Matter of factly tell him you are quite willing to take a polygraph test to prove you are telling the truth about not sending the messages.

You are in roller coaster of your life and moving so fast. You, your WH and OW are in same car yet no one is driving it. If you want to save your M, you are in the right place.

You need calm down and ask your self if you are willing to follow MB to save your M.

Doing Plan B w/o Plan A is not recommended but if you keep LB'ng you are better of in Plan B w/ NC.

IMO, this A will not survive under such pressures. You need to put more pressure by doing Plan A. Many MBers will lend you hand on your plan. Consider also seeing your doctor to evaluate you for AD med, it might calm you down. If you could afford it, better yet, call Steve for advice.

-rh-

What difference does it make who exposed him. He's having an affair!!

Yes, I have heard something similar from my WH. When I first found out, I had the cell phone bills with her work number on it. I tried to call her but she never had the nerve to pick up the phone (caller id at work). I tried to call her at home once as well.

OW told my H that I harrassed her and called her over 150 times! In reality, she was calling my cell phone using a *67 and if I p.u., she would stay on the line and not say anything. I also received calls at work as well. It got so bad I had to change my cell number! My sons would answer and started yelling into the phone bc they by then, knew who it was. So I had witnesses of the harrasment and H still didn't believe me.

It hurt me very much, so I can relate. Hang in there!

ba

Time to call the University Security and have a look at the incident report and find out how they figured out it was from you. My guess....that part was made up.

See if you can get something in writing. If there was no report, explain the situation to security and see what you can do about a student claiming a false report...

Worse, tell him that unfortunately you cannot take credit for that GOOD DEED, but the OW should look out, because more is coming.

Y'all are acting like exposure is a BAD THING that needs to be denied; it is a GOOD DEED that needs to be EMBRACED! Embrace it and stop allowing your wayward to indict you as if you did something BAD.

Worse, does the OW have a facebook page? What other ways could you expose her? Facebook exposures are AWESOME because most ppl have their parents and closest friends there. Another great exposure vehicle on college campuses is the student newspaper. Perhaps you could call them up and give them an interview about the affair?

Wht other exposure targets are there?

Ditto to Mel.

And I want to point out that by fretting over this you are allowing him to distract you from the more important thing - he committed ADULTERY!!!!!! Don't be a party to this deception by giving others a chance to be equally distracted. Let him do all the kicking and screaming and people will see him for what he is.

Worse, y'all are acting like the bad thing is EXPOSURE; in reality the bad thing is ADULTERY. Don't let them assign inappropriate guilt.

"dear, I would be PROUD to take credit for that exposure, but unfortunately I cannot. please tell your mistress that i will be taking credit for the NEXT ONE!!"

BE PROUD AND LOUD!!

LOL - appreciate the support!

Last 24 hours have been nothing short of a miracle. Keep hearing "Twilight Zone" theme play in my head with each new revelation.

Here's the story:

I have asthma and have had respiratory infection since last weekend. Went to doctor on Tues, was told it was viral, just rest but watch for pneumonia. Picked up kids from school yesterday, felt like I was at death's door, and knew it was pneumonia.

Txtd WH and asked him for help in dropping off & picking up girls from after school activities so I could go to the ER. He said he'd try, but he had a grant deadline. Translation: I was on my own, as usual.

Dropped girls off at 5 pm. He was home by 6! I was shocked. I went to ER, pneumonia confirmed, given Rx. Once I was in car, I knew I couldn't deal with pharmacy just then, would need to rest before I could go, went home instead. Met him in driveway as he was returning from picking up DD #1. Told him I'd go to pharmacy later. Asked which Rx I was given, and I showed him scripts.

I went up to our room to lay down and promptly fell asleep. Here's what happened while I concerned myself with me:

-He picked up both girls from their activies (had to ask where they were)
-Took DD #2 to Kmart to get some school supplies
-Cooked dinner from him and kids
-Cleaned up
-Took my scripts to pharmacy and waited 40 minutes while they were filled (asked girls which pharmacy)
-Woke me up when he got back, handed me meds and big glass of water & said, "There you go, hon. Sooner you take these, the better you'll feel"

Now I know men go to pharmacies and Kmart and even the grocery store all the time to buy things FOR THEIR FAMILIES, because I've seen them there. But the only reason my WH would venture into any store is if he needed something for HIMSELF. If it doesn't have anything to do with him, he's out. We waited 11 years to have DD #1. She was born at 9:23 pm on a Thursday night. He was back in the lab at 8 am Friday morning. Him, him, him. This is what I've been working with.

So while the above list might not seem like any big deal to any one else, it takes me back to our courting days when he was trying to impress me. I know it's early in the game here, and maybe he was just being nice because I was feeling so bad, but I have a glimmer of hope. We'll see what unfolds...

BTW - Heard from a grad student that the exposing email was forwarded to nearly everyone in the dept, and two OTHER affairs were stopped cold (or put on hold) for fear of discovery. LOL!

Maybe you should stay in bed a little longer.

"Oh im about to die! Dear? could you get me a pop tart. It could be my last pop tart I'll ever eat!"....lol.

Can you use this opportunity to put deposits in his love bank? It looks like he did for you, and wasnt thinking about it. Give him appretiation.

Im a strong believer that you serve the ones you love, and by serving them it creates and even deeper love for them. If there were only a way to get him to serve you without nagging him to meet your needs....(yeah I need to read the books)

Maybe I SHOULD stay in bed a little longer, LOL!

I did thank him for each thing, because when he left yesterday morning, I honestly wasn't sure if he was coming back. He told me after the pharmacy run that he'd left work in such a hurry he'd left his briefcase & laptop & had to go back for them (20 min round trip). He left @ 9:30. When he wasn't back at 11, I didn't expect him home. He woke me up climbing into bed around 1 am.

We'll proceed slowly here. I do intend to make love bank deposits but I won't be a pushover. That's why this has dragged on for so long - I didn't establish firm boundaries the first time around. Now, with OW not talking to him & me asking him if he wanted his stuff packed in boxes or bags, he knows he's on thin ice.

Let's see if we can turn this around and go back to being normal people instead of grisp for the gossip mill. I honestly don't know how celebrities do this, having everyone in their business all the time. So invasive!

Worse, the reason this has dragged on for almost 2 years is because they work together. Until that changes, it will continue to drag on. That is the ONLY "boundary" that will save your marriage. Everything else is a waste of your time.

Focusing on "lovebank deposits" is a distraction from the real problem. That is like focusing on the paint in the girl's bathroom while the Titanic slowly sinks.

Believe me, he knows no such thing. He knows you won't do anything to stop him, but is just waiting for things to die down a bit so he can resume his affair.

Remember to try to plan A at this point. Do not push yourself too far for patience while you are feeling crappy. This always gets me, I AO when I am really sleepy or not feeling well.

Take care of yourself.
BC

Mel is correct. I tried making LB$ deposits while my WW is still in the A. What happened was she did not notice them, and it made me feel bad. After exposure at least I am feeling better, and I am kind. She, on the other hand, is still mad and its been 3 days. I wish she were around to see me smile at her, but she left to her sisters.

How are you doing ?. This coaster runs fast. WH tries to fillin your ENs, re-pay by fillin his ENs. Several replies on this thread pointed out that WH is a renter right now. He did all of this because he wants to stay. Don't be surprise WH will run to OW if she allows it.

Plan A is not a doormat that allows WH does what he likes. Asking WH what he wants in this M w/o judgement, disrepect and demand is not LB'ng ... it is a strength that you need to convey as a W that wants this M and willing to defend it. Listen to his reply, some of is are excuses but some are real plan A material that you need to do/fix.

Again there are so much pressured to this A that worth the wait. Could you contact OW's parent and expose it ?. You could forward that email anonymously (create a new email just for this).

This is the time to Plan A the best you can and start looking into plan B. (letter, logistic, etc)

-rh-

Needed several days to recouperate, and now we're back to Square 1. We're polite and cordial, but he still spends most of his time at work or in his "man cave" in the basement. He worked late last night, I drove by on way to Kmart to grab some stuff, saw OW car parked in usual spot, everything right back the way it was last week. Argh!

Did forward email to her mother's work and her church. Am working on getting finances together for Plan B...