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That's the kind of thing I'd like to do with you again.


I'd take this out... the rest of of your e-mail looks fine.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Yep, what RIF said. Carefully remove anything even slightly needy. Otherwise is great ( y)


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Roger that.

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I got an email from Netflix for one free month for friends and family. Sent From: My wife.

Talk about rubbing it in my face...

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But I love my wife. I value her and our relationship. I've made a lot of promises that I intend to keep. "For better or worse" doesn't just go out the window when "worse" comes along. I'll fight until I can't fight anymore, and hope that she comes around. It won't be fast and it won't be easy, and it'll hurt more than a little. But that's usually how doing the right thing goes, in my experience.
smile
Your maturity continues to amaze me.
Your WW is one lucky person to have you as a husband, Gurka.


I like this last email too, and agree with the changes.
As long as she is disengaged, stick with the facts of the past (good memories), the present (holding to your M vows), and avoid talk of future activities right now.

This might be a good time to make a list of happy experiences that the two of you shared, ones that you can use in future emails. Little tid bits here and there, you know.

I'm still wondering about this spousal support thing you guys.
Is there anything that you can do Gurka to protect yourself from this happening?
While the goal here is to restore the M, there is also the goal of protecting the BS along the way from the repercussions of the unknown.

Gurka, I don't know what Netflix is and how it's a slap in the face??? Sorry.







M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
You always looked so beautiful in the candle light.

I'd defer to some of the other posters, but I think this part is laying it on a little too thick as well. Pretend you were talking to just a friend. Your friend was probably on board until you weirded her out with the "beautiful in the candle light" part. Keep it light. You want SUBTLE reminders of the good days in the past.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
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Originally Posted by jmwc95
Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
You always looked so beautiful in the candle light.

I'd defer to some of the other posters, but I think this part is laying it on a little too thick as well. Pretend you were talking to just a friend. Your friend was probably on board until you weirded her out with the "beautiful in the candle light" part. Keep it light. You want SUBTLE reminders of the good days in the past.


Too late, already shot out.

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The candlelight line .......

I read this as a subtle way of saying 'I still love you', without actually saying those words. A tid bit.
Had there been more of these kinds of statements, I might think overkill. JMO. smile


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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sorry for the TJ gerka smile

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Hey BobP - I've got to ask... what isa "doot" sandwich??? Is that like a Marmite or Vegimite sandwich???

and WHATS wrong with a Vegemite Sammy RIF ??? toe tap
TJ over laugh

Gerka Bob & RIF along with others are giving you great advice. You know that I was FWW with (still) professional soldier husband, son and SIL. There is nothing you can say or do to fix your WW ... that is entirely her job... be assured I know that is a fact. YOU need never doubt that.

YOU are doing all that you can and doing it as well as I have ever seen... even if it hurts like crazy ... and THAT dear Mr G takes courage of an entirely different kind.

take care...


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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TJ Gurka...

Hey AW! I actually LIKE Vegimite on toast as long as it's got lots of butter on it! They sell it at the World Market back home in TX...

Hey Gurka, I'll second what AW said.... you ARE handling this much better most of the posters that I've seen during the 8 years that I've been here!

Semper Fi,

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Hope the candlelight line wasn't too much. Not that I expect any response at all. We're 14 days past exposure today.

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
Hope the candlelight line wasn't too much. Not that I expect any response at all. We're 14 days past exposure today.

If we're right about the A ending, then she is going through w/drawals right now. And w/drawals really suck. A bit of admiring right now isn't as distasteful as it would have been when her A was active.

But, still don't expect any kind of decent reply from her.


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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
Hope the candlelight line wasn't too much. Not that I expect any response at all. We're 14 days past exposure today.

In the big picture it doesn't really affect anything, but sappy lines are more likely to have your WW see through your attempt to meet her need for conversation, so she'll just shut you down. She's got a wall up right now, and any blatant attempt to meet her needs will be met with resistance. You basically need to "trick" her into allowing you to meet her need for conversation so she lets her guard down and is receptive. You know what I mean? It's like trying to pick up a girl at a bar. Would you have success walking up to a girl and telling her, "Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!" Or would your chances be better if you had a wingman you pretended not to know walk in with a cheesy line while you were standing next to her, and then when he got rejected, you say something to her about how bad a line that was, thus starting some small talk between the two of you (trust me, that worked last month for a friend of mine)? It's all about playing the game of cat and mouse. Don't play harder, play smarter.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
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Talk about rubbing it in my face...


Hey Gurka - You'll hear and see a good bit of this while your W is in the withdrawal phase. Expect more of the same...

Not easy, but at least you are here and can vent BEFORE you reply to her e-mail or her latest "action".

As for the candlelight comment, I wouldn't worry about it... You're tossing crumbs at her just to keep the lines of communication open and show her in a very non-threatening way that you love her.

Semper Fi,

RIF

PS - Any word from your BN Cdr? ...and how did the GO visit go?

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Nothing from my BN commander. MG's visit was uneventful. I work for a BG (I'm his g6,) so I deal with GOs quite a bit. I'm going to be screwed when I get back to the states; I'm so used to telling LTCs how jacked up they are and how they need to fix themselves. laugh

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I'm so used to telling LTCs how jacked up they are and how they need to fix themselves.


rotflmao Now THAT'S funny!!! I don't care who you are! rotflmao


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Yup,

I can see some attitude adjustment coming when you rotate back. cool

JL

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Hey Gurka - Get some rest and let us know if you hear anything from your BN Cd or wife tomorow.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Haven't heard anything yet.

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Gerka, I'm an FWW and I thought your last email was PERFECT. WWs are craving all the sappy stuff. They (we) think that our H's are not capable of it - we think the OM is the only person who can be romantic or sappy.

I liked the whole email - the candlelight, everything.

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