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When I want to find a solution for a marital problem I like to research it fully. Information is power. I like to research BOTH EXTREMES to find out where I and my husband fall on the continuim.

What it seems you are talking about Mud and Swan is nearly celebate marriage, mud not as much. This would call for a study of CELEBATE MARRIAGE on Google. I can link you if you would like I had to study all about this and everything else in order to make my marriage better. I am sure my husband could go without sex for a couple months at at time (or maybe even years) if I was not here to remind him.

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http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=celibate+marriage&btnG=Search&aq=f&oq=&aqi=

I did a study on this so I could better deal with my husband. What i found is that he is not into celebate marriage, but is "more in that direction" than me.

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http://www.asexuality.org/home/

I had to read this a lot to get an idea how my husband could possibly feel inside about this sex issue. I knew if I learned how he functioned and felt about SEX, then and only then could I know how to properly approach the problem.

Believe me I tried 100's of approaches before I found a way thru this issue/problem of ours of the lack of sex....

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I guess all totaled up, I must have done a year of research on sexual issues in order to help my own marriage. And all the research was totally worth it.

Some of the postings on the AVEN site were exactly what my husband thought and felt and what i thought and felt about sex. It was really helpful

Also, sometimes you need a new language to express yourself in sexual terms. For example, I never had to really talk about sex with any other boyfriends (all 3 of them) because the sex just happened because the men approached me for it.

Since my husband does not approach me for sex much (since I like it more than he does) I had to learn the "lingo" of how to speak about the issue:

1. Without turning him off
2. Without him ignoring the issue as being unimportant
3. Without making him mad at me
4. Without offending him
5. Without hurting his feelings
6. Without being a pest
7. Without causing him to close down
8. Without causing more mistunderstandings!

I had to LEARN TO SPEAK ABOUT SEXUAL ISSUES and our issue in particular. It took a while to learn this!

But had I not done all the research and learned all about how people talked about sex, I would not have been able to get to our solution!!!

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Originally Posted by themud
, but she absolutley HATES being told what to do unless she asks and then it's not a garauntee she'll do it b/c she likes throwing her control around.

Handcuffs for you. Whip for her. Everybody's got their quirks, mud! Work with it!

grin

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Yes what Nano said! Or the reverse. Women who are in control love to be "controlled" sometimes. She may not know it but if you can experiment restraining her she may love it. Worth a try if you can get her to experiment just for fun.

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Also, look up the ANTS system. Sounds like Mrs. Mud is cingulate like Mrs. Hold. There is a technique of "reverse psychology" that works with cingulate brains.

AMEN web site on Cingulate Gyrus


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Last edited by Soolee; 01/06/10 07:29 AM.

Sooly

"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.
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