This kind of defensive attitude is what pisses people off. You had to post a Dr. Harley email to try and shove in the face of those who had a problem with your "affairage." If you would have just stated, "you are right, I shouldn't have pursued my wife when she was in the process of divorce" and ignored the criticism instead of getting so defensive, you wouldn't be having problems. You are just fanning the flames with this post. People have major issues with "affairages" on this forum. Deal with it instead of constantly trying to defend your actions.

Disqualified by whom?

Personally I wonder why anyone would do research on the web on a poster who says they want to clear the air. I find it creepy that someone would spend a long time looking at court cases just to find fault with a poster. And never did figure out why Larry was targeted. I read a lot on the divorce board and that particular day, all kinds of people magically showed up - almost like a tag team.

And MB people would be very surprised at the histories of some of the posters. Over the years I've heard a lot. Several BS's let me know that they had had an affair on their WS first.

We're on the internet and some people only give one side of the story. Advice here is free. If it goes by the MB program, I listen to it.

If you want a detailed history of the person giving you advice, get counseling with the Harleys.

Quote:I personally know of the history of some of those on here who give terrific advice, and by their personal history would be disqualified if their personal history were detailed in their signature.

You lost me on the second personal in one sentence. Qualifying your background, especially for newbies, is helpful. I have in my sig line and mention in my posts that fact that I was once a wayward. I also happen to be a two-time BS who is dealing with an OC in her life.

Seriously?

I didn't put that quite right. You don't really know the history of anyone here, except what they say. If that bothers you, get counseling with the Harleys.

I don't know of anyone who did research on the web on a poster who said "they want to clear the air".

I do know that the "research on the web" was first revealed on my "Historical honesty" thread, after Larry posted to the effect that he did not understand the concept of HH. I didn't understand what appeared to me to be his resistance to the concept.

The research on the web that revealed Larry's actions in overturning a court order giving the XH significant visiting rights over his (XH's) children was enlightening.

Believer - under normal conditions I would agree with you. This is not one of those occasions for these reasons:

• Larry seeks out "authority" to quell the feedback from some long term old timers who have given fantastic advise and who's BS detectors are well-honed - and they are very rarely wrong about that BS detector stuff.
  
• Larry complains about XW's vicious X husband for abuse. How often do we hear a wayward woman complain about abusive husbands? My BS detector went off on this one - was the XH really abusive? Did Larry contribute to a father being denied access to his own children?
  
• Larry wants us to turn a blind eye to his participation in his XW's custody battle against a harmed father based on hearsay?
  
• Now Larry wants to open the topic of a moderator-closed thread on his terms and at the same time point the acusing finger at those who want to point out his duplicity in the harm his XW did to her XH who is not Larry.
  

Larry opened this can of worms again. He can deal with the consequences which is getting to deal with what he's hiding from by calling in the big guns.

Larry - I gotta tell you I can tell the feedback over your duplicity with the demise of your XW's previous marriage gets under your skin.

You want to talk about it openly and honestly now? Or do you just want us to shut up?

Because you will NEVER have credibility with me again until you deal with this OPENLY and HONESTLY - all in!

And I used to think you were pretty sharp until you fell for the "abused wife" line and got suckered into an emotional affair. And then denied it. And then pointed the defensive finger and called everyone who called you on it abusive.

Feedback is feedback.

You're not being open and honest. With YOURSELF.

Otherwise, what we say would never get to you to the point you'd go to Dr Harley over a closed thread.

What you do speaks so loudly I can't hear what you say!

Start being honest. Here. and with the man in the mirror. You have work to do.

Then you can get back to making a huge difference here as a marriage builder instead of a marriage killer.

Larry,

I think that you posted Dr Harley's letter to give you the backing you sought for your lack of historical honesty on this board. I think that you, once again, told your story selectively, with the result that you have manipulated the answer you wanted from him. I'm very sorry that he has been used in this way.

You told him of a "character assassination", but some of us cannot see where this was done. I, for one, can see an assassination only YOU on YOURSELF, by your own actions in telling your story very selectively.

There is a veiled threat in this thread that anyone who, from now on, raises that issue with you will be disciplined.

I have no doubt that this thread will be locked soon.

I still don't get it. Why would ANYONE spend a long time researching a poster on the web? He was targeted for some reason.

It gives me the creeps.

I didn't see where anyone "researched him". I saw what he posted about his XW's X - and there was an admission ever so brief that he had met her before she was divorced and fallen for her - and the line about how abusive the STBX H was - and then the defensiveness instead of forthrightness - clues too many right here on marriage builders - didn't need to go to the WWW to find more.

Posting on a forum is interesting.

Here is what I do not appreciate.
Other posters who lie to me.

Here is one actual example from MY past MB experience:

Poster A, eventually disclosed she was on MB to save a non-married relationship.
This is something I choose not to do.
I explained to Poster A my reasons why I personally do not try to bend MB concepts to fit where I don't think there is a good fit.
I wished her well.
Then, I left her alone.

However, she really wanted my help.
She asked me again.
I said, "No thank you".

So, what did she do?
She registered under a new name as a married noobie.
And, this way she got my help under false pretenses.

Much later, she confessed to me what she had done.
She had tricked me into helping her with her pretend marriage.
And, guess what? ... She told me their relationship did not last.
They broke up.

I was livid.

I think we , as a group, are very sensitive to people who skirt the facts, obfuscate the truth, and otherwise pretend to be something (married) when they are not.

After all, is this not what the BS hates the most?
Being lied to?
Being told half truths?

Also, isn't it ironic, that people who have the most trouble facing hard truths in their intimate relationships are the ones MOST likely to hide the facts about themselves on a message board?

I don't care if anyone else wants to "help" non-married posters, or posters in an affairage ... but I do resent it when I am tricked into it.

I was tricked enough during my H's adultery .... and I sure as hell do not like it when I am tricked by other posters.

Those who do this, have shoddy,shabby integrity ... which will eventually show up in their marriage.

So, to those reading this who are hiding their true selves from the rest of us ... I say this:

Dishonesty will hurt you.
Dishonesty will hurt others.

If you walk a mile in dishonest shoes, you're walking in the wrong direction.

I've personally researched posters when their stories didn't jive. Why? I guess because of my legal background. I've seen cases turn around on a dime when crucial information is uncovered.

The same could apply here, when a poster is exposed, it gives everyone else the opportunity (previously denied by the deception)to continue posting or listening to that person.

Nothing creepy about that at all.

You never did figure out that people who had "known" Larry over some time here were shocked that he had concealed his conduct in his former wife's divorce and visitation hearings?

You never did figure out why a BH who had cried tears on MB over his powerlessness against losing his children to an OM, raged when they found out that one of their advisors, Larry, had used the law to deprive XH of visitation rights over HIS KIDS?

Did you never figure out that people were OUTRAGED by this injustice and duplicity? You attempt a slur on them by describing their appearance as "magical" and "almost like a tag team", but such comments in fact reflect badly on you.

No, you can say anything you please and ask me any question you please, and certainly challenge me in any way you believe to be productive. I have started this thread to keep the challenges to my personal integrity removed from the threads of those who, in my opinion, are too fragile to deal with the bickering on their thread.

Let me mention two more things that might be of interest to you. I had to sell my most prized possession (other than family) to finance the Lawyers who were RESPONDING to XH efforts to throw XW in jail on contempt charges. It was an old and carefully maintained sports car I had paid dearly for in times past. So far as we hear, he financed his own legal team by borrowing heavily, gifts from relatives, acting as a hunting guide during season and other strategies. Matter of fact, ten years after the fact, collection efforts against XW for a credit card that has her social security number on it have surfaced. They didn't have credit cards during their marriage.

The second point I will raise with you is simple. Please note that my personal history was selectively searched to dig up anything that could used against me. And things were found and distorted. If I had anything to hide, none of those posts by me would have ever been generated. My old posts were just like the current one, my perspective and all the details I could remember.

Matter of fact SC, you opened a can of worms in my mind that was extremely helpful. When I went into MHMR for an admitting review, my thoughts were so organized that the Psychologist decided to do a full therapy session. At the conclusion of that session, she asked several very astute questions that really, really helped me deal with the adversity that is currently conflicting my son. Not me much anymore.

Thank you for your help.

Larry

When I first came on this forum I posted for a couple months as only a BW. When my affair was revealed to my H I felt it was only right to out myself on MB. After all these people gave of their OWN time to help me.

I would not choose to help someone in an affairage. My mother's affairage has hurt me enough. I choose not to help someone that took rights away from a father for what appears to be his own gain.

This was not an orchestrated attack or a tag team on Larry. This was a group of posters who were stunned to learn they had helped a person that was not forthright about circumstances.

My MIL is on her 2nd affairiage. The first one last 10 years, the current one is on its 20th year. There were lots of reasons for my DH to justify his A, her 'successful' affairiage was one of them.

Sins of the fathers, or mothers in this case....
Children mimic what parents model.

Whoa SC. Now that I have provided you with more facts, and would gladly provide you with even more, would you care to take another look at your own beliefs?

Believer is making an observation based on appearances. Oddly enough, so are others, like you, with no disrespect for Believer or you. Unless you are going to hold that Justuss and Dr. H are fools, please consider what Dr H. has said in light of what you know, not the straw men of false allegations. And if you don't know enough, I am open to questions. Have at it.

Larry