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Remember that this is about the children's rights to see their parents and NOT about what is convenient for you or for her.

It is not good for kids to be cutoff from a parent. You'll only be setting up a recipe for some really nasty teen years, which are tough enough in an intact home.

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Thank you guys so much. I have been second guessing me letting her move out of state for quite some time because I simply do not trust WW.

I no longer feel like letting her move is a good option and will take action accordingly.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Exes have a way of seeking ways to try to cutoff the other person. I�m sure my ex would love nothing more than for me to drop off the face of the earth if she could only figure out a way to keep getting her monthly check while I wasn�t around. It is exactly what she tried to do in our case.

Understand that your assumptions about the law are your enemy. No, women don�t automatically get custody. No, being a SAHM doesn�t give her an automatic advantage. The court will not expect you to support her forever, so she is eventually going to have to get some sort of child care in order to work.

A man who shows that he is capable of handling parenting alone will get many points. One that is in control of his emotions and shows he�s above the fray of attacking his ex gets big points too. Show interest in your kid. Do stuff and don�t settle for scraps of time with him. DO NOT let her move away.

Put it in writing and don�t let it happen until you both agree to move. You will otherwise be setting up a massive mountain to climb later.

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Just past the one year anniversary of D-Day when I discovered WW's affair. I guess I'm a bit better emotionally now. Couldn't be any lower than I was then.

We are definitely getting divorced. I still think about the divorce and affair almost every waking moment. I'm still just as dumbfounded as I was then. In a million years, I will not be able to understand how she could do this to me and the kids. I honestly thought we had a pretty good marriage.

We're hemorrhaging money like crazy to attorneys and counselors and custody coaches and financial planners. We're trying to short sell our house in the worst housing market in the last 10 years. We're splitting apart my 401 (k). We're running up thousands and thousands in credit card debt.

And our kids still don't know that in a few months mommy and daddy will be splitting up, for good.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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TE- Sorry bro. Really, I am.

Keep taking care of yourself and your kids. Stay strong and know you did in fact try everything.


-SOL
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Kind of strange really. Right now I don't even want to reconcile anymore. I seemed to have reached the point of no return.

Honestly, if the fog somehow lifted and WW saw the light and started to do everything to win me back, I don't think she could.

That's light years from where I was back in April.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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So I took out our camcorder yesterday and I could not find the cord to plug it in anywhere. After searching all over the house, I finally I went out and bought one.

I plugged it in and rewound the tape thinking I would see some old footage of my kids.

Instead it was OM filming my wife's bottom. She was wearing tight jeans and he was joking saying, "Ooooh, I like that shot."

OM using my camera to film my wife's bottom!


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Give it to your lawyer. That�s not exactly good mom behavior.

It may not matter. It might.

Sorry you found that. I�m sure it was a big trigger.

What�s the status of your D? What is the visitation arrangement? Do you guys communicate at all?

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Quote
OM using my camera to film my wife's bottom!

YouTube! She will be so proud!


Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It aint just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Originally Posted by chrisner
Quote
OM using my camera to film my wife's bottom!

YouTube! She will be so proud!

OMG! Chrisner, you're my hero! What a priceless thought!
rotflmao


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Today my youngest son turns 5. So weird thinking back on the day he was born. Never in my wildest dreams would I think that just two years later WW would get caught up in an affair and destroy our marriage.

We still live together. We're trying to short sell the house. Once we do, WW is going to relocate to NY with the kids and I am going to move to NY as well.

We've been working out the parenting plan with a custody coach. And coming up with a financial memo with a financial planner.

Who knows how long it's going to take to sell the house in this market. Until then, I feel like I'm stuck in purgatory.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Get a custody arrangement in writing. Once you do so, file your written arrangement from your current state in NY. Most states will accept agreements made in another state.

I know this sucks, but you will eventually feel better and move on and perhaps be grateful she's out of your life.

I know you don't believe it now, but it's what will likely happen. You need to cutoff your contact with her, however, to a minimum.

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Helpthelostdads, thanks for all your advice. Everything is being put into writing and now we are just ironing out the details.

I know I'll be fine. It's really the boys I worry about most.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Dec 2009
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The other day, WW and I were discussing the parenting plan that our custody coach had written up and WW said to me:

"Do you still want to do this?"

I said "Yes. I'm too hurt."

I think reality may be sinking in for WW. Her financial situation is bleak. Being a single mom is about the hardest job on earth. And who knows about OM? Maybe the jerk finally dumped her.

Anyway, for me it's too late. If she had said that back in April, I would have tried. I've just gone past the tipping point. What was bent, is now broken. It's over. I don't want to reconcile.

I don't trust her. I can't forgive her. I want to be free of this woman who has brought me so much anguish.





BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Time heals. You may eventually feel different. Yes, she�s seeing the result of her actions and doesn�t like it. You took the initiative and are ridding yourself of her.

Now, that doesn�t mean that down the road she won�t come to you, hat in hand, and beg for forgiveness. That is when you get to decide if you wish to take those steps for your kids. I would have said yes at first, like you. But that was killed eventually and any chance of it disappeared.

Still, if she shows herself to be a very different woman who is willing to actually sacrifice and work, then you may be more open down the road after you�ve healed some yourself. If you ever get there, then follow MB.

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At this time, I am out of love with WW. I am just too hurt. Broken. I see no way I could ever be in love with her again.

Funny thing is, this is probably how she felt about me when the fog rolled in.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: May 2010
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If that is how you feel then what is your plan?

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Okay, so a couple of weeks ago WW asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through with this. And I said, "yes."

Then last night, WW's mother, who is in town visiting, was a little tipsy and put on the full-court press asking me to take WW back assuring me it was over between WW and OP.

At times I feel like it's to late. But I love my kids so much. I don't want to stay together just for the kids.

I don't know what to do.



BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Originally Posted by TryingEverything
Okay, so a couple of weeks ago WW asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through with this. And I said, "yes."

Then last night, WW's mother, who is in town visiting, was a little tipsy and put on the full-court press asking me to take WW back assuring me it was over between WW and OP.

At times I feel like it's to late. But I love my kids so much. I don't want to stay together just for the kids.

I don't know what to do.

I wouldn't be distracted by a tipsy grandma who doesn't necessarily know what the story is between her daughter and her daughter's lover.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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If your WW really wanted to save this marriage you wouldn't be hearing it from her MOTHER!

And I do not blame you for wanting to end this.

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