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#243379 01/27/04 09:34 AM
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Any of you have some good suggestions for "ws feelings"? What to do when EN's aren't being met, but W unavailable?

ttkm

#243380 01/27/04 03:42 PM
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Find an activity that make syou feel good, such as riding a bike, jogging, swimming, walking, etc.

When I am looking for something to take my mind off my troubles and want a lift at the same time, I shovel manure! The task needs to be done and I feel much better after it is actually done. I can see the results of my work and I can put into the task as much physical labor as I want! I work up a good sweat, finish the job, and then take a long hot shower.

#243381 01/27/04 04:46 PM
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Thanks, Farmer! I really meant to respond to Wise2soon's post. I was concerned about his and another poster's (Leyna) not being responded to and getting lost off the page. I thought a man's response might be more helpful to him.

ttkm

#243382 01/27/04 07:38 PM
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How long can anyone meet a partner's EN? Evryone on this board did not meet our WS EN. We all talk about doing a better job with the next person but how long will that last?

I think eventually, we take each other's relationship for gtanted and begin to relax thus forgetting each other's EN.

#243383 01/27/04 07:50 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by All Alone Again:
<strong> How long can anyone meet a partner's EN? Evryone on this board did not meet our WS EN. We all talk about doing a better job with the next person but how long will that last?

I think eventually, we take each other's relationship for gtanted and begin to relax thus forgetting each other's EN. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm don't agree with this. Most posters here that haven't met their partners ENs didn't know what the ENs were until coming to this board and learning how to discover what those ENs were.

If you comprehend and agree with the concepts of Dr. Harley, then you will realize that when you meet your partners ENs, they will meet your ENs. Not meeting your partners ENs is what leads to distancing of the two partners.

How long can you meet your partners ENs? When your ENs are met, it becomes easy to meet your partners ENs and that will last a lifetime.

#243384 01/27/04 09:47 PM
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"I think eventually, we take each other's relationship for gtanted and begin to relax thus forgetting each other's EN. "

I think this is exactly right. You could be talking about me here. And yes, that's why I am here, to learn how to be a better spouse if not to this one, to some one in the future. Hopefully people who come here really take this seriously and even after your d or if you get on the right track, you should still come here and learn. Just don't become complacent again because you know where it got you iin the first place and it it not a good feeling to be back here on a bad note.

"How long can you meet your partners ENs? When your ENs are met, it becomes easy to meet your partners ENs and that will last a lifetime. "

Precisely!

#243385 01/27/04 10:09 PM
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ttkm Offline OP
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has anyone read the thread from wise2soon, "ws feelings"? the reason i posted this thread was that nobody was responding to his. he has not responded since this am, but i am interested in hearing a response to his question, a very valid one i haven't seen addressed in my short time here. farmer seemed to address this. Of course this could apply to women, too, but i think the responses might be very different <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

ttkm

#243386 01/28/04 03:58 AM
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TTKN I readwise2 thread. All I am saying is men and women become complacment after a while. We meet some one new, get excited about that person, all our engery go into supplying the EN each other so desire. How long can anyone keep this up, we fall in love, get married and our whole lives changes. Five years or so later we are back here again.

My XWW had an affair because her EN was not met, one year later she and OM have pratically broken up. Yes she is witdrawn and still emotonally attached to him. At what price, for her selfish EN. As wise2soon stated, the amount of time he lost with his kids is uncomprhendable. My XW too ran off with OM, totally loosing interest in her own kids lives. One year later she wants to fix what she had broken.Will it work? Yes I seem to think so and time will tell.

I feel wise2soon pain, I did not take out any restraining order against my XW, in fact I always encouraged her to see her kids, but she was too busy with her EN and thinking she was in love with OM.

God does not like divorces, affairs and the list goes on, but we forget that God also forgives for our sins.

#243387 01/28/04 02:04 PM
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TTKM - Thanks for pointing me to this thread. I guess a better question would be phrased this way:

Being that according to the MB basics as I've come to understand them, we are treating an A as if it were an addiction. Based off of my knowledge of addiction and its recovery process, if an individual is active in their A, they are filling their ENs with the OP. In my situation I am prohibited from speaking to my BS due to a temporary protection order against her. I am the WS in this situation and I'm beginning to recognize what my ENs are. In times when I feel the need for an EN to be filled that only my BS would fill, what do I do? My alternatives to re-entering the A are what? I'm asking this sincerly and don't know what to do about ENs that only my wife would meet that I feel a need for fufilment.

-2soon


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