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I am not feeling afraid anymore tonight. I am feeling strong and calm. House is clean and ready to vacate. I will be driving home tomorrow. I may not be around here as much because it is time to get serious about living. I am tired of grieving. I am feeling at peace with my life tonight. There has been too much turmoil this last year. I have nobody to interrupt my thoughts or distract me now that I have had some time to myself. I like having time to think. I have learned a lot through this mess. There were many times in the last year that I truly did not see how I would survive the aftermath of my ex-husband's infidelity or the divorce that I never wanted. I was utterly lost. There were so many times it just seemed too hard. I feel like I am finally ready to let go of the hurt and the disappointments. I am standing on the edge of something wonderful and new. I can start to see it. I feel ready. This has been a year to learn much the hard way:
There are no sure things.
Guard what you value you most - always.
Stand up for yourself early. Don't put up with nonsense just to keep the peace.
Always listen to your gut. Your gut is on your side.
Don't take time or people for granted.
The bad times do get better - slowly.
I am so much stronger than I thought.
I am much more self-sufficient than I thought.
I can fall flat on my face and get back up and try again and be okay. It is even ok to stay down for a minute and catch my breath before I stand back up again. Lol.
It is okay to accept help if you need it.
You can love somebody with all your heart, watch them walk away, and have peace (eventually). Life can even get better.
The only person that I can make change is myself.
Words and intentions are nothing without actions to back them up.
There are no little lies.
Thank you everyone that took the time to post to me. Thank you for caring. Notable posts HERE !!!
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Wow. I am honored to have written something "notable". Hope it helps somebody else.
My last struggle has been with true forgiveness. I had recurring nightmares about my XH last week. It was very distressing. I started praying for him because I don't want him to be hurt. I want him to be safe and whole again. So, I started praying for him. My nightmares stopped immediately. I started to feel genuine peaceful forgiveness. I was finally to the point where I knew I had forgiven him and I wish him well. I feel like I have put down the burden of resentment and bitterness. I don't know why things have turned out the way that they have turned out. But, I accept the reality of my life. I don't want him back. I just want him safe. I want to be safe too. I want to be happy too.
I don't know what lies ahead in my future. I do know that I have many daily choices that can bring me closer or further from my dreams. Life is short. I cannot afford to spend another minute longing for the past. My eyes are open to the present. I am very blessed.
Over it.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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still,
You are very blessed!!!! You are a very special person!!!!! You will see by giving that forgiveness there is a calming peace that settles around you.
The past is the past and best left there,the future is ahead and worth looking forward to!!! There are awesome things out in front of you just waiting for you to discover them!! You keep going forward girl!!!!!!
Dawn
BS 49
Divorced 10 yrs/married 21 yrs
Life is good and I am happy!
Engaged to be married on the 4th of August 2012!
30yoS&DIL & 2 gson/27yoD-Divorced & 3 gson/21yoD
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Wow. I am honored to have written something "notable". Hope it helps somebody else.
My last struggle has been with true forgiveness. I had recurring nightmares about my XH last week. It was very distressing. I started praying for him because I don't want him to be hurt. I want him to be safe and whole again. So, I started praying for him. My nightmares stopped immediately. I started to feel genuine peaceful forgiveness. I was finally to the point where I knew I had forgiven him and I wish him well. I feel like I have put down the burden of resentment and bitterness. I don't know why things have turned out the way that they have turned out. But, I accept the reality of my life. I don't want him back. I just want him safe. I want to be safe too. I want to be happy too.
I don't know what lies ahead in my future. I do know that I have many daily choices that can bring me closer or further from my dreams. Life is short. I cannot afford to spend another minute longing for the past. My eyes are open to the present. I am very blessed. Congrats on your new job/new town/new life. Did you end up in the Fayetteville area? Beautiful there isn't it? You are very close to me....around an hour or so. How long have you been divorced? I ask because my divorce was final end of November and I do not wish my XH peace. I wish him to suffer in some way! LOL....And I'm aware I have to forgive someday to let myself heal....but I'm no where near there. I still feel like I hate him.
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Joined: Sep 2007
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Wow. I am honored to have written something "notable". Hope it helps somebody else.
My last struggle has been with true forgiveness. I had recurring nightmares about my XH last week. It was very distressing. I started praying for him because I don't want him to be hurt. I want him to be safe and whole again. So, I started praying for him. My nightmares stopped immediately. I started to feel genuine peaceful forgiveness. I was finally to the point where I knew I had forgiven him and I wish him well. I feel like I have put down the burden of resentment and bitterness. I don't know why things have turned out the way that they have turned out. But, I accept the reality of my life. I don't want him back. I just want him safe. I want to be safe too. I want to be happy too.
I don't know what lies ahead in my future. I do know that I have many daily choices that can bring me closer or further from my dreams. Life is short. I cannot afford to spend another minute longing for the past. My eyes are open to the present. I am very blessed. Yes you are very blessed my friend and i am glad that you have finally realized that to move forward you have to let go of the past.....  SC
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Joined: Jun 2008
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Still,
Thank you for sharing that with us, you are a great example of what God can do. I do not wish my ex bad no matter what he's done to me, I pray God get a hold of him sometime before he dies so He can extend His grace to him.
As for my ex-fiance, I pray for him and his mother both. He is a Christian but he is going through a really rough time and I pray God will give him strength and peace and who knows, maybe someday we can be friends, once I have healed inside I think anything's possible.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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still,
You are very blessed!!!! You are a very special person!!!!! You will see by giving that forgiveness there is a calming peace that settles around you.
The past is the past and best left there,the future is ahead and worth looking forward to!!! There are awesome things out in front of you just waiting for you to discover them!! You keep going forward girl!!!!!!
Dawn Dawn, I know that you will appreciate this. I bought a new car today at work: a 2010 Mazda Miata hard top convertible 6-speed manual transmission (my preference), dark blue metallic with tan leather interior. It is soooo cute! I also got a great deal. I am the new Finance Director after all.  My previous car was very nice too but it was a lease (employee deal) and the OW and the WXH had been in it. The lease was finally due. My new car is ALL mine! 
Over it.
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Congrats on your new job/new town/new life. Did you end up in the Fayetteville area? Beautiful there isn't it? You are very close to me....around an hour or so.
How long have you been divorced? I ask because my divorce was final end of November and I do not wish my XH peace. I wish him to suffer in some way! LOL....And I'm aware I have to forgive someday to let myself heal....but I'm no where near there. I still feel like I hate him. I got a job in Bentonville. It is really pretty here. I love it. Everybody at work is really nice and I am doing well. I have been divorced since last November. I have no children with my XH. He also lives in another country now. My d-day was in Feb/2009. My XH did not move in with OW. She stayed with her BS. Your situation is different than mine. Everybody's timetable is different. I am grateful for space from my XH. I can have a life without the constant outside reminders. Your situation is different because you have to deal with your WXH because of your child. You will have to work a lot harder to maintain separation from your ex while still raising a child together. It can be done but it is not easy. My first divorce did not involve adultery. It did involve child custody and visitation. It was a pain in the A$$. I never really hated my ex. My feelings were hurt and I was more disappointed than anything else.
Over it.
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Joined: Feb 2009
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Still,
Thank you for sharing that with us, you are a great example of what God can do. I do not wish my ex bad no matter what he's done to me, I pray God get a hold of him sometime before he dies so He can extend His grace to him.
As for my ex-fiance, I pray for him and his mother both. He is a Christian but he is going through a really rough time and I pray God will give him strength and peace and who knows, maybe someday we can be friends, once I have healed inside I think anything's possible. You sound better today. I'm glad.
Over it.
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Joined: May 2009
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Congrats on your new job/new town/new life. Did you end up in the Fayetteville area? Beautiful there isn't it? You are very close to me....around an hour or so.
How long have you been divorced? I ask because my divorce was final end of November and I do not wish my XH peace. I wish him to suffer in some way! LOL....And I'm aware I have to forgive someday to let myself heal....but I'm no where near there. I still feel like I hate him. I got a job in Bentonville. It is really pretty here. I love it. Everybody at work is really nice and I am doing well. I have been divorced since last November. I have no children with my XH. He also lives in another country now. My d-day was in Feb/2009. My XH did not move in with OW. She stayed with her BS. Your situation is different than mine. Everybody's timetable is different. I am grateful for space from my XH. I can have a life without the constant outside reminders. Your situation is different because you have to deal with your WXH because of your child. You will have to work a lot harder to maintain separation from your ex while still raising a child together. It can be done but it is not easy. My first divorce did not involve adultery. It did involve child custody and visitation. It was a pain in the A$$. I never really hated my ex. My feelings were hurt and I was more disappointed than anything else. Bentonville is a great area. Beautiful country. Your D day and divorce finality are almost exactly the same as mine. The difference is the child involved...AND the fact that the OW in my case divorced her husband and is still seeing my now XH. It makes it soooooooo much harder. I feel like I spend every minute dreading the next drop off. Wednesday at 5:30-8:30 everyother Friday evening at 6:00 (then I get him back Saturday at 6:00) and then drop him off the next day (Sunday) at 2:00 and get him back at 8:00. I realized that although it isn't much time that ds has to spend with XH, there is an extra drop off in there because ds comes home on Saturday night of his visitation weekend. I wouldn't change that for anything because it allows ds to never miss Sunday morning religous services...but it does cost me an extra interaction with XH. Ugh. Glad you are better though! I fantasize about moving across country and never having to see him again.
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Stillstanding great post.
It is definitely a notable. The only notable I got was when I confronted OW which was more amusing but self satisfaction.
You seem strong and you are beginning to thrive.
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Still Standing, Congrats on the new car! That ought to perk up anybody's day! I did okay yesterday until last night...I bawled like a baby. I guess that's to be expected for a while. It's hardest when I'm alone. I miss him beyond belief.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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My boss came by today to tell me that I'm doing a great job. My co-workers were also saying good things about me to my new boss (I did buy hot wings for everybody yesterday - Lol). They reciprocated by buying my lunch today. I am happy at work. I have not met one mean or grumpy person yet. Everybody is super friendly.
I had a nice talk with my daughter tonight. I could hear my little grand-daughter in the background trying to talk.
I am in my hotel alone now doing laundry and watching tv. I am perfectly comfortable by myself. I am going to check out the meteor shower when the laundry is done.
Over it.
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Still Standing,
I'm glad all is going well with the new job! Chicken wings, huh? Hmmm...
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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Still Standing,
I'm glad all is going well with the new job! Chicken wings, huh? Hmmm... We work across the street from a Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant. It was really slow the other day and I was bored with the munchies. I wanted to let them know that I was happy to work there so I bought a ton of wings. Lol. Yesterday I was treated to pizza. Today it was fajitas. Tomorrow, they are planning a barbequed brisquit. I am going to have to go to the gym religiously. Lol Took myself to see Eat, Love, Pray tonight after another great day at work. I liked the movie. I think it was the perfect movie to see at this stage in my life.
Over it.
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This is my toughest time of the week. I get off early on Saturdays and am off on Sunday. I don't have work to distract me. I haven't made any IRL friends in this town yet that I can do things with. I have met one nice woman at work that is also single and in my age group. Maybe we can do stuff together eventually.
I went to a movie by myself last night and I was fine. Today, I heard everybody planning to go to dinner together with their girlfriends. I was jealous. I wanted to have someone to do something with tonight too. I just don't have anybody now. I was restless. I didn't feel like going to dinner alone again. I just went to a movie alone last night. So I drove around for a little while and ended up at the movies again. Tonight I saw Salt. It was okay - nothing special. It did kill a couple of hours on a Saturday night and it helped me shake the blues. I know that I will feel lonely every now and again. I have made a lot of changes. It is to be expected to feel down once in awhile. The funk has pretty much passed now though.
I am looking forward to church in the morning. I am also going to look at a house tomorrow to rent, go to the gym and get my nails done. I just have to stay busy. The work week is easy compared to my alone times.
Over it.
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The dust is settling and things are calming down. Feeling a little lonely and restless. I think it is normal to feel this way after everything that has happened recently. Kept busy all day.
I still miss my ex sometimes. I don't want to go through all the junk again. I just miss him. I worry about him. I pray for him every night. I am trying to let it go. He is not my business anymore. Called my mom and had a nice long call. I felt better after I talked to her.
Over it.
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still!
Did you look at a place to live today?.
I love that you got a new car!!! It's been a month since I got mine, but am still having fun!!! Order vanity plates for it "Gmazfun".
It's ok to care for your ex, it's been almost 9 years and I still pray for mine and don't wish any ill will on him. But I moved on, he will always be the father to my children and the first man that I loved.
You are doing awesome, you've taken on alot with relocating and all!!!! Bentonville is a beautiful area, I would drive through on my way to my daughters!!!!
Have a good night, I have to finish cleaning out my daughters room as my foreign exchange student arrives on Friday!!!
Dawn
BS 49
Divorced 10 yrs/married 21 yrs
Life is good and I am happy!
Engaged to be married on the 4th of August 2012!
30yoS&DIL & 2 gson/27yoD-Divorced & 3 gson/21yoD
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I did look at a place to live but it was all wrong. I'm in no hurry. I will find the perfect place. I'm really tired of moving. I want to find something that I really like.
The foreign exchange student sounds like fun!
Over it.
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SS you are doing great, just pace yourself, you have done so much so fast that you are now dropping because you have been so busy....... And get that ex out of your head darn it 
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