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#243394 01/27/04 03:11 PM
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Hi everyone,

Just a quick question.

How many of you would stay with a husband who loves and wants to be with his wife, but insists on seeing another woman to help him stop from cheating, because one day he will eventually stop cheating and be solely with his wife and child?

Silly huh!!!!!!!!

#243395 01/27/04 03:27 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by unhappytothe10thpower:
<strong> Hi everyone,

Just a quick question.

How many of you would stay with a husband who loves and wants to be with his wife, but insists on seeing another woman to help him stop from cheating, because one day he will eventually stop cheating and be solely with his wife and child?

Silly huh!!!!!!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry to be so blunt - but the moment I see or would have seen my H (as I read your previous posts that your H has cheated on you several times dating back to 9/03) with another woman, let alone 2, 3, 4 or 10 - I would know that he no longer loved or respected me. No matter what he said or whether we wore wedding rings or had taken our vows, if my H cheated once or even that much, no matter how much I love him, no matter how much I am working on issues to stay married to him right now: I would consult a lawyer the same day, move my children and myself out, and file for divorce and not look back. There are two things (for me) that I said that I could never take: cheating or a beating... that said, I hope you respond.

What are your plans? Why are you still with him? No matter what, you have to muster up all your courage and self respect for yourself and your children and get out of there. It's not fair to them, it's not fair to you. Let alone the risk he puts you at for all kinds of diseases with his selfish behavior. You're better than that.... Maybe you could get help to reach this decision through counseling?? Or a close friend who can be there for you no matter what, help you move, etc.

I wish you luck....

#243396 01/27/04 03:31 PM
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I agree word for word with Christine. This man is never to be trusted again. Because he is UNTRUSTWORTHY no matter what he says.

Why are you still with him? Do you live in UTAH? Even in UTAH, "plural marriage" is not legal....

#243397 01/27/04 03:43 PM
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but the moment I see or would have seen my H (as I read your previous posts that your H has cheated on you several times dating back to 9/03) with another woman, let alone 2, 3, 4 or 10 - I would know that he no longer loved or respected me.
Then you would probably “know” incorrectly.

No matter what he said or whether we wore wedding rings or had taken our vows, if my H cheated once or even that much, no matter how much I love him, no matter how much I am working on issues to stay married to him right now: I would consult a lawyer the same day, move my children and myself out, and file for divorce and not look back.
Real easy to say, not so easy to do.

Why are you still with him?
Probably because she is married to him.

No matter what, you have to muster up all your courage and self respect for yourself and your children and get out of there.
So now she has no self respect because she wants to be married to her husband?

Maybe you could get help to reach this decision through counseling??
Why does her decision have to be divorce?

She needs help, yes.

Read the links below and don’t make any decisions until you sit on them for a bit and think about it.

#243398 01/27/04 04:12 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by unhappytothe10thpower:
<strong> How many of you would stay with a husband who loves and wants to be with his wife, but insists on seeing another woman to help him stop from cheating, because one day he will eventually stop cheating and be solely with his wife and child? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What exactly is it you are looking for here? You keep telling your story and asking the same question over and over in post after post, getting pretty much the same responses. You don't seem to be seeking any answers or taking any suggestions on how to either work on your marriage or get out of it.

So, what exactly do you want from us?

#243399 01/27/04 04:23 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>
Why does her decision have to be divorce?

She needs help, yes.

Read the links below and don’t make any decisions until you sit on them for a bit and think about it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow, I'm sorry that I offended someone!!

I was giving my view of what I would do. She doesn't have to follow it. I said that if my H cheated on me he would no longer love or respect me - I know this because we have talked about this together at length... that is how I know...

You stated that it isn't easy to divorce if one has cheated. I know that in some cases that is not the answer, that the reasons behind the situation are different (maybe it was a one nite stand), but (again what I view) someone who cheats repeatitvely isn't someone who appears to want to be married anymore. And I only state that it is 'easy' in my view - because I have experienced this - I was married young - for less than one year, caught him cheating, moved out the next day and divorced. I won't say it didn't hurt to the core of my soul, but FOR ME, it's what I had to do.

I KNOW she's with him because she's married, I'm a pretty smart person about literal things <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , but I guess I was asking why she wants to be with someone like that, does she still feel love or like him, does she wish to work things out, or what is her mind state at the present time?

Please, go back to my quote (since we're being literal and literary critiqued) about mustering (hey I could have said mustarding, then I would've really caused a stink!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> mustering up courage... I stated she should muster up all her self respect (implying she did in fact HAVE THIS and courage, again IMPLYING THAT SHE HAD THIS)... and to get out of there, was advice, an opinion, and really, probably the best thing, because she doesn't sound like she wants to stay - but I won't put words in anyones mouth, which is why I asked what her plans and thoughts were>>>

And thanks for the links, I have read them all, plus books, and read them over constantly making sure I have them right. I'm not a professional counselor, I just recommended she see one for help, it helps me and lots of people. I'm just a caring person - who has her own set of problems, wishing to reach out to someone else and spark a conversation so that she/he may open up and obtain some help from this message board as it was intended to be...

God bless you and I'll be praying for her...

#243400 01/27/04 04:40 PM
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No offense taken. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
However, when people are new to this stuff (as unhappy seems to be) it's very easy for them to listen to everybody and try to do everything suggested, whether it is good or bad advice and this may or may not compound their situation.

The idea is to give them the tools to see WHAT is possible and then let them make the decision. After all, they are the ones who have to live with that decision.

I'm not a professional counselor,
Me either.

I just recommended she see one for help, it helps me and lots of people.
Absolutely it would help.

God bless you and I'll be praying for her...
Ditto. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


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