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#243628 01/28/04 12:23 AM
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 138
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Posts: 138
well, we had that talk tonight about our future, and it went something like this. She says she doesn't feel anything for me anymore and can't even fathom it ever coming back. She will not see mc anymore and is just tired of always being miserable. She doesn't want to be that person who is divorced but she can't see any other way. She shouldn't have to be miserable for the rest of her life. Doesn't understand that you CAN bring back love if our needs are being met and that sometimes marriage IS work. Doesn't care to learn about it, she has spent too much time feeling this way and needs to be out. So, n a couple weeks we are getting seperated w/no contact. She wants to make it a definitive month and see what happens. I guess this is my last gasp. I honestly don't think is is coming back, so like M, I am going to start planning my own life, get back in the playing field and live my own life as this marriage had never happened. It seems it will be over soon. What to do?

#243629 01/28/04 08:18 AM
Joined: Apr 2003
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Riverdog, have you read Surviving An Affair?


If you will give up, then it is done. But, what is your wife's complaint other than she is miserable. You did not get to the reason. Was there any substance to the "talk" that gives a clue? A lot is missing from the big picture.

When we move on as though nothing happened, then we remove the chance to absolve a problem. And lots of times we will just carry that baggage with us to the next relationship.

Do you know what I mean?

#243630 01/28/04 09:15 AM
Joined: Aug 2002
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RD,

Man I am sorry to hear this development. But don't give up, my W wanted the same thing and when I sat down and really talked to her I got her to stick around. Even if it was just for the financial support and I am thanking GOD everyday that there is no way she could have made it on her own. I believe it was the best thing for us. I know if we would have seperated that would have changed all the dynamics of our relationship. After all how do you fill EN's if you can't see the other person? MAybe a nice sitdown respectful talk and the promise of no pressure on her part will get her to change her mind. Promise not to pressure her as long as you can fill EN's that she can outline. This gives her all the leverage and still keeps the door open for you. I know a lot lot of people will say don't be a doormat, but I am suspecting much like in my case that your W felt like a doormat for sometime. If not then accept my humble apologies.

#243631 01/28/04 10:15 AM
Joined: Aug 2002
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I'm sorry, River. I wish had some wise words, but I don't.


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