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Hi Katey!
Happy New Year!
I'm not getting a warm and fuzzy feeling about your attorney. First he tells you that you can't go plan B, and lets WH and skank rub their A in your face. Then he gets wishy-washy on visitation.
You need a pitbull, not a nice guy here. He needs to be brutal to defend your rights and your kids' rights. How did you find him? Ask around--see if there might be a need to change horses on this race.
Here's hoping your WH and his OW get a raging case of hemmoroids this year! Then they can't sit in the bleachers and make kissy-face.


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Happy Belated New Year!!! I can't believe it's been a week since I've posted.... but have been dealing with horrible colds and sinus infections for DS15 and myself and keeping busy with DSs acitivities. I haven't even had time to take down the Christmas tree, which DSs are fine with since they don't want it to come down yet (esp. DS15).

Ok, some updates/questions/venting, so here goes....

All my worries about New Years Eve never came to fruition. DSs were with WH at his parents' home all evening and left there after watching the ball drop on TV. The boys had a wonderful time with WH and their grandparents. they even told me that WH didn't talk on the phone at all that evening. According to text DS15 sent me they got to WH's apt at around half past midnight and he was going to bed b/c he was tired and didn't feel well. Then it get's more interesting. I discovered, through monitoring number of minutes and texts DSs use on their cell phones on our carriers online site, that from DS15's phone there were several calls to OW's home phone from about 12:45 am thru 1:30 am. The first 3 were a minute long and the last one was over 10 minutes long. There was also a call from WH's parents at 1:00 am. I asked DS15 if he used his phone after telling me he was going to bed and he told me that WH did. He needed to call his parents to let them know they got to his apt OK. I asked where WH's phone was and DS didn't know. BUT, WH called me the next morning using his cell phone to see when I was picking up the boys (supposed to pick them up at 10 but I got there at 10:30). The thoughts/??s I had were it is odd that WH and OW were not together on NYE even if it meant violating vis. order especially after Christmas stunt; is all not well in fantasy-affair land?; did WH use son's phone and not his because OW wouldn't answer WH's call, but would answer a call from a number she didn't recognize. IDK... it is all odd.

BTW, I didn't ruin my NYE worrying about what WH was doing with the boys, I did remember why one is not supposed to mix, mixed drinks, esp. those on opposite ends of the spectrum... just sayin. Fortunately this was a lesson learned early in the night, and ummmm... I was able to.... recover nicely and enjoy the champagne toasts with friends at midnight.

I also remembered that I can't worry about what WH is going to do with DSs, if he is going to violate vis. order, b/c I can't control that. I can just be there for the boys and support them through this, and keep documenting.

At Saturday's weekly bowling, WH shows up with OW/kids in tow 45 minutes after it started. At this point, DS15 stayed down on the lanes and stopped going to see his grandparents and never interacted with WH. His team and DS12's teams finished early and DS15 requested I take him home b/c he didn't want to stay. I explained I couldn't as DS9 still had to finish his 2nd game and the whole 3rd game. I have never seen such a negative response from DS15 before. He was upset so I suggested he walk to friend's home, which he and ds12 did without saying goodbye to WH or grandparents. When DS9 is finished and we are getting ready to leave, WH comes over and demands to know where DS15/12 are and then why. I tell him they went to friends home to play video games to which he responded "Yeah, OK, whatever". HMMM.... did he notice DS15 reaction, lack of interaction??? but of course that's my fault. And as IC pointed out I should have thought outside of the box and responded why don't you ask them why they went there. Instead I use a response that once again protects... WH from his actions. Why don't I realize this until it is pointed out to me???? Yes, IC says I need to remove myself from the box (that's funny seeing it written... I think WH needs to do this hehehehehehehehe) and stop thinking in the box, but start thinking outside of the box.

This is evident to IC in my reaction to the following.

Ima- it is very funny... ironic... funny ironic that you posted this
Quote
Here's hoping your WH and his OW get a raging case of hemmoroids this year! Then they can't sit in the bleachers and make kissy-face.
There was no kissy-face and I don't know about the hemmoroids- don't wanna go there, who know's what other ailment could be found...

Monday evening DS12 has basketball game which I am at and sitting in bleachers with a couple of friends and our kids our sitting with us too. The bleachers are in 3 sections and we're in the left section. 20 minutes into the game in walk OW, her son, and WH.... and they sit right in front of me (there are two empty rows in front of me and they are in the 3rd empty row) WTF??? was the general question between my friends and I. The air quality/stench got really bad and we all thought that it was the boys' BO. Talk about rubbing my nose (and in essence DS12/9 too) in this affair; Harrassment that Mr. W brought up in earlier posts. I refused to get up and move thinking I didn't want them to think they chased me away. Also, WH had to walk right by DS9 coming into the gym and no interaction. A little while later, OW tells WH she is going to talk with a friend, turns out to be male spectator from opposing team who is by himself, which she did for 10 minutes. When WH/OW leave she waves to him, WH doesn't.

Thinking inside the box was me staying there to not let them "chase me away". Thinking outside of the box would have been having all of us get up and move.

Haven't heard from LG yet, maybe today.... nor my atty. But I do need to contact atty again to ask about filing income taxes this year. Last year we filed together b/c WH lived with us for all of 2008 except the last 13 days of that year. Well, this year he didn't live with us at all, he didn't contribute to the maintenance/upkeep of our home, nor in my eyes contribute to the mortgage/home equity loans- so why should he get the benefit of this?. Though I'm sure WH will argue that part of child support went for this. I think I should be able to file by myself as head of household and claim all 3 DSs. My W9 status is married at single rate, claim 0; WH's status (last I knew) is married at single rate, claims 3. He would really lose out if I file seperately. Perhaps I should suggest if we file together the return gets divided 4/5 to me, 1/5 to him; or I file seperately.

Wow, I can't not post updates for a week at a time again..... way too long... thanks to all who get this far.

katey



BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
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(((katey)))
Keep up the good work. Have a stern discussion with your attorney. I'm concerned with his lack of initiative. Mr. W could probably answer this better than me, though.


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WH comes over and demands to know where DS15/12 are and then why. I tell him they went to friends home to play video games to which he responded "Yeah, OK, whatever". HMMM.... did he notice DS15 reaction, lack of interaction??? but of course that's my fault. And as IC pointed out I should have thought outside of the box and responded why don't you ask them why they went there. Instead I use a response that once again protects... WH from his actions.
Yeah, as I was reading this, I was thinking 'why didn't you just say they wanted to leave because they saw you come in with your new replacement family and they refuse to be in your vicinity with them any more. They have no desire to pretend it's ok.'

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Don't have much time...

I do know that if you are separated the children's tax ememption goes to the parent where the children spent the night 183 or more nights per year. You'll likely save more money filing jointly but negotiating and getting WH to agree to give you more of the refund is likely an execerise in fruition.

You MAY choose to prepare draft individual returns and a draft joint return (using an estimate of his W2) to simply show him by example the difference and then tell him what it will take to get you to file jointly. Make the choice simple and non-negotiable so as to avoid any argument.

Your attorney likely won't have the answers...your accountant will.

Mr. Wondering

p.s.- next time they sit near you...I was thinking you get those swimming nose plugs and put them on for emphasis.


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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p.s.- next time they sit near you...I was thinking you get those swimming nose plugs and put them on for emphasis
rotflmao

I will put a call into accountant to ask these questions, but to also ensure that he is aware that WH has not lived with us for all of last year, in case WH schedules to have income taxes filed by himself and end up claiming 3DSs as well as mortgage/home equity taxes (though all that ppwk gets mailed to me).

As far as my atty, I have to stick with him as I cannot afford to switch atty's at this point. He is highly recommended and respected in our community which is why I chose him. I have to trust what he says and does. I know during the past year of WH's filing divorce and subsequent court appearances, I did question his actions, but in the end it turned out as he predicted and we even have useful, damaging WH testimony to bring into Family Court.

Well, DS15 and I still suffering with upper respiratory infections. I sent DS15 back to school Thursday after being out Tu and Wed, as he said he was feeling better, no fever, and cough had all but diminished. I'm getting ready to leave for work after posting here and I hear drip, drip, drip... The LR ceiling leaking due to ice build up on roof. So where do I go.... but up on the ladder to chop ice off the roof. An hour and a half later ice is chopped and removed and I go inside to get ready again to go to work... and there was a message from school nurse while I was outside. DS15 coughing increased, and he was sent to the School's Health Clinic where he was dx'd with URI and touch of bronchitis. The nurse tells me that my in-laws were called and they had just picked up DS15. They are not the primary but the secondary emergency contact, but come to find out this is who DS15 said to call. So I call IL's and I hear how sick DS15 is, how he should have gone to the dr. earlier, he can stay at their house, and MIL is going to "fix" him up. I do let them know that I missed the nurse's call because I was on the roof chopping ice build-up off. I speak with DS15 and he does want to stay with them and he was getting ready to take a nap. They even went and had his prescription filled and paid for it. I know I have a chip on my shoulder, but my MIL can make me feel like a neglectful parent... I know I need to say "Do not give them control over me", repeat over and over....

DSs law guardian left me a voice mail on Friday saying she would contact me that afternoon or Monday. She will be reading my email I sent (it is 4 pages long- go figure that long from me blush)

On the wayward weird front.... it is WH's weekend with DSs. I went to bowling alley to see DS15&9 before going to DS12 basketball game. As I'm leaving bowling alley (which is on a side street off of the main street), OW drives by and loops around again before heading up the road that goes to her house. Hmmmm.... is she checking up on WH... is she, gulp, stalking him now... or even checking to see if I'm there too??? Shake the head, clear the thoughts, shift my focus!

As I've been reading other threads I see it written that most affairs always end and that it is easier for a WH to return than a WW. I am always thinking about this and have a lot of hope that this is true. But, I am always left with the question is this really true for a WH??

It has been just over 18 months that WH started his affair and I, along with many mutual friends, thought that this would have ended by now and it hasn't. I know I need Plan B, but I am not there due to recommendations of my atty and DSs law guardian because of impending family court trial and how this would so be manipulated by WH and his stty in court.

I was in the Dollar Store the other day and they were selling Princess Magic Wands.... I knew I should have bought one... though DSs would have looked at me funny.....


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
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Hope you and DS are feeling better, Katey!


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I was in the Dollar Store the other day and they were selling Princess Magic Wands.... I knew I should have bought one... though DSs would have looked at me funny.....


Thanks for the laugh!

Sounds like all is not well in affair-land, which is very predictible. I still wonder about your attorney's advice though. Yes, he was right about how things would go in the DIVORCE, but sometimes what is pro-divorce is anti-MB. KWIM?

It would be so much better for you (emotionally and otherwise) if you could do a dark plan B. It would also force the issue of forcing OW to meet ALL of WH's needs. I suspect this OW would become/is a psycho waiting to happen.

Hope you and the kiddos feel better soon. URI's are no fun!


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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DS15 and I are feeling MUCH better! Thanks!

Funny thing with the magic wand statement... Last spring when one of the Family Court hearings was adjourned and rescheduled, WH accused my atty and I of planning this ahead of time.... rotflmao OHHHHKAY WH... I pulled my Magic Wand out and waved it around and YUP! I did this. Gee, if I had a magic wand do you think that is really what I would do with it???

Catching up on other threads... and one has really resonated with me- Pepperband's "I deserve to be loved"....

The other afternoon, after DS15's bowling match I go out and am waiting for him to come out. I am parked one spot, which is empty, away from OW's car. OW and her kids come out and are headed to her car. (slight digression- OW's D14 is screaming in the parking lot to one of her friends "You shut your pie-hole!" several times. I really want DSs exposed to this inappropriate garbage. puke) WH comes out and is walking towards OW's car, several steps behind WH is DS15. There was no interaction between WH and DS15, not even a good-bye, see ya later, nothing. WH gets in OW's car with her and her kids and drives away. Perhaps, WH just didn't know what to say to DS15 or just wanted to get out of there due to embarassment?? if that makes sense...

A short while later as we're going home, just DS15 and I in the car, he says to me "Mom, I know you love Dad, but you deserve better." WOW! I'm trying to hold back the tears, and I start to say to him that his dad and I are married, yes I still love his dad, etc... and he interrupts with an exasperated "yeah I know mom" and proceeds to put his headphones back in his ears. And, then I think maybe he really is referring to himself in that he deserves better from his dad.

I am still working through what his statement has evoked in me... or maybe I'm just overanalyzing it???


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
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(((katey)))) you have great kids, because you're a great mom!


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Ima- thanks for this, it feels good to hear this every now and again!
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you have great kids, because you're a great mom!


I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since last posting. I have been busy with 3DS's and their activities and continued illnesses- colds and stomach "bugs". Why is it that everyone can't have the stomach virus at the same time, but has to have it one at a time? It would be messy for a day or two, but done and over with instead of stretched out for a week.

The situation with WH is the same... SSDD. He and OW and her kids show up at DS12's bball games, then I have to deal with his horrible attitude for an hour or two afterwards; they show up at their weekly bowling on non-visitation Saturdays. There have been no direct violations of visitation in the last few weeks until last night. DS15&12 went winter camping with their Boy Scout troop, so it was just DS9 with WH. WH, DS9 met up with OW/her kids at bowling alley and bowled together. But, I had a gut feeling that there would be some sort of contact, and per my atty there is nothing I can do except document, document, document. If I were to show up and demand DSs than I would be in violation as well and per atty "you need to be squeaky clean when we go to family court trial" (in 9 days).

On WH's last weekend with DSs they had a snow tubing activity with their scout troops at local ski facility. This was the same day as WH's b'day. DS9 stated several days prior to this that "it would be a lot of fun to spend daddy's birthday snow tubing together." When I asked WH if he was taking them he said "No, I can't" no further elaboration. HMMMM... was he spending the day and part of the evening with OW for his bday. His loss, as I took them and we had a lot of fun!

I have since also learned that WH was with OW/kids supporting them through the viewing, funeral & Open House of the Little League coach that DS12 asked WH to take him to. WH told him at the time "no, there will be too many people there." DS12 stated to me it was probably b/c dad was going to be with OW/kids. How right he was! I did tell DS12 that I would take him during the viewing. The viewing(4-7pm)/funeral(7pm) were on WHs visitation day (after school-6:30pm). He calls me and says that he is taking DSs to his parents at 4 so he can attend the funeral. Now, he could have taken DS12 to the viewing, spent his visitation time with DSs, brought them home at 6:30 and still get to the funeral home by 6:45. But no, his priorities are elsewhere.... I told DS12 when I got to IL's home that I would take him to the viewing to which he replied "No, I don't want to go now" I am so frustrated.... what a life experience WH could have shared with our son that he chose not to b/c of OW and her needs.

This past Friday I was informed by our accountant that I can file income taxes seperately as head of household and claim all 3 children. WH has no claim to them since he was out of the house all of last year, but more importantly b/c I have physical custody, and there is no pending legal seperation/divorce and thus nothing ordered by the courts how we are to file. I do have to give him the allowance of claiming half of the mortgage/home equity interest/taxes. If he were to file before me and claim DSs I would be able to go after him with the IRS.

WH will not be happy to hear this, as when he brought DSs home on Thursday he asked what WE were doing about filing income taxes, to which I replied what do you mean WH, we don't have to file together. WH states "yes WE do I was told WE had to". I think he is scrambling b/c he claims 3 exemptions and I doubt that he ever took his mind off of OW long enough to adjust his exemptions last year. I do believe he will need to pay back the IRS. He is also one payment behind in Child Support... OF COURSE IT IS NOT HIS FAULT crybaby... it's his employer's because they switched their pay schedule around to where he gets paid every 2 weeks instead of on the 15th/30th.

I finally seem to have "control" over something, but my anxiety level is extremely high over informing WH about me filing seperately. WHY? Because I know this will hurt him and upset him. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I know this will certainly throw a huge wrench in Oz Affairland because WH won't be getting back a couple of grand like last year (had to file together last year and split 50/50), and most likely will have to pay back BIG, which means no money for OW.

I can't wait for DSs to come home tonight so we can have our Super Bowl party!


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
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he asked what WE were doing about filing income taxes


rotflmao


Please be sure to post any follow-up on this matter.
It's entertaining to read how stupid-selfish-short-sighted-angry waynerds are. grin

Here is a reverse-babble response (just for fun):

"WH, I have no idea what you and OW are going to do about income taxes."


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Personally, I am looking forward to filing income taxes separately this year. WH was the reason we had a crazy, complicated tax return. He always relied on me to take care of that because I am an accountant. Guess he will just have to pay someone to do it (and it won't be cheap because H&R Block probably can't handle this one). Hehehehehehehe.....


BW (me - 45)
WH - 45
2 DDs
Married 20 years, together 25
DDay Spring 2009
WH moves out Summer 2009 and in with OW
Plan A - 4 months
Very dark Plan B Fall 2009
WH files D Summer 2010
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Katey, your H's explanation about pay period shift is total BS. It's well-known that a once-every-two-weeks pay schedule gives you one EXTRA paycheck over the twice-a-month schedule. He should have MORE money, not less.


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What really irks me about the whole paycheck thing is WH knew about this ahead of time, but did he tell me so I could prepare financially? NOOOOOOOO... I find out when I get a $62 support check (He received a paycheck on 1/8 which was just for working one day on 1/1). Oh, and his paychecks are lagged a week, where as before he was getting paid through payday. So for right now he will continue to be a payment behind until the extra (3rd) paycheck in June. Support Collection will not do anything until he is 3 payments behind.

I made a decision and followed through.... I decided to file income taxes seperately as head of household and I get to claim all 3 DS's. Accountant gave me an estimate and it is almost 3x as much as I got last year which WH and I had to split. I just haven't informed WH yet.... maybe I will after taxes are filed... or should I beforehand??

I am nervous, and having a level of fear of having to tell this to WH. IC and I discussed this being because I don't want WH to think "badly" about me or that I don't care about him and I'm not being nice.... Hold the 2X4's.... IC gave me some... IC reminded me that WH wasn't being "nice" when he started his affair, WH wasn't concerned that I would think badly of him. IC said if I wanted to be nice then being nice to WH would be to agree to file jointly so that he doesn't have to owe any $$ to IRS (as far as I know he still claims 3 exemptions and makes two and half times as much income) but I still take the entire return for me and DS's. PERSPECTIVE!!! but I'm still nervous and it goes back to boundaries (my lack of)...

DSs met with LG this week and they did voice their displeasure with WH forcing them to be around OW/kids without asking them and also lying to them about Christmas and where they ended up; WH's lack of communication with them about all of this; and WH not listening to them. LG is still recommending counseling before further interactions with OW as well as agreeing that overnights should not occur at this time, but wait on counselors insight. LG continues to not be happy with WH due to the decisions he is making in regards to DSs best interests. My fingers are crossed that the judge will agree and that there will be consequences to WH's violations.

WH is trying to exert his control.... Next week is school break and he is demanding that he has the boys from Sunday-Sunday because this is in mediation ppwk. This is in mediation, WH has them this school break, I have them for April break. However, neither one of us signed this, I really didn't agree with this, but during mediation I backed down and let it get put in there. However, there is also a statement that states that the boys will decide where they want to be on their breaks. The boys have always stated that they want to split their Feb and April breaks such that they are FR-Wed & Wed-Sun. LG agreed and this was brought up in court last July. WH disagreed (another reason for trial next Tuesday- YIKES!!). DSs told LG the other day this is what they want because they don't want to be away from either of us for a week or from their home for a week. LG thinks this is reasonable because we only live 15 minutes away from each other, not 2 hours.

However, boys asked WH for this schedule Tuesday night and he never answered them. When boys were brought home, I asked about next week and WH stated "It is my week; I have them the whole week" DSs are looking at me with the "Mom, please fix this" look. I let WH know what the boys have requested, that the LG agrees with boys, again with the response "No I have them". I smile at WH and say "OK we'll get to discuss this Tuesday afternoon, Have a nice night". The boys are upset, they now want to come home Wed until Friday when they will go back to WHs for the weekend. I tell them, "well when I tell you to pack your clothes on Sunday, and then you only pack enough to last until Wednesday...."

DS15 says, "I'm old enough to choose aren't I?" Yes you are, to which DS9 says "well am I old enough, too?" I tell them that this will be discussed on Tuesday. They asked that I contact their LG about this.

hugI LOVE MY BOYS!!!hug They are showing more maturity than WH.


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
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Having a little fun this afternoon in the office trying to decrease anxiety over Tuesday trial in Family Court.

I'm not sure if everyone is familiar with the Orbit Gum commercials, but they have some great lines that would be great to use in court when questioned by WH's attorney.

"Well, hello WH, you feather-plucking cheater" from the cheerleader commercial.

And from the cheating husband commercial.....

"You son of a biscuit eating bulldog"
"Who are you calling a cootie queen, you lint-licker?"
"Pickle you, Kumquat"
"You Hoboken."

rotflmao


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
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me like
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My anxiety is increasing, panic is starting to set in....

Tuesday is the trial in Family Court and I've been trying to think of answers to some of the questions that WH's atty may ask me. I did talk with my atty late Fri afternoon and he told me what to expect. I am so nervous about testifying, but I keep repeating this is for DSs and what is in their best interest.

I did tell my atty about recommendations that LG will make, and also told him that I wanted the current visitation order to stay as is until the boys meet with counselor and they submit a report to the court on what they see is in boys best interest. This will buy more time that the OW cannot be present when DSs are with WH.

The main questions I will most likely be asked by WH's atty is "why do I feel that it is in the boys best interest not to be around OW/kids? and something along the lines of me turning the boys against their father."

I certainly can't answer because she is a skanky, tramp-o-lean Ho, but I also can't answer with words that make me look "morally superior". So I was thinking somewhere along the lines of bringing in her judgement about pursuing a relationship with a married man who has a family as well as being aware of the current visitation order but violating it along with WH.

OH, sidenote..... I talked with someone yesterday who has been out bowling when WH had DSs and OW/kids were bowling together. I happened to mention that WH and OW violated the current visitation order and that these would be addressed on Tuesday in Family Court. This person looked surprised and said that OW (not sure about WH) has been saying that it is OK they are together b/c DSs told the judge (last July at last hearing) they were OK with this b/c their dad was happy. rant2 That's right it's all about their dad being happy puke I know this is all hearsay but WTH??

I know that yes/no questions should be answered as such and only offer more details if asked.

Any other responses I could give? Any other advice?


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
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I was thinking somewhere along the lines of bringing in her judgement about pursuing a relationship with a married man who has a family as well as being aware of the current visitation order but violating it along with WH.


AND it is obviously not "in the best interest of the children" which is the Judge's guide in decisions concerning the kids.

When the attorney asked my daughter's ex-MIL why she did not call my daughter during the time her son hid my grandchild away with her for three weeks, her response that she thought it would be okay because he was with his dad.

That one little I-don't-have-a-clue admission won her son supervised visitation with his children. She CLEARLY was not looking out for the best interest of my grandchild, just as your WH and OW are CLEARLY not looking out for the best interest of your children.

As for turning your children against their dad, "We (as in WH and you) have always tried to teach our children the correct values, the difference between right and wrong, long before all of this happened. I make ever effort to not disparage their father to them however, I AM honest in answering their questions-- in keeping with what they've been taught all their lives. To change that now would be confusing to them and dishonest."


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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THANK YOU!!!!

I have written this down on my sheet of responses to possible questions.

I am very nervous, didn't sleep much and pray that it doesn't show in court today. I've read schoolbus's thread on body language and pray that I remember half of it.

I am praying that God guides me today down the path he has chosen for me as I fight for the best interests of my children and in essence my marriage. If only some of the fog could be cleared today....

More WH drama.... I called DSs last night to tell them good night and they had some questions about the court hearing, if I shared with their law guardian their dad's refusal of how they wanted to spend their vacation, etc... Well in talking with DS12 he proceeds to tell me that their dad wasn't there. He went up to OW's house b/c OW called and needed him to bring them apple juice. Apparently, this is because OW's DD14 had her wisdom teeth out yesterday, wanted apple juice, but didn't want her mom to leave her at home or take her with her to the store. So I guess WH is the only person she has available for emergencies.

I'm just shaking my head that WH told them why he had to go and went, esp. before court trial today.... or is this really not a big deal?.... DS15 is capable of babysitting his younger brothers, and I leave them home when I go shopping, run errands. But to me this is different than just shopping... it was to go see OW.

I see this as manipulative OW called with a sob story and got WH to leave his children for her needs during WH's visitation with his children.... and probably some make-out time puke I should feel grateful that WH didn't force DSs to go with him, but asked DSs if they wanted to go.... DSs told him "NO". I wish I would have taped the way DS12 said "dump truck" when he was a toddler because WH is definitely a "dump truck" right now.

I will check in later.


BW-me 40; WH-39
M-17yrs
DSs-15,12,9
DDay- 6/28/08
WH files D 11/21/08; moves out 12/18/08
WHs D petition dismissed 11/4/09 due to Lack of Grounds
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