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#2413525 08/04/10 01:22 PM
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unseen2 Offline OP
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Imagine a wall, it is holding back "bad things". This wall has leaks, and is damaged. It protected the me that ppl see, kept me from feeling the pain. It allowed me to function, to get by. However Because of the damage some of the bad gets out ocasionally, hence my anger issues.

#2 Heavily damaged the wall, the current situation was the final blow.

The way it feels now after all I have gone though recently is as if the wall is gone, completely destroyed.
I'm not letting the "bad" free, I still keep it in check. I am comming to terms with it (slowly)

The issue is that I "feel" all the hurt, all the pain.

I'm sitting here at work in front of the computer and I'm having a panic attack!! I've not had them before. I know I need to face these things, but now I remember why I kept it "stuffed".

Still thinking positive

Just some thoughts, working things out in my head

Thanks,
Jason


Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.

Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.

2 PA 1999 w/ IA.

1 EA 2002.

IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)

Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
unseen2 #2413535 08/04/10 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by unseen2
Imagine a wall, it is holding back "bad things". This wall has leaks, and is damaged. It protected the me that ppl see, kept me from feeling the pain.
The "me" that people see wasn't the real you. It will take some work but eventually you will be able to be the real you. I am willing to bet people will like the real you better than the fake you. smile

Originally Posted by unseen2
I'm sitting here at work in front of the computer and I'm having a panic attack!! I've not had them before. I know I need to face these things, but now I remember why I kept it "stuffed".
I have anxiety and panic attacks from time to time when I am under stress. Journaling and exercise help me a lot. Get out and get some fresh air. Look around at your surroundings. Also, if it becomes a problem talk to your Dr. about anti-anxiety medication. Take a deep breath and take care of yourself. You are doing great.


W (me) 44
H 43
Married 19 years
DS 17
DS 15
DD 13
DD 8
suamico #2413715 08/04/10 08:45 PM
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unseen2 Offline OP
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Thanks!!!

It will take time I know, but it is what needs to be done.

I am already on anxiety meds, 100MG Vistaril (Hydroxyzine) x4 per day. Other meds as well.

I never like liked the idea of taking meds to be "normal". I have long since let that go.

When I got back from iraq this time, I stopped taking meds (lord knows why I thought that was a good idea) It was not a good thing. It is one of the reasons I'm where I'm at today...one more regret

But I can't beat my self up over things I cannot change. Just making sure it does not happen again. If I ever want to have a healthy relationship I need to make these changes. I need to fix me.

hey I'm a slow learner...lol

I am a good man, I just did to find "me" again. Then maybe I can live up to my own standards.

Thanks,

Jason

Last edited by unseen2; 08/04/10 09:16 PM.

Finally Healing working towards the day when I can be a good partner, and choose someone good for me.

Most Current relationship ended with her cheating and kicking me out on the streets.

2 PA 1999 w/ IA.

1 EA 2002.

IA & PA 2003/2004. (while I was deployed and brought the bast*** around my boy)

Thinking is easy, action is difficult; to act in accordance with one's thoughts is the most difficult thing in the world.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
unseen2 #2413889 08/05/10 09:11 AM
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Jason,
Your post made me smile
You are a funny guy!


W (me) 44
H 43
Married 19 years
DS 17
DS 15
DD 13
DD 8

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