I'll try to be brief but there's so much to tell.

I'll start by saying that my wife of 1o years just filed for divorce on Wednesday. I'm quite devastated. She says that all the years of emotional neglect have pushed her to this point. while I do admit to it, I'd done more for her and with her in the last 3-6 months then i had in a long time. I accept that I had been quite selfish. I also have been addicted to porn for about 20 yrs and I'm currently getting therapy to help me get over it. It's just so hard for me right now. I thought we both were committed for life.

Just after her, I love you, but I'm not in love with you speech, I found out that she started frequenting a particular dating website, she's sent some explicit text messages and emails to a number of guys. I really don't know if there is any chance of her changing her mind about her decision because she is now having the fun she said our marriage lacked. I'm currently, through websites like this, learning about the many things that i did wrong over the course of the relationship, and I'm committed to making changes, but I want to be able to show her that I've changed. I know that women will say that it's probably too late, but I just want my wife back. Most people have told me to just work on me and maybe she will see the change. i'm not sure she really wants to see them. i believe she's already started dating and things, and I'm hoping that she will not gain the satisfaction she thought she would from it. I'm not really sure that will happen. I will continue to pray that we can get back together, but my optimism is fading quickly.

Mark, Women here won't say it's probably too late.
Delay the divorce as much as possible. Read up on Plan A and anything else. Develop a plan to demonstrate change. Try to keep living together if you can. Maybe move this over to the 101 forum. The Surviving An Affair forum is good too. Check both out and see which feels most comfortable for you.

If you prefer being here that's good too.

Its not to late. Green had excellent advice. Surviving affair is the place to have this moved because your wife is having an emotional affair and it needs to be KILLED FAST to save your marriage.

Not sure if checking out dating sites counts as an emotional affair. Not even going out on a date, although it is definitely infidelity.

The good news is the allure of online dating fades rather quickly. The first stage is "Kid in the candy store." Everything looks so good. If you are looking because you were unhappy in a relationship/marriage, everyone looks good because they aren't your X. But, you quickly realize that almost all of them are not your type at all.
The next phase is "They all look the same." The final phase is "Dating is too much work for too little payout."

Obviously, you don't want your wife to date at all. You need to make that clear, and let her know that if she does, you will tell everyone what she's doing. At the same time, you make the necessary changes.

First and foremost, you elminate all Love Busters. Never slip up again.

Second, you meet whatever needs she'll let you within reason. Obviously, if she claims being able to sample other men is an emotional need, you don't agree to that. I would also add that you don't put yourself in the hole to meet the financial support need. Some women feel entitled to all kinds of material goods and services and will ruin you, and still leave in the end.

Third, spend as much time with her as possible. Obviously, she's not going to sign on the 15 hours a week program. But, you can probably do some of this without her knowing. For example, you just happen to be in the neighborhood during her lunch hour. Or you call her just to say hello.

Fourth, Persistence is key. Realize that your wife isn't going to believe any changes you make. Realize she's going to be royally pissed that you only made these changes when she's leaving, and that you didn't care enough about her happiness and well being to change earlier.

And my final piece of advice... Do not say to your wife "I thought we were committed for life." The question for a miserable spouse becomes "committed to what?" Personally, I have to wonder if throwing out the word "obey" was a mistake. Obey may be strong, but it sets the tone. Doing whatever you want is OVER when you get married. It's done. "I promise not do things or bully you into doing things that disstress you. I promise to comfort you, listen and play, provide physical intimacy, keep myself attractive to you in all ways possible. I promise to work with you on all problems to find solutions that are good for both of us, so that we thrive as individuals and couples."