Does she know that everyone knows about her affair now? Does she know the OMW knows?

Hang tough, jlowes!

Good job calling it what it is!

Yes...she knows that I let the OMW know about the affair...labeled my behavior as irrational

Oh yeah...got the "I don't like to be controlled" line

Also looking forward to the new bedroom rules, situation, whatever you want to call it.

You have been doing a good job here. I heard just about every line you are getting from my FWW.

Reading your posts about her responses to you took me back to that time. I felt so little hope at that time but somehow I got through it even though I never thought I would. These are all very typical responses you are getting.

Hang in there and continue to follow the advice you are getting. You can get through this and save your marriage.

If you are questioning getting the recorder take a look at PSUBIKER's thread. You need to protect yourself.

You have been getting great advice - use it.

You have probably noticed the paradigm is now shifted after exposure. Before you were the quiet doormat, now you have struck a strong blow to the fantasy.

No longer, they can wish their spouses would go quietly away into the night so they have a happy legitimate future.

Welcome your dignity's and manhood's return.

And POOF! He's gone.

Let's hope not.........

no...been a rough week...I can't stand it anymore...we have agreed to separate.

Wednesday night I slept at my parents house.
On Thursday, 4/15 she tells me that OM came over to our house as "a friend" while my daughters were asleep upstairs. I told WW that is completely unacceptable and she naturally was furious. I said "what kind of message does it send to our girls when another man comes to see mommy when daddy is not there" and I got this gem in response "what kind of message are you giving them by controlling their mommy" to which I responded "I'm not controlling you" she responds "yes you are" I reply "no...you need to think clearly about your actions"

Now she knew I had a therapy session on 4/15/10 so after several texts to OM and a 30 minute call to OM she texted "I don't want to talk any more today...I want to go and talk to your therapist first...then you can talk to her...then we can both talk to her...i don't want to talk anymore until the appointment"...fine...whatever

So I go home and she asks "are you going upstairs or staying downstairs" "i don't know" I went upstairs and watched TV. Somehow we got into another discussion and I said "you are free to leave...no one is holding you here against your will" so she took my daughter to her dance lesson and then we met at the therapists office. In the joint session I told WW that I will not be an enabler for her affair (she says It's a friendship first and foremost) and I will not surrender my dignity while you go out and act like a single woman when our children are sleeping in our house.

Slept at my parents house Thursday night and my youngest daughter came with me because she didn't want me to be alone. When I left, WW was pretty shaken and crying her eyes out.

I'm going to call an attorney later today to ask questions about the legalities of a separation and other questions

My therapist said that right now WW is in a bad place and her decisions reflect that. WW keeps bringing up that "I wasn't there for her when her mom died" but my therapist said that is something that should have been addressed 10 years ago. WW says she doesn't think she can ever forgive me for that.

Therapist also said that there is nothing I can do right now to change WW's mind and that I have to work on me and grow from this experience no matter what happens with the marriage.

I'm to point where I may just have to cut bait and move on but I need some time to reflect.

Thanks for all your help!

And I need to really focus on our children and not traumatize them through this process.

So sorry to hear this is how it went down. I think you are on the right track, your wife doesn't see what she is doing is wrong....
I think you are right since she is the one that seems to want to have another person in your marriage you need to stay in the house with your children and she needs to leave her life and learn what it feels like to give it all up......
she needs to make a choice her friend or her family. Give her the freedom to go and live the life she seems to want right now......
When my husband had a choice to go, he didn't, he finally had to figure out what was more important to him.
Her friendship won't be as much fun when she is actually living a life that is hurting the ones that are the closest to her...
She needs to learn her lessons the hard way I guess.....Look it at a positive thing that she is hurting by what she is doing.....
Be strong and remember this isn't your wife this is a woman obsessed by a fantasy...it takes time for reality to set in......
Stay calm and just keep saying that you are fighting for her and your family but won't be any part of her friendship and if she needs that then she needs to leave your family so the rest of you don't have to live through all that.....
good luck

WW is looking for reasons to support her notion that the marriage "just can't work out". It speaks volumes that the best she can come up with is an incident from TEN YEARS ago. Hard to really believe that was a marriage breaker, innit?

And please move back into your home.

Your wife is NUTS right now, the OM is intruding in your home, and no one is protecting your children.

Thanks...my mom has offered to come and stay during the week to help get the girls ready and off to school.

I know WW is fuming because now she doesn't have the freedom to come and go as she pleases to be with OM.

WW needs to choose her friendship or her family.

That's what I want to talk to the attorney about...what are my legal options. Right now, I'm the sole provider of income.

My therapist agreed

Move back into your home and then talk to your attorney.

I'm sorry, jlowes, but there is nothing you can do to protect them from suffering some trauma.

There is still time to save this, you know that, right? If that's what you want to do. But the first thing you need to do is GET YOUR BUTT BACK HOME!!! Don't you DARE leave your house!

What did the OMW say when you exposed?

1. Stay in your home, in your marital bedroom. Do not stay anywhere else as a good lawyer can paint you as having "abandoned" the family. You lose big time - custody, alimony, child support, everything.

2. DID YOU EVER GET THE RECORDER?
Have it with you at all times. We had a guy here whose wife claimed domestic abuse, had him thrown in jail, put a restraining order on him, and moved OM into their home. BH couldn't even go home and get his clothes due to the restraining order. He was paying mortgage, utilities, etc. for WW and OM to shack up together in his own house. It was horrible.

PLEASE protect yourself from this.

Have a recorder on your person and powered on at all times when she is around. Put a recorder on the phone at home and if your cellphone records, learn to record any conversation w/WW.