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When a spouse cheats and leaves his/her spouse and family for OP....they have started a war, a war that every BS has a right to fight, for themselves and their children...to me some of it is monetary compensation for the horrible pain and callousness of an A ...No one is a winner in this war...but the BS didnt start it. T2L was fighting for what she deserved...she is a smart woman and I know she will be fine.


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

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((((((((((T2L))))))))))))


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Thank you all for the wonderful support for our fellow MBer.

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[quote=swan's song]Look every one gets screwed over when their spouse is having an affair.

For men with WW, they are either kicked out of their houses on false charges, having to support the WW if she is a SAHM, for a period of time, so he ends up supporting her affair too.

For women with a WH, who upon marriage decide to stay home with the kids, with the husband's OK, they get screwed because now they have no work skills and the chances of them making an income like the one their WH is pulling in is not going to happen. Now they most than likely have to downside everything, get spousal support for a limited time, go back to school, and with small kids, get daycare, another expense added to the downfall.

For men who decide to stay home with the kids, hate to say this but the times have not caught up us they are still frown down upon and people do have that "get a job" mindset and how the man is suppose to be the bread winner and support the family.

The BS, either sex is getting screwed which ever way you look at it, the men have to pay and yet get less time with the kids, the women have to get a job sometimes any job to support themselves and are at the will of their wayward H, with the payments coming on time.

edit to add- That right her on this forum SAHM or treated diffrernt than SAHD. NO debate needed look at the facts!!!!!!!!I didnt think it would be a TJ as getting a job in todays economy has been forced onto many, betrayed or not!I too wish T2L the best of luck and felt very sorry for her and her family. Her post poured out love to her WH and children.

Last edited by dsd; 01/27/10 02:39 PM.
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T2L's WH walked away from his responsibilities of supporting his family. And T2L is left with the kids and the bills without decent support. She didn't cause this. She didn't ask for this. This is all a result of WH's affair.

T2L wasn't greedy or asking for the moon. Just enought to keep a roof over her kids' heads, food on the table, the electricity on, gas in the car, insurance... the basics. What she got is not enough to do that even on a temporary basis.

It's a crime that the breadwinner in the family can just walk away and not have to pay the minimum amount to keep his family stable until the divorce is final. The family is already emotionally scarred.... must they also be worried about the wolf at their door?

WH has a roof over his head in the barf shack he shares with OW. And OW has a decent salary for the two of them. And WH isn't hurting as far as spending money on himself.

T2L's WH is just like my WH.... trying to teach us a lesson. A lesson for not going along with their plan. You know.... the plan that EVERYONE deserves to be happy. And we -- the BSs -- just need to roll over and play dead and not fight one bit. Because angry children do not blend well. And exposure is uncomfortable. And other people in our business isn't cool.

So... T2L... just try to keep your head above water. You will not drown. Your kids, your family and your friends will not let you. We are praying for you.

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{{{{{{{{T2L}}}}}}}}}

I sometimes think I'm missing something when these discussions happen here.

The SAHSpouse agrees most times with the other spouse to stay at home and raise children whilst the WS pursues a career. Most times both spouses have agreed to bring children into the M, and the WS has acted like they are pleased to have these dependents.

The WS then spots a more exciting candidate fot their affections and decides that the family they have created and promised to support is surplus to requirements.

The WS then decides that their dollars shoud be withdrawn from the SAHS so that the WS can support the new exciting lifestyle. The SAHS is supposed to accept this and say "oh well, that;s the way to cookie crumbles?????? I really don't think so.

When you make a vow and then you add children, then for me you are making a solemn promise. Breaking that promise should never be easy. If the WS's personal transitory happiness is more important than their integrity and their vows, then let them eat crumbs. Crumbs is all they deserve. All their dollars should be paid over to support the lifestyle that their BS's and their children were promised.

Gender seems to me to be irrelevant.


Me - BW
FWH - BB -(PA Jul 08 - Aug 08)
D-Day - 8 Aug 2008
Recovering nicely


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Well said, Holy and Serendipitous, Well said.


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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This thread perfectly illustrates the incredible burden the Family Courts have in these cases. T2L and my exWW are both in very similar financial states. Both are SAHM's, and have to start over. Yet, T2L elicits a lot of sympathy because she did not ask for her situation whereas my exWW willingly had an affair with an unemployed deadbeat dad AND moved the guy in.

However, both T2L and my exWW feel they both have the same claims to entitlements. The only difference is T2L did not have a choice. However, in the eyes of the court, both of them are SAHM's who's marriage is broken. Not a wife who tried every thing to keep her family together vs a wife who WILLINGLY jumped off the ledge to financial ruin.


Me BH 35 WW 36
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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I know I dont like that unfairness...its just not right...


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Claiming and deserving are not the same.

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Originally Posted by PSUBIKER
This thread perfectly illustrates the incredible burden the Family Courts have in these cases. T2L and my exWW are both in very similar financial states. Both are SAHM's, and have to start over. Yet, T2L elicits a lot of sympathy because she did not ask for her situation whereas my exWW willingly had an affair with an unemployed deadbeat dad AND moved the guy in.

However, both T2L and my exWW feel they both have the same claims to entitlements. The only difference is T2L did not have a choice. However, in the eyes of the court, both of them are SAHM's who's marriage is broken. Not a wife who tried every thing to keep her family together vs a wife who WILLINGLY jumped off the ledge to financial ruin.

PSUB is right.
The courts can NOT look at infidelity in most settlements (no fault).
It gives another perspective


Me; W 46
Him; H 46

2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Originally Posted by PSUBIKER
This thread perfectly illustrates the incredible burden the Family Courts have in these cases. T2L and my exWW are both in very similar financial states. Both are SAHM's, and have to start over. Yet, T2L elicits a lot of sympathy because she did not ask for her situation whereas my exWW willingly had an affair with an unemployed deadbeat dad AND moved the guy in.

However, both T2L and my exWW feel they both have the same claims to entitlements. The only difference is T2L did not have a choice. However, in the eyes of the court, both of them are SAHM's who's marriage is broken. Not a wife who tried every thing to keep her family together vs a wife who WILLINGLY jumped off the ledge to financial ruin.
This is spot on and absolutely why the courts should be looking at infidelity. One other huge difference between BW's like T2L and WW's like PSU's ex is that these WW's are now living with the OM who is (supposedly) contributing to the household as well. In some cases, the OM (or OW) is quite well off. T2L has nobody but herself, but her WH does. Look at HH's WH and all his trips to Vegas, yet she's stuck with all the responsibilities. Not sure about the US but here in Canada, the OP's finances are never considered when it comes to CS at any time. Even if the OP isn't an OP, but if the exspouse with custody were to get married down the road to a millionaire, the CS-paying exspouse is still required to pay. It would be bad enough if both exes had say in the divorce but adultery leaves the BS without any choices at all.


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Is T2L okay?


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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Maybe if adultery were considered or if it werent so easy just to throw your spouse away when you are done...more WS would at least try to work on their M...


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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OK all points made have weight behind them...But how to we (the people) get the laws change so people can and will be held accountable for their actions.

You want out of your marriage then you should think about how much it will be costing you, a marriage is a contract just like others and when you break that contract there should be consequences, remember Kim Bassinger (sp?) was sued when she quite Boxing Helena.

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If I was king for the day, here's how I would change the divorce laws:

1. All states use the same child support formula.
2. Once you cohabitate, you are inelligible for alimony. Some states (like mine) already do this. Your ex spouse should not help your new romantic interest. However, it cuts both ways. If you cohabitate and are paying alimony, your cohabitation partner's income gets included in how much you can pay.
3. Rebuttable persumption of 50/50 shared custody coming out of the gates.
4. Tax deduction for the the kids goes off the Child support calculation and is prorated by how much each parent supports the kids. Very easy to do if the CS calculations are nationwide. Right now, I am paying 98% of all expenses to the kids. But, if I had the kids 1 less night this year, techinically exWW would be able to claim the kids and not me.
5. If you are married and file your taxes as married, joint, your new spouse's income should be included in the child support calculation. Currently they are benefiting from the tax deduction but have no obligation to the step kids


Me BH 35 WW 36
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08

Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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Where do I sign?


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Posts: 2,531
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To PSUBiker's laws, I would add that in the event of adultery, the WS is entitled to take only their personal belongings from the marital assets. After all, they broke the contract prematurely (ie. before death).

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De-T2L is holding her own. She is extremely busy with school and home life. She took on a large amount or credits this semester but she is soldiering on. Also her friends are throwing her a b-day bash to celebrate her 40th b-day. I am flying down saturday afternoon to attend along with my cousin. She really deserves it with all the hard work she is doing.

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