Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
D
dkd Offline
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 858
Anna,

I had a couple thoughts. First is that it seems like this can be POJA'd in a way. I see it as a legimiated need to have your SO to show others that you mean alot to him, however, does it really have to be this way? If he displayed it in other ways, would your needs be met? Can you explain to him that it's an important need to you and you need him to meet it...one way or another.

On the other side though, I think the whole 'be yourself' thing has been taken a bit too far lately. I just don't think things like pics on facebook really need to be all that sacred. We shouldn't change who we are just because people want us too, but changing because you want to, or to show others you love them in the way they understand seems good to me.


Me 38
Divorced 8/09
DS 10,6
DD 4
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,355
G
GBH Offline
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,355
Well, my H and I both have Facebook pages. My profile picture happens to have him in it. I've also got a few pictures of him in my albums. He has maybe three pictures total and none are of me. We do identify one another as spouses.

I'm not too worked up over it.

Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Originally Posted by catperson
You don't get to decide what's important for him, or how he shows his love.

Anna does not get to decide what's important to him, but she most definitely does get to tell him how she would like him to show his love to her. That is the basic concept of EN's - you tell your spouse what your EN's are and how you would like them met. True, they may decide not to meet them, but then you get to decide if you want the kind of relationship where your partner does not want to meet your EN's.

I think Anna is very wise to express her wants to her BF, especially now that they are still dating, and to ponder what it means when he does not seem to want to meet them.

Personally, I could care less about whether my partner would have my pic on their Facebook page, but I am not Anna, and what I think is not as important as what she does. If it really bothers her, they should be able to POJA a solution.

AGG


Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,998
*
Member
Offline
Member
*
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,998
I read your post yesterday and it actually prompted me to log into my Husband's Facebook account and check if he had photos of me.

Turns out, he doesn't!

I don't think this is a big deal. I know his password and I can log into the account anytime I want--if he had some ulterior motive, it sure wasn't so he could pretend he was single. We also have the husband/wife feature invoked....

I think you're just worried. Don't make it your hill to die on--men are definitely wired differently than women. He probably didn't even notice.


Married 6 years on July 23, 2011--no issues and deeply in love--thanks, MB!

I'm convinced that I'm married to the most wonderful man alive....

I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. Confucius (B.C. 551-479)

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 945
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 945
Originally Posted by Anna2000
Nams, I think you are right, I am so concerned with making a poor choice that I am stressing over little stuff....I just don't want another failed marriage! So with that said, I am going to quit stressing and put it on the back burner so to speak and just concentrate on the positive for now. :-) I don't plan to rush into anything and I have time. Thanks everyone for your help!


I also believe it is fears of your past relationship that you are bringing into your new relationship. Don't make your ex the new standard for other men because every relationship will fail but you already are smart enough to know this.

Gg


D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
Legally Separated
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,063
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,063
Hi everyone,

I have been super busy through the holiday season so I haven't been on to read lately. I appreciate everything everyone has said. Even on some of the things I disagree with, oddly as this may sound that advice even helps me!

AGG, you are dead on and said things that I was feeling but didn't put in to words.

Oddly though, for whatever reason, the facebook pic doesn't matter any more. Perhaps it will again in the future, but right now I am just so in love with this man, and I think some day, in his time, my pic will be up there. :-)

Later guys and thanks again!


The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
~~Socrates

The secret to happiness is wanting what you already have. ~anonymous
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,171
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,171
I guess you should ask yourself why it is important that there are no pictures of you there.

I imagine that you are wondering if he is trying to "hide" you from the public.

Then when he didn't not respond to your request, you wonder if he will listen to other requests you have in the future.

Maybe explain to him what it means to you for him to have pictures of you up. Why does he put pictures of his kids up? So people can see what they are up to. Ask him why know pictures of you?

Page 2 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (1 invisible), 59 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P., Alex82
71,727 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,545
Posts2,322,787
Members71,727
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5