Hey Fred im kind of in the same situation Im in Limbo while my WW is living with her new bf. But you know what since we seperated and she moved in with him i bought a bike rode all around the the southeast. I got my first tattoo yesterday. And as for no women want to date an almost divorced man, I have been just doing the things that make ME happy and ive met a bunch of very nice attractive women, Im just not ready for another relationship yet myself but there have been offers. So keep doing what you love and keep a positive attitude and enjoy yourself, this will be one of the few periods in your life where you can do what you and only you want to do. live it up!

Oh Fred, I'm so sorry you have to go through this roller coaster. I hope today at least goes well- you're still filing today, right?

Daisy, I just got off the phone with my lawyer. She is going to the courthouse tomorrow and will file in person.

My retainer went to less than two dollars, so I have added enough to cover everything through the ore tenus hearing.

Now we'll see how badly she wants this. She'll receive a copy of the Complaint and a Waiver form. She has 21 days to respond.

If she signs the Waiver and returns it, the die is cast.

(Actually, the die is cast in any event. But if she signs the Waiver, the Final Decree will be issued sooner).

Okay, Fred, So it looks like this could take up to a year.

Have you and your wife been filing separately? If not, you need to read up on "innocent spouse" as defined by the IRS. Then, you probably need to hire a tax attorney because the IRS will come after you.

If you filed "Married filing separately" you are in the clear, aside from not getting any money...

BTW, if you filed jointly, you probably shouldn't announce that one this board. You never know. Uncle Sam has eyes everywhere..

Thanks, GG. The Leopard and I have always filed "Married, filing separately."

We never co-mingled assets (she had no assets to bring). Our Separation and Property Settlement Agreement (SPSA) specifies everything that is hers and mine, now and going forward.

She has taken all of hers. With the repossessing of the Jeep, I have now taken all of mine.

Today I went and donated books she left behind to the library. Our agreement specifies that anything she left behind as of April 1 becomes mine. Not wanting it, I did the best thing I could.

Thank goodness for small blessings.

In looking back, it's almost as if The Leopard knew this was going to happen. She never wanted to have joint accounts, and knew that her credit rating was in the toilet. When she decided to bail and find her next husband, it was almost as if she was prepared.

every little step forward is progress...

It's often two steps forward and one step back, but yes, it's progress.

Within the next two hours or so I expect to hear from my attorney that my Complaint For Divorce has been filed.

That's progress.

Progress doesn't always wear a smiley face.

Hey Fred-O,

Keep moving forward. Keep progressing.

Looks like you and I will be seeing each other fairly regularly on the D&D thread......

TB

Uh...

Is that the "Divorcing/Divorced" forum, or the "Divorced & Dating" forum?



OK, just a poor attempt at levity.

P.S. My attorney did file today. A copy is being sent to both me and The Leopard.

You know, something was bothering me. I think it's the word "progress." In general it means moving forward. I just don't think it applies very well in the case of divorce, at least not the way I experienced it. It felt much more circular like getting ready to leave the house in the summer. I go around and close all the windows and doors in case we get a thunder storm. Start to walk out, remember to grab my cell phone. Wait--Did I leave the iron plugged in? My hand is on the door, but then I turn around to grab the mail that needs to go out today. Finally, I'm ready and everything is shut down and gathered up and I walk out the door, closing it behind me.

I think it IS progress though, Greengables. The late Paul Harvey used to say, "not everything that we call 'progress' truly is." And I think some things that we may not think of as progress actually are.

Please try to follow me on what is likely to be a very weaving path.

A couple of weeks ago I heard a pastor give a sermon on "how do we forgive when we can't forget?" He told a story from the Bible about the brothers Jacob and Esau. I don't recall the story, and it isn't that important, anyway. The upshot is that Jacob and Esau were lifelong adversaries, even though they were brothers.

There came a time when the two met. Jacob had 400 soldiers with him and Esau thought they were to do battle. But the 400 were intended to be an escort for the brothers.

Esau saw that his brother meant him no harm, and they reached a point of forgiveness (I am probably mangling this story to no end). But rather than ride back together, Esau chose to ride in a different direction. Even though he had found forgiveness, he also realized that the two could not exist together due to the history between them. So they went their separate ways.

This story affected me profoundly. Because I know that my stbxw is a "sick person." It is not her fault. And it is beyond my skill and means to help her. So I have forgiven her.

However, knowing what I know, I do not want her back. I take no joy in knowing that she's on a path of self-destruction. I'm not a betting man, but I'd wager the mortgage on her affair falling to pieces within two years, tops.

I am not going to stand and watch in glee as her world comes tumbling down around her. In many ways, it already has. And it always will. That's her disease.

So, sadly, I go my separate way. I truly did love this woman --or at least the woman she made herself out to be for me-- but it's ruinous to me to try to salvage something that isn't there.

I haven't seen the signature recently, so I don't know who used it, but someone has a line to the effect, you can repair a broken vase but you can never be 100% sure it will hold water. Because the only outcome of me pursuing a recovery of my marriage will be me being dragged down and not her being pulled up, it's best that I take the necessary steps to terminate it.

Yes, Greengables, I consider that progress.

I feel pretty much the same way you do Fred. Really, really loved my wife. And still do. But she's got some bigger issues that have reared their ugly heads.

Probably just best to go our separate ways and watch her downfall from a distance. I just hate seeing my kids get dragged down with her.

This is called hypervigialance. When you have recieved a trauma, emotional or physical, your body/mind goes into this mode.
OHMYGOSH! did I forget the iorn? (no, you did not)
OHMYGOSH! I didn't lock the door (you did)
OHMUGOSH! I forgot to pay the.....(normally you have.)

This one got me for years (still does)

Have you ever been driving and making a left, get "a sense" that someone was going to run the red and smash your car? Look. look. -mini freak- whip head around again- to check again..... hypervigilance?
Drives you nuts. I am told it gets better in time.

Fred, I was only arguing semantics not the reality.

Barbie, I'm laughing. Anytime one of my kids is in the shower I go into hypervigilence. Unfortunately, aside from yelling in "Are you okay?" there's nothing I can do. Logically, I know I won't find them dead in the shower. But also logically, I know it can happen because it did happen.

That sudden-onset lead poisoning can be no fun. Any high impact ailment really messes up your day.

My copy of the Complaint arrived in the mail today. It also had a copy of the Waiver form she can sign and notarize which will free her from the need to show up in court.

My attorney sent it to the PO BOX she'd given (I sent the lawyer her "real" address, but too late), so it remains to be seen how soon she'll receive it.

I can't help but wonder if she'll make a beeline to the notary so that she'll be "getting out" ASAP, or if she'll drag her feet, perhaps having a moment of regret (or simply just trying to drag things out). Not that it makes a difference to the end result; it's just a bit of mental SF.

I guess I'll find out when my attorney notifies me that we're on the court docket for my ore tenus hearing.

Hang tough Fred...

I suspect I will be on your heals... or perhaps even though starting late, get there ahead of you. We have a 60 day wait after filing, which was 4/12 I think. The paperwork is actually unclear and it could be 4/5, not that it makes a difference in all reality. If she doesn't contest the prenup and we find common ground on a couple of holes, then we should be done before Fireworks fly.

That's alot of 'ifs' though. I have something to pick up at the postoffice tomorrow and it probably is for a preliminary hearing so she can have some MORE money to live off of. I will contest it, given that she emptied my bank account completely 4 weeks ago, leaving me with nothing. I think she can get out and get a REAL job. She subs as a teacher when she needs to 'get out of the house'. I think she is in for a rude awakening when she actually is expected to be somewhere each and every day. She hasn't worked in quite a while, and has really been enjoying the 'paid for' lifestyle. Oh... I will be giving her some money, as per the prenup. This is fine with me. It will be less than what I would have spent on her living with me. She was one expensive wife, that is for sure.

Isn't it funny how it turns out that way?

I never "ran a tab" while we were married, but since she decided the Other Man was better for her than me, I've realized how much she cost.

Let's hope OM can afford her...