i can't advise you on how to stay calm...i would have exposed the affair on the spot...the OM would've had a cracked nose by now... and if my wife knew what was good for her, she'd keep her mouth shut...

then, i'd find a lawyer and in 90 days be done with her sorry azz...homie don't play that sh*t...

but, if you want to save your marriage listen to the experts here...it can be saved

No we don't.


I might suggest an emergency appointment with your doctor to get some AD's and maybe some Xanax. Man, that calmed me right down when I felt like exploding. I only used it about 3 times, but the 3 times I used it, it was a great help.

Another way would just be reading other people's stories (cough, cough, Runnerboy, cough) and gathering strength from other people's stories.

Also, talk to some close friends about it. Share it and it will feel better.


You don't have to save the marriage. You are in no position to make any decisions right now. Now is the time to break up the affair. If you recover afterwards is your choice. OMW wants to recover her marriage. People don't want real estate agents banging in their houses. Exposure will do several people favors even if you don't choose to save your marriage. However, now is NOT the time to make that decision. Now is the time to stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself. You don't have to save a marriage to do that, do you?

Expose NOW. Especially her work before ALL else before she spins you as some raving lunatic.

Well, I'll even fly up to Canada and call you a pansy to your face if you run away and don't expose. And you are lucky there is a filter on this forum, or I would have called you worse. Think another word beginning with a "p".

The cool thing to do is not lose control. Do not insult her, but show some indignation. Tell her that she has betrayed the family which includes you and the children.

Her reaction will be important.

tlcanuck,

Just to remind you - it can get worse if you do not follow the advice given here...

tlc, gather up the phone #s of her parents, close friends, siblings and BOSS. Get them all together and come back here.

I would first call the OMW and tell her you caught them together today. She needs to start exposing on her side. The worst thing she can do is keep this secret for another second.

Do you have a quiet place you can make phone calls?

When you call, tell them this:

I am calling to ask your help and advice about a terrible situation between WW and I. I have just discovered she is having a sexual affair with a married man named JoeFireman. His wife told me they were sleeping together and this morning I caught them together in a vacant house.

I am trying to save my marriage and am asking you to use your influence with WW to persuade her to end her affair. Since you know her I am asking for your advice.

When you call her boss, I would tell her what you saw this morning. Since your WW is doing this in the workplace, the boss has to know.

When are done with your calls, sit the kids down ALONE [no wife] and tell them about the affair and who it is with.

Those will be critical first steps. From there, we can help you expose the affair on the OM's side if his wife has not.

Go gather that stuff while I exercise. Be back shortly.

I am calling this one a troll. Everything fits and went fast.

If this is and you are real tlcanuk... you'll expose right now. Don't you have this afternoon off and the next week or so? Then I would immediately call his employer, her employer, then go to parents, then to kids, then friends.

Stop thinking canadian, get the beer and hockey stick out of your A$$ and do what the vets say.

themud...you're the man!...I've been thinking the same thing all morning...something's smells fishy here...it's too freakin perfect!

The first time I confronted it was calm cool and collected. I had high hopes that everything will work out. The second time it happened I don't think we were as cordjual, and I blew up.

I assume that you are a pretty calm, cool, collected guy when you have to be, and you can control the conversation the way you want to. If things escalate then leave the room, not the house, and try again later. Be careful not to keep bringing it up over and over again all night and week. She will now know that you know, and thas the only message that you need to get accross.

I think every BS questions whether they want to save the marriage. In reality there is the wife you married there somewhere, and that is who you want to be married to. Try to re-discover who your DW was, and determine if you want to be married to her. I bet you say you want to be married to your old DW, not this alien disrespectful evil WS.

Don't forget the recorder!

Man, I sure know where you are at right now.

From one fellow canuck to another, get off your AZZ and expose. I did it and I can tell you that I don't regret doing it at all.

There are many people on here who have not exposed and THAT they regret. No one who has exposed has regretted it.

Are you done with the phone calls yet? What are you waiting for? This is a hard step and seems wrong, but we are here to tell you that it is right. Your wife is being consumed by the choices she is making, help save her from herself. END THIS AFFAIR TODAY.

I would definitely include his employer in this list. Among other things, Firemen are suppose to be stewards in the community; good role models. When you expose to his boss though, I would go straight to the top dog, not even bother with his direct report. You want the exposure to be in the open, and if you tell his fire "buddies" they may just sweep it under the rug. Call the Fire Chief in your town and expose there.

Alright, I will stay for the time being at least until I expose this.

And now I'll answer my own question:

how do I hold myself back from flying into an angry rage or breaking down like a child?

I will channel those feelings into the most intense exposure ever felt.

You guys talk about nuclear? Tonight I will redefine the term. I have a couple hours of work left so I am going use it to calm down a little more and get my emotions in check and then tonight I will blow this thing clear into next week.

Family
Her Employer
His Employer
The kids (that one's going to hurt)
POS's W and anyone she can think of or agree to

I will let her go to her card game and do it while she is gone, then I will go see the POS and then I will show up at her card game and expose her right in front of her friends.

I read on here that many BS's avoid exposure or just dabble in it but I am looking forward to this.

I may still go on my road trip tomorrow or Saturday, but I'll blow this thing up first.

Could be, but I wouldn't take the chance either way. There have been other people who have had some "luck" with things too and they were real. You just never know.

Get yourself a VAR and KNOW that you are being recorded. Take solace in the fact that you have a plan and your WW doesn't. You have TONNES of people behind you. This is war and you need to wage the first battle. THIS is what you need to do. Stay calm and EXPOSE. Get OMW on board too.

I would still do what you're planning on doing but would change this:

Expose to her family, confirm it to OM's W, put a sentence on the letter you just wrote at the very top that says:

"Saw you today with OM. I know the truth and there is no more denying it. I know what I saw with my own eyes. X address, X time, OM drives X car."

Put the rest of your letter down if you wish.

Sorry this has happened to you, friend. You've been through it once before. You know that you will come out ok.

Take care of you and your kids.

I wouldn't keep them in the dark, though there isn't much they can do.

Then go if you must to sort your head. I can't say that's a bad strategy. You're obviously in shock and it would be good to come back with your emotions a little better in check, but the odds are that being away won't help.

You're a take action kind of guy, so I don't think you need much time.

I exposed and it did no good with us getting back together. But I want to encourage you to do this completely and fully.

I also wish I would of exposed a little better. My XW called me months later, crying and wailing . She wanted me back. I hung up on her in mid sentenece. We were married for 19 years (I was 46 at the time).

I cried and cried for weeks. I couldn�t stop. And I am a 6�3� 270 lb. body builder.

And 4 years latter I am remarried to a great woman.

I know the pain you are in. Stay on this board. Get a few friends that you can talk too. I had a close minister friend and my dad. Invaluable!

He's taking tomorrow and next week, but can't take the rest of the afternoon...?

This is a family emergency, his M is on life support...

Expose then road trip...? Ya think people are going want answers from him and his W... ? Why take off?

tl? gunna go mingle with some moose or strap on you work boots and get to work?

This is a troll!

"I'll redefine nuclear as soon as I finish saving my company from the brink this afternoon, then I have to go get some LaBatt's, cause I runnin' low, then I'll look for those snowshoes I'll need for this winter. Oh, then I'll make a 7 course meal for the kids and repaint the house then I'll expose. No wait, gotta rebuild that engine on the nova, then I'll expose... no wait"

Expose her at her friends card game only if you can keep control of yourself. Otherwise you will have simply generated a bunch of sympathy for her if you fly into an angry rage.

Hard to be angry at a man that looks like he has a broken heart versus one that looks like he could break everyone in the room given the chance.

Just be careful.

How do you keep from flying into an angry rage? Detatch yourself in your mind from the situation. You're an actor playing a role.

Let the emotions come later.