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So far so good today. Been doing fine and so has my H. I have decided to just be myself(which I always have) and meet his ENs without being obvious. I am going to be sneaky and do things to the point that he won't know what hit him.

Had a little LB on Tuesday when I just grilled him about stuff I discovered on his email account that he left open. It wasn't anything bad but I just wanted answers and I erased anything I found from OW that was old and new. OW isn't exactly emailing him but is sending stuff that she gets. I told him that she needed to stop or I would do it myself. He never opened the emails he got from her because it all went to a delete section. I will continue to snoop when I feel like it. Told H that at least when I look I ask questions and don't let it build up inside and that he should understand where I am coming from. He said he understood.

Still hoping and praying.


BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
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Has he sent a NC letter?

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No he hasn't sent her a letter but told her when he got all his stuff from her place that he could never have any contact with her ever again. That was when he came home. So far I know he hasn't seen her or received any calls or texts from her. I do check his phone when he is in the shower every day. I am going to get a copy of his cell phone bill from his job. He has Verizon through them and they can print up individual phone usages. I know this because we use the same company and that is how I discovered his affair. If she tries to send anything to my H again I will take care of it myself.

Today was the first time that I have felt happy in a long time. I felt good today and I am going to be happy no matter what happens and it is going to show and my H is going to see this and wonder what is going on.

Still hoping and praying.


BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
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Yay Traci!!

The letter is probably a good idea anyway cuz if OW starts to imagine or fantasize about your FWH she can pull out the letter,(which she will), and read the words that he told her about his regret. It also makes an internal commitment in him that he can stand on. Words count.

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Hang in there Traci--you're doing great! Enjoy your weekend.


Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
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H went out with 2 of his friends who are his partners too. I did encourage him to get close to them so he would have someone who is male to talk to. He said he would stay in contact the whole time he was gone and would not stay out late. So far he stays in constant contact with me throughout the day. I now it has only been 3 weeks since he has been back but I just wish we could just move forward. Right now we are at a stand still until he can get past his feelings for "her". Until he can get past that he will never understand what is going on. He feels that if one or both of them didn't have those feelings still then he could get past it. He says the only reason they broke up was because neither one of them could deal with the guilt. I told him that I bet she would get over it before he would. I didn't tell him this but I bet she either gets back with her husband or she is dating someone else within 6 months.

Still hoping and praying.


BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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You are doing awesome Traci.

I think you might be underestimating how long the fog can last. It literally took my H over a year and even today he will say one thing that just still is so wayward. Keep up what you are doing because it is clearly working and leave him to G-d.

I can promise you, G-d is over here working on him too.

I'm so happy for you.


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Queenie, I hate to say this but when my H called me around the time it would take him to get where he was going I got real suspicious. I went for a ride to the OW apartment complex looking for my H truck. It wasn't there but I saw him on the balcony in the dark. I know his form anywhere. He never saw my car right under his nose. The 2nd time I passed I saw he was texting me. He asked me what I was doing and I told him "watching you". He didn't get it until I text him about why he was there. When he didn't answer I called him. I toldhim I wasn't stupid. He said he never planned on going there until his friend decided they weren't going to where they were going. He tried to explain saying he had only been there a little while and that he was trying to close the door with her to move on with me. Told him I didn't believe him and he wouldn't either if he was me. It really hurt and I am very disappointed but not surprised. Right now I am hurting and very angry. At least now I know where the OW lives. I am going to take care of her and don't worry I am not going to do anything stupid or physical. But by the time I get through with her, she will be the one crying not me.

Totally pissed!


BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
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OMG Traci, I am so sorry for you. WOW. I am in SHOCK.

I can just imagine how angry you are right now.

(((((( TRACI ))))))

What are your plans now?

I wish I could offer some advice to you.

You are in my thoughts.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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I am so sorry. Please be careful. You are angry... and with good right.

I know exactly how you feel. It was done to me over and over again. That's why I warned you.

Now's the time to grow some big hairy ones. Be tough. Do not let this slide or he will do this again. I'm not sure if it's the MB way, but I wish I had confronted OW and told her to back off.

And WH? Perhaps you need to pack up his shet and leave it in the apartment parking lot with a sign... FREE.

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Hes still in the fog. Does he reaalize yet that he is posponing the inevitable?

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No, he is too stupid right now. I have told a him and told him and it isn't sinking in. It probably will when it is too late. Idiot still thinks he needs to "close the door" on her and his feelings. Bull crap! He never got to do that because he left 30 min or so after I did(he says). Don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth.

I have had only about 2 hrs sleep and I am going to be running on anger today. Have to work a 12 hr shift today and off tomorrow. I'll be fine.

Sent an email to OW telling her to lay off. Next I'll call her if I have to and then I'll go see her. I've got all 3 of her email addresses and her phone number. And thanks to my H I now know where she lives.

Still pissed!




BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
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Posts: 6,870
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Tell him its simple. He writes a NC letter with you and thats the last he ever talks to her ever in his life.
Then ya mail the letter


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Originally Posted by Traci_S
No, he is too stupid right now. I have told a him and told him and it isn't sinking in. It probably will when it is too late. Idiot still thinks he needs to "close the door" on her and his feelings. Bull crap! He never got to do that because he left 30 min or so after I did(he says). Don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth.

I have had only about 2 hrs sleep and I am going to be running on anger today. Have to work a 12 hr shift today and off tomorrow. I'll be fine.

Sent an email to OW telling her to lay off. Next I'll call her if I have to and then I'll go see her. I've got all 3 of her email addresses and her phone number. And thanks to my H I now know where she lives.

Still pissed!

Excellent choice! (going home instead of going nutz on 'em). Sorry about the lost sleep.
You can never seem to make that up.

You handled it perfectly.

More vets, more advice.


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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I think, you and your H need to discuss and negotiate about moving far away from her so he finds it much less simple to wind up on her balcony.

Yk?

Sucks but if he is serious about rebuilding the marriage, he will negotiate a good new home with you. One you both can agree wholeheartedly to.








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{{{{{{{{{{{{{TRACI))))))))))))))

I'm sorry that you had to go through that. How hard it must have been for you.

I had the very same thing happen to me. WH told me OW was out of his life, but one Monday morning I sent him an email and his response was totally wayward. I KNEW it that moment she was involved some way. I literally happened to take a drive up to the grocery store because it was summer and I could, and there was his car. So I went in the store and saw him, but as soon as I could get away from who I was talking to he was GONE.

So I emailed him. Turns out she was with him in the store. She had to have a medical procedure done and HE WAS THE ONLY ONE who would help her. I was pretty crushed, but I sought G-d for help.

I explained to WH that he had a line of coke right in front of him and the straw was just about to touch it and he was in serious trouble. He might not even get how serious. Now remember he has already been broken up with her for over 5 months at the time and he still was so vulnerable.

I took my shot. I asked him if he was willing to accept all my conditions on recovery. I knew he wasn't because he asked what they were. I told him and I could sense there was an attitude to his writing. I stood my ground. Told him where I would be and if he chose he could meet me there.

That was the night I stood my ground about recovery. She was GONE, a no contact letter had to be written, he had to go back to AA and work a program, etc.

This can be just a set back, not the end of things if you seek G-d and ask him how to walk through this. He has the plans, he knows what he wants you to do next ask him. PLEASE TRUST G-d.



BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I got down on my knees this morning and prayed to God for help. I told Him that I was placing everything in his hands and told him what I wanted too. Asked Him again to take my H into his arms and protect him and to open his heart to me and close it to her. I asked for a new marriage that was stronger, better and more satisfying between my H and myself. Told God that I wanted to be closer to H mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I know if I give it over to God that everything will turn out right because God hates divorce and wants marriages to thrive. It is man who screws everything up.

Have been talking a lot again with H especially about Friday night. He still says he wants closure with OW because he feels that if he can get closure that we could move on. He said if they had had a big blow up, or one or both had a change in their feelings then he could move on a little easier. I told him that if they really thought they could make it then they wouldn't have broke up and if he didn't love and care for me then he wouldn't have come home. I told him that in the end that he chose me and that should tell him something. He is in the fog real deep and now we have to start over from scratch and I told him that. He keeps telling me that he loves and cares for me but not in the way a husband should for his wife. He is such an idiot.

Still hoping and praying.


BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
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Posts: 1,116
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I was afraid of this. I heard the same words... exactly. And they broke up 5 times.... which means he came back home 5 times. And he did better staying away from me each time than staying away from her.

And her. It's not suppose to be about her, but she is manipulative. She will say things to him like "I just want you to be happy", and "You're wife is trying to make you feel guilty" and "You deserve to be happy." All crap that will brainwash him into believeing that life is better on the other side -- away from his family.

And she will appear "weak" and "stuggling" without him around to help her financially and emotionally. And she'll hint at needing to find another man to meet her needs. And he will panic that he may be losing an opportunity for a new lease on life.

Traci -- I KNOW this because this is my life. My WH could not stay away from OW. And she kept herself available.

Keep praying.

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I can't believe it. I know this sounds stupid but I asked God for a sign and for help and I think I got it in all places on Facebook. I just happen to go on there for kicks and giggles to see what everyone was up to and notice that someone had posted their horoscope. I just clicked on it and looked mine up(I don't believe in that stuff) and it told me that I would note a positive turn in events and signs of good hope and that I should stay the course even when obstacles arise. To keep my eyes on the goal and that I should probably give it more time and if I surrendered that i would lose everything I had been working for. I wasn't expecting that. I looked up H too and his went hand in hand with mine for him. I am not a believer in horoscopes but I do think it was a message for me not to give up.
It is probably stupid to think God sent that as a message but He works in mysterious ways.

Still hoping and praying.


BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 430
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I know that my previous post was goofy or stupid sounding but it made my day to read that horoscope. Believe me, I am not a believer in them and I won'tbe checking my horoscope everyday. I might go months before I look at one again and I promise you this it will either wrong or stupid or even both.


BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
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