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Well, heck ,Pep. Aren't this guy's antics pissing you off a bit? Stuff is downright sadistic.
But, I control myself.
As should you, mister attorney!
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"All that is required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." Or , something like that.
Have you seen anything approaching this, Pep?
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And you still need to control yourself.
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"All that is required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." Or , something like that. I am well aware of the banality of evil. We are not "doing nothing". Try to control yourself.
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Z,
Her life is unraveling in front of her eyes.
The last thing she needs is more hysteria !
A calm and reasoned approach will help her make decisions.
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Zelmo: NOT every WS has PD and your suggesting it to every newcomer is NOT warranted and won't be tolerated.
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****edit****
Last edited by Dufresne; 02/10/10 07:38 PM. Reason: arguing with mods
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Back to this:Since dependency is often at the root of an abusive relationship, when you find yourself being physically or even verbally abused, your highest priority should be to end the dependency as quickly as possible so that you can separate.
THE highest priority is a change to be made by the person being abused.
In your case, yourself.
No matter if the abuser needs therapy, refuses therapy.
The HIGEST priority is for the victim of abuse to change their dependency.
Their highest priority is NOT to throw cream pies, lay blame, decide on a diagnosis ... it is to remove themselves.
It's not a matter of being a weanie. If you make it about being or not being a weanie, your chances are high you will repeat the cycle.
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So, back to your original question, because this is all about you. I know Harely says he would bolt. Seems others try to get past it for a while and cannot. Still, others either remain in the marriage, unhappy, or recover.
So, what seem to be the determining factors?
If you were given the opportunity to try to recover, but , at some point, either right away or duirng the attempt, decided to leave, was there a lightbulb moment? Or, did you just get weary?
People who are not married to an abuser have options that were not available to you.
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Yes, weenie removal is in order.
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You insist on remaining a damaged man.
Why not work on yourself for awhile?
Do some non-weaner introspection.
One of your strengths is your sense of humor.
It's precious. Don't lose that.
But, there are other things you refuse to look into.
What scares you away from working on your own issues?
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So, back to your original question, because this is all about you. I know Harely says he would bolt. Seems others try to get past it for a while and cannot. Still, others either remain in the marriage, unhappy, or recover.
So, what seem to be the determining factors?
If you were given the opportunity to try to recover, but , at some point, either right away or duirng the attempt, decided to leave, was there a lightbulb moment? Or, did you just get weary?
People who are not married to an abuser have options that were not available to you.
Yeah , that pretty much pissed me off.
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Yeah , that pretty much pissed me off.
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Which issues? I have had two years of therapy. My kids love me. Animals love me. I am a scratch golfer. I could still dunk when I was 45. I have been elected a 'superlawyer' multiple times in Harley's state. But, this has really pissed me off.
Oh, and we had parent/teacher conference for my youngest, today. Had to sit next to my smirking, non-remosreful, actress wife, who has the teacher convinced she is mother of the year. Two more conferences tomorrow. F-me.
Last edited by Zelmo; 02/10/10 08:18 PM.
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You take your time ... I'll wait.
I have patience for you.
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Well, there might be a slight tendency to get pissed about this. And, obsessing is always good for a laugh.
I really think i shoud go out and attack some UFC guy and get my [censored] kicked to ease the pain.
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Which issues? I have had two years of therapy. My kids love me. Animals love me. I am a scratch golfer. I could still dunk when I was 45. I have been elected a 'superlawyer' multiple times in Harley's state. But, this has really pissed me off. Those are things, Zelmo. I can say many affirmative things about myself, too. So what? I still want to find out what about me caused me to purposely ignore the warning signs that my own daughter saw.. Was I desperate? What made me vulnerable (and apparently ignorant) when others were saying, "Danger, Will Robinson?" Why, when we appeared to be the "perfect couple" to so many people, did things just collapse? On another thread I spoke of A.A.'s Fourth Step. It requires us to ask ourselves, "What was my part in it?" I seek to understand (because that's my nature), especially since as I move forward, I hope to be able to recognize that which is within me and make good decisions in future relationships.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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The forth step to insanity:
Make a searching and fearless inventory of everyone I know.
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