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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 32
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I have been to several forums and they seem to not want to save a marriage but to end them, I want to save mine. I love him with all my heart and then some. He had an emotional affair that started last October 2009 and I found out in Feb, 2010. I confronted him with cell phone calls on bill and he said they were just friends. He made 38 calls and she made 13 in 10 days.

That was around Valentines Day and he told me he wanted us just forget everything and start all over. He gave me candy and a nice card. I thought it was over and I forgot about the whole thing. I trusted him and there was nothing else to suggest otherwise.

Then in July,2010 he started having all sort of reasons for being late from work that involved his job. He worked in retail sales and I know they don't let you put in the amount of overtime he was being late. I asked him about this and he said he was working overtime driving and training for a management position and he was working and training so it made him have more hours.

He called me one night and said he was making a couple of late deliveries and didn't know what time he would be home, maybe around 11pm. He had told me this on a lot of days and I told him I didn't think anybody would accept deliveries that late at night. He would get mad and say they did and he had to deliver. On one of the nights that he called he said he had two late deliveries and they were in different towns and it would be a while before he got home. I questioned the times for deliveries again and he still said that people take them when they can get them delivered all the time.

I was in town on my way home to make supper, when he called and told me he would pick up something so don't make supper, to go and pick me up something, if I didn't want to cook that late. The interstate is in town and I kept thinking something doesn't sound right. He worked off the interstate exit about 30 minutes from where I was in town. I thought you know, if I go there and see if his truck is in the parking lot then I could trust him and it would make me feel better about what he said about delivering at night. It had a lots to do with the Feb,2009 phone calls and he wasn't expecting supper anyway, so I had plenty of time to go check and I could trust easier. As I was driving, I kept thinking to my self, are you sure you want to know? I reasoned yes, I wanted to believe him and this way I could and he would never know I checked.

When I got to his parking lot I knew where he always parked so I went there first. No truck, I rode all over that parking lot and the store next to it and no truck anywhere. I started to fill panic and thought about checking some other places but I could of rode all night and still not found the truck. I rode around the lot one more time and got back on the interstate to go home in disbelief.

On the way home I called him and asked if he had any of the deliveries finished and he yes and they canceled the other one till in the morning. I asked him was he back at the store yet with the delivery truck and he said not yet but shortly. I said, how long before you will be home and he said about 45 minutes. There was no way he could of got the delivery truck back to where he worked and got home in 45 minutes.

I got to the exit that I needed to get home and stopped to turn. There is a store across from the exit and while looking to turn I saw his truck in the store parking lot. I just sat there trying to make sense of this because there was no way he could of got there before I did. I pulled a little in front of his truck and got out of the car. He was sitting in the truck talking on his cell phone and never saw me walking up to the truck. I knocked on the drivers window and he nearly jumped out of his skin. He rolled down the window and I said you lied to me. I just got back from where you work and you have beat me home. I told his truck was no where in the parking lot and he told me he parked at the Walmart next door. I got in my car and left him sitting there trying to figure his next lie.When he got home about 30 minutes later, I began to question him and he said no matter what I say you will not believe me so I am not saying anything. He got up and showered, then went to bed.

He had put mine and his cell phone on his daughters family plan and when she paid it on the computer at my house I saw her enter the cell phone password. The next day I decided to check him out on the cell phone because they have detailed billing. The same number as before was on the bill, texting and calling by both all hours of the day and night. I lost my temper and sent him a text and asked him if that number was familiar to him because he had so many calls to and from that number and it was the same one from Feb, 2009. He didn't call me back and while I was reading them for the four months all of a sudden I got jammed and couldn't do any other pages. I thought it was the computer but now I know he called and had his daughter or son in law shut it down and they changed the password on the account. I had a couple of days already printed but couldn't get the others printed or back into the account.

He didn't come home that night till about 11pm and went straight to the shower and bed without saying a word. He spent all night out coming in late the next night. he did that for about 3 weeks. He started coming home more reasonable after afterwards. I didn't argue with him but when he was out after 12pm I kept sending him texts and he wouldn't text back or answer the phone. So I sent the same Mickey Mouse multimedia message he had sent me once that said I Love You in Micky Mouses Voice. I also kept sending him text saying what time it was and did he know where my husband was at? I did this so I could run his phone battery down and aggravate him with trying to see who was sending him text. It worked!! He finally got smart and bought him a car charger for the phone, but that meant he had to leave it in the truck to charge while he was working so no calling his girlfiend for a while.

The month of July was awful for me, he did all kind of things. He put clothes for spend the night and said he was taking them just in case. I looked in his truck windows and saw dirty clothes where he would change and put them back in the truck. He rode somewhere with his daughter and I used my truck key to search the truck. I found Viagara in the driver side pocket. I took it out and threw them in the fish pond.
He caught me not paying attention and got my truck key off my keyring but not before I had already got me some evidence in the truck. A motel receipt and a few other things. He wanted to know what I took out and I said a motel receipt, his comment was for a side job he was going to do after work. I finally figured out that it was a woman he was working with because upon spying her car was always parked next to his truck at work.

I told his daughters about him having an affair and they wrote him a letter saying they disapproved but he never told me, the keylogger I put on the computer told me his email password. I printed it out and saved it for evidence. There were other comments in the letter but I won't put them here.

The middle of August he changed jobs and started driving on the road making short deliveries. I thought maybe he was doing that for us so he wouldn't see her everyday. We were barely speaking but finally a little at a time he was nicer to me.

In September he had to pay his cell phone bill and he was having problems being home the same time his daughter was home. So I saw him paying the cell phone bill and I stayed away acting not interested. I knew the keylogger would take care of that for me. I put it off for a week not checking on him. Finally he started making excuses why he couldn't complete a run without having to spend the night somewhere he was just too tired to come home. He went a week and only came home twice. These were round trip eight hours he had plenty of time to complete them and be back home.

Finally, I had to check the cell phone records. I got a years worth printed. I found out she started calling him last October 2009 and finally he started calling her back. To start with he wasn't calling her back till the next day. Then she kept calling so he started calling her too. I was smarter this time I printed them all and saved to hard drive and disk. They are also stored somewhere else. I just kept the information to my self and was going to tell him later if I got a good reason to tell him. He would always tell me that making phone calls didn't prove anything was going on but talking on the phone.

In August he changed his bank account and didn't put me on the account. He has his bank statement going to his daughters house to keep me from seeing the statements. I asked him about it and he said I caused it by threatening to throw him out of the house. I asked him once if he had ever been thrown out of the house before and he said no. He has been married twice before me and I didn't find out till we were married he has a history of cheating on his wife. That is why I asked him about the being thrown out question.

I told him not to text or call her in my home because that was the same thing as her being here. I told him he was rubbing my nose in it and not to do that. I figured if they were texting at least that meant they wasn't together. He would answer her text in the living room at least I think it was her. They were texting when he went to bed at night. He was texting her when we would go places to eat together, while out make his truck routes all hours of the night and day.

September 27th,2010 I called him and asked him to meet me at the grocery store. He wouldn't give me money for anything any more so he would go with me to the grocery store. He had already called and told me he was on the way home. He met me and we got groceries together. He was nice and friendly the last few weeks of that month. We got home I fixed him some supper and put groceries away. He was watching tv so I came in the room with him for a while. He wouldn't talk much to me anymore. He said I am going to bed because he showered while I was cooking. I told him I am going to feed the dog and take a shower and I am going to bed too. I walked in the bedroom and he was sitting on the edge of the bed texting at 10pm at night. I asked him if he was talking to that woman again? He said no I was just checking to see if I had any texts, not talking with anybody. I said I asked you not to call her from in the house and he said he wasn't. He put the phone on the charger and I went to take my shower. Something told me go back in the bedroom. I did and he was texting her on the phone. I had a fit and told him I wanted to see who he was texting and he said no and cupped the phone in his hands. He wouldn't show me and was grinning at me because he thinks it is funny when I get mad. I hardly ever do get mad. I said its not funny I am serious and you keep this up and that phone may go in a glass of water one night. He jumped out of bed and said he was tired of this and he was leaving. I said where you going? He said I don't know but somewhere. I said if you leave don't come back. He left and 2 days later he came by his daughters house. I had put his clothes in trash bags on the side of her driveway and he was furious.


He called a deputy and they came to our house. I saw him come in the driveway. The deputy car was behind him. I went outside and asked him what is going on? He said you can't take my things out of this house. He told the deputy to tell me. The deputy said you can't take his things out of the house, the house is marital property. I told the deputy that he has been at his girlfriends house for the last 2 days and I just packed him up a few clothes and left them at his daughters house so he would have some clean clothes to wear. The deputy said he did say he has been gone a few days. Its sort of funny now but not then. We went back into the house.


He told me I was going to find myself in jail if I took anything else out of the house. I told him that I would put anything else I needed out in his tool house. He left and went to the other woman and has been there ever since that day. I wish a lot of thimes I didn't do that. At least he was here and I had a small part of him and could sleep with him at night. I miss him so bad I just wish I had it to do over again. But he was rubbing it in my face and I think he was going to do it anyway. Now I want him to come home I was trying to make him choose and I thought he would choose me.


age 59(me) 53(wh) no children together
children (mine) 3 (wh)2 all grown
Affair started Oct 2009 co worker
D#1 Feb,2010 (wh)wanted to start all over
D#2 July same woman age early 40's 3 teenagers
ws changed jobs Aug no longer coworkers
D#3 Sept 2010 same woman
Left to live same OW 09/27 - present
found out cell phone records
Plan A Nov 1st really month sooner
Plan B Nov 16
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 32
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Posts: 32
The ow is in her late 30's or early 40's and he is 53 and he told me that the age had a little to with it when I asked him about her. She has 3 teenages and his girls are 30 and 27. Her kids are just a little older than his grandkids. He is parading her around in front of his family and the grandkids. It is so embarassing to me but the grandkids are what concern me the most I have seen all but one of the born and she was 17 months old when I met him and a teen now. WE have been together 12 years and married 7years. We always have been so good together no fussing enjoying each others company. I called her in July and left her voicemail and I told her who I was. I told her to stop calling my husband and if she needed somebody to talk to call me. She never responded. She knows he is married to me yet she still kept after him. She now has him in the house with her and her 3 teenagers. He doesn't have much patience with kids but I am sure he is pretending to now. I tried and tried all year to compete with her and I just can't win him away from her. The kids daddy died last year and they were divorced over 5 years before he died. She has been married twice. I don't know her name but I got her car tag number and what county she lives in. He says he don't know what he wants and has to figure some things out.

He said he sees us getting back together but don't know when. I asked about Christmas and Thanksgiving and he said he don't know where he will be. I think he will be with her.

He calls me at night when he is driving his truck but I have to all the talking he just listens. I have been trying to do the plan a with him. The first 2 weeks he wouldn't call or text me now he calls 3 or 4 times a week. But he is still with her and he won't talk about what his plans are only he doesn't like living in somebodys house. I told him to rent him a place and move her in with him and he said that s not going to happen. I told him he didn't have to live with her he could of got an extended living hotel room. He is still living with her. I told him now he is with her she will think they are going to get married. He said that s not going to happen and she don't want to get married anymore.

He left me with no job and he doesn't pay anything here after last month. I got enough money to keep me for a month or so and I am looking for a job. How long you think before the fantasy ends if he still talks to me and told me he sees us back together.


age 59(me) 53(wh) no children together
children (mine) 3 (wh)2 all grown
Affair started Oct 2009 co worker
D#1 Feb,2010 (wh)wanted to start all over
D#2 July same woman age early 40's 3 teenagers
ws changed jobs Aug no longer coworkers
D#3 Sept 2010 same woman
Left to live same OW 09/27 - present
found out cell phone records
Plan A Nov 1st really month sooner
Plan B Nov 16
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 369
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Posts: 369
My God, my poor lady. The level of emotional abuse this man has heaped upon your poor head makes me feel ill. I hope some of the vets will be here to help you soon. I wish I could, but all I can think of is why would you ever wish to be with a man who has shown you that much disrespect and abuse! You are worth so much more than to ever allow yourself to be treated in this way. God Bless You.


6 grands
DDay August 15,1998
Reconcilled Mid-Sept.1998
Husband40 FWS, Me 47 BW
Fully recovered and moving on!
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 369
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Posts: 369
I hope you are feeling a little better today!


6 grands
DDay August 15,1998
Reconcilled Mid-Sept.1998
Husband40 FWS, Me 47 BW
Fully recovered and moving on!
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
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Hi there,
I would just like to say I'm sorry you are going through all you are.....
Your husband is being very mean to you and I know it must hurt you very much.
All you can do at this point is to take care of yourself the best you can, keep looking for a job and go talk to a lawyer about your rights, he is responsible for you financially, he can't just leave you with nothing........
Force him to at least own his responsibilies......that's not being mean that is what he owes you.......don't feel bad about that..........
Tell him when she is out of his life for good you would consider working on the marriage until he makes that decision tell him you can't and won't talk to him...
Tell him you will speak to an attorney and that the attorney will contact him with a separation agreement since this is what he has decided he wants......
Then take care of yourself, let him feel the brunt of what he has decided.....
Let's see if the fantasy of the OW is worth it all.......my guess will be she won't, he is just trying to buy time to spend with her, don't let him..........be nice but firm...
Expose the affair to everyone that is important to him.......and let the pieces fall where they may.......


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Posts: 12,357
Dear God, CT. I don't even know where to start with this.

Your H is actively in an A.

He is abusing you in the worst possible way and plans to continue doing so.

My suggestion would be to immediately go to Plan B and contact an attorney regarding your legal rights. And I mean Plan B as in getting an IM to run interference so you have NO contact with him. He is getting EN's met when he hears your voice.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 32
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Posts: 32
Hi and thanks for the comments. I am doing the plan A for a while for several reasons. I myself still need the emotional need of hearing his voice for a while. That is what has helped me to survive this and gives me strength for right now.

This past year he has been pushing me back from his feelings so he could get to the point of being able to be with this woman. Even though he was doing that he still was not able to end all his feelings for me. He was pulling to her and then back to me then back to her he didn't know what he wanted and I could feel that was what was going on. To get to the point of letting go you have to get where you feel one thing is worth more than another. I forced him by taking out his clothes to make a decision and so because I needed to make him choose. I wish I had been here before I did that and got some advise but its already done now. He had to face reality.

I understand how it looks to you people here I know he was going to leave soon he was already getting things lined up he thought, changing his bank account and sending it to his daughter's house. Even though he was doing that he was having doubts and couldn't act on what he wanted to do. There was a lot more cell phone use between them than being able to see each other because she works and he drives. I think he was also worried about losing her to somebody else because they couldn't see each other everyday as before.

In order to leave me he would have to push all his feelings aside and think he loved her more. He left a home that has no mortgage and therefore no house payment. I told him he was the one that wanted to change things not me so I was staying here. I paid off the loan on the house and land with money I got from selling my house from my first marriage. I have about 2/3 of the cost of the property that I have paid and receipts to prove that I paid from the money I got from sell of the house and my signature on the canceled checks. I told him that no way he will get the house I will fight him for the house and if he wants a divorce he will have to file for it and pay for all fees for attorney. He never has said he wants a divorce. Even though I don't have a job right now I have a little income coming from a business I also bought and manage, but it is not a steady amount of income. That is why I need to get a job and to show him I can take care of myself also. The being stronger part for plan a. Where we live there is no legal seperation you can even live in the same house as long as there are no relations sexual. I see now I should of kept working on him at home and gave it more time but I kept reading to let him go to her and would see that it was a fantasy and end it after a while and that might still work.

The reason I want to keep up the a plan is that he thought he had got where he had no feelings still left for me and was resenting me because I was like a Momma and wouldn't let him do what he wanted to do and that I was holding him back. I know this from some of the things he said. He closes up and won't talk or listen he blocks me out. Now when we talk I found out that what works is for me to tell how I feel and not question him about what he feels because he won't talk. When I question him, everything is, "I don't know" when I ask him. We have always been really close and even when he thinks different he listens to my point of view and usually it ends up being his is the same as mine on important matters. That's why I keep talking to him because I feel it is making an impression on him when it is how I feel because he doesn't really know what he wants right now.

I told him since he is with her to tell me that he was letting me go and he said he can't do that. That is what I will use when we get to the plan b part but neither of use are ready to do that yet. I told him that if all this affair does is gets him to see he loves me because I think for a while now he thinks he doesn't then it would be of some value. He knows he can come back and he knows she has to be out of his life to come back. Right now I feel that that is what the plan a is for is for me to let him get to the point he starts to realize what he is giving up and to have a reason to want to come back and I am going to do that. I know everybody thinks he is mean and I am not excusing him I lived it and it is me it has happened too and if I can get him to see what he has and we have he will want to come back. He has to want to come back nobody can make him. He has to want to have me and see he still loves me and I am going to do everything in my power to help him and it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks it is what I feel and want that matters to me. I am going to do whatever it takes as long as it takes till I know in my heart I can go no further. Somebody has to fight this and I am going to be a warrior till I get defeated in my own heart and mind.

When we talk I try to not pressure him and right now I am just trying to get back the communication we once had and if I have to be the other woman in my marriage and fight her that way I will. He loves the chase that is how I got him. She has lost the chase now and after a while I will make me the chase. Right now I just need to keep communications going and get him to not see me as the Momma and as the wife. I know what I need to do it is just going to be slow. Its better already and I married him for better or worse and I am not going to back down.
She is going to end up being a money burden on him and also dealing with teenagers which when they are not yours is quite a job. He will end up having problems with her about the kids before long I know that and that is a strike against the relationship. He doesn't like the not being head of household in the relationship and he will not change to another house that is his to do that, because he doesn't want to invest that much with her. Its all about the younger woman ego boost and the sex and that is all. He thought he had more feelings for her than he does. The only way for him to see all this is for him to live it and 6 weeks its still new. That is why he still clings to me a little because he knows I love him but is not sure where the other is going and I think he knows it will be not go very far.

If he doesn't know he has an out with me he would keep staying there or go to somebody else when it ends. In the mean time its my job to rebuild our relationship and help him feel for me the love I know he still has and the home he still misses. Meeting his emotional needs is part of it maybe the hardest part of it to keep them still alive for me. Why would I want to take away the emotions he has because emotions are connected with love. This might not make sense to you but it does me and to me emotions being met is what we both need to lean on each other while we goes thru this. It is not just him it is us both going thru this and we need to try to keep as much feelings for each other as we can to rebuild if this works out. I am trying to give him enough support till he gets this worked out but not enough to make it too easy for him to have both. I am trying to be his lighthouse and it hurts but i love him enough to wait. Time goes by any way I am not going anywhere. I had rather invest in what I know is my other half and not give up om my marriage.

So what it amounts too I need to do a whole lot of plan a as long as I can and maybe I may have to do B but the feelings have to come back a little at a time he took a year to get here and I can't undo that in a couple of months.

I wish that POSOW would find somebody at work that is single and leave my husband alone. She can't be much to let me shack up in her home with 3 teenagers. She doesn't really know him he could be a child molester for all she knows. She is just trash and I wish her everything that is evil to happen to her. She has known for a year he is married, I even left her voice mail and told her before and she still encouraged him. But I have enough of a job to handle and in the end she will get hers.

You see if it was your kids, any woman would fight for them no matter what they do they are not supposed to do that is wrong or hurts you. So why would anybody not be as forgiving and as loyal to their husband and it is the same woman not many different women so that makes different. I have already done to exposure to family and friends I know of but the exposure on his side is they accept whatever he wants to do. My side of course is different. But both sides know I love him and my kids I made perfectly clear I love him and want him in my life. They don't like it but they know I mean it and they stay out of what is going on.





age 59(me) 53(wh) no children together
children (mine) 3 (wh)2 all grown
Affair started Oct 2009 co worker
D#1 Feb,2010 (wh)wanted to start all over
D#2 July same woman age early 40's 3 teenagers
ws changed jobs Aug no longer coworkers
D#3 Sept 2010 same woman
Left to live same OW 09/27 - present
found out cell phone records
Plan A Nov 1st really month sooner
Plan B Nov 16
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 32
C
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 32
update:
He texted me again last night at 1:30am, and asked are u sleeping? I wasn't and if I was I wouldn't of told him that I was asleep. He was going to SC to make a delivery and we talked small talk for about 3 hrs as he drove. He has a head phone so he can talk and drive. This is what he used to do with her and now is doing with me. We had an earlier conversation during the day and it got emotional for us both. It started out with me so strong telling him that I had been unhappy too and if we were to get back together, we both had to make some changes and start all over. I told him he had killed our marriage and he had cut it half and thrown one piece off a bridge. We would have to work at making it all over and fix things that had been bothering us both. I did real well till the end. I told him that I had been so hurt and I thanked him for calling and talking to me, that I didn't think I would of been able to make it if he hadn't. Then I asked him if he was calling me because he felt sorry for me and he said no. I got so emotional with that last part I couldn't talk without crying and tears every where. I could hear him sniffling in the back ground and I know he was emotional too. I told him I had to let him go because I was too emotional to keep talking and he said ok.

I sent him a text a few hours later and told him I was sorry for getting so emotional and he said, hell you had me all choked up too. He said I will call you later ok. I have not done much crying this whole time just a little. I cried all day yesterday after that call and couldn't control my tears at all. Do you see now why I still need to talk to him. All I got of him now is in the phone and I can't give that up right now, I just can't. I know it would be way too hard on me to do the B plan and maybe that is what he needs now but I don't think I personally can handle that for a while. So people don't push me to do it ok. You might be right but I know what I can handle and no contact is what I can't handle right now. To me no contact is the same as rejection.

Anyway, we talked small talk I couldn't handle any more serious stuff, for 3 hours till he got where he was going. I let him go so he could unload the truck and then get some sleep before coming home today. I told him earlier that day we had lost communications and that was something I had to have if there was a next time. All these calls we been having I have done the majority of the talking to avoid silence. Last night he actually started talking with me instead of just listening. I always let him be the one to call me and sometimes I just send him a text and tell him I miss him. When he is driving he has alone time and he thinks about me then. I just want him to keep thinking about me that is the only way I got a chance of making this work.

This evening around 4:30 he called me to tell me while getting loaded his truck had a major repair needed and he was waiting on the mechanic to come repair the truck. He said he slept about 6 hours in the truck at a welcome center last night and had just got back an hour of so earlier. WE talked about an hour and they couldn't get parts till tomorrow to make the repairs. He discussed his SIL being in a car wreck and had whiplash and going to a specialist today. See I knew I had to get him talking to me again and sharing. I know he was going back to her tonight but I didn't say anything about that even though I was thinking about it at the time. The more you push the more they will push back. So this is starting to work slowly.

When I was getting ready to hang up I told him I went and got me some fried chicken for supper tonight. I said that was the only thing I seemed to want to eat lately. I guess I am getting like a teenager just thinking about myself now I told him. I said when I got divorced and I got over the upset part I started to think of me being like a teenager and selfish like they were thinking of only what they wanted. That had felt good at the time, but I don't think I want to be a teenager anymore. He said I need to ride and I will call you later.
On the way home I got to thinking I bet that put a little worry in his mind. Because if he goes thru with this and I end up alone I will have a single life again. He went from 2 people to 5 people in a family. lol not exactly free to me.








age 59(me) 53(wh) no children together
children (mine) 3 (wh)2 all grown
Affair started Oct 2009 co worker
D#1 Feb,2010 (wh)wanted to start all over
D#2 July same woman age early 40's 3 teenagers
ws changed jobs Aug no longer coworkers
D#3 Sept 2010 same woman
Left to live same OW 09/27 - present
found out cell phone records
Plan A Nov 1st really month sooner
Plan B Nov 16
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Crying, how can we help you? Are you just looking for sympathy? I'm not saying you're not deserving of that, but WHAT DO YOU WANT? HOW CAN WE HELP YOU?


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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maybe you can't I will just keep reading and stop posting, I just thought you might could but never mind


age 59(me) 53(wh) no children together
children (mine) 3 (wh)2 all grown
Affair started Oct 2009 co worker
D#1 Feb,2010 (wh)wanted to start all over
D#2 July same woman age early 40's 3 teenagers
ws changed jobs Aug no longer coworkers
D#3 Sept 2010 same woman
Left to live same OW 09/27 - present
found out cell phone records
Plan A Nov 1st really month sooner
Plan B Nov 16
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 32
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maybe you can't I will just keep reading and stop posting, I just thought you might could but never mind


age 59(me) 53(wh) no children together
children (mine) 3 (wh)2 all grown
Affair started Oct 2009 co worker
D#1 Feb,2010 (wh)wanted to start all over
D#2 July same woman age early 40's 3 teenagers
ws changed jobs Aug no longer coworkers
D#3 Sept 2010 same woman
Left to live same OW 09/27 - present
found out cell phone records
Plan A Nov 1st really month sooner
Plan B Nov 16
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 369
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Originally Posted by CryingTime
maybe you can't I will just keep reading and stop posting, I just thought you might could but never mind

Crying. Stop that! I can see you must have at least started reading the plans. But, you have to decide just which way you want to proceed. The good people here can help you save your marriage. You can proceed with the plans or just keep letting your marriage flounder. You have to choose how best to proceed though. No one here can do that for you.
I don't see how you can keep going in the same direction you have been. I feel it would be emotional suicide for you. Everyone here only wishes to help!

Last edited by cherise; 11/12/10 06:41 AM.

6 grands
DDay August 15,1998
Reconcilled Mid-Sept.1998
Husband40 FWS, Me 47 BW
Fully recovered and moving on!
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crying,
I think you should stick around and at least get some support in your plan A.
If you think you are strong enough to continue Plan A for a while than go ahead, but I think that you should put your best foot forward but put up some boundaries.
Your husband is not treating you with respect right now........this is not acceptable, you need to take care of yourself.......go to an attorney see what rights you have and make a plan from there......
If you don't get some plan that protects you, you will regret that in the end. You need to establish a respect level with your husband this is your chance to change the marriage to be what you want........
Don't settle anymore, be the strong, loving woman, who knows herself and knows what she wants and is not afraid to get it.........
Don't be a fool and believe anything he says right now, he is making some moves that only protect him and leave you out in the cold.
If he complains about anything you do, tell him he has left you no choice but to protect yourself, he can't just walk away from you with out being responsible financially.
Don't let him be in control, you need to get back behind the wheel. Remember the one thing he didn't count on was you being strong and smart.........
All WS's make that mistake, take your control back.


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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Crying, if you don't do anything else, at the very minimum get a lawyer working on a separation agreement (some states don't have separation, in that case, you just start the steps of a divorce; it is up to you if you follow it to completion). He is not going to financially support you, or keep up his obligations for house and bill payments, as long as he is spending money on hotel rooms, etc, in his affair.



http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2399446#Post2399446
FBS- me, 53
FWH-53
Married 34 yrs
DD 27 and 30, DS 19 (disabled)
after 2nd DDay, filed for D Dec 09 (me)
6-6-10 WH moved in with OW
7-3-10 WH returned home
taking recovery one day at a time

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See I am doing a new thing!
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19
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thank you for offering support I don't and didn't come here for sympathy but support and a little advise for the plan A for a while...good news I got a job interview for Monday morning with a big company I feel better now I see you help other people I thought maybe you could me too bye for now


age 59(me) 53(wh) no children together
children (mine) 3 (wh)2 all grown
Affair started Oct 2009 co worker
D#1 Feb,2010 (wh)wanted to start all over
D#2 July same woman age early 40's 3 teenagers
ws changed jobs Aug no longer coworkers
D#3 Sept 2010 same woman
Left to live same OW 09/27 - present
found out cell phone records
Plan A Nov 1st really month sooner
Plan B Nov 16
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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Originally Posted by CryingTime
thank you for offering support I don't and didn't come here for sympathy but support and a little advise for the plan A for a while...good news I got a job interview for Monday morning with a big company I feel better now I see you help other people I thought maybe you could me too bye for now

Yes, we do help, or at least try to. But if you go back and look at your posts, you'll see that you're not really asking us for help. You're journalling. I'm not sure what it is you want to accomplish? Do you want your H to end his A and return to you? Because I'm not seeing that in your posts. You seem resigned to allowing him to have both of you. We can't help you with that.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Originally Posted by CryingTime
thank you for offering support I don't and didn't come here for sympathy but support and a little advise for the plan A for a while...good news I got a job interview for Monday morning with a big company I feel better now I see you help other people I thought maybe you could me too bye for now

Oh, and BTW - we can give plenty of empathy, too. A lot of us have been where you are.


D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!

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Did you want to try and save your marriage, CT? Welcome to Marriage Builders. smile


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Crying, here is a thread to help guide you through this site.

Read all of the links and ask any questions you may have.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2370240#Post2370240

This is your WH's 3rd marriage, is it your first? Were either of you married when you met?

You can Plan A for a certain amount of time. The 3-4 week time limit is there to help protect YOU. And so you know, your WH will NOT be happy with Plan B. He needs to have both of you.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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I am sorry about the long post. I was trying to give you information. Yes I want my husband to come back to me and to save my marriage. Yes I want to do the plan A for a while. I have never done posting before so I guess I don't know how to do it right. I will go to the links and check them out also. I don't want a triangle marriage either.

Thanks for trying to figure me out, I will see a lawyer if I can get that job and have money for them. Not for a divorce but for protection.


age 59(me) 53(wh) no children together
children (mine) 3 (wh)2 all grown
Affair started Oct 2009 co worker
D#1 Feb,2010 (wh)wanted to start all over
D#2 July same woman age early 40's 3 teenagers
ws changed jobs Aug no longer coworkers
D#3 Sept 2010 same woman
Left to live same OW 09/27 - present
found out cell phone records
Plan A Nov 1st really month sooner
Plan B Nov 16
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