced, but not single as he has a GF who lives out of state- WH knows this and even met his GF last December... which to think that WH thinks I would become an OW in another relationship, knowing the gut-wrenching, debilitating pain it causes... is too much for me to grasp) and because we all live in a "gossipy" small town. As I've stated before it's like 3 months ago a switch occurred in WH and he has rebuffed all of our mutual friends.

The subpoena is dated for the end of October, a week before the divorce trial. Why didn't scout master get subpoena'd into divorce trial if WH is trying to say that I'm also committing adultery? Why did he wait 2 weeks before custody/visitation hearing to serve the subpoena?

Now on to Thanksgiving... In talking with IC and realizing/knowing I was stuck in how WH and I and family celebrated past holidays, and traditions and the self-pity and depression that goes along with that, it was recommended that I need to create new traditions. We discussed inviting my friends, especially those that have been supportive and that I am grateful and thankful to have in my and DSs lives, to share in dessert. I was hesitant because I have alot of trust issues and opening up to others letting them into my space, but I did email out the invite at the last minute (Wednesday morning) thinking that no one would show because they all had their own plans, but at least I could say that I tried to start a new tradition moving forward. However, guess who did show up for about 45 minutes... yup the scout master. Also my friend, the [censored]'t scout master, with 3 of her 5 children (her husband and 2 older children stayed home to clean up). She stayed about 3 hours. It was so nice to hear all the laughter and feel the positive, happy environment.... it has been so long since it has been like this. And now, it is going to come back and hurt me and DSs in the long run when I go back to court in 2 weeks.

I am so NAIVE with a capital N... I just keep telling myself that the truth is what will prevail... not the disgusting spins that WH tries to put on situations to justify his actions. I hope to have the opportunity to testify in court how much I love my husband and that I want to recover our marriage, and he won't be able to get up and leave and not hear this. Maybe I need to spend the $$ I don't have to have IC (who is also the family court psychologist) testify that I want to recover my marriage, that I am holding on to that.

I am hoping to get in and see my atty to discuss this latest event and strategize the upcoming trial/hearing. I also hope to find out if I need to have anyone come in and testify. When I last met with atty, he did not feel that I needed anyone to testify. He felt that WH and his atty would have his OW testify and my atty felt that OW's testimony along with my documentation would speak for itself as to what is in DSs best interest. I'm not so sure anymore... I also definitely need to find out if OW is testifying, if not she should be subpoenaed to do so.

In divorce trial, WH admitted under oath that he was having "sexual relations" with OW, but not until after he moved out of our home. YEAH... RIGHT.


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Wow...can you hear my teeth rattling in fear of your trial date? Good luck, you can only pray that he (1) wasn't having you followed and (2) doesn't ask scoutmaster how many times he's seen you since D Day. Good luck!

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
Catperson-

The more I think on this and what WH is doing and insinuating in his quest to justify, to get me to keep quiet and go along with his adultery the angrier I get....

If he's had me followed then so be it, I have nothing to hide, I have done nothing wrong.

As far as time spent with scout master since D-day, 99% has been at Scout activities. And, a majority of this with WH present, up until 3 months ago when WH stopped attending DSs scout activities. And if one looks at "alone" time with sm, WH has spent more alone time with him. Also, DS12 is friends with sm's son and they have done things together outside of scouts, including weekly bowling and school team bowling. At bowling activities, I do socialize with sm and my other friend because I am shunned by WH and his parents and I refuse to be the BW that sits in a corner and not talk to anyone. As far as my "alone" time with sm it has been 4 times- 2 related to scout activities (oh and 1 of those times his mom was present and I ended up talking more to her about the agency I work for. I learned that she and her husband founded the social club for disabled adults that is still running today.) And, then there was Thanksgiving dessert with other adults present (I printed out copy of email sent to my friends to give to my atty); and the other evening (his DS13 was present) when I got the copy of subpoena, apologized for WH's actions, and discussed that I hope this doesn't affect the interactions with DSs at their scout activities or DS12's friendship with his son.

When we're at the shared children's activities, I am going to be under the microscope and how am I supposed to act? Like I've always done as far as socializing? or ignore sm (and wouldn't that make me look like I am hiding something?

I know.... I should tell WH about all the times that I've taken DSs' to their various friends' homes and vice-versa and I've been alone with their fathers- single and married, and the number of times we've chatted over a cup of coffee.

I have friends who are willing to testify about my committment to my marriage and my wanting to recover my marriage. The asst sm is also shocked and willing to further testify that there is nothing inappropriate going on and she is present at 95% of the same scout activities.

I would never do anything to put DSs through anymore pain and confusion than what they are going through now. Nor would I cause this type of pain and upset in the relationship of sm and his GF, or anyone else's relationship.

The "search" that WH is on trying to fill that empty spot he feels he has within him has truly over-ridden his integrity, morals, values, his core-being..... and it is just so sad and heart-breaking to watch this happen to my DH.



BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
Katey,

Don't sweat it....just don't put yourself in compromising "circumstantial" situations with the SM (or any male for that matter). Not just because of this case but because you are still married and very much in need of having your emotional needs met it's really not a safe place to put yourself.

Also...don't trust your real life friends and their advice. Shoot, don't even trust me as I'm just a tax lawyer and NOT a divorce lawyer. Trust your lawyer especially when it comes to legal matters. A phone call to the Scout Master would have been better than going over to his home...alone. (It's not like you knew his son was going to be there). Again, what's done is done. But think next time..WWWD...."what would Mr. Wondering do?"

Had a thought about SM's testimony...

Your attorney MAY choose, when it's his turn to question the SM, to ask the SM to recount the time he's spent with your WH. Go through THEIR (WH and SM) entire relationship and then ask the SM if he is having a same sex affair with your WH.

It's a humorous way to dismiss the foolish notion that just because your kids are interconnected and you see the guy often at scout meetings and bowling doesn't mean you have some kind of deeper adulterous secret relationship. Your WH is just as "enmeshed" with SM as you are so he MUST be sleeping with him too. (your attorney might oughta tell SM he MAY ask him that question and why such that your FAMILY friend is not offended)

Mr. Wondering


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,549
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,549
((katey))
I agree with Mr. W.
Tell them they can give you or SM a lie detector test. But for now, stay away from SM. You need to not be seen in any situations that might compromise your case.
How are the boys holding up?


Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
Mr W-
Quote
because you are still married and very much in need of having your emotional needs met it's really not a safe place to put yourself.

Yes, I completely understand this and I do see how easily it would be for EN's to be met by another male, esp. after all of this time. For now though I am doing OK just having some met by family & friends, and through counseling with IC talking through the unmet needs/emotions/feelings.

Quote
But think next time..WWWD...."what would Mr. Wondering do?"
LOL... I like this, and will do just that. Thanks for the smile.

I talked with my atty yesterday. I told him about SM getting subpoena, my questions with it dated a month ago but just getting served now, and if we need to meet to strategize.

I mentioned to him:
Quote
ask the SM to recount the time he's spent with your WH. Go through THEIR (WH and SM) entire relationship and then ask the SM if he is having a same sex affair with your WH.

He laughed. He also stated that unless I was having a torrid, illicit affair this just does not matter. He said that SM's testimony will just prove what an [censored] WH is being and make WH's noose a little bit tighter around his neck.... He also stated that at this point WH and his atty have to prove that the OW is a person with good judgement, has the DSs best interest at heart, and can be a positive influence in DSs lives because she is specifically named in the current custody/visitation paperwork. It will not be good for WH and OW if she doesn't testify, and if she does my atty will love to question her about her good values, morals, judgement that an OW has so much of. He also stated again that I do not need to have anyone testify on my behalf, my testimony along with documentation and lg's recommendations are all that is necessary. We are not meeting prior to trial in 2 weeks. This has me nervous/anxious.

I will be dropping off copies of my documentation next week to his office for his review though.


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
Ima-

I would so be willing to take a lie detector test.

As far as the boys.... they seem to be doing well. They continue to do well in school and their extra-curricular activities. They all had awesome report cards, all on the High Honor Roll. They are all practicing for their upcoming holiday concerts. We have our own Brass Band here; DS9-trumpet, DS12-alto & tenor saxophone, DS15- trombone & tuba. DS15 has recently performed in an All-State music concert playing the tuba, he and another classmate have been chosen out of his entire class to participate in monthly youth leadership meetings at local college, and he was the one chosen to represent his school to attend a weekend youth leadership conference next year. I am so proud of them!!!

But... I also see what WH and his actions have done and are doing.

They have become more physical with each other; i.e., responding with punches if they don't like what a brother did to them. This is new in the last year... not sure if it has to do with current sitch, or this is natural for boys to react like this.

I have to throw this in in the "WH is such a wayward [censored]" category: WH brought them home on Thanksgiving and tells me that "I don't want them at 3 tomorrow, but at the normal time of 6:30 for the weekend." It was decided on at mediation he would get them at 3 on Friday due to one of his older brothers and family coming in for the day and dinner. This is done each year and WE did this every year. Maybe WH didn't want to spend this time with his family, because this brother and his wife do not support WH's actions; or he had plans with OW. But either way... how sad.

Yesterday DS15 had school bowling match which OW's children participate in as well as SM's son. I arrive and I see WH sitting with OW, his parents, and her parents all rooting for DS15, and her kids. I am pi$$ed b/c of latest accusations against me, but yet he is laughing it up, flaunting his adultery and there I am feeling awkward and ignoring SM when he says "hi" to me. And, yes I did what I said I wouldn't do- retreated to a spot where no one was and didn't talk to anyone.

DS15 and I leave and through talking with him I learn that WH and OW came in together. DS15 says "it doesn't bother me, I just ignore it". I think DS15 tries to ignore "it" because it does bother him.... which I did ask him straight out if that was the case. He said yes, and I told him that this is what he needs to tell lg, that he needs to tell his true feelings. I also assured him that he shouldn't say something out of fear of making someone mad at him. I told him that I love and support him no matter what.

As I'm helping DS12 with homework, he tells me that WH talked with them about court hearing in 2 weeks and talking with lg before then. WH told them that he wants them to spend time with OW/children when he has them on visitation. DS12 also states that WH told them how much fun WH had and they all seemed to have when they all went bowling together (during the violation of visitation)... I'm so glad WH feels that it is all about how he feels and that he should be integrating DSs into his new life with OW/kids. Shouldn't it be that OW/kids need to be integrated into WH and DSs visitation instead of vice-versa!!!!

I am just feeling that WH is so manipulating and pressuring DSs right now. I am also feeling that if DSs say that "it doesn't bother me", that OW/kids will be allowed to be present during visitation at WH's apt. but as well as at her home whenever he wants. I can see it now... DS's will be taking the bus to her home after school, eating dinner there, etc....

I am facing the realization that there will have to be an integration, but I can still fight for a slow integration. The boys never having to ride the bus to her home, but always to his apt. or his parents.

I will fight tooth and nail for absolutely no overnights with OW/kids. And, if I "play" WH's game of well she has a BF and DSs are around him so why can't I? then OK, fine dear WH... let's have it put in the visitation/custody order that for either one of us there will be no overnights with the opposite sex while DSs are present.

And shouldn't it matter that WE ARE STILL MARRIED???


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,549
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,549
Grrrrr...
Your WH is such a POS. I'm so sorry katey....


Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Any way you can involve other people in this? Like bring a friend to witness what he's doing? Bring someone who WILL say something to WH's family, defend your sons?

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
My friends are involved with their kids in another sport afterschool.

The other evening was DS15's holiday concert which was the same day as visitation with WH. I told DS15 that he would need to take all of his concert apparel with him to school to take to WH's so he can get ready there. DS15 wanted nothing to do with this; he asked me why he couldn't just come home after school, do his HW, eat dinner, shower and get ready. I told him it was visitation and that he would need to discuss this with his dad. DS15 texted, and left voice mail, to WH stating that that he wasn't going to his apartment after school but was coming home.

I looked at DS15's cell yesterday and WH texted a reply of "DS15 are you going home or coming to my place this afternoon?" DS15 replied "home". WH texts back "K, is there some other reason you don't want to come to my place other than getting ready? Luv u Bud. C U later" DS15 did not reply. HMMMM.... WH's response has me thinking as to what he was trying to get at about another reason......

Now, on to WH's subpoena of Scout Master insinuating that I and SM have a relationship.... SM has every right to retain an atty, file defamation of character, as well as request that WH pay for his lost wages when he appears in court and all legal fees. I relayed this to SM (by phone), but he is not going to do this as he is not that angry about this, though he is angry that someone he thought of as a friend would do this.

Quote
Your attorney MAY choose, when it's his turn to question the SM, to ask the SM to recount the time he's spent with your WH. Go through THEIR (WH and SM) entire relationship and then ask the SM if he is having a same sex affair with your WH.
Another thing to add to Mr. Wondering's above statement.... I was reminded that WH has spent the night with Scout Master together in a tent (2x) and lean-to (1x) on scouting events.... LOL


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 97
OK, all joking aside about current sitch.... I'm starting to feel uncomfortable...

I received a call a little while ago from SM who stated that OW just pulled into his driveway, backed out and left. Most likely to see if I'm at SM's house, since DSs are with WH for visitation. Does this mean she has also been driving by my home, checking on me to see if I'm home??? I have such a "yukky" feeling in my stomach.


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
Page 4 of 9 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,071 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5