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Originally Posted by StillDawn
Dude,

I still don't think you're meant to be married. You will always be at risk for having another revenge affair. I think you're just selfish and want all the material things to yourself...
I think it would be best for everyone if you never did get married again.

I'm agreeing w/ you. All my friends/family and HERS think I'm some big HERO. I'm not. I'm trying, but I just don't think I can be married. Had she never cheated, maybe w/ luck I would have never, but I suspect I would have. I think she saved my life in some weird, distorted way. DUDE

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Dude, don't get me wrong...I like you but, I think your screen name should be "Big Head"...as in the one on top of your shoulders...
Why on earth would anyone think that you're a "hero" for having a revenge affair??? These people obviously don't know about that part.
Yes, and I do believe that had your W not had an A, that you would have done so anyway.
Are you an only child Dude? I can just feel entitlement coming through my computer when I read your posts. You are not entitled to everything. You need to move down a few rungs on the ladder and just accept responsibility for YOU. She screwed up, you screwed up. You are not a hero by any means--but still, we like you!! But, sometimes your arrogance just sends razor blades up my veins...

It seems like you're more concerned about "stuff". Material stuff. Nice house, nice car, etc. I don't "get" you at all.

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Originally Posted by Dude007
I think she saved my life in some weird, distorted way. DUDE

Maybe I'm weird and distorted for even understanding this. think We all have some degree of wayward thinking Dude. Hopefully we all grow wiser and less wayward as we get older.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by StillDawn
Dude, don't get me wrong...I like you but, I think your screen name should be "Big Head"...as in the one on top of your shoulders...
Why on earth would anyone think that you're a "hero" for having a revenge affair??? These people obviously don't know about that part.
Yes, and I do believe that had your W not had an A, that you would have done so anyway.
Are you an only child Dude? I can just feel entitlement coming through my computer when I read your posts. You are not entitled to everything. You need to move down a few rungs on the ladder and just accept responsibility for YOU. She screwed up, you screwed up. You are not a hero by any means--but still, we like you!! But, sometimes your arrogance just sends razor blades up my veins...

It seems like you're more concerned about "stuff". Material stuff. Nice house, nice car, etc. I don't "get" you at all.

I said I'm not a hero??!! I like you too and I'm not an only child. DUDE

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Originally Posted by black_raven
Originally Posted by Dude007
I think she saved my life in some weird, distorted way. DUDE

Maybe I'm weird and distorted for even understanding this. think We all have some degree of wayward thinking Dude. Hopefully we all grow wiser and less wayward as we get older.

I like it BR. As usual, you are wiser than most..DUDE

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>I think she saved my life in some weird, distorted way.

I think I'm really glad you figured this out.

I must say that upon thinking about his subject, I would caution you to legally put in writing what your wishes would be in the event that something happened to you - especially in regards to your DNR wishes, what you want for your children, and what you'd leave to her (if anything).

I think, if the Wookie and I had split and gotten back together as you and your wife have - but decided not to marry again, that it would be imperitive to me that he make decisions for me if I was unable to. My family (mom and dad) really don't know my wishes - the Wookie does.

But then, that would take a level of extreme trust, no? Would you ever trust her that way?


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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StillDawn goes on about the material losses in a divorce as if they shouldn't matter. But they DO! Who wants to go through that AGAIN after having gone through it once. ESPECIALLY if you've gotten those things TOGETHER WITH your spouse, who may then turn on you and take it all through the courts? That's a BETRAYAL almost as big as that of the affair itself!

Who REALLY wants to risk those kinds of losses again? Let's face it, without those material things, house, car, income, etc., you're just a homeless bum in this society, especially if you're a man. Some people may take pity on you for a while, but if you don't pull yourself back up by your bootstraps soon afterward, the pity quickly fades, and you're back to being seen as bum.

At least if you stay single, you only have your own personal circumstances to blame if you somehow lose everything.


The Macnut-42, W - 45 3 stepkids,
SDD - 27, SDS1 - 22, SDS2 - 18
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Originally Posted by MacNut
StillDawn goes on about the material losses in a divorce as if they shouldn't matter. But they DO! Who wants to go through that AGAIN after having gone through it once. ESPECIALLY if you've gotten those things TOGETHER WITH your spouse, who may then turn on you and take it all through the courts? That's a BETRAYAL almost as big as that of the affair itself!

Who REALLY wants to risk those kinds of losses again? Let's face it, without those material things, house, car, income, etc., you're just a homeless bum in this society, especially if you're a man. Some people may take pity on you for a while, but if you don't pull yourself back up by your bootstraps soon afterward, the pity quickly fades, and you're back to being seen as bum.

At least if you stay single, you only have your own personal circumstances to blame if you somehow lose everything.

Yeah, I'll keep cars thank you! If anything, I can outrun all the waywards out there! DUDE

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DUDE,

What,exactly do you want us to say to you? Most people here would kill for the chance to recover a marriage. You seem, like a cat, willing to bat it around for awhile, play with the opportunity, then walk off.
Does your XW agree with your renter's philosophy? If so, maybe you need to find a renter's site, I'm sure they are out there and abundant. My .02 Remember, renter's life, renters rewards.

We have a recent poster who's "wife" of 9 years walked off and married another in a few weeks. Come to find out, he was not married at all- or only married in his mind due to their living conditions.

I was surprized at the ammount of posters who simply told him to back off, they were not M, and he had to honor her new, "real M".

If this is what you really want, what you are saying in fine, but why post here?


Last edited by barbiecat; 12/01/09 12:04 PM.

Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Originally Posted by barbiecat
DUDE,

What,exactly do you want us to say to you? Most people here would kill for the chance to recover a marriage. You seem, like a cat, willing to bat it around for awhile, play with the opportunity, then walk off.
Does your XW agree with your renter's philosophy? If so, maybe you need to find a renter's site, I'm sure they are out there and abundant. My .02 Remember, renter's life, renters rewards.

We have a recent poster who's "wife" of 9 years walked off and married another in a few weeks. Come to find out, he was not married at all- or only married in his mind due to their living conditions.

I was surprized at the ammount of posters who simply told him to back off, they were not M, and he had to honor her new, "real M".

If this is what you really want, what you are saying in fine, but why post here?

Because I'm still healing and the question was posed for just that. "is not wanting to ever marry again mean I'm close to healing?" That is the question, not all the rental crap which I know is not what I ever wanted, but maybe all my heart can allow going forward. Make sense? DUDE

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Dude, did you see my post?


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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Dude,

What's your timeline again???...

and does your exW/girlfriend know you are thinking this way??? if so, how does she feel about it???

not2fun

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Originally Posted by sexymamabear
Originally Posted by Dude007
Originally Posted by Holyheart
Are you living together?

I have my own place that I stay at periodically. DUDE



Cake-eating.


Oh please. Now having sex with someone you are dating/living with is cake eating when you are single?

That's not how it works. One of the benefits of being single is that you can hop from bed to bed to bed if you so choose, and it's not infidelity. The fact that Dude USED to be married to her is completely irrelevant. He isn't now.


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Dude007 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by not2fun
Dude,

What's your timeline again???...

and does your exW/girlfriend know you are thinking this way??? if so, how does she feel about it???

not2fun

Well, Its been 1.5 years since DDAY, and a year since PLAN D. I was thinking I was opened to RE-M. But now, as the fog really lifts, I can't see myself ever saying any vows w/ anyone??!! IKD I'm trying to make sure I've healed right. No more fogginess, no hate/resentment, no more justification for RA. I'm very trusting. That isn't gone. So whats left??! I just really don't want to say any vows again, EVER. I just think its a farse cuz there are so many A's and D's, why even say it. Also, its too darn risky..DUDE

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Originally Posted by Krazy71
Originally Posted by sexymamabear
Originally Posted by Dude007
Originally Posted by Holyheart
Are you living together?

I have my own place that I stay at periodically. DUDE



Cake-eating.


Hey, its my MAIN MAN KRAZY!!! Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzuuuuuuupppppp???! DUDE

Oh please. Now having sex with someone you are dating/living with is cake eating when you are single?

That's not how it works. One of the benefits of being single is that you can hop from bed to bed to bed if you so choose, and it's not infidelity. The fact that Dude USED to be married to her is completely irrelevant. He isn't now.

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I figured I'd drop by see what's going on. It's weird...it's like the forum never changes. Only the names do.

I'm a completely different person now that I've been moved out for quite some time. I definitely made the right choice, even though it's very tough financially.

I can't believe I was ever married to such a piece of crap. It's now my opinion that all WS should be dropped on their [censored], no questions asked, after offense #1 regardless of remorse level. That's the biggest reason I don't post these days.

I think that even a "fully recovered" marriage is settling, and I won't settle. Not for anyone.


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Dude007 Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Krazy71
I figured I'd drop by see what's going on. It's weird...it's like the forum never changes. Only the names do.

I'm a completely different person now that I've been moved out for quite some time. I definitely made the right choice, even though it's very tough financially.

I can't believe I was ever married to such a piece of crap. It's now my opinion that all WS should be dropped on their [censored], no questions asked, after offense #1 regardless of remorse level. That's the biggest reason I don't post these days.

I think that even a "fully recovered" marriage is settling, and I won't settle. Not for anyone.

Of course a "fully recovered" is settling. I don't think its really FULLY, but we both know that. It does feel good when you move out. You will feel a FAST healing. Watch out for all the partying, fast cars, and fast women. You and I are too old for that!!! [NOT!] hehe DUDE

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Glad to see you're back...i checked this morning and your last post was before the crash. then this afternoon you magically reappeared.


Me: 32 BS DDay: 9/14/08
Slowly coming to the realization that I
am one of those who can't get past it.
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Originally Posted by Krazy71
One of the benefits of being single is that you can hop from bed to bed to bed if you so choose, and it's not infidelity.


Krazy, I think you are overlooking the obvious. Wouldn't you define the above as CAKE EATING??





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Just curious Dude -- how far do you take your level of commitment then?

Do you co-mingle finances? Do you own property together?
Cuz those are risks too and require trust in your partner.

Do you have an agreement of monogomy? Or is it just assumed?

Are you implementing or following any of the policies for recovery? Committed to meeting each others most important needs? Spending 15 hours per week together? Radical Honesty?

Anything?

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