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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 580
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WH moved out to his sister's on Saturday. I have purposely tried to emotionally distance myself from him because it is otherwise so intensly painful. I also know it is the only way I can accomplish the letting go I need to do. I think the lack of my EN being met for so very long now has caught up to me. I am so hungry for affection and attention from the opposite sex - and I know it's not good, but it's so overwhelming! I find myself thinking way too much about friends, and I know my guard is way down. I would just love to be held and cuddled right now. It's like the thirst you feel after being in the hot sun all day without a drink. I'm not sure what the point of this post was, I guess just wondering if anyone relates.

Joined: Aug 2003
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I can certainly relate to what you are going through - nearly 10 months since W abandoned me and 1 year since SF. It's tough, isn't it? It would be easier if I was 80 years old, I guess. If it wasn't for the strength Jesus grants me every day I would do something I would regret for the rest of my life. I try to approach it this way: 1 more minute, 1 more hour, 1 more day, 1 more week, 1 more month. I do believe that 1 year from now God's plan for me will be well underway and my M will either be restored or I will be in a healing relationship with a Godly woman. I have great peace about that. God bless!

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By the way, that vision of where I will be in 1 year is what keeps me going from day to day. The Lord keeps giving me Scriptures to sustain me and my wonderful support group keeps me encouraged and accountable. Hope that's some help to you.

Joined: Jan 2004
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It really is about deception, isn't it? We deceiving ourselves into believing they wanted to be in an intimate relationship and with us. Deceiving us about what they really want and are doing and why? I realize now my M had/has too many secrets, too many things we never told each other, even about the daily activities of our lives.
W has only been out of the house 4 days and I've seen her everyday, she comes by to see the children and right now I do not know how to have neutral "normal" conversations with her, though we talk very little, except about mundane things, children, etc.
I do not know how I will handle it months from now. I know I'm supposed to be strong, neutral, etc, but I still have bad moments, a lot. I guess you just get numb after awhile.

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That thought is one of the things that keeps me going too. In a way, it is a strange feeling of relief, like I can breathe again now that H has moved out. Maybe because it's not in my face 24 hours a day. Maybe because for the first time in 6 years I have begun to focus a little bit on me. I am a 24 year old who has been in the role of wife and mother since I was 18. I never bothered to notice any attention that I attracted from guys because I just didn't care. Now my eyes have been opened, and not a day goes by that I don't get hit on, usually more than once. This has actually been quite helpful to me, in that it has allowed me to see that I am not going to be unattractive to other men just because I have been "used", and the woman part of me that faded into the mommy part can resurface - has resurfaced. It actually never went away, but was only a state of mind, really and the way my H has made me feel about myself lately by his rejection of me.
Bal - since she has moved out, just be around her as little as possible. Talk to her as little as possible. Do not call her, let her call you. This will help you to not engage emotionally. Get on with your own life, even in small ways and allow her to see that. Make her start to wonder if you will actually be there if she ever decides to come back. This is what I have begun to do, and let me tell you, I believe it is working a million times better than my old ways. The changes in WH are subtle, but to me they have read loud and clear. I have read many of your posts and the feelings you express are very similar to what I have been feeling for months. I totally understand. But, you know what? It feels really good to let go of some of that emotional upheaval, which only happened when I decided I do not deserve to be treated the way H has treated me and that I will not stand for it. From now on, I will be the one making the rules. If he ever wants me back, he's going to have to make a lot of changes. I will not fall back into the cycle od emotional trauma again. There is someone out there who will love me and treat me like I love and treat them, so I will not settle for rejection again. When you have to interract with your W, remain somewhat aloof - don't look tortured! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Joined: Dec 2002
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FaithHopeLove04

I am so sorry for the way you feel as I've been there myself...and married. I was completely ignored after our first child was born and she just didn't make the time, energy, effort...to remember she had a husband with needs. I felt so lost and abandoned but kept going; hoping it would some day get better.

One thing you wrote that raised a red flag....you say a lot of guys "hit" on you. I think the attention will surely give your self esteem a badly needed boost;HOWEVER, you are very vulnerable right now and don't let these guys who SEEM so valiant and kind to use and discard you as so many young guys do.

Best of luck and keep moving forward,

Pegasus


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