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Joined: Apr 2007
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I have been a BW and I am divorced since December 2008.

The latest week I have had the strangest dreams at night about being an OW. In the first dream I was in a relationship with a man in my workplace who is engaged. The whole experience in the dream was bad, I was aware that he had a girlfriend and I did not even fancy him. In the second dream I was in an affair with my dad's neighbor who is a guy I went to school with. I have not even talked to the man for ten years or so and and I don't fancy him! The experience was bad also in this case.

I am not attracted to any of these men and I have no dreams about being in relationships with any other men. Is this my brain's way of processing the affair I was exposed to?

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Did the OW in your case get away scot-free?


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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karma asks a good question... I think you're processing it yeah...

I have dreams of my H--initiating another EA with a young girl--she's probably barely 18... if that... scary... repeatedly I've dreamt this... all this week.

But I've always had nightmares, especially in high stress times.


BW:34
WH:37
M 4 years, together 8 years
D-day of third EA with a coworker 1/6/10
PlanA 1/7-16/10
PlanB 1/17/10
~starting 16 months of grad school 1/9/10-will require class attendance 9-5 on 2 Saturdays and 2 Sundays every month
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If your OW got away scot free, that's probably why.

Your mind says 'well if this tramp got away I should too'


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Why_us,

Is this my brain's way of processing the affair I was exposed to?

I think it is, or at least a way of processing what remains to some degree a mystery.

Since my wife had her "EA" 20+ years ago, I have had dreams about her being in a PA. Sometimes in the dreams I tell my wife that I know what she did and she just remains silent.

They are the sort of dreams I used to awake from and felt real, and would haunt me for days. In fact I still remember the dreams years later.

Most recently about a month ago, and when my wife asked me that morning what I dreamed about and I told her she commented, "You shouldn't watch the show cheaters anymore"

NJ

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why_us Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: karmasrose
If your OW got away scot free, that's probably why.

Your mind says 'well if this tramp got away I should too'


Wow, I knew that you were good but I did not know that you were this good grin

The OW lost a lot of things due to the affair but still I feel that she got away too easy. She used to be married and her xBH stays in their old home and they have 50/50 custody of their children which must be tough for both of them. BUT OW has moved in with my xWH and they are currently playing the happy couple. It will probably backfire on them sooner or later but at the moment she is staying with my xH (ok, he is a [censored] but he used to be good), she is meeting my x parents in law, she is hanging out with my old friends (equally [censored] who did not stand up for me)...

Although this is true I don't know if it is the reason for my dreams. I remember when I was younger, before I married, I used to dream about kissing guys and it was always either bad guys that I would never have dated or just stupid guys who were just interested in parties. Can it have something to do with taboos, to have dreams about something you would never do in real life?

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Ernest Hoffman, director of the Sleep Disorders Center at Newton Wellesley Hospital in Boston, Mass., suggests that "...a possible (though certainly not proven) function of a dream to be weaving new material into the memory system in a way that both reduces emotional arousal and is adaptive in helping us cope with further trauma or stressful events."

Makes sense to me, although there are many opinions to read regarding dreams when I googled "why do we dream".


I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - Robert McCloskey
Joined: Aug 2008
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I think you are on to something. I have created a FB page for my family and a very good friend of mine contacted me through it. I hadn't heard from her in many years and talked to her a long time on Sunday night for the first time. Last night I dreamed that my FWH and her were having an A. I have found since D-Day I am really paranoid about inviting women into our lives. I have found a way to stop my dreams midstream and change them so last night I stopped the dream as my DH was telling me about their sexual experience and I ended it on my own terms where I hooked up with this very handsome, successful guy who promised to treat me with respect and never cheat on me. I ended my dream with my DH changing his mind about my friend and wanting me back an dme telling him no. I do think that my dreams are a protection mechanism to protect me from hurting as bad as my DH hurting me before.


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