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#2368071 05/05/10 09:12 AM
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Thought it was time for an updated thread on spying since technology is rapidly changing:

Keyloggers: I prefer eblaster because it is usually undetectable and will email reports to you. It is around $100 and can be found at spectorpro.com. Very easy to install and you only need to access the target computer once.

Another good one was recommended by Fred: WebWatcher (www.webwatchernow.com).

cell phones: flexispy. This will give you a log of incoming and outcoming along with the actual texts of text messages. It won't record phone calls. The souped up version has a built in GPS. This is fairly easy to install but you have to download the software using the phone and install it. Runs from $149 to $349 at flexispy.com


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by Crushed Jim
I am reviving this thread because I just learned of a new site that will provide real time GPS tracking for FREE....well, mostly free. You need phone service that costs 35 cents a day! so for under $11/month you can track your cheating spouse!

The site is instamapper.com. You can create a free account that you set your cellphone to report its location to. You load their software on the phone and you can log onto the site and see exactly where the phone is in real time.

As far as the phone, Boost Mobile sells various models for around $50 with the pay as you go service. If you select web access, it costs 35 cents a day. Load the software, charge the phone, toss it into a trunk, under a seat, glovebox or whatever, and you can always see where your phone is.

I have been 'testing' the site and phone for a few weeks now... one word....incredible!!!

DIY Real-Time GPS Tracking here

This DIY contains step-by-step instructions on how to track your vehicle from the Internet using a $40 prepaid cell phone and InstaMapper's free GPS tracking service. The end result should be similar to what you see in this demo.


Summary

Difficulty level
Easy to medium, depending on whether you want to permanently install the cell phone in your car.

Time commitment
1-2 hours, including the time it takes to buy a phone. Hardwiring the phone into your car will take a bit longer. Everything needed for this DIY can be purchased locally.

Cost
The prepaid cell phone costs about $40. The phone comes with $5 of free service, sufficient for 14 days of tracking. After that, you pay $0.35 / day for Boost's unlimited data plan, needed for sending location data to InstaMapper.

What you get
24/7 online GPS tracking with very fast position updates. As an added benefit, you can use the cell phone to make emergency phone calls ($0.10 per minute), and send / receive text messages and emails ($0.10 per SMS). The phone also has limited capabilities for web browsing.


Steps:
1.Buy a cell phone
2.Activate it
3.Create a free InstaMapper account
4.Install tracking software
5.Optionally, hardwire the cell phone to your car's battery

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1. Buy Boost Mobile's Motorola phone

Boost Mobile prepaid phones (i290, i335, etc) are available from most major retailers, including Best Buy and Target. We recommend buying from Target because of their 90-day return policy.

Disclaimer: buy the phone at your own risk. InstaMapper tracking service is provided as-is. There are no guarantees that anything will work or that the tracking service will continue to be available. Save the receipt to your phone in case you need to return it.




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2. Activate the phone


�Install provided SIM card and battery.
�Turn on the phone by holding the red "hangup" key. The phone will display "No Service".
�Go to Boost Mobile's phone activation page. If the link doesn't work, go to http://boostmobile.com, click "activate" and then "create a new number" under PayGo.
�To activate the phone, you will need three numbers -- SIM (back of SIM card holder), activation number (back of SIM card holder), and IMEI (bottom of the retail package).
�Make sure to select "activate wireless web". Your phone will not be able to transmit data without this option.
�If you don't receive a phone number at the end of registration, check your email after a few minutes. The number will also be sent to your phone as a text message.
�Power cycle the phone. It should now say "Boost" and display a few bars of signal strengh.
�The web browser may initially give error messages ("error while retrieiving user"). The errors do not interfere with tracking and will go away in a day or two.
�You may want to change some of your phone settings (Menu -> Settings). For vehicle tracking, you probably want to set the ringer volume to 0. We also prefer to silence the keypad, set theme to "Alkali", wallpaper to "Ramps", and enable home icons. Your mileage may vary.

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3. Create a free InstaMapper account

Use this link. Registration should only take a minute or two.


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4. Install tracking software

The easiest way to Install InstaMapper on your phone is by loading it over-the-air using this tool provided by Sprint:

http://144.230.114.35/adp1/FUN/index.jsp?output=100

The tool will ask you for a .zip file, which you can get here.

Then go to Menu -> Games & Apps -> Download Apps. Click on "New Purchases". If you don't see the app there, navigate to Menu -> My Info on your phone and hit "Edit". If Line 1 is empty, enter your full phone number there (starting with the area code). Then try downloading the app again.

Alternatively, you can install the app from your PC using a regular USB cable and Motorola's iDEN Java Application Loader (JAL) software. The latter can be downloaded directly from Motorola here (free registration required; click "join MotoDev" when they ask you for your login information). After JAL is installed, connect your phone to the PC with a USB cable, start JAL, and hit "Connect to phone". Unzip InstaMapper tracking software to a folder on your PC, then hit "Download" and select "GPSTracker.jad" from that folder. Hit "Disconnect" when the transfer completes.

Now start the app you just downloaded -- it will be under "Java Apps", possibly on the second screen (hit "More"). The app is called "GPS Tracker" and has an icon that looks like a satellite. Enter the device id from your InstaMapper account. Click "Save". The phone will ask for your permission to access the GPS chip. Say "yes". When the status message changes from "Locating..." to "Tracking..." your should be able to see the location of your phone on InstaMapper.

Note: the app will pop into foreground during the first few days of operation (the intention here is to discourage covert tracking). Unfortunately, on Motorola phones a notification sound is played whenever an application requests to be run in the foreground. We recommend leaving the app in the foreground during the first few days that it's running, or muting notification sounds in the phone's settings.


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5. Hardwire the phone

For 24/7 tracking, you can hardwire the phone to your car's battery. Only do this if you are comfortable with your car's electrical system, and are willing to accept the risks (shorts, fires, etc). Seek the help of a professional installer otherwise.

The basic idea is to get a SYN1630 Motorola car charger for your phone ($7 on eBay, other chargers may also work), then connect the charger to car's wiring with RadioShack's Accessory Outlet ($7, catalog number 270-1556). You will need to find an always-on 12V wire in your car. To do this, consult the wiring scheme for your car, ask your mechanic, or simply probe the wires with a small sewing needle connected to a multimeter. If your car's fuse box is accesible, an easy way to attach the red wire of the outlet kit is by using a fuse tap such as this one (available at most local autosupply stores). The black wire can be attached to any grounded metal bolt.

As an alternative, you can get an adapter that will power on your phone automatically whenever you start the car. See this discussion for details.

We recommend installing the phone in the glove compartment. This way the phone is easily accessible for making phone calls.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Important notice

InstaMapper does not allow covert tracking. You may not track a person without his or her consent, or track an object without the consent of its owner.




"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by Doormatnomore
It took a voice-activated recorder to catch my wife making plans to divorce me and marry her lover. It might be intimidating to set up, but it's really straightforward. The biggest risk is battery-swap time, that you'll be caught.

Important note: It's better to buy digital than analog (that is, one with a memory chip rather than a physical tape) because they typically consume much less battery life, record more without swapping media, and are TOTALLY SILENT compared with the subtle winding noise of an analog VAR...

1. Go to Radio Shack with cash in your hand -- around $100 should do it -- and order one of their cheaper digital voice-activated recorders. You should be able to find some decent options in their catalog for less than $60. Make sure the VAR uses replaceable, standard-type batteries (size AA or AAA).

Also pick up some sticky-backed Velcro from Wal-Mart or a craft store; it's typically less than $5.00. And enough rechargeable batteries to have one set in the VAR and one in the charger; if the VAR takes two AAA batteries, I'd buy six rechargeable batteries to be on the safe side.

2. Charge the batteries. Or if you're using Alkalines and are OK with burning through a few sets of batteries a week, don't worry about charging.

3. Practice with the VAR in privacy to make sure that the Beep setting is off (it can be set to "beep" when it's recording), that it records silently, and that you know it's turned on. Also become familiar with the PC transfer capabilities of the VAR and how to change batteries very rapidly. You'll need these skills.

4. At a time when your spouse is sleeping or otherwise not using the vehicle, use some Velcro to mount the VAR somewhere near the steering wheel. Most cars have a "false front" just above the pedals where you can stick the VAR. Use a long strip of velcro -- the length of the VAR, if possible -- to keep it secure.

If your vehicle doesn't have any sort of "false front" near the driver, you may need to find somewhere else innocuous to plant it. Make sure it's somewhere that you wouldn't think of as a place to hide something.

3. Here's the scary part: setting up some kind of schedule to swap the batteries every day or every few days, depending on model and consumption. You need to be able to get into the car, change the batteries, and escape unnoticed. Does your spouse go to bed early? Late? What time does the wayward spouse arise? Document the patterns and you'll find an easy opportunity to place it without notice from the wayward.

4. Once a week or so, download the VAR audio logs to your PC or Mac and listen to them. Or, if you have one that does not include PC transfer abilities, use the fast-forward features to skip as much silence as possible. Only keep the incriminating recordings, and carefully note the time/date these incidents occurred.

Look, a voice-activated-recorder in a vehicle typically nails them the first time, almost every time. They are never expecting it, particularly in the car. But it also takes some work on your part, because you get to listen to a lot of radio time and random chatter, and it's a little tough to set up and get familiar with a new piece of technology.

In some cases, it's even caught the lovers having sex in the car!


Now, if you don't want to buy a VAR, but have laptops laying around your house with microphones in them like I do, you can download a free application called "Audacity". It's not voice-activated, but just set it to "record" and you can skip all the silence visually by dragging the cursor. Make sure to disable the power-saving settings on your laptop so that if the top is closed it stays on, and set it, plugged in, somewhere innocuous near that wayward spouse's "favorite spot" in order to catch their adulterous conversations. It's important to note where the CPU vents are in the case... you don't want that fan winding up because the CPU is overheating while your spouse is talking, alerting them to the recorder!

Hope these tips help. Most spouses catch cheating spouses with a VAR in the car within just a few days. I caught several conversations, but nothing incriminating enough for 5 days.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by Doormatnomore
Just had an additional thought for this thread. If you were to rank the most effective snooping methods, what would they be?

1. For ease of use, ease of installation, low cost (from free to just less than $100), and amazing ability to nab spouses misbehaving online, a screenlogger and screenshot logger combo on their computer is very hard to beat.

2. Flexispy Light on the wayward's iPhone, Blackberry, Windows Mobile, or Symbion phone is AMAZING, if a bit expensive. You can get the content of SMS messages both ways, if it has a GPS (or a pseudo-GPS, like old 2G iPhones) you can see where they have gone during the day, and get complete call history (helpful if their bills are no longer being delivered to your house!). For spouses carrying on affairs via a newer high-tech phone, this does the job very well. The "Pro" version isn't really worth the price right now, as the "remote monitoring" feature tends to crash the phone...

**Tip: If your spouse has a Blackberry and keeps it password-protected whenever they don't have it on their person, there's an easy bit of social-engineering you can do to break in. If you fail to enter the correct Blackberry password 10 times in a row, it prompts you if you want to erase all data and reset the phone. Confirm that's what you want to do... now you have an empty Blackberry free of applications. Go to the Flexispy web browsing address on the browser, install the app, delete the web browsing history, and when they restore their data to the phone, Flexispy will still be there. The "social engineering" bit is explaining this to your spouse. You can leave it unexplained, blank, and un-passworded, leaving your spouse to wonder why they have to restore their BB from a backup. Or if forced to 'fess up say that you were concerned about porn on their blackberry, tried to get in, and didn't realize it deleted all their data once you tried the ten different passwords you guessed. Realize this procedure is going to take around 10-15 minutes... so you need some time alone with their phone to get things set up.

3. A GPS in the vehicle is also very, very effective. They are kind of expensive, too, but you can Velcro the GPS to various places in their car. The rotation scheme will be the same as the voice-activated recorder: schedule a time according to when your spouse will be sleeping or otherwise occupied to plan to change the batteries and download the recorder data onto your PC. A great benefit of a GPS vs. a VAR is the variety of places you can put it in a vehicle.

Just a few more thoughts...


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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I have not tried this service, nor do I know anyone who has, but this is a national private investigation service that might be useful to someone: Advanced Surveillance Group


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Publicdata.com is a great INEXPENSIVE resource for looking up local information on a person (i.e., home ownership, driver's licenses, other licenses, vehicle info including plate number, model, make), criminal history, etc.


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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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If anyone needs guidance with instamapper, let me know. Still working great!


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Originally Posted by CrushedJim
If anyone needs guidance with instamapper, let me know. Still working great!

Thanks Jim!! smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by CrushedJim
If anyone needs guidance with instamapper, let me know. Still working great!

Thanks Jim!! smile

Ok,

I am thankfully out of the spying game on WW's, but i will say that a webcam, very small and strategically placed in a hidden spot can reap wonders. They are cheap and you access them remotely whenever you want. I am now spying on my 16 yr old daughter by placing one in the living room when i go TDY for the Navy to see if she is having parties in the house. It is funny to call and say "put that down and tell those people to get out of my house now!" This can obviously be used in other locations for other reasons.

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Ok, I'm trying to do this by following directions, but I'm stuck at the download part of software. I don't know what to download.


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What phone did you buy? There are two ways to load it on the phone.....visit the website specified in the instruction from the phone OR downlowd the install file from the website and connect a USB cable. Which are you doing?


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I need help with this. What's the best way to download? When I do this, it does not give me a zip drive?


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Hi all, I've got a question about skype. I'm familiar with it's basics but what about spying on a spouse who has skype on his personal computer? I know he has it because he likes to talk to his brother over in Sweden. Based upon my past discoveries, my WH is smart enough to not use his cell phone, house phone, and changed his email passwords. I have no current reason to suspect communication with OW at present, but I've been assured of many things in the past that were lies.

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What about anti-spyware programs and the like? How undetectable are these key loggers? Has anyone installed them on a spouse who is super computer savvy?

Does anyone know of phone programs to use on non-Blackberry/iPhone phones? He has a lower tech phone. I'm still trying to figure out the model on it.

Thanks


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Originally Posted by MargieLoll
What about anti-spyware programs and the like? How undetectable are these key loggers? Has anyone installed them on a spouse who is super computer savvy?

eblaster is usually undetectable, however, when you install it, you should run the anti-spyware program and check for sure. If it comes up, it is real easy to program it to ignore eblaster.



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Originally Posted by Valeriean
Hi all, I've got a question about skype. I'm familiar with it's basics but what about spying on a spouse who has skype on his personal computer? I know he has it because he likes to talk to his brother over in Sweden. Based upon my past discoveries, my WH is smart enough to not use his cell phone, house phone, and changed his email passwords. I have no current reason to suspect communication with OW at present, but I've been assured of many things in the past that were lies.

Can you check his call history on Skype?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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I suppose that's what I was wondering, if skype kept a history of itself. However, it's on his work/personal laptop that is password-activated.

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Ok, I'm dealing with H phone which is just like this

http://www.motorola.com/Consumers/U...s/Mobile-Phones/Motorola-Karma-QA1-US-EN

It's a square, slider phone. For some reason I cannot find his exact phone on the morotola site when I know it's a motorola.

Any suggestions on programs or what I can do to monitor this phone? I don't think the programs/sites that have been suggested already will work.

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Can you install 2 different loggers on? Is there any hindrance or benefit of this?


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Not exactly High Tech, but one I liked was a BABY MONITOR.

Have a WS who locks themselves in the garage or spare room to make calls? Plant a Baby Monitor in that room! You can even leave the house, park around the corner, and walk back to the outside of the house and listen in.

You have to watch the volume in case they walk in and hear sounds from the other room, and you need to be w/i about 100 feet of the transmitter or you loose signal, but otherwise it's pretty fool proof.




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Originally Posted by MargieLoll
Can you install 2 different loggers on? Is there any hindrance or benefit of this?

Eblaster and SpectorPro work well together on the same computer.


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Thanks.

Anyone have advice about installs for a non-smart phone?


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What are you trying to install? GPS tracking? Text intercepting?


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I was able to get the software on my computer and go through the steps, but something is still not right. It has not moved into the phone because I can't find it under the applications. I'm missing something..not sure what. Could someone be more specific about the last few steps?


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I think I downloaded the install file...is there a faster way? I bought the Boost phone as recommended.


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Hope:

This is the page that has the instructions I followed for the i355 phone:

http://www.instamapper.com/diy.html

It worked perfectly.


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Did you use the sprint thing or download from computer? I found the application on my phone and got it, but when I go to instamapper...it says no data available. Is there something I should be paying for? The only money I have spent is the phone with $5 on it.


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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
Did you use the sprint thing or download from computer? I found the application on my phone and got it, but when I go to instamapper...it says no data available. Is there something I should be paying for? The only money I have spent is the phone with $5 on it.

hope, did you set up your instamapper account and get an activation code? It looks like you have to do that.


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I did and I found the icon for the tracker, but it is showing a coffee cup with arrow going up. I clicked on it, but it asked me if I wanted to end application or something like that....it's not asking me for that code.


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Ok, I got it to work...thanks for the help. It would appear that I didn't have full service when I downloaded everything. Now, my $5 will run out soon. Do I just go to boost to add time?


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The only problem is when I go to instamapper, it still shows no data? Does it take a little bit to get going? Or should I see location immediately?


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Ok, I had to go outside to get things going. It's working now....so cool. I wish I could have had this from the beginning...it would have save alot of money.


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Originally Posted by hope_eternal
Ok, I had to go outside to get things going. It's working now....so cool. I wish I could have had this from the beginning...it would have save alot of money.

SWEET! Now, how can you slip that in his car without him seeing it? Did you put it on MUTE like Jim suggested?


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I did put it on mute. I thought that if he does come back for one reason or another...I'll try. I don't have a key to car, so it won't be easy, but I'll try.

I guess I just leave the tracker up on the phone? I'm going to charge it fully be the end of today.


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hope:

Glad you got it going. It really is a great tool.

As far as the money, $5.00 will run the phone for about two weeks @ .35 per day. To add time, go to any Sprint store. Most have Kiosks where you can put cash in, enter your phone number and your account gets credited. A $20.00 bill should keep you running for 2 months.

Also, look around on that Instamapper site. You can enter a code, somethhing like #157# and get to a menu that allows you to set instamapper to run automatically when the phone turns on as well as preventing instamapper from shutting down on the phone. I did both of those things. All I do is turn the phone on and in a few minutes, after locking onto the GPS satellites, it just runs.

My WW is at the bar now.... nice place to spend Mother's Day while the kids are home with me, huh?

Last edited by CrushedJim; 05/09/10 08:00 PM.

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No one knows anything about keylogging a Motorola QA30? (non iPhone) help?


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Another option that has been mentioned on the SPYING 101 thread is a GPS tracker that logs information. They are worth mentioning again. They have gotten smaller and more affordable. Make note that they are not real time though. You place the unit in the car or under the car, or somewhere that it will not be seen. The tracker will start logging date and location and length of stops. At an opportune time you remove it, connect it to your computer and use the software that comes with it to see where the car has been.

I have found, as have others, that a good one is the LandAirSea GPS Tracker Key

There's also a pro model that has a few other options(on/off switch, UBS female port instead of usb male port). Both work with Google Earth. Both have a good magnet that keep it in place.

Based on the basic unit, after the initial installation of batteries and the vehicle has been tracked for the desired time, take the unit off and bring it in to your computer.

Basically:
Install Google Earth
Install software CD
Make sure unit has batteries in it and green light is on
Insert into USB port
Double click icon(software you just installed)
From toolbar on top of screen click second button from left.
A box will open up, check FIND UNIT and then DOWNLOAD
Save the log to file.
A new box will open named ACTION
Select Google Earth then OPEN

Google Earth will open up on screen and you will be able to see the routes taken in green. On the left of the screen you will see a box of LAYERS, you will probably want to make sure that STREET VIEW and ROADS are checked.

You can use the map that comes with the software, but I preferred Google Earth for it's ability to go street level and to do panoramic views at that level.

The only warning I have is that the software that reads the logged data is not a stealth software. It will be seen in PROGRAMS and in its installed location. If your WS will see it and question it, you will need to use a remote computer that they don't have access to.

You will need to replace batteries every so often. Based on a 2 hour travel time per day, it's supposed to run for 2 weeks. According to the PRO model, it can go for 80 hours. That's also based on 2 hour travel time per day.

Last edited by MicheleG; 05/10/10 03:51 PM.

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I have the TrackingKey model. $200 and works great. Nothing beats real-time though.


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One method may not work for everyone. So all options need to be explained to the newbies. I'm all for whatever works for each individual.


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Anne just added this to her thread. Good info about VARs in cars.

Originally Posted by anne505
On a positive note, I purchased a noise cancellation microphone for the VAR and it works WONDERS on getting rid of the background noise you get when recording in a car!


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Any suggestions on how I can find out the OWs name (ideally without the expense of hiring a PI)? I have her cell phone number. I've been trying to get into my husband's email account to learn info that way. He's overseas for work right now. I just learned about racy text messages with sexual overtones right before he left. So, I told him that I need a little time to think, process & pray. I'm thinking about just asking him for his email password. But, I know he'll be reluctant to give it to me (if he does it at all). His response has always been that I have to trust him. I'm wondering if it's worth asking. And, I don't want to initiate a love buster or tip him off that I'm looking around....

I've been thinking about downloading a remote keylogger to access his keystrokes right now (even while he's away). But, I'm concerned about the legality of that because his computer is not his/ours; it's issued by his company.

Any thoughts? Other suggestions? Thanks in advance!


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Adding my GPS solution.

I bought this one.

GPS with 6 month battery

This one is pricey. $400 for the unit. Then $60 activation and $40 a month subscription.

It gets the job done though.

It has a strong magnet that allows covert installation on the auto. Most people put it along the back bumper. The battery is like a giant cell phone battery. It indeed lasts about 6 months.

Tracker reads out in real time. Gives updates about every 5 minutes. The location is trackable within about 20 feet. Sometimes you will get a whacked out ping. Especially if the car is still moving or inside a garage. Its easily close enough to figure out where the car is though.

It has a geofence function that allows you to fence off an area.If the car leaves the fence or crosses the line you can get up an email (or text) to alert you.


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Anyone know of a way to use a router to monitor activity on a wireless laptop? The laptop HAS to go through the router, so it seems like there would be some way to do this.

Separated - wife comes to the house during the day to watch the kids while I work. I have NO access to her laptop. She spends many hours each day doing I don't know what on it.

Thanks.

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Originally Posted by FaithfulandTrue
Any suggestions on how I can find out the OWs name (ideally without the expense of hiring a PI)? I have her cell phone number. I've been trying to get into my husband's email account to learn info that way. He's overseas for work right now. I just learned about racy text messages with sexual overtones right before he left. So, I told him that I need a little time to think, process & pray. I'm thinking about just asking him for his email password. But, I know he'll be reluctant to give it to me (if he does it at all). His response has always been that I have to trust him. I'm wondering if it's worth asking. And, I don't want to initiate a love buster or tip him off that I'm looking around....

I've been thinking about downloading a remote keylogger to access his keystrokes right now (even while he's away). But, I'm concerned about the legality of that because his computer is not his/ours; it's issued by his company.

Any thoughts? Other suggestions? Thanks in advance!

Faithful, did you try and call the cell phone # and see if she has a personal message. Sometimes you can get the info that way. Just dial *67 area code and number and it will not show your number as private. Good chance she won't answer if it is private # and have it go to Voice mail.

with the keylogger I know with my work laptop I don't have admin rights for personal software so it might just not work. Not sure about legality either.

One site that is free is www.pipl.com. When I put in the OW name I found out what social sites she belonged to. You can also do a reverse search for email, username and phone #. Might stumble on some information

Try to put your H name also, you might find out where he is connecting with her and get a name that way. Good luck




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Very very useful and informative thread


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http://www.intouchmvc.com/codriver-obd-vehicle-tracking-device.html

This thing plugs into the OBD plugin on your car. Its small, always on (even when the car is off) and you subscribe to their service where their database records where the vehicle goes for about $20 a month.

Unless a person knows to check the OBD, they would never think to look for it. Very easy to install since you just plug it into the OBD.

(info from the link copy/pasted)

The CoDriver OBD is by far our most popular unit. It's small, accurate, affordable, and the easiest tracking device to install on the market today! Just plug the tracking unit in under the dash of the vehicle, then login to our web portal and you're up and tracking in real time.



How the system works...In a nutshell
The InTouch OBD device is powered from the vehicles OBD connection (even when the vehicle is off). The device gets its own location from satellites, the sends that information to our data center where it is accessible by you via our online web portal. When you purchase a device, your personalized web portal is created and the access information is sent to you via email.

How the device plugs in...
OBD stands for On Board Diagnostics. ALL passenger vehicles that are 1996 or newer have the OBD plug as it was mandated by the transportation authority. Our device gets power and vehicle info from this plug and then transmits it back to our data center where you can access it via our online web portal.



Unit Specs
Size: 1.75 x 1 x 2 inches
Connectivity: Satellite/GPRS
Power: Vehicle OBD

Last edited by BTinTrouble; 06/19/10 08:30 AM.

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BT, that sounds like a great solution! What is the OBD, though?


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Ummmmm ML, he said,
Quote
OBD stands for On Board Diagnostics.

I didn't look at the website to see if it can be installed by someone who knows NOTHING about cars though(ME ME ME).



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Originally Posted by Scotland
Ummmmm ML, he said,
Quote
OBD stands for On Board Diagnostics.

I didn't look at the website to see if it can be installed by someone who knows NOTHING about cars though(ME ME ME).

dontknow


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A thingy under the hood(I think) that stays on all of the time. It's part of the computer system in dem deer new cars. laugh


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Originally Posted by Scotland
A thingy under the hood(I think) that stays on all of the time. It's part of the computer system in dem deer new cars. laugh

You silly goose!! It is not under da hood!! rotflmao It is under the dash thingie!! This dude demonstrates it here.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by nice777guy
Anyone know of a way to use a router to monitor activity on a wireless laptop? The laptop HAS to go through the router, so it seems like there would be some way to do this.

Separated - wife comes to the house during the day to watch the kids while I work. I have NO access to her laptop. She spends many hours each day doing I don't know what on it.

I haven't seen much info here about snooping under scenarios where you don't have control of the computer in question but have access to the same shared media such as a WiFi wireless network or wired (e.g. ethernet) LAN. Under these circumstances you may be able to grab the data you are looking for as it travels through the network.

Your best bet in these scenarios is to do a Man in the Middle (MITM) attack. Basically you want to trick the WS computer to unknowingly send the data traffic to another computer you control so that you can act as an invisible relay. This can allow you to:
- Capture network usernames and passwords
- See browsing history
- Obtain a copy of data as it was sent/received from the Internet (chat/web sites/email, etc)
- Automatically modify the data traffic in real time. This feature can be used for tactics like replacing phone numbers, names, addresses, etc as they travel over the network (think about creative ways to change part of the contents in web sites/emails/chats that WS is looking :evil:).

MitM attacks can be done in many ways. Doing it at the router may not be the best way (as it depends on the hardware and software of your router device). There are tools used to turn your computer into a rogue wireless access point but these may be a little advanced for the non-technical.

IMO, the easiest tool to perform a MitM attack is Cain & Abel: http://www.oxid.it. There are more advanced tools (I use others professionally) but this one is free, very versatile, relatively easy to use and runs under Windows. You need to install it in a computer that is in the same local network as the target system. Just make sure you experiment with the tool before using it against the target since in some situations it may cause weird behavor that could raise suspicions.

There's ton of info out there about MitM attacks. Just google for it. I use these techniques frequently in my line of work so if anybody needs more help with this approach I'd be glad to answer questions.

--ElCamino72

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Scotland
A thingy under the hood(I think) that stays on all of the time. It's part of the computer system in dem deer new cars. laugh

You silly goose!! It is not under da hood!! rotflmao It is under the dash thingie!! This dude demonstrates it here.

I said I knew NOTHING bout dem deer automobeels.


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Originally Posted by Scotland
I said I knew NOTHING bout dem deer automobeels.

I know dis! You are like me, you don't know an "on board diagnostic" from a radio tuner!! sigh


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Does anyone know if it's possible to somehow access Blackberry Messenger transcripts? (like IM for Blackberry) I think this is primarily how WH is communicating with OW.


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Originally Posted by MarieClaire
Does anyone know if it's possible to somehow access Blackberry Messenger transcripts? (like IM for Blackberry) I think this is primarily how WH is communicating with OW.

This can be done if the BlackBerry is connected to a BlackBerry Enterprise Server (BES) version 4.1 or higher. BES is typically used by companies to manage their BlackBerries. The problem is getting that information from the company. Perhaps if you know somebody in IT... or if you can force HR to get the evidence.

The BES can log the info to a file or send it realtime to an email address. The same applies for SMS, Phone Logs, Enterprise Messenger, Emails and PINs.

For technical details on how to enable auditing in the BES see BlackBerry Knowledge Base Artice id: KB05024

In my case, it proved to be a gold mine. But I was an authorized BES administrator and a company owner which allowed me to get the info.

Good luck

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Thanks EC...off to look into this!


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Hi! I'm having a difficult time downloading instamapper. I am trying to download it onto a motorola i465. I initially signed up for the website with my I-touch. I now am trying to sign on with my motorola, however I am receiving some type of 500 error and can't sign on. I'm not sure how to procceed. Should I be trying to download everything onto my motorola at this point? When do I download anything onto my I-touch to monitor the phone?
Thanks so much for any help
mike


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Bump


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Anyone have any info on the blackberry spyware. H has a blackberry 8330 and I want to be able to see his texts, H been deleting the all regularly plus the texts at all hours of the day and night. I'd like to have one with a gps also or can buy one for his car. I know that with flexispy can only get the light version (without gps) due to the type of blackberry he has.

I've heard about Mobile spy and Mobistealth also. But I only hear ppl talk about flexispy, anyone have any info on the other spyware?


Me-25 FWW/BS
DH-25 BS/WH (user name DRO)
M- 4/17/2004
DS-4 OC born 12/10/2005
D-Day 1 4/4/2008 (my A)
DNA test #1 4/17/2008
DD-1 born 6/11/2009
D-Day 2 7/20/2010 (H's A)
DNA test #2 7/23/2010

NC yet to happen between H and OW........
R not yet able to happen


my story
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2102978#Post2102978

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2408314&page=1
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You can download an app for your phone from SpoofCard whic will allow you to dial right into a person's voice mail without the phone even ringing. You basically can tell the system what number you want to show up on the caller id; if you are going to do the voice mail trick then just use the same number you are calling.

This is ultimately how I discovered the EA had been going on. I saw the long conversation and a strange number then called the number using SpoofCard. Voila...VM says you have reached OW.


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You can record all the calls going on through the home phone by getting a digital voice recorder and a telephone recording adapter.

The telephone recording adapter converts the phone line into a microphone plug. Be sure you get an adapter which can plug into a telephone wall port (some need to be attached to the actual phone handset). Radio Shack has one here: Telephone Adapter

Plug the phone end into the wall and the mic end into your digital voice activated recorder. Now everytime the phone is used it will be recorded.

FYI: It's probably illegal in all states to record a conversation where neither party knows they're being recorded. You need to be vary careful about what you do with these recordings. Don't tell a judge or lawyer that you have phone recordings of these conversations.

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The disadvantage of using a normal Ma Bell home phone is that you don't have much control over it. It may be difficult or impossible to get call logs or block certain numbers. You may want to look into getting a VOIP internet phone.

A VOIP phone doesn't act much differently than your home phone. You plug a special box into your high speed internet and plug your phone into it. You now have phone service that goes across the internet instead of the traditional two copper wires.

The big difference is that the VOIP providers give you tons of control over your phone. You can log in and see detailed call records. You can easily block incomming calls. You can have calls autofowarded. When the OM or OW calls the house, why not route the call to your cell phone? Won't they be surprised when you answer?

The big VOIP provider is Vonage. They're good, but you can find many smaller, cheaper providers which are just as good. I use Phone Power and have never had a problem.

You can port your existing number to VOIP or get a new one.

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I still haven't figured out a way to monitor my WH's cell phone...
He has an iPhone 3G but updated with 4.0 software. The problem is there is no way to jailbreak it- according to flexispy.
Any other ideas? I would like to verify/check his text messages especially with the tiger-text thing out to help wayward hide text messages.
At this point I see the texts of the phone bill but I am not sure if there is a way to bypass that.


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FWH: 36yo
Married:11 years
Together:16 years (dated through college years)
3 Children: 8, 7, 2
EA 10/2009 PA began 12/09 lasted until 4/10
EA Discovery 1/10 & PA Discovery 4/10
What I thought was "no-contact" in 1/10 was a FR
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If you need to look on a person i.e. possible OP's private Facebook or Myspace page to check for wall posts from your WS, then you just have to do a little social engineering. Here's the process I used.

Find one of their friends on there that has a pretty basic semi-public profile with not much activity. Old high school friends are best, especially if the OP doesn't live where he grew up. We'll call this person the decoy.

Copy the decoy's profile picture to your comp. If they have a file of public profile pictures, then even better.

Make a new email acct using hotmail, yahoo, gmail etc, that is obviously the decoy's name. ex. jon.e.doe@yahoo.com

Use that email to start a new Facebook acct with the exact same name as the decoy.

Put up their same profile pic and maybe even fill the profile pic folder with the pics you copied from the decoy's profile.

Start copying everything you can from the original decoy's profile to your new decoy profile. Activities, Hobbies, Books, Movies, etc. Make sure you Like the same pages. ex. Sports teams and local businesses.

Open up the target OP's profile in another window and open his friends list. Start sending friend requests to people from the same high school as your decoy and target. Send a personal message with the friend request such as " Damn iphone deleted my friends list". Give this a few days for get a good number of people to respond.

When you have as many mutual friends as you can easily get, then send a friend request to the target with the same phony message and hope they bite.

Most people that use FB or MS a lot don't really think about a friend request like that. Phones deleting friends list actually does happen. Hopefully, they are duped and bite.

Now you have access to viewing their wall posts and status updates.

A warning, don't get chatty on there with anyone while using the decoy profile. Silence is best. " Oh well he's probably too busy to respond to my hello message" If someone suspects and looks at their own friends list and sees that there are duplicate people on there then the jig is up.


Don't be tempted to post a blasting exposure message on the OP's page. This is a tool you now have. It will only work once. Keep it secret and keep it safe.



BH - 29 (me)
WW - 29
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2 boys ages 5 and 3
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Finally setting out to prove what I already know. Thank you all for the valuable info. You are all so smart! AFS that FB idea is genius!!


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I don't think creating a fake FB profile of a real person is a wise thing. People may notice that they have two friends called "John Webster" and send notes asking what's up. Also, it may be fraud to impersonate another person like that.

What may be safer is to create a profile with a fake name and the same high school. Then go through the Friend Finder high school listing and friend as many of those people from the same class year as possible. Once you have a good number of those people, start going after the friends of the OP. Once you have those people, friend the OP. It might not work as well as duplicating a profile of the decoy, but it's not as illegal.

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To find family info go to the following sites

peekyou.com
peoplesmart.com

Easy to look up info and cross reference to get family members information.

Good luck. It just helped me find OW parents & siblings and it is FREE.

Last edited by kar; 10/21/10 03:53 PM.

BW (Me) age 41
WH age 40
kids 9 & 3
DD PA Skank #1 2/07
DD PA Skank #2 9/29/10
DD EA Skank #3 3/11 (occurred in '08)not sure if it was PA
Plan A- presently 9/2/11
Plan D- filed 12/20/11, served 12/24/11, 9/2/11 on hold, 12/1/11 cancelled
1/5/2011 WH tells me he is not 100% sure his relationship with OW would work.
7/21/2011 WH moves back home
11/7/2011 WH still foggy in ref to SK#3
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Like the FB profile idea but it might be illegal or the most you could get thrown off from FB.

Another good search is pipl.com That was a good one for me.

I have some good alternate sleuthing ideas but can't post them here because of possibility of someone reading my thread (OP).

Let me know if you need additinal info.



Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

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I just added this to someones thread but figured I should post it here. You can delete anyones password on their computer as long as you have physical access to it by creating a bootable CD with an ISO file you can Download form this site http://pogostick.net/~pnh/ntpasswd/

The only problem is once you delete the password, it can not be recovered and your hubby/wife will know right away the next time they use it what was done. However .. it will grant you access to a locked out computer by allowing you to delete any and all passwords on anyones account associated with that PC. This works for all NT based computer operating systems(winxp, win vista, win 7) The OTHER downside is if there is any files on it that are encrypted they will no longer (or ever) be accesable. BUT it may help in a dire situation or even if you just lost your password yourself and want back into your PC.

Just Download the ISO file from the link i gave and burn it onto a CD/DVD R and then boot the machine you want to erase passwords on wit hteh CD/DVD in the drive and follow the instructions. The website gives great detail on how to navigate the SHELL prompt menu after startup of the CD.

Hope this helps someone in the future.

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iPhone security error ~ a way to get into the phone application if the phone is password locked. Won't be fixed until the 4.2 update comes out.

http://www.iphonefaq.org/archives/971104

"The security flaw revolves around the emergency call screen. When locked, an iPhone will allow emergency calls, however entering a non-emergency number and pressing send leaves the iPhone open to the security vulnerability. By simply pressing the sleep button immediately after pressing the emergency call button the iPhone is unlocked and inside the Phone application. Contacts, Recents, Favorites, Keypad and Voicemail are all accessible after entering the locked iPhone with this button sequence."


Ddays 2007 and 2011
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Bumping for Trueser.


D-Day 2-10-2009
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Thank you Marriage Builders!

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How good is Boost Mobile with InstaMapper account. I'm using Loopt from MetroPCS and it doesn't update for hours, sometime days, it sux. I need an opinion ASAP. I think my WW is cheating again. I'm using GPS based TrackStick but the info is not instantaneous.

Thanks

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View Skype Conversation (IM style.) Has date of each "IM" between to two. Unless has been deleted.

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Originally Posted by ElCamino72
IMO, the easiest tool to perform a MitM attack is Cain & Abel: http://www.oxid.it. There are more advanced tools (I use others professionally) but this one is free, very versatile, relatively easy to use and runs under Windows.

--ElCamino72

Would this software be able to grab info. from an iphone that uses a shared wifi signal while in the home? Thank you for your help!!

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INSTAMAPPER site is down frown just when I finished my setup

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I guess I'm going into the AccuTracking service. Is somebody here using it?

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Does anyone know about SIM card readers? They seem to be very cheap (less than $30).

My H has an iphone (not the latest) and a blackberry (which belongs to his company and has some specialist software on it). With both of them, all he has to do is delete emails or texts, and they are gone forever, as far as I know.

He has given me his passwords, and is OK with me looking through them, but without calling every number and checking that they are who they say they are, this does me little good.

With a sim card reader, could I see all deleted texts and emails?

Should I do this openly, with his POJA? Or should I snoop and try and look when he is out, and has left them at home? This would be easier with his blackberry but not impossible with his iphone.

My head says that he is not messing me about, but my stomped-on heart tells me not to believe a word he says...


BW: 46
FWH:48
Married 20 years with three teenagers
OW1: PA Sep08-Sep09 DDay Jun10
OW2: EA Feb09-Dec09 DDay Xmas Eve 09 (lovely!)
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Originally Posted by BlueMum
Should I do this openly, with his POJA? Or should I snoop and try and look when he is out, and has left them at home? This would be easier with his blackberry but not impossible with his iphone.

My head says that he is not messing me about, but my stomped-on heart tells me not to believe a word he says...

Bluemum, I don't know about SIM card readers, but I have read some about flexispy and I think it would record all texts and emails depending on what version you got.

And absolutely you should not POJA snooping with him. EVER. He should never know about your snooping techniques, otherwise, he will just circumvent them if he had a notion.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Thanks for that.

His BB belongs to his employer and has special software, so I can't install anything on it - but it is left in the house over the weekend.

His iphone is his, but obviously he tends to take it with him when he goes out.

I do struggle with the snooping, while demanding O&H from him - it's not in my nature not to be honest myself...


BW: 46
FWH:48
Married 20 years with three teenagers
OW1: PA Sep08-Sep09 DDay Jun10
OW2: EA Feb09-Dec09 DDay Xmas Eve 09 (lovely!)
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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This worked nicely for me. You'll need access to the computer where the iPhone is backed up, not necessarily the phone itself. Also, it's free.

http://riactant.wordpress.com/2009/09/09/iphone-sms-retriever-utility-for-windows/

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Great info...thanks!


Me (32) BS
Her (33) WW
S(8) | D(6) | D(5)

My Story
Married 9 Years
March 2010: D-Day #1
May - July 2010: Retrouville & counseling
July 2010: WW stopped couseling because we were "better"
November 2010: D-Day #2 (lesson learned "don't stop until the professional tells you are better")
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MelodyLane
What is the easiest keylogger to download, use, and has customer support by phone. I installed one a while back that was a pay by the month subcription. I never could get it to work. I was shocked that I figured out how to cancel the subscription.
Also the target computer is the same one I use, so It can't show up on her side when she logs in.

Thanks

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How about anyone eslse on a easy to use keylogger?

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I have checked out the key logger site and it seems pretty easy... my difficulty is going to be getting into a locked mac book undetected to put it on... any suggestions?


Me (32) BS
Her (33) WW
S(8) | D(6) | D(5)

My Story
Married 9 Years
March 2010: D-Day #1
May - July 2010: Retrouville & counseling
July 2010: WW stopped couseling because we were "better"
November 2010: D-Day #2 (lesson learned "don't stop until the professional tells you are better")
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I'm not an apple guy, but here is a link to apple's support article for changing the administrator password: here.

The problem is that it changes the password, it doesn't tell you what it is. That is fairly common behavior across platforms.

Unless you think you have a good shot at catching the macbook unlocked, your better bet would be to install the VAR and GPS in her car.


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Originally Posted by nxs450
What is the easiest keylogger to download, use, and has customer support by phone. I installed one a while back that was a pay by the month subcription. I never could get it to work. I was shocked that I figured out how to cancel the subscription.


nxs, the easiest one I know of is eblaster at spectorpro.com. It runs about $100 but you only have to get on the target computer once. It emails you hourly/daily reports.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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My WH bought a new phone and it arrived on my doorstep. Should I even bother to put a logger on it? I am in Plan D. Not plan B. Even though I know I am an idiot to not be in Plan B. Too many excuses on my part. Advice from a vet would be helpful here.

Last edited by kartoread; 01/02/11 06:12 PM.

BW (Me) age 41
WH age 40
kids 9 & 3
DD PA Skank #1 2/07
DD PA Skank #2 9/29/10
DD EA Skank #3 3/11 (occurred in '08)not sure if it was PA
Plan A- presently 9/2/11
Plan D- filed 12/20/11, served 12/24/11, 9/2/11 on hold, 12/1/11 cancelled
1/5/2011 WH tells me he is not 100% sure his relationship with OW would work.
7/21/2011 WH moves back home
11/7/2011 WH still foggy in ref to SK#3
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BUMP

Last edited by gg615; 01/07/11 04:24 PM.

D-Day #1 Aug/2007.
D-Day #2 1/27/12
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Thanks I will check it out.

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I am a bit old fashioned, but for court appearances, you need positive proof (a photo) and putting them in compromising situiation with the op.

that is best achieved with a PI. I paid about 500 bucks, and all you need to supply is the 1)photo (a very recent one) of your ws 2)ws contact information (address of their work, their cell numbers, work numbers, list of favorite restaurants, or places they frequent, car (make, model, year, and tag number), any and all information on the op if possible (photo, type of car, their home address).

Within 8 hours I had them coming out of a hotel together (a PHOTOGRAPH...actually several), records from the hotel including the name he registered under (as though he was with me, his wife), photos of his car, her car, their car tags, and an hourly update showing (a photo each hour) time date stamped showing his vehicle and her vehicle were BOTH there all night at the hotel.

this stuff is critical if you're trying to prove without a shadow of a doubt they are cheating. You need the ws in the exact same place as the OP for a period of several hours.

The PI also obtained phone records too. That was about 150 more.

I was armed and loaded going on into court. GA is a fault state, so it was imparitive I had this kind of valid information. You can use the less expensive methods to help determine the WHO of the OP, but you need to prove it without a shadow of a doubt 1)the courts might need it if a D follows and 2)to show the WS you mean business, and to make sure they can't weasel their way out of any exposure and 3)for foggy family and friends who might say you're nuts and that the ema isn't happening.

It's a nice reality tool.


Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right. ~Jane Goodall
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by nxs450
What is the easiest keylogger to download, use, and has customer support by phone. I installed one a while back that was a pay by the month subcription. I never could get it to work. I was shocked that I figured out how to cancel the subscription.


nxs, the easiest one I know of is eblaster at spectorpro.com. It runs about $100 but you only have to get on the target computer once. It emails you hourly/daily reports.




Do you know if they can remove it using anti spyware programs?


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Juststopit, most don't pick it up but it is smart to run the spyware and anti-virus to make sure. If it does find it you can program it to ignore it.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Quote
7. Am I allowed to install this software on somebody else's computer?

You may only install Spector Pro on a computer that you own. Before you install the software, you must agree to use it only on a computer you own.

8. Can I monitor my spouse with this software?

You should NOT attempt to monitor your spouse, significant other or adult children with any SpectorSoft product without the consent and knowledge of such persons. Doing so may violate local, state or federal laws and you could be subject to civil or criminal penalties.

9. Should I inform my employees or others that they are being monitored?

Yes. The SpectorSoft software license agreement requires that you inform anyone you may monitor with SpectorSoft products.

10. Can I use the information recorded with Spector Pro as evidence in a court of law?

SpectorSoft can not guarantee that you will be able to use the recordings in a court of law. A judge determines the admissibility of evidence on a case by case basis. You should assume that the information recorded would not be permitted as evidence.

Interesting...


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Originally Posted by FadingOut
[
Interesting...

What do you find interesting about that, fadingout?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by FadingOut
[
Interesting...

What do you find interesting about that, fadingout?

That, (unless you guys all did ask permission of your spouses/SO's in that case I'll shut up)what is discussed in this thread is basically against the law and that one shouldn't count on overwhelming evidence when using the spyware for a courtcase...


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Originally Posted by FadingOut
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by FadingOut
[
Interesting...

What do you find interesting about that, fadingout?

That, (unless you guys all did ask permission of your spouses/SO's in that case I'll shut up)what is discussed in this thread is basically against the law and that one shouldn't count on overwhelming evidence when using the spyware for a courtcase...

Oh no, it depends on the state's laws. In most states it is perfectly legal to place spyware on your compouter. Parents do it all the time to monitor their children. All states are different. In some states, BS's have even used the logs to support grounds of adultery in divorce cases! It is awesome.

And even in those where is not admissable in court, it served to inform the BS of an affair, which helped him take action against the affair. So, even if the intel is not admissable in court, it is still helpful.

But you do make a good point, every BS should check with his state's laws before he does anything. And if in doubt, hire a PI! A PI is much more effective anyway, wouldn't you agree?

There are myriad ways to uncover a cheater, one just has to be creative. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by FadingOut
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by FadingOut
[
Interesting...

What do you find interesting about that, fadingout?

That, (unless you guys all did ask permission of your spouses/SO's in that case I'll shut up)what is discussed in this thread is basically against the law and that one shouldn't count on overwhelming evidence when using the spyware for a courtcase...

Oh no, it depends on the state's laws. In most states it is perfectly legal to place spyware on your compouter. Parents do it all the time to monitor their children. All states are different. In some states, BS's have even used the logs to support grounds of adultery in divorce cases! It is awesome.

And even in those where is not admissable in court, it served to inform the BS of an affair, which helped him take action against the affair. So, even if the intel is not admissable in court, it is still helpful.

But you do make a good point, every BS should check with his state's laws before he does anything. And if in doubt, hire a PI! A PI is much more effective anyway, wouldn't you agree?

There are myriad ways to uncover a cheater, one just has to be creative. smile

Yeah well a PI would be more effective but I'm not sure it's legal in my parts (Europe) to hire someone like that, other than that I agree that one has to be careful with the snooping. Also I'd like to mention that being spied on (at least that's how it feels to me) when completely innocent, like what is happening to me, isn't the most pleasant feeling in the world...


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If you have nothing to hide from the most important person in your life, then you should be ACTIVELY transparent with the details of your life.

[tj]
@FadingOut - have you read about the EN for Open and Honest?
[/tj]

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Originally Posted by FadingOut
Yeah well a PI would be more effective but I'm not sure it's legal in my parts (Europe) to hire someone like that, other than that I agree that one has to be careful with the snooping. Also I'd like to mention that being spied on (at least that's how it feels to me) when completely innocent, like what is happening to me, isn't the most pleasant feeling in the world...

That is a curious statement, since your H has a right to know everything you do. Why would you have a problem with him snooping? And how does he know you are innocent if he doesn't snoop?

From your posts, it sounds to me like your H has every reason to snoop. You have very poor boundaries and engage in behavior that is risky to your marriage.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Fadingout, based on what you told me, I would be very suspicious if I were your husband because of your lifestyle and your curiously callous attitude towards his concerns. Why would a spouse threaten divorce over jealousy if not to attempt to prevent that spouse from finding something out? A loving spouse would take steps to alleviate the jealousy; you did the opposite. You threatened your spouse.

And I hope that he has hired a PI, because I predict if he doesn't have cause for concern today, he will in the future.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I smell baiting.

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Excuse me but my husband is the one who cheated on me three times and while I admit I've not recovered the marriage from that properly and that threatening divorce is probably childish I really don't see any need to call my lifestyle "suspicious" I'm reading up on Dr Harley's works and I'm not sure I agree with everything anyway, I don't completely understand why my therapist refered me to this site anyway. smirk But aside from that: I do tell my husband where I am going if I travel without him and where he can reach me and I have my cellphone with me and on at all times and I always answer his calls, when my husband goes somewhere w/o me I trust that he speaks the truth about that. He can follow me around, check my whereabouts, of course, but it gets tiresome that after all these years he still doesn't really believe me.


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Originally Posted by FadingOut
But aside from that: I do tell my husband where I am going if I travel without him and where he can reach me and I have my cellphone with me and on at all times and I always answer his calls, when my husband goes somewhere w/o me I trust that he speaks the truth about that. He can follow me around, check my whereabouts, of course, but it gets tiresome that after all these years he still doesn't really believe me.

Yes, he can follow you around and then he gets threatened with "divorce" when he expresses his displeasure at your lifestyle. In other words, you punish him for expressing concern about your boundary LESS lifestyle.

I have no idea why you would "trust" a husband you say cheated 3 times, that makes no sense. But it also makes no sense that your solution to your H's anxiety is not to stop tormenting him, but to divorce him.

Your lifestyle is suspicious and is an affair waiting to happen. Your H has every reason to be concerned. You want to be "believed" but are not willing to do the things to effect that belief, such as ending your travel and objecting to snooping.

Think on this: it is not a lack of trust that destroys marriages, but a lack of boundaries. This has proven true in your marriage.


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Also I'd like to mention that being spied on (at least that's how it feels to me) when completely innocent, like what is happening to me, isn't the most pleasant feeling in the world...
I can't imagine why. Your H is doing this because he feels threatened. Wouldn't you welcome something that would assuage his concerns? And you don't have to even lift a finger - all you have to do is be yourself.
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Originally Posted by Pepperband
I smell baiting.
Oh, whew! Is that what that smell is? I was checking the bottoms of my shoes! grin


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Originally Posted by FadingOut
Excuse me but my husband is the one who cheated on me three times and while I admit I've not recovered the marriage from that properly and that threatening divorce is probably childish I really don't see any need to call my lifestyle "suspicious" I'm reading up on Dr Harley's works and I'm not sure I agree with everything anyway, I don't completely understand why my therapist refered me to this site anyway. smirk But aside from that: I do tell my husband where I am going if I travel without him and where he can reach me and I have my cellphone with me and on at all times and I always answer his calls, when my husband goes somewhere w/o me I trust that he speaks the truth about that. He can follow me around, check my whereabouts, of course, but it gets tiresome that after all these years he still doesn't really believe me.
Your M appears to be built upon expectations. Why not just affair-proof it and be done with it?


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Well having read all this and the advice "to be myself" I doubt I can find anything helpful on this site. I'm also going to quit seeing my therapist who originally refered me to this site.

And as for the advice "to be myself" heh...I have to work and it has to be this rather well paying job, how else do you expect a �2,000,000 mortgage being paid off? So sorry it includes business trips w/o him but that is just a part of me and my life, I'm always myself, trust me on that.

Also I think you guys have some mental health problems, a marriage is built on trust, I truly believe that, Elvis believed it too (see my sig), you lot seem to be rather...stalkerish. Some of the methods used here, I could probably inform the police or something but I'm not that childish, I just think it is rather...insane.

I shall be on my merry way and leave you lot alone and talk to a lawyer about filing the divorce and finalizing it, it'll be a relief for me (and in a way for him too, probably).

Take care all!


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I shall be on my merry way and leave you lot alone and talk to a lawyer about filing the divorce and finalizing it, it'll be a relief for me (and in a way for him too, probably).
I suspect you're probably right.
Good luck.


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Originally Posted by FadingOut
Also I think you guys have some mental health problems, a marriage is built on trust, I truly believe that, Elvis believed it too (see my sig), you lot seem to be rather...stalkerish. Some of the methods used here, I could probably inform the police or something but I'm not that childish, I just think it is rather...insane.

Admittedly, you aren't interested in marriage building or the concepts on this site and your opinion should matter to us WHY?

If you valued your M and suspected an A, maybe this thread would make sense to you. Please.

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Elvis believed it too
Excellent point. Of course, Elvis also believed in the benefits of peanut-butter, bacon and fried banana sandwiches. How'd that work out for him?

A �2,000,000 mortgage and a marriage both being paid off to the same schedule - good life-choice.

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Originally Posted by FadingOut
Also I think you guys have some mental health problems, a marriage is built on trust, I truly believe that, Elvis believed it too (see my sig), you lot seem to be rather...stalkerish.


As Dr Phil would say, how's that working for ya? grin


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My relatives knew Elvis. Actually E had people who were PI's working for him. He would have been ok with this stuf so you're wrong. Waaaay wrong.

Marriages are built on trust, but when one becomes a Wayward Spouse, they lose that ability to have their partner trust them.

maybe on some other planet your theories work FadingOut. I simply hope you have a good life. But do be warned...sometimes even lawyers use private eyes and spying techniques too. Just to protect their client.

I am not so sure what is so bad about simply d.i.y.'ing things yourself (finding out the truth) rather than paying a lawyer thousands to find out for you?

Imho, that's silly. Personally after my divorce I was glad to dump the crazy man onto the ow. But you know what? I'm glad I snooped as much as I did because my dear son, a very little boy at the time, had one parent, the main provider (the ws) who left our home, our family, started a new one, and had no problem screwing over his own little boy to make sure his new nest with the other woman was feathered properly. Get it?

Of course there is an alternative. I call it the 'ostrich approach'. This is where you simply dole out money to a lawyer, trust they do the right things (some do, som don't) and dig a nice hole into the sand and insert your head until you feel it's safe enough to come back out and into reality again.

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Some things I was wondering about, since this is about spying and stuff.

First...

Yes, a wandering spouse has betrayed the trust of the marriage. I am just as guilty as it as my wife was, in my case.

However...

By using such deceitful means as recorders, keyloggers, programs, GPS, etc....aren't you being just as trust-breaking?

I am not trying to start an argument, just trying to understand the other side of the fence.

I'm on the side of the fence that feels that spying, using un-known and nearly undetectable means, is just as trust-breaking as committing the affair itself.

The whole "two wrongs don't make a right".

I'm always willing to have an open mind and try to understand the other points of view...thats one thing I'm quite capable of doing is changing my mind when ably persuaded smile


* * * * * *

What are Federal (and state) laws about installing software on someones property without their knowledge?

I realize that the Michigan lady says he hacked her account...but if he already had her password (as he says) then how is that really hacking (a rhetorical question).

But if you install a keylogger/whatever on a computer that the spouse primarily uses (whether it be work or personal)....how do you think that'd "jive" with the law?

In my state, for example, the following state law says:

"It is unlawful for a person who is not an owner or operator of a computer to transmit computer software to such computer knowingly or with conscious avoidance of actual knowledge, and to use such software to do any of the following:

a. The use of a keystroke logging function that records keystrokes made by an owner or operator of a computer and transfers that information from the computer to another person.

3. Prevent, through intentionally deceptive means, an owner's or an operator's reasonable efforts to block the installation of, or to disable, computer software by causing computer software that the owner or operator has properly removed or disabled to automatically reinstall or reactivate on the computer."


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I agree with rush that I think that marriages are built on trust. Someone else mocked the saying that most marriages are destroyed due to lack of trust, but rather said that most marriages are destroyed through lack of boundaries. Yes, it could be true that one way marriages are destroyed is due to lack of boundaries. However, that is not to say that trust does not play a major role.

I once went out with a guy (let's call him insecure boy) who was constantly accusing me of this or that when I had done nothing to warrant this. He had come out of a previously rough relationship and had been cheated on in the past, so he was just an insecure individual and I was very understanding of that. However, nonetheless eventually it gets old and fast. He would get upset at me whenever I even wanted to step foot outside the house, whether it was to shop to to hang out with the other girls. He would call me about 5 times for each hour I was out of the house. There was no trust. Yes, that lack of trust ended our relationship pretty quickly. You all do realize that there could be boundaries and all in place, and the relationship could still fail due to lack of trust right?

Now back on the topic of boundaries. I think one such boundary that we should observe is that of privacy. Innocent until proven guilty. There is a reason why privacy is protected by the constitution. Sure, you could make the argument that as long as we're not doing anything wrong we should have nothing to hide right? But would you seriously advocate that the government monitor all of our computers, phone conversations, etc (I'm almost afraid to ask this since I think some of the people on this message board might actually be supportive of this line of thinking)? Now I DO think that if you have very good suspicions that your spouse is cheating then go ahead and gather evidence, install keyloggers, and what have you. HOWEVER, in the event that you have done some monitoring and find nothing, I think you do owe it to your spouse to tell them what you have been doing and apologize profusely.

Now I'm not trying to attack anyone's points of views here, so don't get upset. However, I am trying to present a different point of view on this matter, and to not think so narrowly along the lines of "if you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to fear"

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I think one such boundary that we should observe is that of privacy.

This is one of those times when it is important to straighten out the terms.

Privacy is what you provide for yourself when you shut the bathroom door.

Secrecy is actually what this thread is about.
Secrecy is when a spouse has a secret account to hide his/her adultery.
Secrecy involves lies.
Privacy does not.

Where there is secrecy, trust is already violated.




Adultery thrives on secrecy.



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Wow, I was about to write a very long missive in response to this thread. Something I didn't want to do.

Thanks to Pepperband, I don't have to.

smile


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Originally Posted by Pepperband
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I think one such boundary that we should observe is that of privacy.

This is one of those times when it is important to straighten out the terms.

Privacy is what you provide for yourself when you shut the bathroom door.

Secrecy is actually what this thread is about.
Secrecy is when a spouse has a secret account to hide his/her adultery.
Secrecy involves lies.
Privacy does not.

Where there is secrecy, trust is already violated.


Adultery thrives on secrecy.




Okay. So we agree then. We do not install keyloggers unless trust is violated. If you do install keyloggers and find nothing, you apologize profusely. If you have reason to suspect adultery, then have at it.

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Originally Posted by onefineday
Okay. So we agree then. We do not install keyloggers unless trust is violated. If you do install keyloggers and find nothing, you apologize profusely. If you have reason to suspect adultery, then have at it.

Nope.
We disagree.
Install keyloggers when there is a suspicion of an affair/adultery.
The keylogger will confirm whether or not there has been a violation.

And, because you're NEW.....
WELCOME TO MARRIAGE BUILDERS.

Please familiarize yourself with the basic concepts.

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Originally Posted by onefineday
Okay. So we agree then. We do not install keyloggers unless trust is violated. If you do install keyloggers and find nothing, you apologize profusely. If you have reason to suspect adultery, then have at it.
OFD, please read up on MB principles.

If there is in place a Policy of Joint Agreement and a policy of open honesty, no keylogger is necessary.

As too many here have learned, placing your most cherished relationship into the hands of "Trust" results in heartbreak. Using MB principles, where people actually WORK on creating romantic, loving marriages, trust becomes a non-issue.

I trust my wife to pick me up at the airport on the date and time I arrive. I don't trust her alone in the company of another man.

If something prevents her from picking me up at the airport, it's not a marriage-breaker. If she picks up a guy (or vice-versa) it well could be.


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That is what I meant. You install keyloggers when there is a reasonable suspicion. You use the keylogger to confirm whether or not there has been a breach of trust. My fault on the wording.

However, if you are proven wrong, you remove them unless suspicion arises again for one reason or another. However, this does not mean install keyloggers whenever and for whatever reason you feel like simply because "there should be nothing to hide".

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Originally Posted by Fred_in_VA
[quote=onefineday]
If something prevents her from picking me up at the airport, it's not a marriage-breaker. If she picks up a guy (or vice-versa) it well could be.

Yes, it well could be. But does this mean that it is? What if your spouse has been in the company of men or even women (because yes there seems to be an increasing number of bisexual women out there) and has never failed to do anything that should violate trust. And lets just assume you have snooped on her plenty of times and have come up with nothing. Do you stop monitoring or do you continue untell you are entirely satisfied (even if this means never)? I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I am genuinely interested in your point of view because these ideas are somewhat new to me, since I have always heard of the more traditional route of "trust" (which may not be correct).

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Originally Posted by Rush_2112
By using such deceitful means as recorders, keyloggers, programs, GPS, etc....aren't you being just as trust-breaking?

I am not trying to start an argument, just trying to understand the other side of the fence.

I'm on the side of the fence that feels that spying, using un-known and nearly undetectable means, is just as trust-breaking as committing the affair itself.

Of course not. There is nothing untrustworthy about snooping; that makes no sense. There is something very untrustworthy about cheating and lying. It is not "untrustworthy" to catch someone lying and cheating. Just ask yourself if the federal police are being "untrustworthy" by spying on drug dealers. Of course they aren't.

Spying on your spouse CREATES trust, it does not erode trust. There is nothing more trust building than independently verifying the fidelity of your spouse.

It is too much trust that leads to affairs. This is why it is important in marriages to make sure you know what your spouse is doing when you are not looking. That keeps the marriage SAFE. It is the ones who have blind trust who usually discover affairs. Their spouses were able to conduct the secret second life necessary for an affair.

It is not a lack of trust that ruins marriages, but a lack of BOUNDARIES.


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Originally Posted by onefineday
Okay. So we agree then. We do not install keyloggers unless trust is violated. If you do install keyloggers and find nothing, you apologize profusely.

Nope, don't agree at all.


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Originally Posted by onefineday
However, if you are proven wrong, you remove them unless suspicion arises again for one reason or another. However, this does not mean install keyloggers whenever and for whatever reason you feel like simply because "there should be nothing to hide".

It depends on what makes the spouse feel safe. If it makes a feel safe, then yes, he should slap a keylogger on his spouses computer. He has a right to know everything that spouse does on the computer.


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Below are some key quotes from Dr Harley, but I think it should be emphasized that a person who has nothing to hide, won't hide. Nothing should be kept secret in marriage.

Originally Posted by Dr Willard Harley
So one of the most common clues of an affair is an unwillingness to let a spouse investigate all aspects of life. If two lives are necessary for an affair, and if a spouse is curious enough, the secret second life is relatively easy to uncover. Difficulty in getting a spouse to talk about events of the day can be a sign of trying to hide the second life.

One of the most common smoke-screens used by unfaithful spouses is to express shock that their spouse would be so distrusting as to ask questions about their secret second life. They try to make it seem as if such questions are an affront to their dignity, and a sign of incredible disrespect. They figure that the best defense is a good offense, and so they try to make their spouses feel guilty about asking too many questions.

I am a firm believer in letting each spouse do as much snooping around as they want. Nothing should be kept secret in marriage, and no questions should be left unanswered. If a spouse objects to such scrutiny, what might he or she be hiding? here

Originally Posted by Dr Harley
Look what happened to poor Kathy Lee Gifford. She stated publicly and wrote in one of her books that she trusted her husband completely, that he would never cheat on her. But she should not have trusted her husband. If she would have taken the steps she is now taking to help him avoid another affair, the first would never have taken place, and she would have avoided all its pain and embarrassment. I don't trust my wife completely and she doesn't trust me, and that's why neither of us have ever had an affair. Lack of trust does not make spouses paranoid and miserable, it makes their marriages safe.
here

Originally Posted by Dr Harley
One topic is loss of trust. How can a spouse ever trust an unfaithful partner again? My answer is that the spouse should never have been trusted in the first place. I shouldn't be trusted by my wife, and I shouldn't trust her. The fact is that we are all wired for infidelity, and under certain conditions, we'll all do it. The way to protect your marriage from something that has been common to man (and women) for thousands of years is to recognize the threat, and do something to prevent it from happening. Basing a marriage on the Policy of Radical Honesty and the Policy of Joint Agreement goes a long way toward preventing an affair. Being each other's favorite leisure-time companions, and not being away from each other overnight are also important safety measures. Meeting each other's most important emotional needs, avoiding Love Busters and building an integrated lifestyle, free of secret second lives, are all ways to affair-proof your marriage. With these measures in place, we end up trusting our spouses because an affair becomes almost impossible to achieve.
here





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Let me ask you guys a question then (and again I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just trying to understand your points of view).. Do you think that our government should monitor everything that we do by installing keyloggers on all of our computers, tapping all of our phone conversations, installing GPS chips into our bodies, etc? Because the government can't trust that we will be good citizens, they have to make sure. And we shouldn't have any complaints about this.. after all, we're not going to be bombing anything, watching child porn, or committing any other illegal acts?

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Originally Posted by onefineday
I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I am genuinely interested in your point of view because these ideas are somewhat new to me, since I have always heard of the more traditional route of "trust" (which may not be correct).


What about what Dr Harley (the one who has saved countless marriages and has helped affair proof countless more) says? If you disagree with what he says, can you tell us why and what you base it on??

Furthermore, it really bothers me that folks who don't know the MB concepts and who haven't recovered their marriages after an A are posting on THIS thread their ideas about trust.

THIS thread is to help people who suspect a possible affair or are trying to protect themselves/feel more safe after discovery of an affair.

I personally knew something was wrong with my H during his A but he kept insisting it was due to work stress. My sister pushed me for weeks to snoop. I am so glad I didn't have someone saying silly statements like "marriage is built on trust" to me. I already felt bad snooping as it was.

**sheesh**


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Originally Posted by onefineday
Let me ask you guys a question then (and again I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just trying to understand your points of view).. Do you think that our government should monitor everything that we do by installing keyloggers on all of our computers, tapping all of our phone conversations, installing GPS chips into our bodies, etc? Because the government can't trust that we will be good citizens, they have to make sure. And we shouldn't have any complaints about this.. after all, we're not going to be bombing anything, watching child porn, or committing any other illegal acts?

Could you open a new thread please?? This isn't appropriate on this one.


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Originally Posted by onefineday
Do you think that our government should monitor everything that we do by installing keyloggers on all of our computers, tapping all of our phone conversations, installing GPS chips into our bodies, etc?

Nope.

Next question? smile


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Do you think that our government should monitor everything that we do by installing keyloggers on all of our computers, tapping all of our phone conversations, installing GPS chips into our bodies, etc?

Only if I was married to the Guhment.

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Edit - incorrectly addressed post

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You are such a gurl! grin


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Thanx, "Doc" !

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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Rush_2112
But if you install a keylogger/whatever on a computer that the spouse primarily uses (whether it be work or personal)....how do you think that'd "jive" with the law?

In my state, for example, the following state law says:

"It is unlawful for a person who is not an owner or operator of a computer to transmit computer software to such computer knowingly or with conscious avoidance of actual knowledge, and to use such software to do any of the following:

a. The use of a keystroke logging function that records keystrokes made by an owner or operator of a computer and transfers that information from the computer to another person.

3. Prevent, through intentionally deceptive means, an owner's or an operator's reasonable efforts to block the installation of, or to disable, computer software by causing computer software that the owner or operator has properly removed or disabled to automatically reinstall or reactivate on the computer."

Seems pretty clear--it's illegal to install a keylogger on a machine that you don't own.

But, if your spouse's computer was purchased while you were (and still are) married, then it's marital property and you're an owner.


Me (BH)
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Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2

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Originally Posted by onefineday
Let me ask you guys a question then (and again I'm not trying to be argumentative, I'm just trying to understand your points of view).. Do you think that our government should monitor everything that we do by installing keyloggers on all of our computers, tapping all of our phone conversations, installing GPS chips into our bodies, etc? Because the government can't trust that we will be good citizens, they have to make sure. And we shouldn't have any complaints about this.. after all, we're not going to be bombing anything, watching child porn, or committing any other illegal acts?

No. Because I don't want to have sex with Obama nor his wife, nor would I like to have slept with George W. Bush, nor Laura.

My own wife, however...


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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saw this great post from rwinger about GPS units, hat tip to riwinger -

Originally Posted by rwinger
Quick and easy tracker is the the little buddy child tracker at best buy. Costs $50 and first mo is free service. Battery is charged by USB like the iPod. Its 4X1 inch stick and put in the trunk. I used it to track my daughter and granddaughter - works better than I ever envisioned.

Every time I access it - it throws a map up on the site where it is located within 20 to 40 yards. You can programmed to send a text or email if tracker goes outside a boundary. Battery lasts 4 days. but it takes 5 hrs to charge her back up.
Little Buddy tracker at Best Buy


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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The gov't can do all those things already w/o individual chips in people or computers. Sheesh, don't you watch the crime dramas on TV like CSI-any city USA, NCIS, etc.? LOl

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No access to work PC, nothing on his phone, checked and checked many times but always stuff deleted, even call log, doesn't spend time on interweb on home laptop, no fb page, travels for work and she used to meet him en route for chats and sex if they could, she also has no fb page

he tells me its over and done with but too quick considering A went on for 6 years. Never away O/N, evenings but days off work etc.

Feel stuck, no trust but no real reason not to believe!


Me 50
WH 52
WH in A 6 yrs in total, last 5 yrs JGF (Not!)
DD final 1.12.10
NC letter sent 3.12.10

Working at being the best I can be, the rest is up to you.

He is still a plonker, but he is my plonker!
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I just wanted to mention here .. that i found a FREE keylogger that does not set off my antivirus! The free version only does keylogging and saves the log in a text file in a hidden location. There is no indication in the add and remove programs that it is there .. and there is no indication it is starting up at start up on your machine. The full version that allows you to recieve stuff remotely is only 39.95. They also have a USB stick version and a version for your mobile device.

www.desktopshark.com has the download. So far .. as I am typing this everything seems to be hidden really well unless you press the key combo to force the admin screen to pop up or type in the password (default is desktopshark with no caps and all one word) but it can be changed after install.

GOod Luck! Hopefully someone finds this of use as it is MUCH cheaper than buying one if you only need key stroke logs.

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Does anyone have an idea of how long it would take to download spyware such as flexispy onto an iphone? I can probably get access to it but I don't know for how long. It's expensive and I don't want to invest in it unless I know I will end up using it. Thanks!

Anne

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bump


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I found out that it takes about 15 minutes but I have to jailbreak the Iphone first. Not sure how to do that but I'm going to see if I can find out. WH doesn't yet have the Iphone but he's planning to get one so I'm just preparing for when he does.

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anne505, let me know when you do. I am also trying to decide on which of the spy wares to get. WH uses an android phone.....


BS-32-Me
WH-37
No kids
DDay- 10/2008
Plan A-02/28/2011
Recovery or nothing!
Married-10 years
Still recovering...
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Originally Posted by newsong11
anne505, let me know when you do. I am also trying to decide on which of the spy wares to get. WH uses an android phone.....

I will be sure to let you know. I've heard good things on here about flexispy so that's what I'm going with even though it's quite pricey. He's been deleting texts so that I won't see them so it should be worth the price. Now I just have to wait until he gets around to getting the new phone.

Also an FYI about keyloggers...PC Pandora is a good one and was not detected by the IT guy at WH's office (he got a virus looking at porn and had to have the IT guys clean up his laptop).

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I have lost all capability to track my WH at home...he's become to smart and doesn't use anything at home.
He is using a government computer at his work which is actually through a university network system so he has a .mil address and a .edu address that doesn't need a CAC. The computer is military and has all spyware, malware, etc programs, so getting in and monitoring is a bit far fetched I believe.
Is there any other way? I've had to sneak into his office to place a VAR which worked to identify he was still talking with her which spurred me to tell all to the husband and to our families. But once he found it, he destroyed it.
Now I know he can only communicate with her via office phone and email from his work. I have SpectorPro at home on the laptop and have recorded nothing in the past 4 months...so either he is on to me or just decided home contact was too tricky.

Really not sure if he is still in contact, but his actions and reactions to things lead me to believe it could be true.

Any advice would be great!


Me, FW - 40
M - 18 yrs
DD & DS (15, 11)
DDay- 08/30/10; 2nd DDay - 11/18/10
WH had EA/PA from 04/09 - 11/10
My Return from Deployment May 09

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Live4day, I would give him an opportunity to prove his truthfulness by opening up his life completely to you. He will have to give you passwords or some way to check his email. He will need to figure that out.

I would also make an appointment with a polygraph tester and tell your H 2 days before the test. When you break the news to him, hand him a list of questions and tell him this is his LAST chance to come clean before the test but if he fails, he is OUT.

It is up to your husband to PROVE to you that he is being honest and to affair proof this marriage, even if it means leaving that job and getting a job where you are with him all day. If he won't do all those things, you need to go to Plan B. And I would wrap this all up one way or the other within a week.

For you to be screwing with this crap so many months beyond D-Day is dangerous to your mental and physical health.

HAve you been in contact with the OW's H?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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