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#243436 01/27/04 05:30 PM
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Ok..... this thread is in response to a couple others that I have hijacked.

Also I haven't been making new ones for weeks .. so here goes.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I want to discuss this whole "net culture" but for the benefit of getting down to a grass roots discussion can we just dispense with the obvious.

We all know (or should) about the potential of danger. EA's, freaks on the net .. blah blah.

I really don't want to go over all that territory again.

I want to know ....

Were you surprised at yourself the first time you realized that people you had never technically met started to impact you in your real life?

I remember feeling that way. It surprised me when I started to form genuine bonds of friendship with people and it invoked real emotion in me when I hadn't heard from them in awhile. I used to feel really sad when I wouldn't hear from them for days .. I even got a little concerned. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I was genuinely happy to hear of the joys (baby's being born, marriages) and equally as saddened when I would hear of their tragedies.

Yeah, I have to say it surprised the heck outta me cuz I was going to be one that remained "detached". I did not believe you COULD feel for someone that you had never "met".

For those that have never experienced it - please don't respond just this one time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I am really looking for people here that can honestly say that they have formed "REAL" friendships first on the net,that have stood the test of time.

My hubby's boss's wife was telling me at our Christmas party this year that someone gave her her future husband's address and she wrote to him during the war .... they wrote for 9 months. She says she fell in love with him during those months.

Then they met in person and dated 3 times... they have been married for 35 years!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Words ARE powerful.

One of my very best friends is a woman I "met" from the U.S. on the net about a year ago. We have spoken on the phone but never met in person.
I email her daily and I consider her a very close friend that I totally trust. I would have NEVER said that 5 years ago.

Do you think when we first come on the net we have a preconceived idea, and over time we all realize that we truly CAN form an affection for one another?

C'mon .. let's get real and be honest ok?


DZZZZ

#243437 01/27/04 05:38 PM
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wow,

you don't know how happy you have made me......my H is away on buisness and i'm snowed in tonight.

thank you for bringing this up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

yep, i was surprised when i started to think about people from online while i was off.....i am the same way when i read a good novel though.
you should know that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

i'm interested to hear if others feel it too.

oh yeah....and i hardly ever talk on the phone anymore......i used to have huge phone bills.

<small>[ January 27, 2004, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: nelly ]</small>

#243438 01/27/04 05:47 PM
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Diamonzz...hehe...to answer you from the other thread---I'm fine....a little ruffled over that poster who said she/he opened a bottle of champagne when a left a while back.....LOL

I don't understand people who can't 'trust' those they meet online. It's just like real life---I wouldn't trust a stranger in a bar, but I'd trust a stranger in my church group. You have to be careful where you hang out.

Personally, I only talk to women online. I have no need to get friendly with men. I hate to sound stereotypical, but most of the time I feel like men always have an ulterior motive.....

Just mah 2 cents, girlie!

Hope you're doing well, by the way! : )

#243439 01/27/04 05:47 PM
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> by the way folks. Nelly and I are twins. We were separated at birth .....

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

DZZZ

#243440 01/27/04 06:34 PM
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yeah,
and the wild one is living in the U.S. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

what is going on w/ your love languages classes?

#243441 01/27/04 06:37 PM
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.

<small>[ February 14, 2004, 08:26 AM: Message edited by: WhirrledPeas ]</small>

#243442 01/27/04 06:47 PM
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i have a sad story.

my SIL's brother met a woman over the net......he was 50.....never married, quite the loner.....he was in the U.S. and she was in England.

she visited him for a month a couple of summers ago......met his family....evrything was going pretty well.
she went back home......they continued the relationship and decided to get married.....and about a month or so later......he had a heart attack and died.
the british woman was the one who called his father to say he hadn't been online for 2 days and wasn't answering his phone......could he check it out.
creepy, huh?

<small>[ January 27, 2004, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: nelly ]</small>

#243443 01/27/04 06:56 PM
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Yeah, I'm the same way. Before I came here I never would have thought that I could care about people that I have never met. Now they have been the ones that got me through this. My family and friends told me to get rid of H and be glad he is gone.

The one thing that bothers me is to talk with people over several months and then they just disappear. I am still worrying over one that posted for several months and then never again. If it was someone I know, I would just call them up and asked what happened.

#243444 01/27/04 07:00 PM
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A friend of mine moved to the States to marry a woman who he'd originally met online.

The thing about the internet that makes it a powerful tool for meeting people, IMHO, is that you only look at stuff that interests you.

When I eneded up an MB, for example, I met a great big bunch of people who are interested in improving their marriage. So I already have something in common with everyone here. We, as a society, have become more and more isolated. I remember when I was a kid, I always knew everyone around who was about my age, because we all had school in common.

In the case of MB, nothing bonds people faster than having common problems.

I am not terribly surprised that more and more people are starting relationships online. People who find relationships the traditional way rely on chance, somewhat.

Online, you can just plug the word "date" into a search engine and a few minutes of surfing later, you can have a list of eligible partners complete with biographies and pictures at your fingertips.

What was weird to me was the first time someone from MB called on the telephone. I don't think that I was exactly what that person expected. I can chat forever online, but for some reason, not on the phone so much.

#243445 01/27/04 07:12 PM
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Well, you know how I feel Dzzz.

I think Slap has it just right. (BTW, you weren't in the post office at about 7 were you? There was a shiny bald head there and I could have sworn it was you. Well, at least you know I thought of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Tak has a twin (okay, just the hair) in my church class.) We easily find people with common interests (sounds like meeting a need).

Like Nelly said, I get attached to internet people like I do novel characters, only moreso because Inet people are real and their stories go on (and on and on, sometimes).

Interesting thread, Dzzz. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Petals

#243446 01/27/04 07:18 PM
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Yes, I have friends I've met here that I do consider real, true friends.

OTOH, after a disagreement here, I also received a nasty email followed by a sudden deluge of porn in the email addy I use here. Oh, and one irate message from a wife who thought her H emailed me too often. So, now I am a bit more careful about sharing my email on the board...you just have to use common sense, ya know?

As for your question--when you first realized your life was impacted by people here...it did not take long at all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Kathi

<small>[ January 27, 2004, 07:20 PM: Message edited by: kam6318 ]</small>

#243447 01/27/04 07:20 PM
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yeah, i guess MB is more like General Hospital. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

#243448 01/27/04 07:34 PM
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Hey Dzz, for not being real, this thread sure is getting a lot of responses...

#243449 01/27/04 07:39 PM
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I dunno. It's not so unlikely. Mrs. O & I have friends from the web that we've met in person & vacationed with. We've known them for probably 5 or 6 years now.

We've also met people online who drive us just as crazy as folks down the block.

I guess it's just like any other human interaction. Except may that you seldom get a whiff of your online friends' S.B.D.'s.

#243450 01/27/04 08:02 PM
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Wheeew thank God! I am not alone in this.

This isn't a gender specific thing. It is not only a certain personality either.

My hubby who isn't all that motived to go out and socialize will read and lurk and will from time to time ask me about certain people on here ...

I think it stands to reason if we're all comin to this same funny farm board day after day .. we are gonna kinda sorta like each other some. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

AWWWWWWWWWW GEEEE .... GROUP HUG!!!!!!!!


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

DZZZ

#243451 01/27/04 08:09 PM
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it reminds me of group therapy.

it is a form of it, isn't it?

#243452 01/27/04 08:11 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> it reminds me of group therapy. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, more the nuts running the nuthouse .. hehe

DZZZ

#243453 01/27/04 08:23 PM
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Diamonzzz,

That was an excellent topic/post! It’s a great reminder that there are real people on the other ends of these discussions. I think that a couple of things sometimes happens that causes people to be hurt by the discussions, and one of them is the imbalance of conscientiousness when to “poster-A”, “poster-B” really doesn’t register as a real human being. Oh, Poster-A would acknowledge that readily enough, but doesn’t really realize or understand the emotional investment Poster-B has in the conversations. . . or even the relationship, as it were, “friends”.

Being subject to soft-heartedness myself, I always keep a little distance and though these are “heart-matters” on many accounts, I consider the cost of much attachment and to you, and all the rest of my peers in the MB forum, I relate as in a sort of “professional” way. . . so that whereas I care about people and their individual concerns and cases, if I were asked how I would categorize people here, I would say, “Associates”. That leaves room for everyone’s dignity, takes into account “feelings”.

I hope you are well

#243454 01/27/04 08:48 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Diamonzzz:
<strong>AWWWWWWWWWW GEEEE .... GROUP HUG!!!!!!!!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You guys go ahead. Ill be out on the porch lighting a Marlboro & popping the top on a longneck.

#243455 01/27/04 09:22 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Zuzus_Petals:
<strong>BTW, you weren't in the post office at about 7 were you? There was a shiny bald head there and I could have sworn it was you.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope. At 7, I was at my dinner table, enjoying some low-carb hot wings and salad that W made.

It's funny that this topic was brought up. How many of us have posted things on this site that have nothing to do with our marriages per se?

All the internet is, is a communication medium. I am reminded of my kids asking me if "the Rock" is a real person. They had the idea that nothing on TV is real. I told them that he is a real person, he just isn't really beating that other guy up.

In the same way, I think that we distinguish between "real" friend and online ones. What is the difference.

Now that I have moved and don't physically see my old friends anymore, but only e-mail and call them, does that mean that they aren't real friends anymore?

If I were to meet any of you who I consider to be friendly with for dinner sometime, I'm sure that I'd get along with you as well as I do online.

What is the difference?

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