Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 12 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 11 12
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
How can you call something that's done 'not at your expense' and done 'willingly' a SACRIFICE?

Sacrifice, by definition, means giving something up, typically for the greater good.

To feel you have sacrificed means you feel you have given something up.

To GIVE for the greater good is not a sacrifice. It's missing the operative word, UP.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
And as i have said many times Mel my issues with my marriage have nothing whatsoever to do wuth sacrificing.....

They have everything to do with the fact that my h does not see a problem with "opposite sex friendships" along with a majority of posters on this very board......

So you can bring up my thread all you want.......

Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
I disagree that the majority of posters on this board support opposite sex friendships. I have not seen that. Not at all. YOU should be savvy enough to know that opposite-sex friendships are not sanctioned by MB and regard that advice accordingly.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
Originally Posted By: CWMI
How can you call something that's done 'not at your expense' and done 'willingly' a SACRIFICE?

Sacrifice, by definition, means giving something up, typically for the greater good.

To feel you have sacrificed means you feel you have given something up.

To GIVE for the greater good is not a sacrifice. It's missing the operative word, UP.


Read your own definition of the word sacrifice....... typically for the greater good...........

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted By: Still_Crazy
I reject one fundamental principle of the Harleys method....

Why not just ask me to leave your thread if that is what you want.....

I am not trying to be argumentative.


Yes, I think it would be an excellent idea for you to start a NEW thread, where you discuss YOUR methods for improving marriages.

My intent, is to discuss Harley's methods, in particular the book

Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders.
(an excellent read, I recommend to one and all)

I would very much prefer to help people understand the principles in the book, and not debate the principles with posters who disagree with the fundamentals.

So, please take your debate and disagreement of the fundamentals to your own thread. Thank you.


Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
Originally Posted By: CWMI
I disagree that the majority of posters on this board support opposite sex friendships. I have not seen that. Not at all. YOU should be savvy enough to know that opposite-sex friendships are not sanctioned by MB and regard that advice accordingly.


I have seen it on the SAA board more times than i can count..........

And a lot of the posters do not think there is anything wrong with being friends with members of the opposite sex as long as you have EPs in place.....

I do not think you should be friends with members of the opposite sex no matter what.....

Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
To GIVE for the greater good is not a sacrifice.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
It's the giving UP.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: Still_Crazy
And as i have said many times Mel my issues with my marriage have nothing whatsoever to do wuth sacrificing.....


No matter how you spin it, SC, sacrifice has not made your marriage a happy place. Like Dr Harley noted, those who disagree with his position are usually people who have not resolved their own marriage problems. You certainly demonstrate that truth since your own marriage is ending.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: Still_Crazy
I reject one fundamental principle of the Harleys method....

Why not just ask me to leave your thread if that is what you want.....

I am not trying to be argumentative.


Yes, I think it would be an excellent idea for you to start a NEW thread, where you discuss YOUR methods for improving marriages.

My intent, is to discuss Harley's methods, in particular the book

Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders.
(an excellent read, I recommend to one and all)

I would very much prefer to help people understand the principles in the book, and not debate the principles with posters who disagree with the fundamentals.

So, please take your debate and disagreement of the fundamentals to your own thread. Thank you.



You do not think my debate will help others to understand your point?

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: Still_Crazy
[

You do not think my debate will help others to understand your point?


You are just disrupting this thread. Why not show some respect and take it to your own thread?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
P
Member
OP Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Originally Posted By: Still_Crazy


You do not think my debate will help others to understand your point?


No. I do not.
I am unappreciative of this thread becoming a debate about your ideas.
Please take your debate about your ideas to a new thread.
Thank you.

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: Still_Crazy
And as i have said many times Mel my issues with my marriage have nothing whatsoever to do wuth sacrificing.....


No matter how you spin it, SC, sacrifice has not made your marriage a happy place. Like Dr Harley noted, those who disagree with his position are usually people who have not resolved their own marriage problems. You certainly demonstrate that truth since your own marriage is ending.


My marriage is ending by MY CHOICE mel not for any other reason........


It just kills you that i can make a point so all you can do is just be nasty to people......

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
I am trying to make a point to help other posters such as myself that disagree with the idea of "sacrifice" being a bad thing....

Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
I've not seen it, but I do not spend much time there, but I think the people on SAA who promote opposite-sex friendships on that board are wrong and harmful.

I think promoting sacrifice on this board is harmful, and confusing to people who are trying to live a MB lifestyle. I know I have been thoroughly confused by people promoting that I sit by and be nauseated by my H getting a pedicure if that's what he wants...but it's NOT MB.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: Still_Crazy



It just kills you that i can make a point so all you can do is just be nasty to people......


She asked you politely to take it to your thread, SC. It is not "nasty" to point out that your own methods have not worked in your own marriage. If you are going to continually dispute Dr Harley's basic concepts, folks need to know how that has worked for you.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 5,437
SC, you have made no point at all in how how have a successful marriage with your stance on sacrifice.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,513
The Harleys are very clear about "sacrifice". From what I read, they say that "sacrifice" leads to "resentment". That's a basic POJA principle yes?

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: Still_Crazy
I am trying to make a point to help other posters such as myself that disagree with the idea of "sacrifice" being a bad thing....



"Help" them do what, SC? Get a divorce like you? You are ending your marriage... crazy


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,305
Well if that is what MB is then maybe Pep is right and i do not want anything to do with it......

Page 6 of 12 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 11 12

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 30 guests, and 65 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mwid, Shepherd, alg, Pelican89, SRL
71,672 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,526
Posts2,322,549
Members71,673
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5