To start off I want to say sorry for this being so Long.
Well my husband & I have been married for 15 years and we have 2 children together ages 13 & 12.Almost 2 years ago he was going through a rough time with his father and best friend passing away within months of each other and his health was pretty bad itself.Anyway he started spending more time with another friend of his which happened to be my cousin.Anyway the friends sister lived with him and she was always around when my husband was there and she to had lost her father so they started talking and got close and long story short they started having an affair.The affair lasted a few months and then he had stopped sleeping with her and then was trying to find a way to tell me.And after 3 weeks of not sleeping with her he had to go over there to get his tools from her brother.And she told him that she was at the hospital last night and found out that she was pregnant and they needed to talk.He went over there the next day to talk to her about it and her family would not let them talk.Anyway he knew he had to tell me quick so he waited till after the kids went to sleep and around 2:30am he woke me up and said he could not sleep and wanted me to go outside with him to work on his truck he was building.So I said OK and got up and went.Anyway our youngest son 10 at the time heard us go out and we did not know so he got dressed and came out at the same time my husband told me that he had slept with the woman and she told him she was pregnant.my son did not say anything until my husband said that he loved us and wanted us and he was sorry.But if I wanted him to leave he would.Well then my son started screaming and went in the house and woke his brother up and told him.So before I could process all this myself I had to sit my kids down and tell them that everything would be ok.That no matter what happens we are still a family and they would still have mom and dad.Anyway I got them calmed down and put back to bed and we went to our room to talk and he told me again that he wanted this family and he would sign his rights over if I wanted him to and I know how my husband is with kids so I asked him is that what he wanted to do and said no but he just screwed up and he never stopped loving us.And just wanted things ok for us and our family.But it was my choice if he stayed or left.And I told him that I could not make that decision at that time because of the state of mind I was in and because any choice I made would affect the rest of my kids lives too.So I told him not to leave and we would see what happened.If he had been a bad husband and a bad father I would have said leave right then.But he was a great father and a great husband.And we all make mistakes,I know I have.So anyway I found out May 26,2008 and the baby was born Dec.25,2008.A christmas baby.I called once a week to check on mom and baby and with the last time being Dec.29,2008 to my surprise the grandma when I asked how they were doing said they may get to come home today and I said what she had the baby and the grandma said yes,Christmas night.My cousin the other woman did not even let us know because she was mad that my husband did not leave us and go to her and she was mad at me because I did not kick him to the curb.She wanted him in the babies life but not me and my kids.And I told her that even if this child was not my step daughter that I would still like to know that they were OK because she is my cousin.And I told her that if she did not want me to love that child she should not of had a kid with my husband because she knows how I am about kids.Anyway the baby is now a year old and after finally getting through court my husband finally got his rights to her when she was 5 months old.Until then she would not let us see the child unless it was at her house and she gave the child her last name so we had to fight to get rights and get her name changed.Which made her very mad.Because she was thought we would give up and not have anything to do with her.We only got 8 hours every other Sat. and 8 hours every other Sun. and 2 hours every Wed. until she turned a year old then we get her over night from Sat. to Sun evening until she is 1 1/2 yrs old then we get her all weekened.But what hurts the most is that the mom does not have alot to do with her and she doesn't want to go to her mom when we take her home.I was thinking that maybe when we got her overnight that she would miss her mom enough to want to go back to her.But we got her last weekend for the first overnight and she was worse when we took her home so that did not help matters.But any way I just need some help and advice on dealing with my cousin the mom and other woman.Things are going great between my husband and I.He is a better husband now than ever and he was pretty great before.But I still have some days that are really down and I still haven't gotten to the point that I trust him yet.Will I ever get there?And does the pain get any better?Please I would like some input.Because even without Baby I still had to deal with other woman because she is family.HELP

Welcome to MB's.

Sorry you find yourself needing this site but it has been a life saver for many of us. There are a number of us here who have also gone through the OC scenario. Different stories but same pain. You can recover from this. You need to start reading the recovery books recommended here. They help tremendously in the recovery. The help heal your M and move forward together. The OW is another equation. Going C with OC requires some kind of C with OW. However, just because she is your cousin does not require you to have C with her. You can limit it to only what is required for the OC. And that can be limited by using the G'ma as the contact/go between.

Others will drop in, start reading Surviving betrayal and read up on full disclosure, POJA.

Fled

As has already been said, Welcome to MB!

I was in a similar situation, albeit the OW was not family.
We filed to establish parentage prior to the OC's birth, and were awarded visitation early on. OW was not very attentive to OC and over the course of time and because H and I were a much more stable place for OC, we were awarded Full Physical Custody of her at the age of 2 and a half.
There have been many troublesome problems with OW over those early years. I dealt with her directly, because I felt that she needed to understand that H had stayed with me and I wasn't going anywhere.

It has now been 3 and a half years since OW has had contact with us at all. She is several thousands of dollars behind in child support. The OC is now at the point she doesn't even want to discuss her birth mother at all.
As far as she is concerned, I am her Mother... in every sense of the word. She is now 8 years old.

It took us several years to get to a point of complete and total communication between H and I. Its been a full year now and I believe we have never been happier.
H has said on more than one occasion, Why did we waste so many years?

Dealing with OW and the rest of the family is a delicate situation.
Be sure to discuss with your H what you both think should be done and come to a Joint Agreement about it all.
If one is not in agreement with what to do, keep talking until you find a solution that is agreeable to both of you.

My prayers are with you. Its not an easy situation, in any case, but more so in yours because it involves your family.