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You guys don't think that someone so angry would just be thinking "Pffft, fine, I'll take your money, idiot." ?

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You guys don't think that someone so angry would just be thinking "Pffft, fine, I'll take your money, idiot." ?


Of course it is possible.

Just like it's possible when a BW meets her WH's need for SF, that he'll be thinking, "Pffft, fine, if you're offering, I'll take it, idiot!"

You take a chance at being used....hoping to make a deposit in their LB.


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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
You guys don't think that someone so angry would just be thinking "Pffft, fine, I'll take your money, idiot." ?

That is another possibility, but she would have to be a real sociopath to do that. Besides, why would she tell you to stop sending her money in the first place then? Probably to ease her guilt. She may think that way now, but it will stir up more conflict and guilt inside her. She was using you "cutting her off" to justify you being the bad guy. Well, she no longer has that to rationalize her behavior anymore.

Also, she may not realize you are making a love bank deposit in the same way she might not have realized OM was making love bank deposits when they first met. If you make enough deposits (not all literally), the feelings may come back.

Last edited by jmwc95; 05/05/10 01:05 PM.

Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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In Plan A, you are supposed to act as you always have in your M...only better.

Your Taker is rearing it's head, try to do something for yourself to settle it down.

And try not to expect a thankyou from her.


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You guys don't think that someone so angry would just be thinking "Pffft, fine, I'll take your money, idiot." ?


Hey Gurka,

Yeah, she could be thinking this, in fact, she probably is!

Now, having said that, remember what your goal is during Plan-A... to show her your love by your actions and to present the best "Gurka" that you can.

You've pretty much nailed the EN of Financial Support... she's not going to say a thing to you about this right now, because she's still angry with you. ...but your ACTIONS are not going un-noticed. You might not see it right away, but it will have an effect on her.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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but your ACTIONS are not going un-noticed. You might not see it right away, but it will have an effect on her.


Absolutely!

You gave her quite a bit of the STICK side of Plan A.

It's GREAT that you get the chance to offer the CARROT side of it...and a nice big one too !

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Originally Posted by Marshmallow
Absolutely!

You gave her quite a bit of the STICK side of Plan A.

It's GREAT that you get the chance to offer the CARROT side of it...and a nice big one too !

That sounds kinda dirty. laugh

Last edited by jmwc95; 05/05/10 01:21 PM.

Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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LOL!!

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Gerka,

If you get the chance to watch the movie, Fireproof, do so!


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Originally Posted by Marshmallow
Gerka,

If you get the chance to watch the movie, Fireproof, do so!

Ditto. I watched it with BH a little over a month ago. Very good, the site is helpful too.


Me 31
Him 26
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DS3

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Fireproof is a great movie to watch. On a general note, A lot of people are telling you that your marriage cannot recover. Your marriage can survive. There is only one thing a marriage cannot survive. And your wife, as yet has not shown any sign of it. Marriage can survive the death of a parent, sibling, and even a child. It can survive financial ruination, sickness and even physical abuse. the one thing that marriage cannot survive is CONTEMPT. As yet your wife has not shown contempt.

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If you get the chance to watch the movie, Fireproof, do so!


Good morning Gurka - I remember seeing Fireproof at the bazaars there in Kabul...

It's a great movie!

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Good morning all. I looked at Fireproof on Amazon, but it seemed to have a pretty religious tilt so I passed. Didn't hear anything from WW, but I agree that she's got to be thinking something now.

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...but it seemed to have a pretty religious tilt so I passed.

Hey Gurka,

It does have a religious "tilt"... but the concepts presented are right in line with the MB principles. No worries on the video!

As I said earlier, I wouldn't expect your W to say anything else until after the investigation is finished... then you'll probably get an ear full!

I did think it was interesting how quickly your wife moved the money into her account, and I still think that you did the right thing by giving it to her. It's just money, and if it builds good will with your wife, it's money well spent!

Hope your day is going well. It's starting to really warm up here and it won't be long before the lows will be in the upper 90's to low 100's... Glad I'll be heading home soon!

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Yeah, she snatched the money in a hurry. She could have used it to pay her credit cards from the account that I put it in, but she moved it off where I couldn't see it.

So I guess once you get home you'll have better things to do than babysit me on here. :P

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So I guess once you get home you'll have better things to do than babysit me on here.


Hey Gurka - I'm only going home for R&R around the end of this month.


I will NEVER leave a soldier behind...even when I re-deploy in August!.

I'll be here for you!!! wink

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
I looked at Fireproof on Amazon, but it seemed to have a pretty religious tilt so I passed.

Gerka,
I'm an atheist and I still enjoyed Fireproof. While the movie was commissioned by a church and there are some religious themes, the concepts it teaches are really pretty universal to good marriages and I would call them secular in nature. The biggest issue you will have to deal with is the slightly cheesy acting smile

Keep up the good work!


ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
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The biggest issue you will have to deal with is the slightly cheesy acting


LOL

Yup. And technically, it was a little like watching a TV show.

But, the message was really good.

Gerk, It would be a pity you missed it b/c of the religious tilt. Seriously.

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
I looked at Fireproof on Amazon, but it seemed to have a pretty religious tilt so I passed.

I'm extremely non/anti-religious also and it was watchable. There were only a few religious parts that were easy to over look in the grand scheme of the movie. I'd still recommend seeing it.


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Him 26
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DD11
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DS3

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Seriously, what the hell is wrong with religion? I'm not a very religious person myself, but it drives me crazy that some people are so very threatened by the very notion of a God because they don't want to have to feel any guilt for the bad $hit they do. Get over it. Sure, there are some bad people the run some religions and some people that abuse it. How is that any different than anything else in life (business, politics, etc.)? Whether or not their is a higher power, the purpose of (most) religion is to fight human nature and have people be good to each other. Sounds like your WW could use some religion, no? If you are just going to discard everything that has anything to do with religion, you are going to miss out on a lot of good stuff.

[/rant]

Last edited by jmwc95; 05/06/10 08:16 AM.

Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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