I realized maybe I should make a whole new thread about the truth behind the lies of a WS, please, if anyone have anymore phrases that I haven't mention just post it here and we can help you understand why BS say the things they say, or do the things they do.

TY

This is my FAVORITE phrases that ALL WS say...

"I love you, but not IN LOVE with you."

this is the best lie that WS give there BS's mainly because of these reasons...

1. They know deep down they are still in love with you.

2. This is the only thing they can say to justify what they are doing with out feeling guilty, and does it work? H3LL NO! smile they still feel guilty, it's just another lie to them.

3. They think by saying this over and over to there BS they will ACTUALLY believe what they are saying, it's kinda like trying to convince your black shirt to be the color white, when in reality it will ALWAYS be BLACK!

Your WS KNOWS deep down they love you (in love!) but the way they feel inside they always have to lie to ourselves and the person we love the most, so we can stop feeling this emptiness, loneliness, and unhappy. So saying "i love you, but not in love with you" they think it will fix this pain they have....

IT DOESN'T WORK!!!

We can lie, cheat, and try to be happy, but in the end we ARE NOT!

Another CLASSIC phrase of a WS is...

"I have been unhappy for years!"

This one cracks me up, yes I can believe that all marriages have there issues, but the funny thing is even those marriages that have been SOO happy say this? Makes me laugh so hard! People, we know it's just another LIE!

But here are the REASONS why WS say this phrase.

1. Once "feelings" are established with the OM or OW, WS will think of EVERYTHING, that you have ever done to them, that they considered abusive, emotional, etc. I mean they will think of things that you did even BEFORE you were married!

2. Then they will start thinking...."Well, really I wasn't happy when he said this to me a couple years ago!" THAT'S where we get "OH I haven't been happy for years!!" When in REALITY, it was just ONE incident when you made them feel low, sad, angry, etc. After that they will start thinking about EVERYTHING you did to them and try to BLAME you for the A!

3. Last but NOT least, this is just ANOTHER LIE!!!!!! I have been happily married with my husband before this A happened, and guess what??? I said this EXACT PHRASE!! It's all BULLSH*T!

Even in a rocky marriage, every marriage has issues there is no doubt about it, but you know what? That does NOT give them the right to go cheat, trust me, IT WONT make them HAPPY! It will just make them MORE UNHAPPY!

This is another phrased (lie) that I gave my husband....

"I only THINK of you as a brother."

After awhile the BS will get tired of saying "Oh I love you, but not in love with you." Eventually it will get boring and they will need something else to back it up...back it up with another LIE that is!

1. WS, wont like kissing you, hug you, even make love to you, they start thinking "whats wrong with me?" what's wrong with them is that they are having an A and all those "Love" emotions are going to someone else. So when they distant from you, ignore your physical touches, they won't like it, mainly for guilt. They will start thinking that this is only brotherly love or sisterly love.

2. They will literally feel like they are cheating with there OM or OW, I know how sick this sounds! Because it IS! But that is how WS think, they dont want to "LOVE" there BS because they only think of that ONE person, and that person is not you

3. They know deep down that they love you, and instead of hurting your feelings, they will always mention loving you as a brother or sister. Because they can't explain what they are feeling, they think "How can I love TWO people?" they can't! When the fog finally starts to lift they will realize that the only person they TRULY LOVE was the person that they were already WITH! The other was just a fantasy drug.

I'll start with these three tonight...but I have more smile

Here is one you mentioned on another thread. Its not a phrase as much as it is explaining an interaction..

Jealousy

"I only see my future with the OM or OW."

1. Because your WS is constantly thinking about the other person, OF COURSE they will say this! When your WS and the OM or OW start thinking and talking about the future the fantasy become a BIGGER drug for them, It's like buying a pass to Disney world 3 year's in advance and you are just REALLY excited to go! Then the day comes, and it wasn't all that exciting when you arrive. That is what keeps A's going, is the excitement, the fantasy part about it, they will have the fun for the first few day's of their "trip" but then they will start getting bored from all the rides, and start being HOME SICK, which is YOU!

2. This one wont be a LIE, really, because the WS will WANTS and BELIEVES that the OM and OW is meant for them, the fantasy part in the A is such a big FOG, that they will only THINK and FEEL about this person. THAT is WHY exposure is soo important, so that big FOG BUBBLE POPS right IN FRONT of THEIR FACES! And reality hits them like a brick wall.

Please comment..and if you have more to some of these phrases please let others know

TY

[/quote]

ROFL! I actually wrote that Wheels is my husband I have been posting a lot about reason why WS do what they do and say what they say, that's why I started a new thread, I have about 6 more phrases that I want to mention, I'll stop here untill more people respond.

Well i personally do not think there is any truth behind any lies, at that moment in time you meant what you said (which is sad for a BS to realize).

And regardless of the truth behind those lies, those words alone can mess up a BS more than a WS will EVER know......

DEFINITELY! I know it will still hurt even though they know that their WS is lying to them, but I get a lot of people asking why they say the things they say and do.

And so I hope I can help those BS know exactly what their WS is thinking.

I can stop this thread any moment, If it will only hurt the BS because that is not my intention at all.

TY

Yea knew it was you. Just thought it would fit really good in there.

I know people say that my wife is lieing to me. When I hear her its just so hurtful. It DOES help to know WHY she is doing it. A translation so to speak.

Keep posting...reading and understanding these statements gives me hope towards the future and this process of saving my family. Thank you thank you thank you for posting .... and continuing to post more lies from the WS mouth.

Yes, TY, and that is the only reason why I am doing this thread I would love it if FWS would come on here and express their feelings, they might have more "translations" then me!

Here is what my husband told me that I always said a lot was...

"I lie to you, so I don't hurt you."

1. WS DONT want to hurt you, but because they are very selfish it just kinda comes with the cheating, they don't want to see you in pain, matter of fact we sometimes hope that all this lying and cheating wont matter to you because we think "This marriage was rocky anyway, didn't he see that?" just another justification and lie to help us while we are cheating.

2. They think they are trying to protect you, like the saying "What you don't know, won't kill you." And then once you find out about all the lies it actually DOES KILL YOU, emotionally physically, etc.

3. Once the WS finds out that you know about his lying and cheating, they will feel guilty, they didn't want you to know, but because of all the fog they wont change unless you do something. You need to understand something, the ONLY reason why a WS is unhappy in their marriage, or angry, upset, short tempered, resentful, etc it is not because OF YOU! It is because they are cheating and lying, and THEY KNOW THAT!

If you do not lift that fog then they will NEVER change! No matter how many MC, books, questionnaires filled out, etc. They will always be a WS.

If the fog can't be lifted from the exposure, then it will SURELY be DONE in Plan B (after you have a good 6-9 weeks of plan A)

My husband only fessed up about his feelings after we read how affairs happen.

He agreeded with everything, she was showing him attention, listening to him, playing around, the only thing he says that never happened his he never loved her he said he was attracted to her (thought she was pretty) that is was just sex That he never thougt of a future with her possibly...HUMM but is it true I will never know

WHEN my bells was going off we didn't have sex he worked nights me days so we never seen each other until the weekend.

I asked are you seeing someone?
No should I be?

Are u unahppy with us?
Yes you only want sex when u want it!

Is something going on between u and my sister?
Do you think she would do that to u?

Yep I see it all now...LIES AND MORE LIES

But we are working on us. I don't believe everything but some.

he asked she went along takes 2 right she coulda said no and he could have remembered he was married.

One thing my husband said to me was that he talked to SH about being surprised at how badly this affair hurt me, since he had been feeling like I honestly didn't value him or care about him all that much. Apparently this is a common thing for WS's to feel - like, "You're actually upset about this? Wow....thought you wouldn't care!" It's their way of alleviating the guilt because they figure the marriage is dead anyway (when in reality it's usually only dead on one side).

Yup, My WH said the same thing NP....He was done with the Marriage, but failed to tell me about it...

Actually IMHO until the WS is a (F)WS, they will keep lying and lying and lying so it is hard to tell what their lies mean.....

I would so love to think that what my FWH told me during his A were all lies but heck pretty much EVERYTHING he told me was a lie so it is kind of hard to pick out any truths to what he said.

All i know is that for me anyway, it doesn't matter what he meant, what he said is what he said and those lies are hard for me to forget as he said a lot of things about the FOW that he has NEVER said about me....

The lies last a LONG TIME for a BS............

But NP, in my opinion that is and remains a lie. Don't buy that pantload for a second. I hope SH called him out on it.

Married 07/25/09
A began end of 08/2009

A single month into your marriage he came to the conclusion that you did not value him or care? That is a lie to offer a justification for unjustifiable adultery.


By the way, Wayzilla said the exact same thing. "I didn't even think you would care."

I asked why she just didn't tell me about it then?

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you just said you did not even think I would care so how could I be hurt if that were true?"

Vapor lock. No response.


This was a week or so from her famous, �I do love you and still care for you. If I didn�t, I could be a real b!tch about this.�

Can't put a price tag on good times like that!

Oh, I totally know it's a lie. That's how they justify to themselves, as much as the "I love u but I'm not in love with u" speech, or the brotherly/sisterly love talk.

It's ALL ways WS's use to make themselves feel less guilty.

How about this one? Has anyone heard this before? I know MY husband heard it...

"The perfect situation would be, me live here with you, and OM live across the street!"

Yup, he told me I said this a couple times.

1. When you are doing an awesome plan A your WS does not want you out of the pix, that is why Plan A is so important, because they are getting needs from you and from the OW or OM. So for me saying this, makes me believe that plan A WORKS!! That is why I mentioned "if exposure doesn't lift the fog, SURELY plan B WILL!!"

Because once you take yourself out of meeting his or her's EN's, they will start becoming, home sick, missing you, remembering all the good memories, and eventually crawl back

They all want that, otherwise they would not have waited until the affair was found out by BS. My WH was cheating for 2 years before I found out....Why did he wait till I found out before he told me he didnt love me anymore...because he was living with me and having his mistress on the side...Obviously his ideal situation.

Then I did a Plan A and when I couldnt take the cake eating anymore I had to force him to leave.....Why didnt he just leave on his own...He had somewhere to go...

because he loved his cake eating....