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I've already recognized that she's been following the WW script for a while. I've even told her that. She KNOWS that. She's read the various MB articles. But that doesn't make her able to see it herself.

I still have serious doubts that our marriage will ever recover from the [censored] that's about to ensue. But I'll be able to walk away with my head held high, knowing I did the right thing, and fought for my marriage until the end.

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Originally Posted by Jeff4187
I still have serious doubts that our marriage will ever recover from the [censored] that's about to ensue. But I'll be able to walk away with my head held high, knowing I did the right thing, and fought for my marriage until the end.

Don't think about that now. Just let the exposure take it's course. You have no idea what will happen once your WW is through withdrawal of OM.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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I'm sure you've read on here by now... "It is a marathon, not a sprint." Yeah, there's a storm coming. It will be ugly. It will blow over.

Focus on YOUR goal and YOUR actions.
Do not react to WW and her insanity.
Do not judge the success or failure of your actions by what WW does.
Keep your eye on your goal.

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Because I don't see how they can benefit the investigation at all, and they're very personal and hurtful.


Hey Jeff - You're head and shoulders about me in the exposure department! If you've gone back and read any of my old threads (way back in 2002-2005) you'll notice that I never exposed. My "knowledge" of exposure is based on what I've learned here on MB.

I know that it's painful to share these intimate e-mails with your Cdr, but trust me, the investigatng officer will be tasked with coming up with a list of questions, then he will have them checked by the local JAG that's assigned to support the Cdr. The JAG officer will "approve" the questions and add any pertinant questions that might have been left out.

I've conducted two Artcle 32 investigations for Adultery (both of them in Afghanistan, one on my first tour in 2004, and one on my second tour in 2008). I can't tell you how much some e-mails from the BH/BW would have helped me in my investigations... the e-mails from your W will show a PATTERN... that is what the investigating officer is looking for. A PATTERN of behavior that is in violation of Article 134 &/or Article 92.

I was a brand new 2LT assigned to my first overseas duty station when Mrs. RIF had her "first" A. I exposed to her parents and they blamed me... I asked my CO Cdr and BN Cdr what to do and they both told me to divorce her. So I didn't ask them for any more "guidance".

I suspected a 2nd A about a year later... Even confronted the OM (an E-4 in MY unit!!!) and Mrs. RIF.... they both lied to my face. I never brought it to my C-of-C because I was too ashamed and I 'knew' from my first experience that they probably wouldn't help me. This was a different time in the Army, Zero Defects, and many officer's were looking out for themselves... The senior Cdr's that I know and see now are much more in tune with family issues and know how much family issues affect readiness. The fact that you're BN Cdr is helping you is proof of this...

Don't worry about what your Cdr will "think" about you. The biggest "fear" that kept me from exposing Mrs. RIF's second A to my C-of-C was... "If I expose, everyone will KNOW that I'm not enough of a man to keep Mrs. RIF 'satisfied' at home." I'm sure you can think of other "reasons", but honestly, are they worth keeping private if it means that you lose a chance to rebuild your M?

Only you can decide what is right for you... we here on the MB forum will share our life experiences with you and we can coach you on the MB principles based on our own exeperience... but in the end, you must decide what is best for you.

You are in a full blown war for your marriage... use every tool available to you to expose this A and make sure there is no contact between the OM and your W...

Semper Fi,

RIF


Me, BS

Her, Forgiven

Married Dec 86

Multiple A's that ended '90

Rebuilding In Faith since then...

Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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I suspected a 2nd A about a year later... Even confronted the OM (an E-4 in MY unit!!!) and Mrs. RIF.... they both lied to my face.

I would have lost my mind. Seriously, I don't know how you dealt with that at all.

I think the exposure to the OMW was the most important thing here. It will almost certainly cause him to drop my WW in half a second.

There's no way they'll get convicted of Adultery. There's just no evidence for that. But they could easily be caught lying when asked to explain the circumstances of their relationship and phone calls.

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There's no way they'll get convicted of Adultery. There's just no evidence for that.


I agree 100%!!!

The first investigation that I did resulted in four senior NCO's each receiving a General Officer Letter of Reprimand. They basically all stuck to the same story throughout the investigation, but there was enough circumstatial evidence to warrant the G.O. letters... None of those NCO's will ever be promoted.

The second investigation involved a LTC and a civilian. This one was a little "strange" because the female civilan accused the LTC of rape. The LTC got scared and "confessed" to consensual sex in a combat zone which was a violation of GO#1. He received a General Officer Letter of Reprimand, and was immediately sent home with an "Atlas" OER. He is now divorced, and retired from the reserves. The civilan female was sent home and I don't know what happend to her.

Your goal in all of this is to expose the A in order to end it. It's only human nature to want the OM to pay dearly for his actions, but I wouldn't worry too much about him.... he's going to have his hands full trying to explain things to his own wife and kids!

I know that the others have warned you, as have I, but I can't stress this enough... Don't take the incoming e-mails from your W to heart!!! Don't reply to any of her e-mails and try to 'defend' yourself. If you reply, you might just say something like "I love you sweetie and I will do whatever it takes to save our marriage" Love - Jeff4187

Do a search on "things WW's say" and "reverse babble" and you'll probably have a pretty good list of things that your W will say to you... You can even make a list and start checking them off as she says them! As for the reverse babble, these are things that you can say that will reinforce your stand for saving the M, and it will confuse her to no end!

As for "loosing my mind" during Mrs. RIF's A's... yep, been there done that and got lots of T-shirts! I didn't have MB or anyone to talk with when I was dealing with her A's, and I told myself that if I ever "got through this" that someday, I would help others... Thats why I stick around here and pop in from time to time.

Mrs. RIF and I have a passionate, loving marriage that I never dreamed we would have way back in 1987... It took lots or hard work, lots or tears, lots or hurt and pain, and the grace of Christ, to rebuild our marriage... so even though you feel like nothing will "ever be the same" again, it can be as long as both of you are willing to work at it.

Exposure is the first step in your rebuilding process... Take things one day at at time and please keep us posted on the exposure process.

It's almost 2300hrs in A-Stan and 2130hrs here in Iraq... I'll be up for a little bit longer, but will check back with you in the morning.

Semper Fi,

RIF


Me, BS

Her, Forgiven

Married Dec 86

Multiple A's that ended '90

Rebuilding In Faith since then...

Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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Just throwing this out there Jeff- did she sign up and get a user name and password here? If so I would get with someone- may a mod to have that revoked if they can. Otherwise she will see what you are posting here. Not sure if anyone has said this or not.

Thank you for your service as well and I'm sorry you find yourself here.

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Just a point of info here regarding what CW said...

It doesn't matter if she has a password as all the forums can be read by anyone who happens upon the site with the exceptions of the weekend forums and the private pregnancy forum. A P/W is only required to post here.

Mark

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Jeff,

Listen to the folks here. Let me also say, that those emails that you don't want to send, are exactly what they will need. Why? YOu are in a combat zone. Your W is in the military and she KNOWS about readiness and combat situations. If she sent you emails ripping your guts out, that does not reflect well on her as a person and even worse on her as an member of the military.

RIF is telling you what MortarMan would tell you. Your goal is not necessarily to get them thrown out of the military although I share RIF's view of what OM is doing and actually what your W has done. Neither of them should be in the military in my humble opinion. However, what she has sent, her requests for you to call because she doesn't want to put it in writing all lead to the conclsion that IF she is willing to rip your guts out in an email, but in willing to put something in writing, it is probably illegal and she is covering her A$$, as well as OM's A$$.

Think about it.

God bless,

JL

PS: Listening to you and RIF is making me feel old. smile I had the horrible thought yesterday while reading your post. It will be 43 years next month since I was commistioned. I simply cannot be that old. faint You are doing well Jeff.

Last edited by Just Learning; 04/19/10 01:25 PM.
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Jeff:

A trained investigator will usually conclude that where there is smoke, there is fire. The emails sent to you reflect that something is going on. They have already been investigated once. Why?

Selected emails will assist the investigator to "Style" their report in one of several ways. Keep in mind that the list of questions will include ones calculated to bring out the truth through getting them to contradict themselves.

You are not the investigator. You are emotionally attached to both the emails and your internal emotions. There is not one soldier who doesn't understand what happens at home (or on R&R) with affairs. The investigator needs a sample of those emails to help them with what they do.

And who knows, OMW may decide to blow the whistle on OM. She may be like one situation on here where OMW said something about this is the third time a "Slut" has been chasing my husband and calling me. uhuh

JL has said it. Take it to the bank, it will cash.

Larry

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The OMW has contacted me. She has my evidence and has started uncovering her own, including another secret phone number my wife has. I don't think she's said anything to her husband.

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Oh, that is such good news! Sometimes the other spouse won't believe there is an affair. Hope you told her about MB.

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Originally Posted by Jeff4187
The OMW has contacted me. She has my evidence and has started uncovering her own, including another secret phone number my wife has. I don't think she's said anything to her husband.

Great news. It is much harder for the waywards to fight battles on two different fronts. With the two of you keeping tabs on them, it will be much more difficult for them to stay in contact without being discovered.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Good news! If any news about this can be good.

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Hooah!



Me, BS

Her, Forgiven

Married Dec 86

Multiple A's that ended '90

Rebuilding In Faith since then...

Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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Hey JL - I was four years old....

Semper Fi!

RIF


Me, BS

Her, Forgiven

Married Dec 86

Multiple A's that ended '90

Rebuilding In Faith since then...

Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
Joined: Jun 2006
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Originally Posted by RIF
Hooah!
Ditto!

[tj]
Hey, RIF...

[/tj]

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Hey Mark!

Jeff - I'll be around all day today, so please let me know how things are going today, especially if you get any e-mails from your W.

I agree with you that having the OM's W on your side is huge and I would expect things to change very quickly (most likely tomorrow our time)...

Semper Fi,

RIF


Me, BS

Her, Forgiven

Married Dec 86

Multiple A's that ended '90

Rebuilding In Faith since then...

Currently deployed to Iraq, but TEXAS is Home!
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RIF,

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Hey JL - I was four years old....


That is sooooooo Wrong on so many levels. smile

At least I had the good sense to go into the AF. MrRollieEyes

I will say that getting out was the hardest thing I ever did. It was like leaving family. My father was a career officer and I grew up in the military moving all over the world. I still feel like I have "gone home" when I go on a military base.

JL

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Hi Jeff,

Popped in real quick to see how you were making out.
Have only read this last page but it sounds like things are going as they should.

You've done a great job so far, I've read threads where guys twice your age have
waffled back and forth for weeks about exposing. You have integrity, and that is ace.

Adultery has not gotten the better of you, keep this going.
I hope that your realize that you are doing what you vowed to do,
and that is to protect your W.
Right now that happens to be her wayward ways.

Stay strong. smile

p.s. I'm so impressed with the knowledge and support here, from everyone!



M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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