Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 56 of 76 1 2 54 55 56 57 58 75 76
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
That's the great part about all of this. D!ck thinks he's HIDING his spending sprees by hiding his credit card statements. He really has no idea that I know just about every transaction on that card. I say "just about" because I didn't keep track until well after d-day so I might be surprised by some of the charges.

That is my advice to all BSs out there who are trying to gather intell. Keep track of the WSs credit card transactions. The charges... the payments... who's name is on the account as an "authorized user."

Call the 1-800 number on the back and following the recording. Input card number and zip code. If the WS uses a P.O. Box -- use that zip code. Key in for "recent transactions" and have your pen ready. Some credit card companies will give details -- like the name of the merchant. Some only say "restaurant." You can often indicate that you want more info. like the location of the merchant. ALL WITHOUT TALKING WITH AN OPERATOR.

I know when you are in Plan B, you are not suppose to care about what the wayward is doing. But believe me, what D!ck has been doing since leaving the house and filing for D will come back to haunt him.

Another bit of advice that I've said many times before. Get a copy of the wayward's credit report. You know their SS#, you know their birthday, you know the mortgage company. Answer the questions and run a free report. And if you can run one on the OP, all the better.

I've turned this divorce into my job. It's unfortunate, but it's a necessity.

It's interesting how many stories you hear about the OP being RESENTFUL of the WS having to pay support -- whether temporary or permanent. Like Bimbo has a say in MY SHARE of the money. From what I hear, she had no problem taking H #1 and H#2 to the cleaners. Shoes on the other foot this time, Ms. Golddigger!!!

Makes me want to stay single for life!


Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
I copied this School Bus post to SmilingWoman. This rings so true to me because D!ck is a bully.

*****

Most bullies are the same. They push and push when they believe the other party is weak or intimidated.

When the other person stands up and pushes back, the bully shuts up or walks away with his tail between his legs. There is no backbone in the bully.


Your XWH sounds like a bully. Probably explains why he has chosen the OW he has right now. At first glance she seems weaker - right? Younger, so she would seem less assertive, would need to rely on him more, would be easier to push around.

Only...it kind of turns out that this OW isn't exactly what he bargained for, doesn't it? She is pushy, mean, and pulls his strings. Just what he didn't expect, but he isn't really strong enough to bully her, because he isn't as tough as he pretends to be.


I have to laugh at them, SW. So should you.


Their fantasy was this:

Big strong older man who is in control, meets younger needy woman who can look up to him and accept his guidance and assured strength. They look forward to a future of solidarity and steadiness together.

Their reality is this:

Bully-type older guy who is full of bluster meets younger pushy b*At0*&ch who pulls his strings and they end up in a drama-filled relationship where the little woman is in charge and the old guy is dazed and confused trying to figure out what happened.

SB

******


M 25 yrs, 3 teens
Dday 12/07
5ish False Recoveries (all in 2008)
12/08 WH moves in w/OW, her kids
Plan B/D/FU -- depending on the day
He files 1/09; D final 12/2012
"I'm moving on"
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
I leaned today that D!ck took Bimbo with him on another "guys only" golf trip. He's so PROUD of her that he booked them at a different hotel than the rest of the guys.

The rule for this trip has always been NO WIVES/GIRLFRIENDS.

There was never any hanky-panky -- just some wives and some girlfriends won't let the guys be guys. I guess I should have known that it was only a matter of time that I'd learn first hand that you give some guys too much leash and it comes back to bite you BIG TIME.

Anyway -- D!ck who I NEVER put on a leash -- except with our motto "Look all you want but don't touch" wants to be a p*$$Y now in front of his life long friends.

I do get resentful that I'm here with the kids doing chores today and trying to make all the arrangements for two of them to go off to college in a month while D!ck lies on a beach smoking a cigar and enjoying a cocktail and hanging with Bimbo without a worry in the world.

I can hardly wait for the D to progress to the point that he suffers some consequences. Patience, HH, patience. All in God's time -- I know and TRUST.

Like we used to say -- win early, lose late. Lose early, win late. I praying for the latter!!!

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Well, Bimbo isn't a wife or a girlfriend, she is a skankzilla. Guess they are allowed on a "guys only" vaca.

Sorry, just had to add some levity into the sitch.

Waiting and patience ARE the hard part, eh? They don't say, "Patience is a virtue," for no reason. It will work out the way it is supposed to. Sucks to live it though.

Keep on keeping on. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
I'm sure the other guys are getting a laugh out of D!ck who is on such a short leash that he has to bring the boss with him.

I hope they give him cr@p about it.....

Bottom line is that she doesn't trust him so made sure she came along. And WHY doesn't she trust him? HA

As Dr. Phil says "if he did it with you he'll do it to you."

She knows he is a lying CHEATER.


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
What sucks is I KNOW she's jealous of me and any time D!ck used to spend with our kids. But because I went so dark Bimbo has no reason to be jealous. I've made it easy on them. And I continue to expose when he does despicable things like threaten to cut off our utilities or not pay for COBRA. I'm sure the guys are wondering what happened to their friend. He's crazy.

Last edited by Holyheart; 07/18/10 01:33 PM.

M 25 yrs, 3 teens
Dday 12/07
5ish False Recoveries (all in 2008)
12/08 WH moves in w/OW, her kids
Plan B/D/FU -- depending on the day
He files 1/09; D final 12/2012
"I'm moving on"
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
HH,

ITA with what Chai said, he HAD to bring her along, if he's used to having a "let my air down and be one of the guys" time on these trips, he will be just a teensy bit resentful..
and the guys will make a comment about having bought the ol' ball and chain...

Baby steps to destruction wink


Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday laugh
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
Originally Posted by Holyheart
What sucks is I KNOW she's jealous of me and any time D!ck used to spend with our kids. But because I went so dark Bimbo has no reason to be jealous. I've made it easy on them.

Yean, that's kind of the way I feel. I just stepped aside and out of the way. I wonder if that is the best way...


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
OH... I forgot something. My sis confirmed that Bimbo was on the trip BUT I had received a little clue earlier.

I'm sure it wasn't an accident.

I took over D!ck's email account a few weeks ago because he kept putting a hold on my email account. Why? Because he was being a jerk and HIS name was on it. I had to go through quite a bit of hassle to get it fixed and in my name only and, as a result, I ended up with D!ck's account.

He knows about this. He doesn't use it any more. Daily spam for viagra and cialas drugs on-line arrive daily. Hummm.... that's another story.

Anyway, Bimbo emailed a photo of herself and I found it on Friday. I didn't know about the golf trip at the time. Just thought she was sending a photo of herself at some resort. She's sitting on a balcony -- a cigar in one hand and a margarita in the other. She's wearing a hat.

So... in my analytical way... I deduct that she sent it to him in order for him to rush back to the hotel room after golf instead of hanging out with the guys. Why else would she send this photo? And to ACCIDENTALLY include his old email address --the one she KNOWS I now have.

Like SB says -- she's mean and vindictive and a manipulative sl#!. She will do anything to hurt me.

And does this hurt me? I let it slide like water off a duck's back. It's not the worse she's done and it won't be the last she does.

She will get her's in the end. I'm CONFIDENT of that.

When this D really gets going, I want to ask D!ck if it's been worth it. Because it will COST him way WAY more than he's bargained for.

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 430
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 430
Hey, I would put her email address into the spam folder! I would treat it like unwanted trash just like her.


BW-me 47yrs
WH-him 50yrs
married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012).
D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009
D-Day#2 7/26/2009
Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12
WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009
Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010
2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho.
"Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
Mess with her. Take a pic of yourself wearing the same type of outfit, matching her pose with cigarette and margarita.

Send it to her email with "I will be waiting"...

ok not really but I bet you are smiling!!!


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
Dearest Bimbo,

Thank you so much for the picture update. I almost missed it entirely as it got stuck in the spam filter with all of D!ck�s daily Viagra, porn, and adult friend finders spam emails. In fact if I hadn�t of taken a good second look at the picture I would have thought it was spam from his old favorite site, �Cheap and Painted MILF�s�.

Take care with those margaritas, you�re not as young as you used to be. You know that puppy you are holding has over 200 calories and 550 mg of sodium? Wow! Based on the picture, your butt and thighs really could use a little break from them. Although I understand that Playtex has a whole new line of �tummy control� panties you really might want to look into. And sorry darling but the excessive sodium seems to be creating a bit of a water retention issue in those cankles of yours. (Can you say camel?)

Nice cigar. Is that a Hoyo de Monterrey? That was Bill Clinton�s favorite too!

By the way, cute hat! Did you ever get a diagnosis on your scalp condition? I think it was narrowed down to fungal, impetigo or ringworm? Can�t remember.

Anyhow, thanks for the update.

Ta-ta,

Holy


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 30
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 30
Why wouldn't you forward this picture on to all of OW & WH's friends from facebook and/or the e-mail contact list?

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
Which photos do you suggest, Neese? The relatively "normal" photo with margarita and cigar or the topless with dog nearby or the close up vajayjay?

Patience, my friend. And it won't be ME sending out the pictures. It will be "her" from a secret email account with a oh-so-similar name as hers.

See ... don't mess with HH. Revenge is best served cold.

And Chris -- I should have known you'd chime in. You forgot references to the "money shots" ("hardly recognized you with CLOTHES on") and the "magic" performed on her mug thanks to the deeply discounted DISCONTINUED Mary Kay makeup.

Yep... I could not make this $h!t up!!!

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
I'm just amazed at how this all works. What do these waywards see in these A partners that make them happy? OMG, we have OPs on here with mullets, no teeth, all kinds of diseases, crack ho's, D'd numerous times, bankrupt, you name it....every undesirable type person yet our WS's who are decent people can't see it.

What am I missing?


BS - me 56
XWH - 57

12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.

6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.

9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me

Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 336
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 336
Originally Posted by ChaiLover
What am I missing?

Beer goggles?


BH 52
FWW 50
S26 S24
EA 3/07-1/09
PA 5/07-10/08
NC finally established after eight false starts: 1/23/09
Final Version of Events 6/09
In a solid Recovery, and lucky beyond belief.
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 30
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 30
Originally Posted by Holyheart
Which photos do you suggest, Neese? The relatively "normal" photo with margarita and cigar or the topless with dog nearby or the close up vajayjay?

Definately the topless one... and you're right. Patience.

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,455
Originally Posted by ChaiLover
What am I missing?

We are not missing a blessed thing. They are missing their MINDS!


Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09

Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Q
Member
Offline
Member
Q
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
Hi Holy,

Just thinking that you have been quiet for awhile. You ok?


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
H
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
Thanks for checking on me, Queenie. Actually took the kids and the dogs on vacation to our usual beach spot. Had a great time but, unfortunately, had car trouble on the way home.

Boy, have I grown. Instead of cussing and whining, I looked at the bright side. It was the way home, not to the beach, so our vacation wasn't affected.

I was, luckily, off the freeway when it happened. Matter of fact, it was less than a half hour from home. AAA arrived in record time and there was no out of pocket expense.

We had an ice chest of cold water so we were OK in the hot sun for a hour.

BIL, bless his heart, arrived just ahead of the tow truck driver. So the kids and I and the dogs took BILs car home while he rode with the tow truck driver.

The car was delivered home so we could unpack and AAA picked it up the next morning to deliver to the mechanic. I got it back two days later. Fuel pump went out. Yep, it cost me $524 but that's OK.

We're OK. Vacation NOT ruined.

See... we can survive without D!ck. He's the one who missed out on the fun in the sun. D!ck's brother and his family were with us so the kids actually had two uncles along and one pseuo-uncle who took them kayaking. All in all, there were 19 of us doing our usual stuff.

I admit it was very hard to look at a vacation photo album my sister brought along which featured many, many photos of D!ck throughout the years. This is the third summer he's missed and the 18th year in a row (I think) we've been to this spot. The photos reminded me of some great times.

We're now making new memories without D!ck. His loss!

Page 56 of 76 1 2 54 55 56 57 58 75 76

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 19 guests, and 68 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
IrishTurtle, Sanvi9, TempName, ChellyAlicia, DagnyDrew
71,753 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,557
Posts2,322,903
Members71,754
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5