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I hope you are not in one of those weird churches that promotes "if I have enough faith I will be healed and all will be well".

Be changed by the renewing of of your mind is God inpired to Paul in his teaching. You will be judged also by your conscience. If you want your M back you need to fight, fight, fight for it. And to keep it you need to fight, fight, fight. If you are now born again, you know that satan and his minions are real and there is a battle going on for your soul. You need to know what is right and fight for it. I truly believe you know what it is, but I also believe you may not want to fight for it.

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Originally Posted By: berkleydog1
I guess being harsh is good to hear but WOW you all are some harsh people with alot of anger


No, it isn't anger.

Can you imagine what it could be that isn't anger?

I will tell you if you will listen. But only after you think about it and try to imagine why it isn't anger.

Larry

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You could dump your boyfriend, promise to never date or become entangled with any other man except your former husband as long as you live, and even hold yourself to that promise. You could live like a nun, but that alone wouldn't get your husband back.

It's just not about you now or your actions anymore, except that some of them make the regret you express ring pretty hollow. Your former husband was hurt terribly by what you did, and he has every right to protect himself and think about his needs apart from yours.

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Im listening!!!!!

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Berkly

Listen to the folks here. My WW and I have been separated for 18 months. She is currently in her second "serious relationship". I am in the middle of filing for D. Does this mean I don't care for her. Absolutely not. I still do very much but I've come to muchthe same conclusion your XH has. I'm in a position where I feel, for my own well being, I must move on. I would be more than willing to take her back under the right conditions, even after divorce. Those conditions have been outlined to her in Plan B letter. They do not include continueing to see OM. If your XH has in fact told you he still cares for you then you are in a good position to recover and RENEW your marriage. Follow the principles here in MB and take the advice folks are trying to give you.

1st step: STOP SEEING OTHER MAN. ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT. How is your XH supposed to know you want your marriage back if you won't take this first step? TALK is cheap. Do it!!


Don't pray for God to guide your footsteps unless you are willing to move your feet


Me BH 55, WW 40, M 12 yrs, 3 Boys 19, 10 & 8.
Separated Sept 08
DDay Dec 08
Plan A Mar 09
Plan B 16 Nov 09
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Originally Posted By: berkleydog1
I haven't completely quit seeing the guy I had the affair with but I am convicted of it everyday and I am making small steps to get away from him, but you feel addicted it is hard but God is helping me with this. I want my husband to forgive me and I honestly understand that this cannot happen until I have NO contact with the other guy. Is it ever possible that the other guy really is your soul mate or is it just lust??


You haven't "completely quit seeing the guy". What do you see in this man? He knew you were married and still made a joint decision with you to destroy your marriage. This is not a decision that can just go away. Your former husband is now happy in a serious relationship. Why are you trying to ruin that for him? It is not hard to stop contact with the OM, you are an adult and need to make adult decisions. You think drug addicts get off drugs by slowly working their way off of them?



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Originally Posted By: berkleydog1
I guess being harsh is good to hear but WOW you all are some harsh people with alot of anger


You have no idea what it feels like to get betrayed, there is a lot of hurt you go through. When that happens, you shield yourself. You act like we should feel sorry for you?



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I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me and I don't understand how some of you can even say that, my only question was do you think it is possible to recover my marriage after a divorce?? Lookin4serenity really answered that question for me, so thank you!! And FYI I have quit all contact with the other guy!!

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No one escapes an addiction, by trying small steps. You either quit and hang on through the withdrawl, or you remain addicted.
Addictions have consequences. You chose your addiction over your family. Now you want to know if it would be alright if you could approach your ex-husband, to see if you can repair your marriage? While still hanging on to the addiction that caused the break-up?

Go read Cheryl and Jeff Scruggs book "I do again" Your marriage can be resurrected with God's help, but it is a long road ahead of you. It took her 7 years before her ex-husband felt that he could trust her again.
Are you even to willing to show remorse for what happened, and turn away from the OM that helped break your family in the first place?

There are no guarantees. Your husbands wound may be so deep that he sees no future with you ever again. I will pray for you and your husband and expecially your son. Our kids get the fallout from our stupid choices. We like to tell them it isn't their fault, and then explain how they will be shuttled back and forth between housholds (at best) or how they will lose one of the two people who mean the most to them in the whole world. But it's not their fault.

Last edited by 1stepforward; 03/12/10 12:51 PM.

Bh-me-45
xWW- 45
Married 15years, together for 20
served D papers on 6/2/09
Divorce final 12/19/2010

Custody of our 3 kids
DD 12
DS 10
DD 7

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Berkley

I should have put a caveat on my situation inthat it is different than yours regarding you XH relationship. I am not in any kind of relationship and intend to stay that way through our divorce. That being said, I can't profess how i would feel if i were in a "serious relatinship".


Don't pray for God to guide your footsteps unless you are willing to move your feet


Me BH 55, WW 40, M 12 yrs, 3 Boys 19, 10 & 8.
Separated Sept 08
DDay Dec 08
Plan A Mar 09
Plan B 16 Nov 09
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Originally Posted By: berkleydog1
I haven't completely quit seeing the guy I had the affair with

MrRollieEyes He's the guy you committed ADULTERY with. Use grown up words.
Quote:
Is it ever possible that the other guy really is your soul mate

MrRollieEyes Grown up words. Please. He's NOT your soul mate, he's your ADULTERY partner.

I do not believe you are a good risk for your former H.
Does your adultery partner KNOW you think you "might" want to reconcile your marriage? Or, are you dishonest with him too? Was your ADULTERY partner also married?



Have you ever noticed, flirt how LITTLE your posts have focused on the needs of your child?
Do you think, for one second, your little child gives a rat's patooty whether or not her Mommy is "soul mates" with her adultery partner ... the man who helped destroy her family?





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Quote:
And FYI I have quit all contact with the other guy!!


Let us know when it's been 4 weeks of ZERO contact.
Nothing.
Nada.
No texts.
No emails.
No FB peeking.
No photos.

ZERO contact.

After 4 weeks ... ask for suggestions to help you possibly show WH you are available.

After 4 weeks of NO CONTACT what-so-ever ... you will get a flood of help.


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Hmmm almost 5 weeks since the last post. Wonder if Berkleydog1 went NC with her affair partner?


Bh-me-45
xWW- 45
Married 15years, together for 20
served D papers on 6/2/09
Divorce final 12/19/2010

Custody of our 3 kids
DD 12
DS 10
DD 7

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skeptical


Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
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