I work with a younger guy who has been dating this girl he met a while back. She's been in the office here a couple of times to talk with him for a few minutes so I have met her and she seems nice. Very attentive to him.

Apparently they shared a couple bottles of wine together and really opened up. She's 30 and been D twice, but he knew this. She got pregnant in high school, M the guy and was D and remarried quickly thereafter. Sounds like a rebound thing, I know it happens. Except she added the fact that she has slept with more guys than she cares to count. I told him that sounds like a pretty serious self-esteem issue to me. Like she doesn't care enough about herself. She has also had sex foreced on her more than once which just adds to it to me. Like maybe she puts herself in bad situations .

Then he said that she is afraid of everything. From flying to even go-karts (there's a track next door). She won't even watch a scary movie.

That just seems like a weird combination to me so I told him I would try and get some analysis for him. Any thoughts?

Well... people have all kinds of experiences in their lives including some pretty horrendous ones. They don't necessarily define a person but your friend is right to be worried a bit me thinks. Whether her issues are her "fault" or not is immaterial, they are there. Probably good he knows now and can evaluate the relationship without the rose colored glasses before things get too serious.

Travis

I would be most worried about someone who would tell a potential suitor that she had slept with more men than she can count, but then again, I would also question whether that is what was specifically said, or something inferred (or exaggerated), for instance:

He says, "So, how many sexual partners have you had?"

She says: "I don't know."

He runs off and tells people that she's had more sex partners than she can count. kwim?

She's afraid of everything is *clearly* an exaggeration. She's not afraid of talking to strangers (which your friend was, once), and she's not afraid of intimacy (talking about what she is afraid of).

There are all sorts of people out there, and the point of dating is to weed out those who are good for you from those who are not. Rather than deciding what is weird or not, the question he needs to answer is what is right for him. If he is happy with the girl, and doesn't care that she slept with more men than she can count and is afraid of "everything", then that's all that counts. If it bothers him, he should look for someone else. It's very simple actually .

AGG

Well at least it sounds like she's honest.

My daughter had a good friend and when they were about 15, her friend went off the deep end and started sleeping with everyone and drinking too much. We were all seriously concerned about her. The girls drifted apart as they ran in different circles and their values were so different. Fast forward a few years...the girl got pregnant and got married (in that order). She settled down and has been a great wife and mother and has assumed the values she was raised with, rather that the values she entertained for a few years.

Who knows what makes people do the things they do? But if the girl in question was raped, it would certainly have it's affect on her, one of those affects can be seeing things through a sexual filter...hence promiscuity is not uncommon. But those things can be worked through with counseling and coming to understand what's taken place and one's reaction to it. Who's to say this person hasn't worked through some of it? If it's something you can't get past though, better to let her know now than later. The worst thing one can do is reinforce it by using her and THEN discarding her, so I'd hope that would not be the case.