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I don't mean that I want to "depend" on a guy...but going through life with someone who can, say, take care of you if you are going through a debilitating illness, or something like that, is good. Or someone who will fight with you for no reason (I mean, everyone spoils for a good argument once in a while!).

Yet they, the feminists, don't see it that way, go figure.

And everyone wonders why 99% of my friends are guys.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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It just gets old sometimes having to watch Mel pass through the BH threads like a nurse trying to keep them alive with testosterone IV�s. And the patient keeps pulling out the needle.

This is funny Chrisner and dang if its not true.

been working so havent caught up on all replies -

I fall on the extreme other side and I thank God my sons intervened - I am sure there would have been a link to some news station with OM and my pics


Me:52
W: 52
Married: 32 yrs
2 Sons (29 & 23)
1 Dtr (20)
1 GDtr (2.5) precious little girl
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I've just stopped visiting the threads of most BHs.

Like it's been said, one gets tired of having to pump testosterone into someone with a leak.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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And ironically, the OW's, especially single ones, are willing to battle the BW for the WH. They usually DON'T back down and slither away like most OM's.

No, they don't...and they wind up looking even more foolish to everyone who knows what they've done.



Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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And then they have the nerve to be indignant that they were not chosen. Has the BW no respect for THEM!?

/sarcasm


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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I don�t necessarily agree with the premise of this thread. I would like to offer a counter example.

Even before finding MB, I almost immediately went very dark Plan B. Asked WW to move out. Made her move out, actually.

After consulting with a child psychologist, I told DS everything, and I mean everything.

I confronted OM in person. In his own corner office. With a friend of mine who was a starting tackle at the Naval Academy standing sidewise in the doorway and picking his teeth with a chicken bone.

Oh, I researched him very thoroughly.

Even before finding MB, I exposed in a nuclear detonation to everyone who knew him, even remotely, within 100 miles. Even to his long ago ex-wife and all their grown children. I called his current wife and told her everything, more than once, even though she at first did not want to hear it. I kept after her until she now hates him.

I went to great pains and got him fired from his job (OK, to avoid getting fired he took early retirement a week before he was to be fired.)

I still plan to tell his children with his stbx current wife everything. I have it all written down for them - every sordid detail. An itemization of every unethical thing he has ever done, and everything they have ever lost because of him. When I am done his own children will hate him.

Call me Hamlet, but my long term plan is to leave him with nothing but eventual suicide.

Funny thing, though. After I drove him half way across the country with only what he could carry, after the dust settled, I discovered to my surprise I did not think it was worth it.

I didn�t want WW any more either. He can have her.

So am I a wimp too?

Or crazy?


"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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Hi again,

Yes, I know what you mean, and it has to be frustrating for the veterans here who know what they're talking about to see this. It also seems that some of the BH's are here for just a little while and then stop posting. You wonder what ever became of them.

I also think that, similar to Enlightened_Ex, there are alot of real world guys out there who do consider an affair a deal breaker, and who never consult on this board. They probably make up their own minds and simply go to D.

Thanks again for your topic.

Tom

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No, Aph, your LB is just empty as heck. You're entitled to give up.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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The 'yes dear' is sort of funny because I have never ever used that phrase in all my marriage. It was usually 'yes honey' or just plain 'yea'. The reason, I heard that phrase so many times in my early years on family sitcoms like "Leave It To Beaver" that it got sickening.

I do know what you are saying tho.

On the other hand the 'yes dear' could be a delaying action on the part of H. If I am into a football or baseball game or a good movie I will say the 'yes dear' to whatever she says to me to gain more time.

Thanks,

Tom

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So am I a wimp too?

Not at all. You made a choice, because you made daggone sure you had a choice to make.

That's not even close to "wimp" or "crazy".

We're objecting to rolling over and taking abuse in hopes of making a WW love you. We're not objecting to walking away from a WW if you are sure that's the right thing for you.


Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Originally Posted by Aphelion
I didn�t want WW any more either. He can have her.

So am I a wimp too?

Or crazy?

I don't think either term accurately describes someone who STILL LIVES WITH HIS WAYWARD WIFE, who is still in contact with her OM years after D-Day and does nothing....but complain bitterly. That would be an insult to wimps.

Folks would be wise to note Aphelions registration date. As far as I know he has never gone into Plan B, AS PRESCRIBED BY MARRIAGE BUILDERS, for situations where the WS will not commit to recovery and will not end her affair.

Aph, doing all the things you did in PLAN A do not guarantee an end to the affair. As Dr Harley has stated before, Plan A only works to end the affair and bring about marital recovery in 15% of the cases.

But when it doesn't work, PLAN B is the next step. If the affair does not end and/or the WS will not commit to recovery, it is Plan B for a maximum of 2 years. If nothing changes, then DIVORCE is prescribed. You have never done a Plan B as prescribed by MB or you wouldn't still be here in the SAME position you were when you arrived 6 years ago.

As far as I am concerned, you are the poster boy for conflict avoiders. I point to YOU when I tell people this is their future if they don't follow this program.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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You did't read very carefully.

Oh, her adultery ended years ago. The above plus Plan B killed it dead in six months.

The rest is all me, indeed.

Surprisingly, to me anyway, I just didn't care any more after it was all over.

Tried for these several years. But I still don't care any more.

eta: I do admit it was some fun raining consequences upon the head and posterior of OM for a long while though. WW I am just leaving to herself.


"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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So why don't you divorce her and get on with your life?

Make HER have some consequences.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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Hey MF! I have met you and I will say right now if I were ever in a good bar fight I would want you on my side. [/quote]


LOL! MF is a good friend of mine and ITA! It doesn't have to just be a bar fight, she has been by my side on many occasions!


Me-BS 41
WH-40
DS-9
DS-6
DS-3

12/2/2009 Discovered WH "Online flirting"
3/17/2010 WH admitted to PA
3/21/2010 WH admitted to 2 other ONS

-We are working on it....
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Originally Posted by Aphelion
You did't read very carefully.

Oh, her adultery ended years ago. The above plus Plan B killed it dead in six months.

The rest is all me, indeed.

I believe you left out the part where you discovered your W was still in contact with her OM in recent years and has never committed to the recovery of your marriage.

I would suggest the reason you "don't care anymore" is because she NEVER DID.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by Aphelion
Tried for these several years. But I still don't care any more.

I would not care either if I tried my best for YEARS and my WS never got on board. I would call that settling for crumbs.

Of course, Dr Harley does not believe in sacrifice [one sided, unreciprocated giving] because it results in RESENTMENT. But you already knew that, right?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Bet you never realized what your topic would produce..*s*

Have been in and out today because I am putting in my container garden today, but this is not only enlightening but entertaining, despite the solemn reality of adultery.

Right now tho I am struggling with the tomatoe, pepper, marigold container gardeing and the transplanting so I do need some advice from experienced gardeners. And, I am serious.

Thanks,

Tom

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Where's that post on "It's the fear" when I need it?

I hear about how folks won't expose, or how they are afraid they'll make things worse...

Wake up, dude!

Your wife is boinking another man and wants to leave you because of it. How much worse do you think you can make it?

ML, You've got mail...

Off to another meeting, you guys get to have all the fun...

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I like posts like this to splash the cold water of reality in my face when I need it.

The natural tendency is to be nice, kind and accommodating, especially after being a strong, dominant husband for years was cited as one of the reasons for discontent.

Plus sometimes when you're trying to do a good Plan A and avoid love busters, the line between doing that and being a doormat gets a bit muddled. I know it shouldn't, but it did for me.

Of course I actually went too far the other way and called and threatened the OM.

It's nice to have a forum like this to get proven, no-nonsense advice (which doesn't always come from family and friends). I couldn't imagine trying to understand a WW and walk through this process otherwise.


Me BH 40
Her XWW 34
Married 12 years

Feb 09 - PA #1 (w/married alcoholic)
Apr 09 - Started recovery, thought things were going well until...
Jan 10 - PA #2 (w/different guy on Facebook)
Dec 10 - Divorced
Now - very happy; no regrets
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Resentment � ill feeling; aggrieved feelings caused by a sense of having been badly treated

No.

Perhaps:

Ennui � boredom from lack of interest; weariness and dissatisfaction with life that results from a loss of interest or sense of excitement

Closer, but no cigar.

Hmm?

Languor - a pleasant feeling of weariness.

Still not exact.

M, any M, is not as important to me as I used to think M should be.

There are many, many, many more important things in my life now than my M, whether it be a good or a bad M.

Irrelevant -

Look it up.


I need to go now. I just thought the type-casting in this thread was interesting enough to comment on in the opposite.


"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan

"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky

WS: They are who they are.

When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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