Thanks, Scotland.

And billionz, one more thing: stop dating altogether. You don't have good judgment when it comes to men and your daughter does not need to be exposed to any of your MEN. That is how little girls end up molested and abused. Having her around your filthy affair just confuses her and teaches her that wrong is right. Don't teach her to be a skank. You might be able to get away with that NOW, but that will start to screw with her head when she is about 4.

As a military wife you can still go to the nearest military installation and find legal/JAG - ask questions about your rights.

Find a pro bono lawyer so you can file for a divorce.

Don't live with your OM right now. Go live with your mom, aunt, relative that will have you and your daughter until you figure things out. If your OM is serious about you he will wait.

Just to add to Pep and Mel's wonderful advice:

Develop your own personal code of ethics!
You really need a moral compass.
Your whole world is in chaos, because you don't make decisions based on your values.



Why? Religious reasons? Don't get me wrong -- I think that is great! But how can you be "against" abortions, and "for" adultery?

Its really easy to say things, Billionz.
Its easy to SAY that you want the best for your daughter.
But you have to do more than that -- you have to BE the best for your daughter.

Having a man in your life is NOT the priority.

Hopefully you'll end this experience against abortion and adultery both.

Its just such a shame that at age 22, when she really SHOULD be entirely self-focused and doing the primary work of growing up -- that she has burdened herself with so many obstacles.

Billionz -- this is the time in your life when you should be deciding who you want to be, and how you're going to accomplish it. Being a wife and mother are great choices -- but it strikes me that you didn't "choose" it...it just happened to you.

Stop letting things happen to you, and start making some positive CHOICES. Like going to school, like going to church, like being a good role model to that little girl. Be able to take care of yourself -- without relying on a man.

Start applying for some scholarships and financial aid -- so that YOU can provide a home for you and your children -- and get a foundation under you so that you don't have to depend on someone to take care of you. Choose a career so that you can provide for you and your children.

Don't jump into a relationship until you have evaluated whether or not this person fits YOUR criteria. Right now you don't even know what your criteria should be! So now is NOT the time for you to be in any relationship.

OMG, This thread is HILARIOUS

Billionz you sound EXACTLY like my wife when she was wayward, it's uncanny!!!!

The Claims of abuse
The whining about me cutting her off financially
The claims of true love with OM
The claims of never loving me
So on and So forth

It's so tragic, it's funny!

My only advice is if your husband really is abusive, and really is an adulterer (And your not just making that up in your head, which is very likely)
then you do divorce.

But your relationship with OM is doomed. And no matter how you sugar coat it, you ARE an Adulterer!

Im leaving next week to live with the other man.
The weekend after, i will speak with my husband about arrangement for divorce.
Not sure how it will go, but im going to be strong.
I am going to get a job, save some money, put my daughter in a little school program, and start my life.
I eventually want to go to cosmetology school, and i will.
I feel this is the best choice, because my family i am staying with right now is not where i belong, they are driving me insane.
Thanks everyone for all your opinions.
Im going to make better choices in life.

Adultery is never a "better choice." It is a MISTAKE. A tragic mistake that will damn two children instead of one. I predict the only thing that will wake you up is a stint in the school of hard knocks. Sadly, your children will have to pay for your lack of judgment and common sense.

If you hear nothing else here...please consider adoption. You have the opportunity to give your unborn child [as well as some lucky couple] a wonderful gift.

Mr. Wondering

Amen,

Better choices don't include living with some guy who happened to get you pregnant.

So from what you say, apparently you've not yet started to make those better choices.

You cite that your husband is an abuser. Let's assume that's true. Your affair proves that you are every bit his equal in that regard. So let's not forget that.

So how are you going to get away from the abuse you perpetrate on others?

Divorce your husband or work on your marriage, you can probably make a good case for each.

Case for divorce:

1. You assert your husband is abusive.
2. You demonstrate you are abusive by choosing an affair.
3. You assert your husband cheated.
4. You are pregnant with another man's baby.
5. You married young, and likely for all the wrong reasons.

Case for working on the marriage:

1. You made a promise to your husband that you would love him, forsaking all others.
2. You have a child with him.
3. Marriage, when done right, isn't easy, but it typically makes one a better person when they end their love busting behavior and work to meet their spouses emotional needs. They become better in all relationships when they begin to live like the whole world is not about them.

Even if you divorce your husband, please don't live with the other man. You've been given some great advice. Give up the new baby for adoption. Let an established family who is unable to have children raise the child, rather than subjecting your children to a parade of boyfriends and lovers for the next 20+ years. Go back to school, learn a skill that allows you to support yourself so you have choices. Otherwise, you remain dependent and vulnerable to any man who will have you.

If I were your father, (and I'm old enough to be your father) that's what I'd advise my daughter to do in your circumstance.

Living the guy what was of shallow enough character to sleep with a known married woman would not be one of my recommendations.

Didn't you say in an earlier post that you wished you had listened to the advice from your mom? She must be driving you insane now because she is trying to get you to do the right thing and you don't agree.

You have not said how old this OM is. You said you were 22 and I'm assuming he is older since you said he was willing to pay for your divorce. How much older is he?

You have gotten some good advice here, you should try and listen to it.

Living with the OM is not going to free you of your problems. Stay home and get yourself together whatever you decide.

They cheat with you they will cheat on you. See you back here in a couple of years.

Listen to Mel, Lexxy, Pep and all the rest who are coming down hard on you. They are paying you the respect of not feeling sorry for you. Probably just like your Mom has tried.

The OM might be a nice guy in some ways but he has no respect for marriage or for you or he would have told you to see a social worker, therapist, Shrink instead of taking atvantage of you. Yep thats what he did.. Sorry hes not your knight in shining armor. hes a new excuse for you to not take care of your life like you should be.


I have compassion for mixed up kids who make mistakes but when they have a choice and hide from good advice I let them hang themselves so they can learn. You are at a crossroads where you can grow up and change your life. If you don't get help you will spiral down untill help is forced on you. By social workers in the system or is this drama escalates and you do not seek help from professionals, maybe jail time if someone gets violent.

Get counselling both legal and personal and trust something else for saftey than your emotions because you are young and you have your life and your childrens life ahead of you. You have to make the changes and seek and accept the counsel from others who,like it or not, know more than you do.

Trust your heart to an authority that loves you and wants to guide you. God loves you. People will only love you conditionally. They are limited because they are human just like you. Stop using Gods people to feed your emotional rollercoaster or it will catch up to you. You are not an innocent victim here. Stop blaming everybody else for your problems.

Please get some help for Gods sake

Hi Bil

Right now you are in a fairly desperate state, This OM seems the answer to all your prayers.

He has come along and been your knight in shining armour. As my FOM seemed to me when I felt trapped in an abusive M.

But it will not last. A relationship started in these conditions is doomed to failure: you are young, you will have 2 small children how will you have the time to forge a true relationship? Please don't put your daughter through another short lived relationship. Take this opportunity you have been given to start afresh with yourself.


Get the divorce. Go cold turkey with the OM and find out who you are. Don't ask your mum for advice, ask for her help and support as you try to raise these children.

Find out why you were in an abusive relationship to start with. I thought my OM had rescued me, it was 18months in or so when I realised that I was allowing him to control me in a similar way I allowed my H to at the start of our R. Who knows where that may have gone and the A continued.


Please don't move in with this man because he says he loves you now and he can provide for you financially.

Try to work out how you came to be in this position in the first place.

Please take heed of what sortedsomeout has said.

***EDIT***

I agree with what staytogether says.

Get the divorce from WH.
Get away from OM
Go live with Mom - it will be hard but it's a better choice than OM.

Figure out what you want to do with your life to support these children. You can do it.

Stand up for yourself girl, your worth it trust us.

If I were you I would be mad at myself and whomever this world has assigned to pull the wool over your eyes. See if this rings a bell...


"The kisses of an enemy are decietful, but the wounds of a freind are faithful"