We have read this before, Sunshine. And my comment remains the same. What is it you want? He's there. They don't work together. You have confirmed no contact.

You worry about his work email but say there's no way to check it. You say GPS and keyloggers won't work. I mean, what do you want us to say?

As far as the five year old: What would happen if your SO died? Wouldn't you figure out a way to keep her and continue on with your life?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be harsh, but you sound like you are hesitant, undecisive and frightened. Why don't you just tell him you KNOW about the emails if that's been causing you so much agony??

Because he is still foggy and he "doesn't get it" yet.

You told him 100% NC and you haven't seen any contact since, right? Just keep your eyes wide open and be ready to confront him if you see that he sends any more jokes. OK?

I would park somewhere and wait for her. I totally understand you wanting to know how she looks. I too wanted to know everything about the OW. I did a background check on her. I installed a key logger on my husband computer, this would help you incase she sends pictures of emails.

Do you have a keylogger on the computer that you see him send OW jokes?

Some people don't understand that sent messages are saved. He may be deleting the replies from her.

If he is getting upset because you are that would be just another reason for you to suspect that NC is not in place.

As for looking for a picture of the OW don't do it. I have found my FWW OM's, yes that is plural. Everything you read on here about having an affair with someone that is a POS is true. It did nothing more than make me look at her in a pathetic sort of way. Just reading your post about wanting to see what she looks like brings it back for me. It's not worth it you can bet your house she doesn't even compare to you.

I learned everything I could about OW. Why? KNOW YOUR ENEMY.

And I'm glad I did because he eventually chose her. And what I learned about OW will be used in court against him. He gave her money. He supported her business. He fell into the same trap her other two H's did.

And you should know what she looks like. What if she ends up stalking you? What if she goes after your kids?

Just don't try to compare her physically to you. She is gross and moldy on the inside with mush in her heart and head. That is all that matters. And she is a slut, pure and simple!

My advice is to find someone to go with you if you stalk the hospital. My two sisters watched OW's house when I found the address. They spied enough to tell me what she looked like, how many kids she had, what her mother looked like, etc. I found a picture in WH's email -- And, BOY, some of the pictures I've seen!

I recently accessed her credit report. That piece of information is VERY telling.

Just don't obsess about this woman. Act like you are a private eye for someone else. Detach.

wow you got into her credit report...
Have NO idea how you did that..
I couldn't get her SS the PI would only give me the last 4
he said he could get into trouble...
I am doing much better since we had that talk last week
he has sent NO more jokes to her...
I have got so much advice on here that has helped me...
I know I am not alone...
Some feel I need to get a back bone here
I am doing the best I know how here... I really am

I have a question if anyone can help me here
If he has a cell phone I never see ... I know the number
is there a way to get phone records ????
Ir AM I going to have to sneak out to his car in the middle of the night and see if I can find it in his car ????

Sunshine, if he has a cellphone that he hides from you, your problem with him is way more than sent e-mail jokes. He has an ongoing A.

God's Blessings,

Say

Whose name is the phone in? Can you get your hands on the phone bill, either paper or online?

It is a huge if he is hiding his phone from you... Don't tip him off that you are suspicious.

The phone is in his name...
He has just changed his mailing address to here
being he just got all moved back in here 3 weeks ago
let his apartment go...
Yes he has a cell he calls me every day on his lunch I never see this cell phone... He keeps it in his car I guess.
I am afraid to go out and look for it at night for fear someone will call the house to tell us someone is in the car...
I did go out and look for it one night a month ago ..
I couldn't find it...

We used to have phones together with sprint when he moved out he got another phone with a diff company...
I know it is with Metro PC ..
I have tried to get into the bill on line I haven't been able to.
Any ideas how I can do this ??

Cell phone help please
How do I get phone records ???
does anyone know ??

You cannot get them from the company if you aren't authorized. Your only hope is to find any paper copies he may neglect to hide.

Also - as to your other post: So what if the neighbors see you outside at night in your own car? If you're worried that they are the neighborhood block watch, then take your phone off the hook while you're out there so they can't call! So the cops show up - you live there! You're allowed to be getting in a car on your own property any time you want to. See, this is what I don't get, sunshine. You keep asking for help, but don't actually do anything. Why?

I have done stuff here !!!

I have gotten into email...

I have made friends with a lady where he works.
And I can tell you this he is not to happy about that ...
He has brought it up to me a couple of times that I now have a spy at work... So know he isn't happy with that...

He parks his car on the street NOT in the drive that is part of my problem...
If it was in my drive I would nave no problem getting into it...
He leaves it on the street because of me sometimes having to go out so he doesn't have to go out and move his car...

Now that he just moved his stuff here I will look for paper work on the phone...

I did find the contract on the phone this morning...
He got it the day he moved out of here...
I had wondered if he got it before that...
When he left here we had our phones together and I got the bill...
When he left it was agreed he would keep that phone till the contract was up... He did keep it but got another phone as well...

I have went out this past week and got the book surviving the affair... And I am reading it...

from what I have read while working on plan A and you know there is still contact... Not to let them know you know don't let on and keep working on Plan A...

I will do this but I want to keep snooping and find out for myself if there is contact...

I will NOT allow myself to keep being hurt or used here....

He has it made here I don't need him to help me pay bills...
My home is paid for...
I was well taken care of when my husband died...
He told me when he moved back in here he would give me 400 or 500 a month to help with the bills...
And he does go out and buy food sometimes...

He has not gave me any money as of yet will wait till the first of the month and see what he does... on that...
like I said I will not let myself be used here..
That is what I am trying to protect myself from

sunshine, with all do respect, your H has done a great job of controlling you. It is like you are almost paralyzed. He is hiding phones, parking on the street do you can't check his car, deleting keyloggers, threatening to leave if he catches you spying, lying about continued contact...

This is an admitted WH - it is not like you are trying to figure out of he has had an A, because he already has. That is already grounds enough to demand accountability from him. Yet he has YOU on the defensive.

Are you EVER in his car?? If he "catches" (as unfair as that sounds) you snooping in his car, perhaps you can tell him that you are looking for something you might have dropped in his car the last time you were in it.

We give you advice that you refuse to follow, and you still ask us for help. What is your goal, if you don't want to follow any of the advice we've given you?

On March 12 you said:
OK he has been home for a few months
The same day you said:
He doesn't see her at all this I know...
he changed jobs... a few months ago..
he has been back home for 9 months And
He has not sent her any more since I talked to him about contact...

You still aren't satisfied, so you want to snoop. Which I think is great - however, you refuse all of our snooping advice. For example:

That won't work
where she parks you have to have a pass to get into the garage..
And I don't know her hours when and what days she works...

So I responded that you could park outside of the area. And you gave no response.

And then we advised a NC letter:
I can tell you thins NO matter what I said he would NOT send a NC letter...

Now, if you're reading our posts and SAA, you know that one of your requirements for his staying with you is that he have no contact. And you said:
I am, not sure what to do if I see he keeps sending her jokes..
I had asked for no contact in the past and he still sent her jokes after I said no contact...
My problem being I can't let him know I know about it...

You KNOW what to do! He has to leave! It's your deal-breaker! You don't have to tell him HOW you know, just that you DO and he has to LEAVE!

From ImStaying:
Pack his bags and leave them at the door. Tell him that you have proof that he has continued contact with OW. If he wants to stay M to you, he must follow several nonnegotiable rules/boundaries. One is complete transparency with his internet usage. You will be allowed a keylogger on your home computers and his password on his work email so that you can monitor compliance. GPS if you think it is necessary. If he doesn't comply, Plan B.

You did not respond.

You then said:
No need for GPS
I have done that in the past
He is here all the time I know he isn't seeing her
and now that he changed jobs
I don't have that to worry about..

And finally, you said:
He has it made here I don't need him to help me pay bills...
My home is paid for...
I was well taken care of when my husband died...
He told me when he moved back in here he would give me 400 or 500 a month to help with the bills...
And he does go out and buy food sometimes...

He has not gave me any money as of yet will wait till the first of the month and see what he does... on that...
like I said I will not let myself be used here..
That is what I am trying to protect myself from

The guy is a free-loader at best.

So, I don't get it. WHAT are you missing? What are WE missing? And why ARE you so paralyzed? It almost sounds like your mind is in complete idle mode when it comes to taking care of this. The car? Heck, woman - that one's easy! Like ImStaying said - tell him you were looking for something you left in it! Or, if you don't normally ride in it, take a love note with you when you go to snoop and leave it on his seat! Then SNOOP AWAY. If you're busted you can tell him you wanted to surprise him with a little note.

Surely you can be a little more aggressive in protecting yourself??

And finally - I'm a little confused. In your quotes above, you said he's been home for 'a few months' and 'he's been home for nine months'
In your latest post you said
He has just changed his mailing address to here
being he just got all moved back in here 3 weeks ago
let his apartment go...

Exactly how long has your WW been home, anyway?

No I do not go in his car...
any time we go anywhere we take my car
with the care seat for the little one is in my car..

He has been back here since May 10th 2009..
the lease was just up on his apartment...
he kept it till the lease ran out stating he didn't want to ruin his credit...
He would go to the apartment on sat or sun to get his mail...
a lot of times he took the little one so I wouldn't think anything was going on...

I am sorry you seem to get bent with me...
I am doing the best I can here really...
and yes maybe I am a little weak in be hard...
I was married from the time I turned 18 the only man I had ever been with in my life tell he passed away..
then I have been with this man only the second man in my life...
Yes maybe I am weak..
I really want this to work ...
maybe I am afraid of being alone I don't know...

It's just that you don't appear to be interested in constructive action. This site has specific tools and actions that are advocated in destroying affairs and building marriages. Yet you object to all of them. There really is no advice we can give you that we haven't given you already IMO.

I think you want everything to come up roses with no effort on your part. I hope that happens for you. But there's this guy living at your place for free and you think he's got an EA going with someone (which is probably still PA since you do no snooping to confirm that.) He is literally a renter. And isn't even paying rent.

I'll give you no further advice, mainly because my arsenal is empty for your sitch at this point. Maybe someone else can help you more - good luck.

ImStaying, they aren't married. The guy is literally a renter. And note that your advice about the car was unusable. And mine wasn't replied to.

Marital: Is there a difference between a "renter" and a "free renter?" This guy has it made! I suspect he knows that she is afraid of losing someone again, and uses it to his advantage by controlling her. At least that is the sense I get.

One last ditch effort: Sunshine, I know you are not married for financial reasons (due to your deceased H). I am assuming that you consider this new guy the same as a husband, right?

In the MB program, there should be no secrets between spouses (ESPECIALLY post-affair!). You have every right to examine his phone, his phone records, his car, computer, etc. If you do not want to enforce this with your "spouse," then that is your decision. You live with it.

If you do want to enforce it, you have to find that strength from within. Either stand up for yourself, or continue to be a doormat. We cannot make that decision for you.

Good luck.