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Karma - I know this is more for what a WS says to a BS, but here are a few that I've heard from my WW mother and OM Step-father.

My Step-father (the OM) once went through great pains to explain to me, (I was ~6) that:

'Your father was always helping HIS mother (my grandmother), running around doing things for her, ignoring your mother.'

It was a lengthy diatribe that never made sense to me. I always thought he sounded like my little brother did when he got caught doing something he wasn't supposed to and tried to whine and lie his way out of trouble. My 6 year old brain thought this. A couple years later I learned the truth and his lecture made sense. He WAS a child caught doing something he wasn't supposed to, trying to make excuses to make it ok. Apparently, my father driving my grandmother around town to run errands is a valid excuse for adultery.

Gem no. 2. I wasn't there for this one but my DH (fianc�e at the time) was.

MOM, aka WW: 'It took a long time for me to forgive what BS did to me.'

And yet neither, I, nor my father has never heard a word of apology for what her affair did to us. She said this as part of a lengthy lesson on the importance of forgiveness. My DH said she made it sound as if he beat and abused her nightly and she, in her saintly way, worked to forgive him. He was prepared to meet a monster when he met my father. Yeah not so much- interestingly enough, she never much liked DH after he met and got along with my father.

Finally, this gem:

Before I got married she sat me down and said:

"V, I know you and your fianc�e get along great and have a lot of fun together. Just be careful. Your father and I had a lot of fun together and didn't have a strong foundation, thats why we didn't work out."

Apparently the marriage broke up because she and my father had too much fun together. It had nothing to do with her sleeping with another man.


Me & DH: 28
Married 8/20/05
1DD, 9 mo.
Just Lookin' and Learnin'
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WOW. That's just...

I'm amazed.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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"I know I shouldn't be doing this but I'm just afraid not to take this chance at happiness".
twoxfour

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All these years later, I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one and, "I'm not happy and God wants me to be happy so I'm going to do leave and see if this makes me happy." faint

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Yeah, and your mom is probably still with OW right?
It is amazing how much these A end up lasting...I see a lot of that.
blessing


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Stillhere, I understand your point and it is a good example of how much WS change their total way of looking at the world once in an A.
At the same time I want to jump on the wagon and agree with DoormatNM not in relation to your specific post but in general. People are certainly free to express religious believes, but this is not a religious site and there are people from many different faiths.
Quote
Please note that one's religious belief is not correlated to one's devotion to his or her marriage. As proven over and over again on this board, religious devotion, great faith, and an otherwise perfectly Christian lifestyle don't stop affairs.
I agree and I would add that if you are hoping for God (any god) to punish then you are in the wrong track. God is love and total acceptance.
The punishement that a WS gets is brought to them by the WS himself not by God. The guilt, shame, anger and social pressure a WS has to go thru are what causes them pain and suffering either in the short run (look at Lady long legs H's and his heart problems only a few months after D day) or in the long run...and there are so many WS still together with their OP (Stillhere, Chai, etc..)who seem to do just fine, if not better, than when they were married.
If you are waiting for god to punish your WS, you will be waiting forever. God is love and free will.
Blessing

Last edited by atena; 05/12/10 02:37 AM.

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Originally Posted by MargieLoll
Originally Posted by lildoggie
"She has dumped me. Just kidding"


He said THAT TO YOU??? What a **** (fill in any 4 letter word) wink
Yeah he really said that, and yes he was an **** - then. Now he's rather lovely. I was getting pretty cynical by that stage so all I said was "I'm not that lucky" to which he laughed.

I remembered another fogism, during the FR he said to me something like "I couldn't live with her, I would have to buy a house next door to her"
Freaking weirdo crazy

I tells ya, waywards are crazy.

Its the PEA poisoning.


Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
atena #2372024 05/12/10 06:52 AM
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Originally Posted by atena
Stillhere, I understand your point and it is a good example of how much WS change their total way of looking at the world once in an A.
At the same time I want to jump on the wagon and agree with DoormatNM not in relation to your specific post but in general. People are certainly free to express religious believes, but this is not a religious site and there are people from many different faiths.
Quote
Please note that one's religious belief is not correlated to one's devotion to his or her marriage. As proven over and over again on this board, religious devotion, great faith, and an otherwise perfectly Christian lifestyle don't stop affairs.
I agree and I would add that if you are hoping for God (any god) to punish then you are in the wrong track. God is love and total acceptance.
The punishement that a WS gets is brought to them by the WS himself not by God. The guilt, shame, anger and social pressure a WS has to go thru are what causes them pain and suffering either in the short run (look at Lady long legs H's and his heart problems only a few months after D day) or in the long run...and there are so many WS still together with their OP (Stillhere, Chai, etc..)who seem to do just fine, if not better, than when they were married.
If you are waiting for god to punish your WS, you will be waiting forever. God is love and free will.
Blessing



What my DS was referring to was when the rains came and Noah built his ark....God was angry with the wickedness that was going on and he destroyed those whom he created. DS who is very intelligent told WH that if "everyone was doin it" that God would get angry and destroy the human race...

I did not tell him this, he got it from what he read in the Bible...Just sayin...

Last edited by stillhere8126; 05/12/10 06:53 AM. Reason: spelling

BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Stillhere thank you for your post.
Again, I am not responding to you directly but are backing what DoormatNM is saying that religion is a very personal thing and this is a MB site not a religious site.
I understand what your daughter told you H and that you are just reporting that.
In general however, on this forum there are lots of references to a Christian God. Even if I do respect other people religion I just want to make the point that the reason why people have A or suffer the consequences from the A are not inflicted by god but by themselves. If we say the contrary then this becomes a religios site and is no longer MB.
You daughter has her believes and so did your H so your post was pertinent in showing how your H's values have changed due to the A.
Blessing


atena
atena #2372034 05/12/10 07:06 AM
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Originally Posted by atena
Stillhere thank you for your post.
Again, I am not responding to you directly but are backing what DoormatNM is saying that religion is a very personal thing and this is a MB site not a religious site.
I understand what your daughter told you H and that you are just reporting that.
In general however, on this forum there are lots of references to a Christian God. Even if I do respect other people religion I just want to make the point that the reason why people have A or suffer the consequences from the A are not inflicted by god but by themselves. If we say the contrary then this becomes a religios site and is no longer MB.
You daughter has her believes and so did your H so your post was pertinent in showing how your H's values have changed due to the A.
Blessing

Thats all I was trying to say...The point wasnt about God, but about how my WH values changed...But everyone seems have the misconception that I was speaking on my religion and was questioning me on it, thats all...I had to explain myself better. smile

Last edited by stillhere8126; 05/12/10 10:51 AM. Reason: add quote

BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Just a quick question that i have been wondering....So is it okay for other people to speak about how God is love, free will and does not punish waywards and that perfectly Christian lifestyles dont stop affairs?

But me talking about my DS interpretation of the Bible is not proper on this website(even though that was NOT the meaning of the post, just part of the story) because saying that God does get angry and digusted with us sometimes makes MB become a religious website?

I just want to understand the proper etiquette cuz I am a little confused. Am I the only one who cant reference God? think Just wondering...Thanks!


Last edited by stillhere8126; 05/12/10 11:24 AM. Reason: clarify

BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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I think the point was that someone's interpretation of the bible isn't necessarily a wayward phrase as many people might say the exact same thing yet be completely faithful to their spouses. When you initially wrote it, you didn't provide the context that your WH was a devout catholic prior to his adultery. Without that information, the statement could have come from anybody who wasn't Christian, regardless of their marital status and faithfulness to it.

Tabby1 #2372223 05/12/10 12:55 PM
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Yeah but I wasnt calling it a wayward phrase I just added it to my story, venting..and after I clarified he was a devout catholic prior to his adultery I was still being told that this website is not a place for religious views, then it was followed by religious views.

That is what I was referring to, being told that MB is not the place for religious views and then being told someones religious views on the same post. I just think it is hypocrisy. JMHO.

My point is dont tell other posters not to post their religious views and then post yours. About how God doesnt punish....I think he does punish as written in the bible, so I dont think anyone should post otherwise, because then this is a religious website with people posting opposing views to mine, so there... smirk (sounds ridiculous doesnt it)

Well that is how it sounded to me. And I bite back when provoked.

Last edited by stillhere8126; 05/12/10 01:02 PM.

BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
atena #2372227 05/12/10 01:08 PM
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Atena,

I've seen you post several times about YOUR beliefs. I find it offensive that you take people to task who ARE believers in the Christian faith for posting with a Christian slant. If a poster indicates that they are a believer (as am I) I won't hestitate to encourage them in the faith as one believer to another, or to invite someone to consider that God could be the answer.

FYI - Dr. Harley IS a Christian and the icon at the top of the page represents a Christian belief.

So please don't disrespect people who ARE Christians by discounting THEIR beliefs. No one disrespects you for your UNBELIEF.

Thanks.

Don't believe me? Read this interview with Dr. Harley.

Interview with Dr. Harley and his wife

Last edited by princessmeggy; 05/12/10 01:14 PM.

Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Thank you, PM. That is what I was trying to say...


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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[quote=stillhere8126Thats all I was trying to say...The point wasnt about God, but about how my WH values changed...But everyone seems have the misconception that I was speaking on my religion and was questioning me on it, thats all...I had to explain myself better. smile [/quote]

What I bolded is what I got from your post. I didn't get the impression you were proselytizing.

Sorry, Karma, carry on smile


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Oh yeah, sorry karma...blush


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Originally Posted by stillhere8126
The statement to my DS from WH angered me because he was always a religious man and we raised our DS Catholic....Now that WH is in the A suddenly he feels the need to tell WS that the Bible is a load of puckey....THat is basically what DS got out of it, this is what angered me.

I am not saying I was right or wrong, just mad....

I thought I clarified here too....I guess I am not good at getting my point across...


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Ugh just remembered one I saw in an email from OW to WH that has haunted me ever since:

"Maybe if NP knows about me she'll be okay with you going out to see me."

First of all, puke

And second of all, NO, what the heck could she be thinking, saying that????? Why in God's name would I be okay EVER with that????? Nooo


Me: BW, 27
Him: WH, 29
DD 4
DS 1
Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009 (possibly sooner)
D-Day: 3/31/10
2nd D-Day: 4/9/2010
3rd D-Day: 4/21/10

Plan B (shortlived as it was): 18/05/10
WH decides to work on marriage: 20/05/10
False Recovery, Back to Plan B: 13/08/10

Filed for D Feb 2011, D April 2012

Looking forward to the sunshine and rainbows life should hold for us all!
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Originally Posted by NewPetals
"Maybe if NP knows about me she'll be okay with you going out to see me."

Wow, that's just... dumb! Because of course you're gonna be ok with your H seeing someone else!

[Linked Image from pic4ever.com]


AnnaBelle Rose

Me: 29 WH:31 DS: 22mths M: almost 6 years, together 7 1/2
I am not a mistake. - ABR
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